Without making this the longest post in history I will say my MIL and myself have not spoken in 2 years. She has barely spoke to my husband in those 2 years as well. She has a total of 4 kids and we are classified as the black sheep because we don't depend on her for ever single need like her other kids do. She has done some terrible things in the past to me and my husband and I wrote her off 2 years ago because of these actions. We don't get invited to family gatherings...example: christmas, thanksgiving, ect. We don't get phone calls and all that started prior to me not speaking to her. My husband and I have led a very happy health marriage without her being involved.
So when we found out we were pregnant she all of sudden kinda wanted something to do with us. (She has 8 grand children already. This is our first child) but not enough to put forth any effort. She has talked to my husband 3 times since we told her I was preggo. My husband and I agreed a long time ago that when we go into labor she would not be involved due to me and her not getting along. She stresses me out. We agreed we would tell her when the baby was born and we would see her after we left the hospital. Today (36w5d preggo) my husband springs on me he wants her in the delivery room. Ummm.... no. He tells me this and I swear I am throwing myself into false labor. I am completely not okay with this at all. I have no idea what to do. I need him to understand that labor is stressful anyway and considering our past with the heartless witch I need her far away from the room where I bring my child into the world. But I have a feeling this is going to begin world war 3.
I need advise. Please.
Re: Advise regarding MIL...
Also, you can discuss this with your doctor/ nurse ahead of time and they can set the boundary for you... They are usually very interested in keeping things as stress free as possible and can be quite helpful in this instance. Good luck!
Sorry if how I sound is harsh but my MIL drives me nuts and I'm on okay terms with her. My husband doesn't want her in the delivery room thank God! I'm still waiting for her to ask to be in there and I can't wait to tell her no.
I would imagine this gal's MIL would make it all about her and not support @sumertidwell
Did you ask him why on earth he would even suggest that?
If you're having your mom, your sister, your neighbor...(I'm being a bit facetious, but I hope you get my point) it'll be harder to explain why she's not invited.
I'm not saying your should let her in there. Because it's your choice. And under no circumstances would I want my MIL in there.
I just know if I invited my mom but not my MIL, MIL would be hurt and wouldn't understand. For me it's so easy--no one but DH and I. Grandparents can visit that afternoon.
After he has a vasectomy and literally craps on the table doing it over several hours (oh, and walks around naked in a hospital gown sweating and in pain), while your mom or dad watches, then I'd like to hear his opinion again on his mom joining in your festivities. Sorry for the graphic image...just...so...angry for you! *Hulk Smash*
Remind him that increase stress on you, means increased stress on baby. So go with your gut and stand your ground, it's not worth the risk in order to people please.
And be honest, if he invites her into the room and you know you'll be unhappy and resent him for it, don't sugar coat things and tell him exactly that!
Whatever the situation, just tell him no. Explain that you're not trying to "punish" MIL but that you sincerely would not be comfortable and why. At the end of the day, this is not a two person decision - you are (as you should be) the ONLY person who gets a say in who watches you give birth.
Best of luck and keep us updated - hopefully he will see the light quickly and not throw a hissy fit on this - it really would be better for him to support your decision and run interference with his mom.
I feel a lot better and he bought me some ice cream. He is a great man just really bad at texting his point. I love my husband and I am glad that we were able to work this al out.
I am also very grateful for you all who have helped me so much this afternoon. I feel so much better. You all are so wonderful.
Remember it is YOUR MEDICAL EVENT, not your husband. You are giving birth, you are the boss.
I would NOT tell her when I would induced, c section, etc until I get settled down with the baby. Knowing your short history, I would set my line, no matter what!
My grandmother in law is furious with me because I won't let anyone come in to watch me deliver my kid... what the .... then that I won't let anyone come in within 24hours. I would want to wait after 24 - 48 hours nce my dh has HUGEEEEEE FAMILY!!!! So... it is crazy. I'm very very prune and private person...lol
It makes it difficult because my family is polar opposite of his and it hard to make it fair. But it's not fair. My family is there for us no matter what no questions asked. They have never turned their backs on us like his has. They love my husband for who he is not who they think he should be.
Sorry I am on my soap box tonight.
For those worrying about kids, check your hospital policy - we just found out ours won't allow kids under 12 unless they are siblings of the baby. Which means our niece can't come visit, which is a bummer for us, but might be a helpful buffer for some of you!
We also just found out the visiting hours don't start until 9 am, thank goodness.... I'm hoping I give birth overnight so I can keep my overly excited mom at bay for a few hours as I requested!