I didn't call. The spotting was very brief and never more than when I wiped, TMI. And I honestly think it was growing pains. Because today I actually have a bump, not a blump. LOL And it feels different, more solid, bigger. I remember this feeling from when I was pregnant with my DD. and whatever slight relief I was having in MS, is gone and I'm back to feeling like poo. So I'm going with round ligament pain and one heck of a busy growing day for my uterus! LOL
Ok. Word to the wise- do not watch the first episode of Call the Midwife. You will ugly cry and be a nervous wreck for the next 24-48 hours. That is all.
Ok. Word to the wise- do not watch the first episode of Call the Midwife. You will ugly cry and be a nervous wreck for the next 24-48 hours. That is all.
I've watched all the seasons on Netflix. I love it.
I love it, too. But the 30 wheeler birth brought on a wave of PTSD anxiety. I don't think it ever ends, but I'm so blessed to have a great support system.
I feel like a bad person for not opening or commenting on all of the loss threads If is just too hard to read about and then I start the panic and think that something is going to happen to me. I feel terrible because I want to be a support but I need to not be stressed all the time about loosing this baby.
BFP #1 April 14th, 2014 MMC at 17weeks with a baby boy D&E
BFP # 2 March 23rd, Rainbow Baby Boy Jayce Michael born 12/9/15
BFP#3 January 26th EDD October 9th! Hoping for my girl!
@keriagann don't beat yourself up. I can't open all of them. Especially if there are multiples in one day. I might eventually open one a day or two later. You have to do what's best for you and LO and I don't think any of us need more stress than we already place on ourselves.
I toOk my LAST progesterone supplement this morning it feels like a milestone for me. AND I managed NOT to use my doppler last night which feels like a small step towards hope for me
I bought a sonoline b from Amazon. I try everyday to use it...but still can't locate heart beat. I have an inverted/tilted uterus that makes it difficult. Baby is situated towards my back right now. I'm waiting until my uterus starts protruding forward to really expect to hear anything.
I toOk my LAST progesterone supplement this morning it feels like a milestone for me. AND I managed NOT to use my doppler last night which feels like a small step towards hope for me
Now to enjoy working on a Saturday bleck
Woohoo!!!!! On the last progesterone, not working on a Saturday
I feel like a bad person for not opening or commenting on all of the loss threads If is just too hard to read about and then I start the panic and think that something is going to happen to me. I feel terrible because I want to be a support but I need to not be stressed all the time about loosing this baby.
I struggle with this too. I find opening the app makes me terrified.
I bought a sonoline b on Amazon as well. I checked pretty often first time I heard was 9w0d (no uterine position issues) and it took me a while to find it and to ensure it wasn't my own but I can find it pretty quick now. I can't keep a hold of it lil booger moves I guess, but just hearing it for those 5 seconds gives me relief and I out it away after that. I doubt I will check it as often later down the road, these are all firsts for us and we have reached none of these milestones with the last three pregnancies so I'm trying to remain cautiously optimistic but I am feeling the hope creep in a little bit. I'm still smothering it effectively lol
I think I'll feel better once we get to the kick stage. Last time I was pregnant with twins, and was scanned frequently. And once they started moving, they didn't stop. That was around 16 weeks. With just one, I'm feeling a bit neglected! And wondering if I'll have to wait longer to feel movement.
I made it to 11 weeks on Thursday! Every week I celebrate a little knowing my little nugget is still safe. Thursday the 28th makes it my 12 weeks and the 29th is my 12 week appointment I am so excited to make sure everything is ok and on track. After everything checks out at that appointment we will be announcing to all family and friends. Also at that appointment I'll be scheduling my 18-20 week ultrasound so I can start the count down to when we find out if our little baby is a girl or a boy AND I get to start planning the gender reveal party!! Eeek I'm just so excited I just had to share
Maybe you girls can relate but even after 2 positive scans I'm still having a hard time being excited and not expecting the worst. I planned on taking weekly "bump in progress" pictures, am 10 weeks and haven't taken a single one. Haven't even told my parents yet. It's like I'm afraid to get too attached still ugh. Really hope it changes in the second trimester and I can let my guard down because I truly want to be happy and excited, I just can't stop thinking of things in terms of "if the baby comes" instead of "when the baby comes". Any advice ladies?
That's how I was at first @koala1107. Part of it was that I was having doubts on whether we were ready or not to be parents. The other part was I was afraid of loss. Especially after hearing how many people did have losses. It was really discouraging. My pregnancy wasn't exactly planned. We weren't necessarily trying but it happened and I just keep the phrase that "everything happens for a reason" that's what got me through my doubts and being scared. Worrying isn't going to help so I just keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and I celebrate every night when I go to bed that I made it one more day pregnant and every week when I make it another week. I know it's easier said than done but you just have to try and be positive. And if your parents will be happy then maybe you should tell them for positive support. I'm 11 weeks and I gradually accepted it and got more excited.
@koala1107 I get it I'm not there yet either. I am counting every milestone but I feel find myself apprehensive and afraid to start thinking about buying things or doing anything. I just want to feel like it's safe to get excited. I keep telling myself, we never had a heartbeat before, we never made it to a fetus before, my RE never acted like this before, we never made it to the first Regular OB appointment before all these little things.
And hopefully one day each of us will feel safe enough to get excited! Because man I want to be.
@koala1107 Yep. Right there with you. And I'm terrified my body will betray me again. Since we don't know if I experienced incompetent cervix or preterm labor (or hell, both!!) I don't know what to expect. Do I get a cerclage? Rely on progesterone and hope it works? Auuuuurgh!!! It's constantly on my mind and I'm pretty sure everyone who knows I'm pregnant and has had to hear about my dilemma thinks I'm a neurotic mess. I can't wait for 6/9 and my MFM appt!!!
@koala1107 I'm right there too. I think mine is because I lost my first at 17 weeks when I thought I was safe. I lost that safety feeling so even at 12+3 I'm a wreck.
BFP #1 April 14th, 2014 MMC at 17weeks with a baby boy D&E
BFP # 2 March 23rd, Rainbow Baby Boy Jayce Michael born 12/9/15
BFP#3 January 26th EDD October 9th! Hoping for my girl!
I feel apprehensive about jumping in on here and saying anything. I don't want to upset anybody and I hope that I don't do that. I just wanted to say to everybody that I truly grasp the detachment but IMHO holding back is a defense mechanism that won't necessarily work. Everybody PGAL feels apprehensive to a degree. At this point, if you can, try to go ahead and embrace your pregnancies. It's not going to make it any easier if things go awry. Of course, some people will feel more comfortable after week 14. Nobody will feel comfortable until they have healthy babies in their arms.
It takes brave, strong and courageous women to try again after a loss. You are all that and much more! The fact that you are all here proves that to me and I wish nothing more than for each one of you girls to have your rainbow babies at the end of this journey. (And myself of course eventually.)
Maybe you girls can relate but even after 2 positive scans I'm still having a hard time being excited and not expecting the worst. I planned on taking weekly "bump in progress" pictures, am 10 weeks and haven't taken a single one. Haven't even told my parents yet. It's like I'm afraid to get too attached still ugh. Really hope it changes in the second trimester and I can let my guard down because I truly want to be happy and excited, I just can't stop thinking of things in terms of "if the baby comes" instead of "when the baby comes". Any advice ladies?
@koala1107 I'm right there too. I think mine is because I lost my first at 17 weeks when I thought I was safe. I lost that safety feeling so even at 12+3 I'm a wreck.
I understand about this too. We had so many US the first time and my doctor kept saying we should tell everyone because everything looked so good. They said once you hear the heartbeat. Once you see the baby at 10 weeks etc. And because I didn't miscarry, my fears feel different than what they might have if I had started miscarrying and lost a pregnancy on my own. I guess I'm just a ball of worry.
I want to be like @bostonbaby1 and fully embrace it but I'm not ready. Close, but not there yet.
@Embuzz247 are you doing your photos? I did photos, a chalkboard, and a blog every week last time and this time I've done nothing.
@CMDD it was more post about trying to stay positive… That doesn't mean that I was able to do so at all. All I'm saying is is that it doesn't make it easier if you try to stay detached. At least it didn't make it easier for me. But... I guess I did give in a little bit. I did the pictures from weeks 7 1/2 on. Maybe you will feel up to it after week 14?
In any case, I wasn't trying to say that I didn't have a ball of nerves in the pit of my stomach at all times... Just that it didn't help much. It takes very brave and strong women to try again PGA L and that's what all of you are!
@BostonBaby1, you are such a beautiful person. Thank you for being so supportive and inspirational to us all, even through your time of difficulty.
@CMDD, ya know what, no. I did one at 8 weeks, that was a milestone for me. I don't think I'll do another one until week 12, maybe I'll be showing a tiny bit by then. Then after first trimester I'll do them weekly or biweekly.
@koala1107 I totally get where you're coming from, I'm sure we all do at some level. But after going through two losses myself, I have to agree with @BostonBaby1 (I love your support, you're the best!)... I was super afraid and detached and not thinking about the future during my second pregnancy and it didn't help me. Granted, I was only pregnant a couple weeks with that one but the loss felt just as hard as the first, even with being more detached. Maybe I wasn't really detached and I was just trying to be?
So for this pregnancy, DH and I kind of found a middle ground that worked for us. We only told immediate family and best friends we were pregnant again and were insistent with how they talk about the pregnancy (no gifts, this was hard for my mom, no sex (boy/girl) talk, and no "when the baby comes" talk). We were only allowed to discuss how development was progressing and what we were hoping for at the next appointment. This has allowed us to focus on the present with the pregnancy and setting tiny milestone accomplishments within this first trimester, not jumping 7 months ahead. So far it has been a lot better and kept the dreamers in check.
Im 12 weeks today and i get to see my babe for the first time on tuesday, my stomach is in knots praying everything is ok. I still have to get to 36 weeks (which is when i lost my first) till i can breath a small sigh of relief.
@koala1107 I totally get where you're coming from, I'm sure we all do at some level. But after going through two losses myself, I have to agree with @BostonBaby1 (I love your support, you're the best!)... I was super afraid and detached and not thinking about the future during my second pregnancy and it didn't help me. Granted, I was only pregnant a couple weeks with that one but the loss felt just as hard as the first, even with being more detached. Maybe I wasn't really detached and I was just trying to be?
So for this pregnancy, DH and I kind of found a middle ground that worked for us. We only told immediate family and best friends we were pregnant again and were insistent with how they talk about the pregnancy (no gifts, this was hard for my mom, no sex (boy/girl) talk, and no "when the baby comes" talk). We were only allowed to discuss how development was progressing and what we were hoping for at the next appointment. This has allowed us to focus on the present with the pregnancy and setting tiny milestone accomplishments within this first trimester, not jumping 7 months ahead. So far it has been a lot better and kept the dreamers in check.
I love the way that you're handling this pregnancy. It's an inspiration for how we may want to handle our next one if G-d grants us that privilege again. Bless you for your wonderful advice!
I can't remember who, but someone posted the statement that right now, we are pregnant with THIS child, and whether we lose them or not, we will never again have this day carrying this particular child. That really stuck with me. I only had a few short weeks that I carried my last baby, this time I'm trying to cherish everyday that I carry this one. It's not easy, but the farther I get, the easier it is to believe I'll meet this one.
I'm also surprised by how many we've lost, how many we are still losing this far along. Statistically speaking I just feel like our birth month stats are high on the charts.
I toOk my LAST progesterone supplement this morning it feels like a milestone for me. AND I managed NOT to use my doppler last night which feels like a small step towards hope for me
Now to enjoy working on a Saturday bleck
Same here! Second trimester will be here before we know it. Can't believe I'm 12 weeks!
Due 11.16.17 Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 2.1.15 @ 5 W - Chemical MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
Maybe you girls can relate but even after 2 positive scans I'm still having a hard time being excited and not expecting the worst. I planned on taking weekly "bump in progress" pictures, am 10 weeks and haven't taken a single one. Haven't even told my parents yet. It's like I'm afraid to get too attached still ugh. Really hope it changes in the second trimester and I can let my guard down because I truly want to be happy and excited, I just can't stop thinking of things in terms of "if the baby comes" instead of "when the baby comes". Any advice ladies?
The only thing keeping me sane and positive is the hope everything will be okay this time. I will never be 100% okay until I hold a baby in my arms that I can take home. I am choosing to take bump pictures, picture my baby shower again, look at baby clothes. I know that me over analyzing this pregnancy and being in constant fear won't change my outcome. I can only hope everything will be okay. One can never stop worrying. I think second trimester scares me more than the first. I lost mine at 21 w so knowing what I have still ahead of me is scary. Ughhhh if only we lived in a world where women didn't lose their babies..... There wouldn't be so much pain
Due 11.16.17 Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 2.1.15 @ 5 W - Chemical MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
@Embuzz247 I completely agree about the shock over how many people are being lost. I definitely think that the statistics on the BMB are way off. Fx and prayers for no one else!
@Embuzz247 I think it's skewed and that makes it seem high. Because a large portion of the women in here I believe are higher risk or who have had a previous loss so that might be why it seems so high? My heart breaks for each and every one of them and I am amazed at the strength of @BostonBaby1 who continues to be such a positive force amongst us. I talk about about several of you to my husband like we know each other and sometimes I get a little frustrated when he can't remember which person I am talking about lol and then I remember I use pretty non descript terms and he is probably just listening to humor me and things I'm crazy.
You all are such a great support system full of kindness and willing to share your knowledge. I woke up today feeling a little more positive about all of this. I think trying to being unnattached was just brining me down.
Nerdy book quotes that get me through the day: "The only thing stronger than fear, is hope." "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times. If only one remembers to turn on the light."
And you're so right @CMDD, being detached won't change a thing. It won't make us any less devastated if we lose. It'll only take away the time we could have been happy, positive, and hopeful. There will be bad days, no doubt about that, but maybe we can allow ourselves to have more good days and really, truly, enjoy them.
Sorry for the crazy writing in my last post. My 50-60yr old neighbors had a wild party last night that never ended and I got up at 6a with DH so I'm not making any sense.
@nik6499 once in a while I tell DH about bumping too and he looks at me as if I'm totally nuts to be talking to people online.
Nerdy book quotes that get me through the day: "The only thing stronger than fear, is hope." "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times. If only one remembers to turn on the light."
And you're so right @CMDD, being detached won't change a thing. It won't make us any less devastated if we lose. It'll only take away the time we could have been happy, positive, and hopeful. There will be bad days, no doubt about that, but maybe we can allow ourselves to have more good days and really, truly, enjoy them.
I got goosebumps reading your quotes, so beautiful! >:D<
I'm a little late to the discussion, my in laws came to "make me rest" while my hubs is away. They worry.
Anyway, about 2 weeks ago my MIL told me to hire a cleaning service and she would pay. Do you think I have done it yet? Nope! And not because I don't want one( come on!) but because this is what goes through my brain..."no need, in a few weeks this will all be over and I will be back to normal. The house can be a mess for a while" so sad. Even I see that. But after 4 MC it seems to be my default.
But after reading some of your thoughts, and reaching 11weeks, maybe I need to let a little light and hope in.
Re: PGAL weekly check-in
BFP #1 April 14th, 2014 MMC at 17weeks with a baby boy D&E
BFP # 2 March 23rd, Rainbow Baby Boy Jayce Michael born 12/9/15
BFP#3 January 26th EDD October 9th! Hoping for my girl!
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1dbf8a" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0" /></a>
BFP #1 April 14th, 2014 MMC at 17weeks with a baby boy D&E
BFP # 2 March 23rd, Rainbow Baby Boy Jayce Michael born 12/9/15
BFP#3 January 26th EDD October 9th! Hoping for my girl!
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1dbf8a" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0" /></a>
Now to enjoy working on a Saturday
And hopefully one day each of us will feel safe enough to get excited! Because man I want to be.
Yep. Right there with you. And I'm terrified my body will betray me again. Since we don't know if I experienced incompetent cervix or preterm labor (or hell, both!!) I don't know what to expect. Do I get a cerclage? Rely on progesterone and hope it works? Auuuuurgh!!! It's constantly on my mind and I'm pretty sure everyone who knows I'm pregnant and has had to hear about my dilemma thinks I'm a neurotic mess. I can't wait for 6/9 and my MFM appt!!!
BFP #1 April 14th, 2014 MMC at 17weeks with a baby boy D&E
BFP # 2 March 23rd, Rainbow Baby Boy Jayce Michael born 12/9/15
BFP#3 January 26th EDD October 9th! Hoping for my girl!
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1dbf8a" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0" /></a>
It takes brave, strong and courageous women to try again after a loss. You are all that and much more! The fact that you are all here proves that to me and I wish nothing more than for each one of you girls to have your rainbow babies at the end of this journey. (And myself of course eventually.)
I want to be like @bostonbaby1 and fully embrace it but I'm not ready. Close, but not there yet.
@Embuzz247 are you doing your photos? I did photos, a chalkboard, and a blog every week last time and this time I've done nothing.
In any case, I wasn't trying to say that I didn't have a ball of nerves in the pit of my stomach at all times... Just that it didn't help much. It takes very brave and strong women to try again PGA L and that's what all of you are!
@CMDD, ya know what, no. I did one at 8 weeks, that was a milestone for me. I don't think I'll do another one until week 12, maybe I'll be showing a tiny bit by then. Then after first trimester I'll do them weekly or biweekly.
So for this pregnancy, DH and I kind of found a middle ground that worked for us. We only told immediate family and best friends we were pregnant again and were insistent with how they talk about the pregnancy (no gifts, this was hard for my mom, no sex (boy/girl) talk, and no "when the baby comes" talk). We were only allowed to discuss how development was progressing and what we were hoping for at the next appointment. This has allowed us to focus on the present with the pregnancy and setting tiny milestone accomplishments within this first trimester, not jumping 7 months ahead. So far it has been a lot better and kept the dreamers in check.
I'm also surprised by how many we've lost, how many we are still losing this far along. Statistically speaking I just feel like our birth month stats are high on the charts.
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
"The only thing stronger than fear, is hope."
"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times. If only one remembers to turn on the light."
And you're so right @CMDD, being detached won't change a thing. It won't make us any less devastated if we lose. It'll only take away the time we could have been happy, positive, and hopeful. There will be bad days, no doubt about that, but maybe we can allow ourselves to have more good days and really, truly, enjoy them.
@nik6499 once in a while I tell DH about bumping too and he looks at me as if I'm totally nuts to be talking to people online.
Anyway, about 2 weeks ago my MIL told me to hire a cleaning service and she would pay. Do you think I have done it yet? Nope! And not because I don't want one( come on!) but because this is what goes through my brain..."no need, in a few weeks this will all be over and I will be back to normal. The house can be a mess for a while" so sad. Even I see that. But after 4 MC it seems to be my default.
But after reading some of your thoughts, and reaching 11weeks, maybe I need to let a little light and hope in.