@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
And me too!
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
I did read everything you wrote. If I was really butthurt, I would assume you were trying to insinuate that I am being completely ignorant in this conversation. Perhaps you are. But I can't really hear you tone so it's up to me to interpret what you mean. So I choose to be objective instead.
I was flamed when I first came to TB. I was so angry and hurt and felt so misunderstood. But then I spent more time observing TTGP and not only did I come to understand why I was flamed, I came to accept and appreciate the honest, biting truth and snark offered here. So perhaps that's why I can't understand where you're coming from.
And also, as someone who has quite literally been bullied IRL, who sees bullying on the regular, I can tell you without a doubt that what you're describing about @CatsAreShady was not bullying.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
I did read everything you wrote. If I was really butthurt, I would assume you were trying to insinuate that I am being completely ignorant in this conversation. Perhaps you are. But I can't really hear you tone so it's up to me to interpret what you mean. So I choose to be objective instead.
I was flamed when I first came to TB. I was so angry and hurt and felt so misunderstood. But then I spent more time observing TTGP and not only did I come to understand why I was flamed, I came to accept and appreciate the honest, biting truth and snark offered here. So perhaps that's why I can't understand where you're coming from.
And also, as someone who has quite literally been bullied IRL, who sees bullying on the regular, I can tell you without a doubt that what you're describing about @CatsAreShady was not bullying.
Well you asked me a question that to me implied that you had not read what I had written, because I thought I had said that before quite clearly and explicitly. I was insinuating that you either didn't read what I said, or misunderstood what I said. Glad its the latter.
It's great that you decided that you fit in, I'm surprised that having felt that you don't understand my point.
'Bullying' has become a loaded buzzword, I had been trying to avoid it, its generally not a helpful word although for me bullying comes in varying degrees and she met my personal definition. I think she was regularly meaner than she had to be and belittled people, but that doesn't even seem to be something you all are disagreeing with. Its just 'part of the culture here' and 'everyone should just get on board or leave.'
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Now I'm positive that you do not know what the word bully means.
@csy2947 people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I've seen you be quite argumentative and just as many people could call your posts rude.
I am argumentative. I have strong opinions. I never tell anyone they are stupid, I (attempt) to never belittle people or their opinions and I NEVER call people names or use gifs to do those things under the radar. There is a difference. Which is why I said that not liking what someone is saying and disagreeing with them is not the same as thinking someone is super rude. There are times I agreed with @catsareshady but disagreed with the way she said them. Apparently I'm not alone.
The report button is not a dislike button.
When you all (the butthurts) need a question answered and have reported every knowledgeable poster and they are gone, you (collectively) will feel it.
I know there is a difference. But demeaning people via gif (and words) is actually spelled out in the TOU as a violation. That isn't me disagreeing, it's me thinking she's acted like a bully like all of you (the know it alls) tend to on occasion
I actually think you personally aren't really like that. We've certainly clashed but you always in my recollection express yourself respectfully. Cats rarely ever said anything constructive, it was always snarky and critical.
Cats was incredibly helpful and knowledgeable. It's sad that people can't see that.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Now I'm positive that you do not know what the word bully means.
Well I had to look it up after that: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.
You do not physically bully anyone of course. I will change what I am calling this based on wikipedia from 'bullying' to 'mobbing.' I believe that you all attempt to intimidate and dominate people on the board who don't have your same snarky sensibility via verbal harassment (and visual, whatever gifs are). I think you rationalize it by saying you all are smarter and have been here longer and have more valuable information to share. And I believe there is an imbalance of social power because as soon as someone tries to bring it up, you invalidate their opinions by diminishing them and calling them dramatic/sensitive/white knight/whatever. You can disagree with that assessment, but I think that using that assessment (so my interpretation of your actions, which is subjective) is in line with the definition of bullying.
The tacky thing is a great example. You don't think thats bullying, but when you call someone tacky, you are calling them low class. And saying that they are lesser as a result. It is just as loaded a term as bullying when the social ramifications are considered. You put them beneath you, have a whole bunch of your friends pile on in agreement that they are low class and lesser, and shut down the discussion.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Now I'm positive that you do not know what the word bully means.
Well I had to look it up after that: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.
You do not physically bully anyone of course. I will change what I am calling this based on wikipedia from 'bullying' to 'mobbing.' I believe that you all attempt to intimidate and dominate people on the board who don't have your same snarky sensibility via verbal harassment (and visual, whatever gifs are). I think you rationalize it by saying you all are smarter and have been here longer and have more valuable information to share. And I believe there is an imbalance of social power because as soon as someone tries to bring it up, you invalidate their opinions by diminishing them and calling them dramatic/sensitive/white knight/whatever. You can disagree with that assessment, but I think that using that assessment (so my interpretation of your actions, which is subjective) is in line with the definition of bullying.
The tacky thing is a great example. You don't think thats bullying, but when you call someone tacky, you are calling them low class. And saying that they are lesser as a result. It is just as loaded a term as bullying when the social ramifications are considered. You put them beneath you, have a whole bunch of your friends pile on in agreement that they are low class and lesser, and shut down the discussion.
I am sincerely sorry that you feel we are mobbing you.
I wish you could understand how upset I am at losing a friend and how it's even more upsetting that you are trampling over my feelings to justify why she is gone.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Now I'm positive that you do not know what the word bully means.
Well I had to look it up after that: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.
You do not physically bully anyone of course. I will change what I am calling this based on wikipedia from 'bullying' to 'mobbing.' I believe that you all attempt to intimidate and dominate people on the board who don't have your same snarky sensibility via verbal harassment (and visual, whatever gifs are). I think you rationalize it by saying you all are smarter and have been here longer and have more valuable information to share. And I believe there is an imbalance of social power because as soon as someone tries to bring it up, you invalidate their opinions by diminishing them and calling them dramatic/sensitive/white knight/whatever. You can disagree with that assessment, but I think that using that assessment (so my interpretation of your actions, which is subjective) is in line with the definition of bullying.
The tacky thing is a great example. You don't think thats bullying, but when you call someone tacky, you are calling them low class. And saying that they are lesser as a result. It is just as loaded a term as bullying when the social ramifications are considered. You put them beneath you, have a whole bunch of your friends pile on in agreement that they are low class and lesser, and shut down the discussion.
I will be very honest, I thought you were reasonable.
I'm now past that. You seem to be the type of person that gets so set on playing the victim and sticking up for others who you perceive as being "bullied" that you forgo the use of logic and reason.
Again, people need to put their big girl panties on.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Now I'm positive that you do not know what the word bully means.
Well I had to look it up after that: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.
You do not physically bully anyone of course. I will change what I am calling this based on wikipedia from 'bullying' to 'mobbing.' I believe that you all attempt to intimidate and dominate people on the board who don't have your same snarky sensibility via verbal harassment (and visual, whatever gifs are). I think you rationalize it by saying you all are smarter and have been here longer and have more valuable information to share. And I believe there is an imbalance of social power because as soon as someone tries to bring it up, you invalidate their opinions by diminishing them and calling them dramatic/sensitive/white knight/whatever. You can disagree with that assessment, but I think that using that assessment (so my interpretation of your actions, which is subjective) is in line with the definition of bullying.
The tacky thing is a great example. You don't think thats bullying, but when you call someone tacky, you are calling them low class. And saying that they are lesser as a result. It is just as loaded a term as bullying when the social ramifications are considered. You put them beneath you, have a whole bunch of your friends pile on in agreement that they are low class and lesser, and shut down the discussion.
You know, now I'm curious. You mention the word tacky a lot. Is that in reference to the post a few down from this about the gal wanting to throw her own baby shower? Because if that's the case...well I can't get behind that.
Outside of something like that, I don't know that I've ever see anyone here at TB directly call another member tacky. But please, feel free to share evidence if you have it.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Now I'm positive that you do not know what the word bully means.
Well I had to look it up after that: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.
You do not physically bully anyone of course. I will change what I am calling this based on wikipedia from 'bullying' to 'mobbing.' I believe that you all attempt to intimidate and dominate people on the board who don't have your same snarky sensibility via verbal harassment (and visual, whatever gifs are). I think you rationalize it by saying you all are smarter and have been here longer and have more valuable information to share. And I believe there is an imbalance of social power because as soon as someone tries to bring it up, you invalidate their opinions by diminishing them and calling them dramatic/sensitive/white knight/whatever. You can disagree with that assessment, but I think that using that assessment (so my interpretation of your actions, which is subjective) is in line with the definition of bullying.
The tacky thing is a great example. You don't think thats bullying, but when you call someone tacky, you are calling them low class. And saying that they are lesser as a result. It is just as loaded a term as bullying when the social ramifications are considered. You put them beneath you, have a whole bunch of your friends pile on in agreement that they are low class and lesser, and shut down the discussion.
I will be very honest, I thought you were reasonable.
I'm now past that. You seem to be the type of person that gets so set on playing the victim and sticking up for others who you perceive as being "bullied" that you forgo the use of logic and reason.
Again, people need to put their big girl panties on.
Well I was past being delicate when I saw you all complaining about me in you TTGP thread. You implied I hadn't thought through my comment. I described how I had. And once again you respond by diminishing my thoughts and telling me to man up.
@missteacherlady16 I'm sorry. No one had put it like that. I'm sorry your friend isn't here. And you're right, this could certainly be interpreted as taking some type of victory dance which is the last thing I want or intended. I will stop responding and let it lie.
@nlwz123 I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I think people entering TTT get what they ask for making stupid comments as that is a very emotional board where people have generally been through quite a bit to get there. TTGP is where I felt like people were mean for no reason.
I beg to differ, there are lots of women with infertility struggles in TTGP.
:-h like me.
I think its fine to be in TTGP if you're having trouble but it seems like thats the whole reason TTT exists. For me I couldn't handle the snark of TTGP when I was so emotionally fragile. I feel like we're just talking in circles because thats another example where I think people asking stupid questions and being all, 'grr, why has it been four months and nothing' makes sense when they are discussing with poeple who are just trying on the normal timeline and completely insensitive when discussing with people strugging with infertility. To me thats the reason to HAVE both boards. But whatever, none of us are going to convince anyone else's mind at this point.
@missteacherlady16 yes, that basically sums up my position. I think I said it explicitly when I first posted. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
Really? You agree that it is completely justifiable to report someone because you don't agree with someone or don't like a person. Cool.
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
The snark that gets posted on the board is NOT bullying. It demeans the experiences of victims of actual bullies to throw that buzzword around like that.
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Now I'm positive that you do not know what the word bully means.
Well I had to look it up after that: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.
You do not physically bully anyone of course. I will change what I am calling this based on wikipedia from 'bullying' to 'mobbing.' I believe that you all attempt to intimidate and dominate people on the board who don't have your same snarky sensibility via verbal harassment (and visual, whatever gifs are). I think you rationalize it by saying you all are smarter and have been here longer and have more valuable information to share. And I believe there is an imbalance of social power because as soon as someone tries to bring it up, you invalidate their opinions by diminishing them and calling them dramatic/sensitive/white knight/whatever. You can disagree with that assessment, but I think that using that assessment (so my interpretation of your actions, which is subjective) is in line with the definition of bullying.
The tacky thing is a great example. You don't think thats bullying, but when you call someone tacky, you are calling them low class. And saying that they are lesser as a result. It is just as loaded a term as bullying when the social ramifications are considered. You put them beneath you, have a whole bunch of your friends pile on in agreement that they are low class and lesser, and shut down the discussion.
I will be very honest, I thought you were reasonable.
I'm now past that. You seem to be the type of person that gets so set on playing the victim and sticking up for others who you perceive as being "bullied" that you forgo the use of logic and reason.
Again, people need to put their big girl panties on.
Well I was past being delicate when I saw you all complaining about me in you TTGP thread. You implied I hadn't thought through my comment. I described how I had. And once again you respond by diminishing my thoughts and telling me to man up.
@missteacherlady16 I'm sorry. No one had put it like that. I'm sorry your friend isn't here. And you're right, this could certainly be interpreted as taking some type of victory dance which is the last thing I want or intended. I will stop responding and let it lie.
There was not a "you all" bashing fest at TTGP about you. You were the nameless topic of 4 posts between 2 people. Technically only 2 but I'll give you cred for 4.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
Google never told me that birth may give me hemorrhoids that can be described as "grapelike clusters". Nursing school did, and I shared that information over in TTGP, and a lot of other people shared info that unfortunately surprises a lot of primipara women, despite their best efforts to educate themselves. That is what the forums are for, and for general support. Not for asking people to get out their X-ray vision goggles out to examine your uterus, nor to answer questions that CAN be easily answered by google.
People that cry bullying on forums because someone disagreed with them or called them out for their BS should really go talk to the families that have lost children to suicide stemming from real bullying. Tell us how that goes.
As for the OP, someone else covered it. It would be pretty hard to miss multiple heartbeats at this point.
The other hand thing looks to me like part of your placenta. And as far as the rest, this is my fourth and they measured me about 4 weeks ahead of what I should be but the baby measured the right size. I think it has to do with your body knowing what to do after enough times. The doctor at my last appointment found two heartbeats but one must've been mine because the ultrasound showed one baby. I don't know what to say, other than the ultrasound tech probably would have caught it. If there happens to be a second baby, I'm sure it will be okay. Someone will just have to run out and get more stuff!
Okay, so did the hidden twin ever reveal him/herself or not? I think this thread got shifted off its course, so OP, can you bring it back home? What happened? : )
@GrumpyCatSaysNo I know we don't always agree, but I'm glad you are back. I'm starting to get frustrated that people are getting banned. I don't anger by faceless people on the Internet often, but I'm furious that people are banning others because they are being "rude" aka they are in disagreement. I think it is important to have members of the group who disagree and aren't afraid to say it. It brings about wonderful conversation. I really wish people would understand that if they want freedom to give their opinion, they need to accept that other people will do the same. Ugh, we are supposed to be adults! Ha, I'm sorry. Anyways, I like you and welcome back.
Thank you, I appreciate your words. We don't have to agree on everything in order to like each other I'm not surprised by the people who use the report button like a dislike button, its par for the course. I can't be bothered with people who miss the point if it's not delivered in a glittery, smiley package. But don't let them pee in your Cheerios, it's all good!
Okay, so did the hidden twin ever reveal him/herself or not? I think this thread got shifted off its course, so OP, can you bring it back home? What happened? : )
Okay, so did the hidden twin ever reveal him/herself or not? I think this thread got shifted off its course, so OP, can you bring it back home? What happened? : )
Re: Am I crazy? I think I have a hidden twin.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
TTC #1 - Nov '14
DS born 10/18
Ok well if you're not going to read anything I write lol. For the last time, I think it is acceptable to report someone who you feel is being particularly rude or mean, especially when they've done it repeatedly. And I think disagreeing with someone continually expressing themselves in a way that belittles and demeans people is NOT the same as disagreeing with what they're saying, which is obviously totally fine. I think it is reasonable to assume I didn't like someone I reported for acting like a bully but the personal dislike isn't the issue I would be reporting, I agree that would be kind of lame. There are plenty of posters who I don't really like that much but who I would never even consider reporting because they aren't mean or belittling.
I was flamed when I first came to TB. I was so angry and hurt and felt so misunderstood. But then I spent more time observing TTGP and not only did I come to understand why I was flamed, I came to accept and appreciate the honest, biting truth and snark offered here. So perhaps that's why I can't understand where you're coming from.
And also, as someone who has quite literally been bullied IRL, who sees bullying on the regular, I can tell you without a doubt that what you're describing about @CatsAreShady was not bullying.
TTC #1 - Nov '14
DS born 10/18
Well you asked me a question that to me implied that you had not read what I had written, because I thought I had said that before quite clearly and explicitly. I was insinuating that you either didn't read what I said, or misunderstood what I said. Glad its the latter.
It's great that you decided that you fit in, I'm surprised that having felt that you don't understand my point.
'Bullying' has become a loaded buzzword, I had been trying to avoid it, its generally not a helpful word although for me bullying comes in varying degrees and she met my personal definition. I think she was regularly meaner than she had to be and belittled people, but that doesn't even seem to be something you all are disagreeing with. Its just 'part of the culture here' and 'everyone should just get on board or leave.'
As I said in my last post I slipped, I had been trying to avoid that word as it is loaded. However just because something isn't systemic and repeated doesn't mean it isn't bully-like behavior. Acting like someone is stupid, calling them tacky, diminishing their opinions with cavalier gifs, that is bullying to me. It might not be bullying at the level where it ruins someone's life, but bullying comes in many clothes and many extremes.
Well I had to look it up after that: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.
You do not physically bully anyone of course. I will change what I am calling this based on wikipedia from 'bullying' to 'mobbing.' I believe that you all attempt to intimidate and dominate people on the board who don't have your same snarky sensibility via verbal harassment (and visual, whatever gifs are). I think you rationalize it by saying you all are smarter and have been here longer and have more valuable information to share. And I believe there is an imbalance of social power because as soon as someone tries to bring it up, you invalidate their opinions by diminishing them and calling them dramatic/sensitive/white knight/whatever. You can disagree with that assessment, but I think that using that assessment (so my interpretation of your actions, which is subjective) is in line with the definition of bullying.
The tacky thing is a great example. You don't think thats bullying, but when you call someone tacky, you are calling them low class. And saying that they are lesser as a result. It is just as loaded a term as bullying when the social ramifications are considered. You put them beneath you, have a whole bunch of your friends pile on in agreement that they are low class and lesser, and shut down the discussion.
TTC #1 - Nov '14
DS born 10/18
I'm now past that. You seem to be the type of person that gets so set on playing the victim and sticking up for others who you perceive as being "bullied" that you forgo the use of logic and reason.
Again, people need to put their big girl panties on.
TTC #1 - Nov '14
DS born 10/18
@missteacherlady16 I'm sorry. No one had put it like that. I'm sorry your friend isn't here. And you're right, this could certainly be interpreted as taking some type of victory dance which is the last thing I want or intended. I will stop responding and let it lie.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
BTW, cats have 9 lives.
TTC #1 - Nov '14
DS born 10/18