Ha my DH is the opposite thankfully! We both agreed no on besides us in the labor room and even encouraged me to call my mom to make sure this is clear so I don't have to deal with it as I'm in labor. He took care of handling his family.
For those worrying about kids, check your hospital policy - we just found out ours won't allow kids under 12 unless they are siblings of the baby. Which means our niece can't come visit, which is a bummer for us, but might be a helpful buffer for some of you!
We also just found out the visiting hours don't start until 9 am, thank goodness.... I'm hoping I give birth overnight so I can keep my overly excited mom at bay for a few hours as I requested!
My hospital's visiting policy is one of my favorite things about it: only 2 people allowed in the delivery room, immediate family may not visit until noon, and extended family and friends can visit from 7:00-8:30. That's it. It means extra bonding time with baby and that I don't have to be the bad guy with DH's family when we try to set boundaries in the very beginning. I need to look into the children policy so we can use that if needed. DH has some cousins who are sweet kids but extremely difficult to deal with and I can pretty much guarantee that I won't have the patience for them, so they're pretty much the last people I'm going to want around me... unfortunately I doubt they're going to be understanding of that, DH told MIL about it last night and she didn't get it at all. Thankfully DH is 100% on my side so hopefully he'll stand up for my wishes. Unfortunately he hates confrontation so I can see him giving me the puppy dog look and asking me to reconsider.
I wish my DH was strong enough to tell his family stuff. They run all over him. The last time that something had to be said I had to do it because he just shut down and couldnt. They have really done a number on his emotions during his whole life. My husband is probably the greatest man I know and I love him so much but he doesn't have enough self worth, when his family is concerned, to stick up for him self.
I wish my DH was strong enough to tell his family stuff. They run all over him. The last time that something had to be said I had to do it because he just shut down and couldnt. They have really done a number on his emotions during his whole life. My husband is probably the greatest man I know and I love him so much but he doesn't have enough self worth, when his family is concerned, to stick up for him self.
Sounds like you are good partners. The best relationships are those where you can help each other and bring out the best in each other. I think it is terrific that amid all this, you kept communication open with your husband, and kept the perspective of knowing who you married, and why. The rest is just noise, though horribly frustrating, offensive, unhelpful noise. Wishing you and your family all the best!
I wish my DH was strong enough to tell his family stuff. They run all over him. The last time that something had to be said I had to do it because he just shut down and couldnt. They have really done a number on his emotions during his whole life. My husband is probably the greatest man I know and I love him so much but he doesn't have enough self worth, when his family is concerned, to stick up for him self.
I think the main motivation for my husband telling his family stuff is that he knows that if he doesn't and something bothers me enough, I will haha. I'm not as confrontational with his family as I would be with most other people because I don't want to put him in a position where he has to side with either me or them (and for this reason when I'm annoyed with or mad at them I usually keep it to myself and vent to my mom or my BIL's wife, who's 100% on the same page as me), but if something is REALLY bothering me I do talk to him and let him know why I'm upset. And he knows me well enough to know that if I'm THAT upset and nothing is done about it, eventually I'll say something, usually not as nicely as he would.
Honestly, my in-laws are for the most part pretty awesome. They genuinely care about me and DH and they've never been anything but nice to me... But their family does do things differently than mine does and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with that. So it's definitely not just that they're a problem (because overall they're not), it's partially me, too. Which is another reason why I try to bite my tongue unless I'm really upset.
Talking to his family is like talking to a brick wall. They will do what they want no matter what and that's what's so maddening. My FIL passed away a few months before our wedding. Since then his mother has been trying to get my husband to give up his rites to the estate. And not in the normal hey I need help with money ect no.. she sent a letter from her attorney telling him to sign this paper and give up his rites. The problem is she only sent this letter to us not the other kids. He passed away as a result of a work related injury causing him to be a quad. He lived a long happy life prior to his death. She ended up with a very large settlement as a result of the death and proceeded to spend all of the money on bettering her other kids and told us that she did enough for my DH and we were capable of providing for our selves.... just a little insight to what we deal with on the regular.
I have watched my husband go to therapy for years and just recently was able to wean him off antidepressants due to all that she has done to him. He still is on anxiety medication ls because of all this. I don't just not like her or his family because I can I do it because he is my everything. And my everything is broken because of their actions. His brothers are just as bad. Calling him randomly and telling him he is fat or referring to us as the stuck up because we don't rely on other people to survive. I spent the first 5 years of my relationship with my husband trying to repair his relationship with his family. I tried to make him have the relationship with them like I do with mine and all efforts were wasted. Now they refer to me as the devil woman who took their sweet loving boy away and I am holding him over their heads.. ugh. They did this to them self.
Sorry I know I just went off on a tangent but I really need to vent this out.
@sumertidwell completley agree! We love that everyone is so exited but they can be equally exited without seeing me with legs spread wide open! so happy you and hubby worked it out.. good luck with your journey!
Re: Advise regarding MIL...
Honestly, my in-laws are for the most part pretty awesome. They genuinely care about me and DH and they've never been anything but nice to me... But their family does do things differently than mine does and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with that. So it's definitely not just that they're a problem (because overall they're not), it's partially me, too. Which is another reason why I try to bite my tongue unless I'm really upset.
I have watched my husband go to therapy for years and just recently was able to wean him off antidepressants due to all that she has done to him. He still is on anxiety medication ls because of all this. I don't just not like her or his family because I can I do it because he is my everything. And my everything is broken because of their actions. His brothers are just as bad. Calling him randomly and telling him he is fat or referring to us as the stuck up because we don't rely on other people to survive. I spent the first 5 years of my relationship with my husband trying to repair his relationship with his family. I tried to make him have the relationship with them like I do with mine and all efforts were wasted. Now they refer to me as the devil woman who took their sweet loving boy away and I am holding him over their heads.. ugh. They did this to them self.
Sorry I know I just went off on a tangent but I really need to vent this out.