So, I understand the concern for his children, but I'm hesitant to assume he will act on them. There are a ton of studies that show that juvenile sex offenders can be rehabilitated and the relapse rate is way lower than adult sex offenders. So I have hope, however it seems as though he didn't actually go to a program that could rehabilitate him, so maybe my hope is misplaced.
That being said, it is absolutely horrible. I can't believe that they kept it a secret and didn't go to the police. I understand the desire to protect your children, but in this case you are doing this at the risk of the mental health of your other children!!! I don't care if he apologized, they should know that he gets more than a slap on the wrist and that their PARENTS, not some random person, turned him into the police. As a sexual abuse survivor, I'm appalled.
I do agree with this. I have a close friend who tried to have sex with his sister and a same sex classmate when he was between ages 5 and 8. Very obvious he was sexually abused himself. He was disciplined but no one looked into why he did it, and he would have been too young to remember it. He actually did not engage in sex until he was married because he was afraid he was a freak. It wasn't until he was older he realized his actions were because he himself would have been abused and it wasn't him that was "bad". He never abused anyone else after the two incidents when he was a young child.
That breaks my heart
I interned at an organization that did group therapy with sex offenders. I would read their files and go to their meetings. Almost every one of those guys were sexually abused, and they were adults. Granted, it's a small sample size, but studies show that most sex offenders were abused themselves.
What worries me about Josh is he didn't go to any sort of rehabilitation, and while I am a Christian, I am skeptical any sort of "pray the sin away" his parents might have encouraged would do anything. They let it go for so long, I doubt he really got any sense of "wrongdoing" on his part.
Also a survivor, from my bio dad. It wasn't until after my Grandmother died that I learned of her mental instability and the abuse she did.
Oh, no, praying the sin away doesn't work unless you are working on it too. Hands down. I read somewhere that he got counseling, but I've only read that one place so I don't know what kind or how accurate it is. It's questionable.
They also didn't send him to somewhere qualified. It was a friend who was a contractor and had him do manual labour. There was no real rehabilitation of any kind.
Also was just released one victim is still a minor. Which is joy Anna who is 17. She was 4 when this happened. Ugh.
Me: 31 SO: 34
TTC since January 1, 2015. Together we have three boys who are 4 (mine), 7 (his) and 10 (his).
CP (July 2015) and M/C @ 5w (Feb. 2016)
DX Unexplained Secondary Infertility
3 rounds of Clomid - BFNs (Nov/Dec '15, May '16) 2 IUIs - BFNs (May & June '17) IVF August 2017 - BFP!! First Beta - 365
So, I understand the concern for his children, but I'm hesitant to assume he will act on them. There are a ton of studies that show that juvenile sex offenders can be rehabilitated and the relapse rate is way lower than adult sex offenders. So I have hope, however it seems as though he didn't actually go to a program that could rehabilitate him, so maybe my hope is misplaced.
That being said, it is absolutely horrible. I can't believe that they kept it a secret and didn't go to the police. I understand the desire to protect your children, but in this case you are doing this at the risk of the mental health of your other children!!! I don't care if he apologized, they should know that he gets more than a slap on the wrist and that their PARENTS, not some random person, turned him into the police. As a sexual abuse survivor, I'm appalled.
I do agree with this. I have a close friend who tried to have sex with his sister and a same sex classmate when he was between ages 5 and 8. Very obvious he was sexually abused himself. He was disciplined but no one looked into why he did it, and he would have been too young to remember it. He actually did not engage in sex until he was married because he was afraid he was a freak. It wasn't until he was older he realized his actions were because he himself would have been abused and it wasn't him that was "bad". He never abused anyone else after the two incidents when he was a young child.
That breaks my heart
I interned at an organization that did group therapy with sex offenders. I would read their files and go to their meetings. Almost every one of those guys were sexually abused, and they were adults. Granted, it's a small sample size, but studies show that most sex offenders were abused themselves.
What worries me about Josh is he didn't go to any sort of rehabilitation, and while I am a Christian, I am skeptical any sort of "pray the sin away" his parents might have encouraged would do anything. They let it go for so long, I doubt he really got any sense of "wrongdoing" on his part.
Also a survivor, from my bio dad. It wasn't until after my Grandmother died that I learned of her mental instability and the abuse she did.
Oh, no, praying the sin away doesn't work unless you are working on it too. Hands down. I read somewhere that he got counseling, but I've only read that one place so I don't know what kind or how accurate it is. It's questionable.
They also didn't send him to somewhere qualified. It was a friend who was a contractor and had him do manual labour. There was no real rehabilitation of any kind.
Also was just released one victim is still a minor. Which is joy Anna who is 17. She was 4 when this happened. Ugh.
Yeah, and that's where I'm confused if they considered that mentor as the counseling or if he actually got some outside counseling. Because the word "counseling" was in there.
That's more concerning. It's terrible all around, but four years old is so young...
Me: 28, DH: 28 Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007 Married: July 2013 Began TTC: June 2015
So, I understand the concern for his children, but I'm hesitant to assume he will act on them. There are a ton of studies that show that juvenile sex offenders can be rehabilitated and the relapse rate is way lower than adult sex offenders. So I have hope, however it seems as though he didn't actually go to a program that could rehabilitate him, so maybe my hope is misplaced.
That being said, it is absolutely horrible. I can't believe that they kept it a secret and didn't go to the police. I understand the desire to protect your children, but in this case you are doing this at the risk of the mental health of your other children!!! I don't care if he apologized, they should know that he gets more than a slap on the wrist and that their PARENTS, not some random person, turned him into the police. As a sexual abuse survivor, I'm appalled.
I do agree with this. I have a close friend who tried to have sex with his sister and a same sex classmate when he was between ages 5 and 8. Very obvious he was sexually abused himself. He was disciplined but no one looked into why he did it, and he would have been too young to remember it. He actually did not engage in sex until he was married because he was afraid he was a freak. It wasn't until he was older he realized his actions were because he himself would have been abused and it wasn't him that was "bad". He never abused anyone else after the two incidents when he was a young child.
That breaks my heart
I interned at an organization that did group therapy with sex offenders. I would read their files and go to their meetings. Almost every one of those guys were sexually abused, and they were adults. Granted, it's a small sample size, but studies show that most sex offenders were abused themselves.
What worries me about Josh is he didn't go to any sort of rehabilitation, and while I am a Christian, I am skeptical any sort of "pray the sin away" his parents might have encouraged would do anything. They let it go for so long, I doubt he really got any sense of "wrongdoing" on his part.
Also a survivor, from my bio dad. It wasn't until after my Grandmother died that I learned of her mental instability and the abuse she did.
Oh, no, praying the sin away doesn't work unless you are working on it too. Hands down. I read somewhere that he got counseling, but I've only read that one place so I don't know what kind or how accurate it is. It's questionable.
They also didn't send him to somewhere qualified. It was a friend who was a contractor and had him do manual labour. There was no real rehabilitation of any kind.
Also was just released one victim is still a minor. Which is joy Anna who is 17. She was 4 when this happened. Ugh.
Yeah, and that's where I'm confused if they considered that mentor as the counseling or if he actually got some outside counseling. Because the word "counseling" was in there.
That's more concerning. It's terrible all around, but four years old is so young...
Copy and Pasted from the Defamer Post that has a lot of info in it
March 2003: Josh is accused of having molested “several” more minors, “often when they slept, but at times when they were awake.” Jim Bob then brings this information before his church’s leadership and the group collectively decides to send Josh to a “program [that] consisted of hard physical work and counseling.” Josh is away at this “program” from March 2003 to July 2003.
(Michelle Duggar admits in 2006 to police that Josh never saw a counselor, but was instead shipped off “to a family friend who was in the home remodeling business” in Little Rock, Ark.)
I know someone who was abused at 6 and now, at 60, remains traumatized by a sick uncle's long ago actions. She also is from a culture more like America 50 years back where you never talk about this stuff due to shame and stigma. Josh's little apology will likely mean little to the victims and their future families as they struggle to heal for what could be the rest of their lives.
I'm curious if their type of lifestyle played any part in his actions. And if so, I wonder how prevalent this is among that community & could explain why is was virtually swept under the rug. I mean after all, he was a 14 year old boy who had raging hormones and absolutely no outlet. I definitely don't think his parents are at fault for his actions, I'm just curious about how their lifestyle, if it even did, contributed to it.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
Fuck these people. I have never been interested in watching the show in the slightest.
I agree with firebaby. My first thought was this was a teen with a high sex drive, poor judgement, and nothing to do with it. It's still awful, REALLY REALLY awful, but I don't think it means that he's doing similar as an adult to his own children. At least I hope not.
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Obviously I would never condone these actions but at 14 or younger he was just a child himself, growing up in that environment I am sure he was curious and confused but felt like he couldn't talk about it. I just feel terrible for all of them. From what I read the parties involved were getting counseling. It is probably my UO that he is likely just fine now. It's been about 10 years and it doesn't sound like it had been an on going issue after it was caught. I don't even think they need to cancel the show. It's not like what happened with Honey Boo Boo where June was in real time putting her kids in danger by being with an active pedophile.
So, I understand the concern for his children, but I'm hesitant to assume he will act on them. There are a ton of studies that show that juvenile sex offenders can be rehabilitated and the relapse rate is way lower than adult sex offenders. So I have hope, however it seems as though he didn't actually go to a program that could rehabilitate him, so maybe my hope is misplaced.
That being said, it is absolutely horrible. I can't believe that they kept it a secret and didn't go to the police. I understand the desire to protect your children, but in this case you are doing this at the risk of the mental health of your other children!!! I don't care if he apologized, they should know that he gets more than a slap on the wrist and that their PARENTS, not some random person, turned him into the police. As a sexual abuse survivor, I'm appalled.
From what I gathered there was inappropriate touching and not much else. He was 14 and most likely going through puberty and was probably curious. I obviously do not condone this behavior and it is pretty sickening and I feel so bad for the girls who had to deal with this. I actually think its sad bc he grew up home schooled in a family that is so anti-sex (or any kind of touching) that he probably did not know much about female anatomy or sex and was probably really confused. I am not a christian and have only seen a few episodes and dont believe in their values but don't really think that he is a child molester ( I could be wrong and there is a huge scandal coming). This is what happens when you refuse to teach children that their 'urges' are normal and how to handle the situation.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Here's the problem. People are justifying his behavior by saying things such as he was a kid himself or a teenager that made a bad mistake. No. No. No. No. No. He is a sex offender. If a man that pees in public can be coded as a sex offender, this Duggar should have it tatooed on his forehead. Had it been anyone else than an uber religious family that people seem to praise on television people would be releasing the hounds. He should be in jail. The counseling should have went to those victims. Who knows the ramifications that this will have on those poor girls. And he didn't have to pay. At all. He received a "stern talking to." Are you kidding me?
Allowing families that have the means to get away with crimes is a huge problem in the system. It will always be the haves and the have nots if people don't stand up for what is right. If TLC doesn't cancel their show I'll never watch the network again and I know others that plan to do the same. They cancelled Honey Boo Boo...cancel this. If they don't, they are just as bad as they'll continue to put money in the hands of someone that should be behind bars.
**Triggers**
Me: 32 DH: 35 Married 10/4/14
TTC #1 May 2015 BFP: July 21, 2015 Stillborn January 8, 2016
TTC #2 April 2016 BFP: June 17, 2016
Baby Girl Shih-Tzu and Baby Boy Boston are my furbabies
Here's the problem. People are justifying his behavior by saying things such as he was a kid himself or a teenager that made a bad mistake. No. No. No. No. No. He is a sex offender. If a man that pees in public can be coded as a sex offender, this Duggar should have it tatooed on his forehead. Had it been anyone else than an uber religious family that people seem to praise on television people would be releasing the hounds. He should be in jail. The counseling should have went to those victims. Who knows the ramifications that this will have on those poor girls. And he didn't have to pay. At all. He received a "stern talking to." Are you kidding me?
Allowing families that have the means to get away with crimes is a huge problem in the system. It will always be the haves and the have nots if people don't stand up for what is right. If TLC doesn't cancel their show I'll never watch the network again and I know others that plan to do the same. They cancelled Honey Boo Boo...cancel this. If they don't, they are just as bad as they'll continue to put money in the hands of someone that should be behind bars.
I agree that this qualifies as a sex offense regardless of age, but I disagree that the age plays no part in it. There are tons of studies that show the difference between juvenile and adult sex offenders and recidivism. Juveniles can be rehabilitated, adults cannot. Obviously that's a sweeping generalization, but this is statistically true. I also don't think peeing in public should be a sex offense though.
Me: 28, DH: 28 Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007 Married: July 2013 Began TTC: June 2015
The counseling should have went to those victims. Who knows the ramifications that this will have on those poor girls. And he didn't have to pay. At all. He received a "stern talking to." Are you kidding me?
THIS...SO. MUCH. THIS.
He never had to go through ANY formal counseling or therapy, let alone jail time. He simply "prayed" about it.
Does anyone really think he is sorry he did it?!? He is just sorry he got caught. Now he is sorry he got "outed." Makes me sick that a man who molested MULTIPLE girls gets away scot-free.
I get the whole repressed sexual feelings thing, but this is a man that committed multiple sex crimes. Even if he was a minor when he committed the crimes, his family dismissed what he did by "talking about it" and praying instead of doing things the right way and going to the authorities when it happened.
I read somewhere that often these people who claim to be really strict against sex and are almost extremists are more likely to become sex offenders, partake in child porn, etc. because it's so taboo. It's a shame because I feel like their goal is to promote wholesome values and good things in general. Now it just makes their rules and restrictions seem "freakish" and like everyone is embarrassed and ashamed of sex.
I don't consider myself conservative in any way. I'd let my teenager watch 16 & pregnant, but I'd also like them to watch something like the Duggars so they could see that pretty girls say no to sex and it doesn't make them gross. It's sad that now that show is kind of tainted. I, too, bet it will be cancelled soon.
Everyone is talking about what they did for him! A stern talking to/ prayed- whatever.
WHAT DID THEY DO FOR THE GIRLS????
Did they receive any form of counseling? Do they know that it was wrong? Aren't the girls in that family taught that "Man is King", do they believe that they should let a man touch them whenever he pleases? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that want Michelle says about her relationship with Jim Bob?
Everyone is talking about what they did for him! A stern talking to/ prayed- whatever.
WHAT DID THEY DO FOR THE GIRLS????
Did they receive any form of counseling? Do they know that it was wrong? Aren't the girls in that family taught that "Man is King", do they believe that they should let a man touch them whenever he pleases? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that want Michelle says about her relationship with Jim Bob?
They prayed with them...and then they forced the girls to accept Josh's "apology."
These girls will bear the scars from this abuse their whole lives, with no REAL therapy in sight. Sad.
I'm curious if their type of lifestyle played any part in his actions. And if so, I wonder how prevalent this is among that community & could explain why is was virtually swept under the rug. I mean after all, he was a 14 year old boy who had raging hormones and absolutely no outlet. I definitely don't think his parents are at fault for his actions, I'm just curious about how their lifestyle, if it even did, contributed to it.
I was thinking this same thing. I mean, it's all terrible of course, especially the way it was handled. But I can't help but wonder if lifestyle was a factor. I'm sure talking about sex and hormones were kind of off limits. He had no outlet to talk about these things. It's just sad all around. And the poor girls!
Everyone is talking about what they did for him! A stern talking to/ prayed- whatever.
WHAT DID THEY DO FOR THE GIRLS????
Did they receive any form of counseling? Do they know that it was wrong? Aren't the girls in that family taught that "Man is King", do they believe that they should let a man touch them whenever he pleases? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that want Michelle says about her relationship with Jim Bob?
I ranted on that to DH last night. They taught those girls that their needs do not matter compared to their brother's needs.
Me: 28, DH: 28 Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007 Married: July 2013 Began TTC: June 2015
I'm curious if their type of lifestyle played any part in his actions. And if so, I wonder how prevalent this is among that community & could explain why is was virtually swept under the rug. I mean after all, he was a 14 year old boy who had raging hormones and absolutely no outlet. I definitely don't think his parents are at fault for his actions, I'm just curious about how their lifestyle, if it even did, contributed to it.
I was thinking this same thing. I mean, it's all terrible of course, especially the way it was handled. But I can't help but wonder if lifestyle was a factor. I'm sure talking about sex and hormones were kind of off limits. He had no outlet to talk about these things. It's just sad all around. And the poor girls!
Societies that have an open door policy regarding talking about sex at a young age have much lower sex related crimes, low STD rates & almost non-existent teen pregnancies.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
Everyone is talking about what they did for him! A stern talking to/ prayed- whatever.
WHAT DID THEY DO FOR THE GIRLS????
Did they receive any form of counseling? Do they know that it was wrong? Aren't the girls in that family taught that "Man is King", do they believe that they should let a man touch them whenever he pleases? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that want Michelle says about her relationship with Jim Bob?
I ranted on that to DH last night. They taught those girls that their needs do not matter compared to their brother's needs.
Me too! I almost said something on here last night, but I'd had a couple of cocktails! I feel so bad for the women in that family. It seems as though Jim Bob respects Michelle immensely, but I it does not appear like he passed that along to his boys. This is his eldest son- if they had instilled values into their children, don't you think the oldest kids would have learned the most from their parents.
This is horrible all the way around but the biggest people to blame is the mom and dad. Josh could have gotten help at the young age of 14 and chances are he was sexually abused at some point. His parents are disgusting people for not protecting their other children from Josh. He came to them and confessed... How could they just be ok with not doing anything. Clearly this 14 year old knew it was wrong and help was needed. If Josh were to get punished for anything I think his parents need to be right there with him.
I was fascinated by this show, amazed that not one of them acted out or rebelled. I figured one has to be gay or one girl might want to go to college. All of them probably live in fear of being who they want to be. Hopefully now a lot of them that are younger will get a mind of their own and grow into their own ideas.
This is horrible all the way around but the biggest people to blame is the mom and dad. Josh could have gotten help at the young age of 14 and chances are he was sexually abused at some point. His parents are disgusting people for not protecting their other children from Josh. He came to them and confessed... How could they just be ok with not doing anything. Clearly this 14 year old knew it was wrong and help was needed. If Josh were to get punished for anything I think his parents need to be right there with him.
I was fascinated by this show, amazed that not one of them acted out or rebelled. I figured one has to be gay or one girl might want to go to college. All of them probably live in fear of being who they want to be. Hopefully now a lot of them that are younger will get a mind of their own and grow into their own ideas.
Theres.....Rumors? ...That any time one of the kids gets a little, uppity, they're sent to a camp to "repent".
Mind you. Josh wasn't sent to rehabilitation, he was sent to remodel a house. Shows how much the family actually cares about their cash cows children.
This is horrible all the way around but the biggest people to blame is the mom and dad. Josh could have gotten help at the young age of 14 and chances are he was sexually abused at some point. His parents are disgusting people for not protecting their other children from Josh. He came to them and confessed... How could they just be ok with not doing anything. Clearly this 14 year old knew it was wrong and help was needed. If Josh were to get punished for anything I think his parents need to be right there with him.
I was fascinated by this show, amazed that not one of them acted out or rebelled. I figured one has to be gay or one girl might want to go to college. All of them probably live in fear of being who they want to be. Hopefully now a lot of them that are younger will get a mind of their own and grow into their own ideas.
Theres.....Rumors? ...That any time one of the kids gets a little, uppity, they're sent to a camp to "repent".
Mind you. Josh wasn't sent to rehabilitation, he was sent to remodel a house. Shows how much the family actually cares about their cash cows children.
Yeah, I think they thought they were taking care of Josh, but didn't give a damn about the girls. This could be wrong, but this is really how it seems based on how it played out.
Me: 28, DH: 28 Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007 Married: July 2013 Began TTC: June 2015
As a parent, I simply can't accept the "He was only 14, he didn't know it was wrong" argument.
I've never watched the show and have no idea how the kids were raised, but at 14, you know that you don't touch people without their permission, especially on areas a bathing suit covers.
TLC needs to cancel that show, and I hope CPS gets involved with both Josh and his siblings. The girls who were abused need help.
This is horrible all the way around but the biggest people to blame is the mom and dad. Josh could have gotten help at the young age of 14 and chances are he was sexually abused at some point. His parents are disgusting people for not protecting their other children from Josh. He came to them and confessed... How could they just be ok with not doing anything. Clearly this 14 year old knew it was wrong and help was needed. If Josh were to get punished for anything I think his parents need to be right there with him.
I was fascinated by this show, amazed that not one of them acted out or rebelled. I figured one has to be gay or one girl might want to go to college. All of them probably live in fear of being who they want to be. Hopefully now a lot of them that are younger will get a mind of their own and grow into their own ideas.
Theres.....Rumors? ...That any time one of the kids gets a little, uppity, they're sent to a camp to "repent".
Mind you. Josh wasn't sent to rehabilitation, he was sent to remodel a house. Shows how much the family actually cares about their cash cows children.
Yeah, I think they thought they were taking care of Josh, but didn't give a damn about the girls. This could be wrong, but this is really how it seems based on how it played out.
I just think it is sad that if the parents are willing to hide something like this for 10 years, what else have they swept under the rug and how many of their other kids need to harmed before they get taken away. I dont doubt that Josh was sorry and knew he had a problem. He is probably still messed up internally due to the twisted stuff his parents put in his head.
No question, them being "The Duggars" makes it more questionable since things they follow and their beliefs were already a bit out there and extremist for the majority of people.
My mom group posed the question though and I thought it was thought provoking, especially if you already have children. If you were in Michelle and Jim Bob's position, would you have turned in your 14 year old son? Not living their lifestyle and belief system, but how you would raise them under your beliefs and values, what would you do as a parent?
I think that is actually a hard call, because you know your children and I for one would be concerned as to "why" my son was doing it. Was he abused himself? Does he have other mental issues? etc.....I really don't know what I would do honestly, and I hope no one here or that I know would have to make that decision........but I hope that if anything the Duggars also sought out to help the girls with what happened. That's just as important as, if not more so than, dealing with Josh.
Me: 31 SO: 34
TTC since January 1, 2015. Together we have three boys who are 4 (mine), 7 (his) and 10 (his).
CP (July 2015) and M/C @ 5w (Feb. 2016)
DX Unexplained Secondary Infertility
3 rounds of Clomid - BFNs (Nov/Dec '15, May '16) 2 IUIs - BFNs (May & June '17) IVF August 2017 - BFP!! First Beta - 365
TLC just pulled the show...not cancelled, but not showing any repeats. Interesting that Mama June is threatening to sue them too if they don't cancel. Hopefully they cancel soon.
TLC just pulled the show...not cancelled, but not showing any repeats. Interesting that Mama June is threatening to sue them too if they don't cancel. Hopefully they cancel soon.
Was just coming to post this. Glad they pulled it.
Me: 31 SO: 34
TTC since January 1, 2015. Together we have three boys who are 4 (mine), 7 (his) and 10 (his).
CP (July 2015) and M/C @ 5w (Feb. 2016)
DX Unexplained Secondary Infertility
3 rounds of Clomid - BFNs (Nov/Dec '15, May '16) 2 IUIs - BFNs (May & June '17) IVF August 2017 - BFP!! First Beta - 365
I'm still reading through the long police report. Those poor kids, they all seem confused. I'm from AR myself and also glad they pulled the show.
Of course I have no idea what his upbringing was like and if he was abused or not himself, but I would think just being told that sexual body parts are "naughty" and that you only touch them when you're married and want to make babies could confuse someone enough to perhaps act out in this way.
Boys going through puberty need to experiment with their bodies and feel okay about it. IMO they should be told that masturbation is okay, totally normal and healthy.
@kplat That is a really good question to ask but to be honest I would have to say yes I would go to the authorities. How could your other children ever trust you to protect them? That is our job as a parent. I think by taking a 14 year old boy to the police would only help. How much trouble is he going to get in? I feel like it would be the best thing to do to get him the right help and guidance. It would be the hardest thing in the world to do but its the right thing.
No question, them being "The Duggars" makes it more questionable since things they follow and their beliefs were already a bit out there and extremist for the majority of people.
My mom group posed the question though and I thought it was thought provoking, especially if you already have children. If you were in Michelle and Jim Bob's position, would you have turned in your 14 year old son? Not living their lifestyle and belief system, but how you would raise them under your beliefs and values, what would you do as a parent?
I think that is actually a hard call, because you know your children and I for one would be concerned as to "why" my son was doing it. Was he abused himself? Does he have other mental issues? etc.....I really don't know what I would do honestly, and I hope no one here or that I know would have to make that decision........but I hope that if anything the Duggars also sought out to help the girls with what happened. That's just as important as, if not more so than, dealing with Josh.
I already know I will be over the top on good touch, bad touch conversations with future children. I want the kid that tells me someone was inappropriate because they got a high five from someone they hate. Seriously. They will know to tell myself, their father, or another adult if there's any inappropriate touching, regardless of who did it. So I would HOPE this would mean that there wouldn't be unreported molestation or anything, but of course nothing can be for sure. Also, teenage boys will know about sex and their body and they can masturbate whenever as long as they're alone, so hopefully that would help as well.
Now, if a daughter of mine said that her brother molested her, I actually would have no choice but to report it to the authorities. Mandated reporter, and that includes in my private life. No matter the outcome, both children would have counseling with separate counselors. If no charges were filed, I would still probably send the son away to a good treatment center or with family who could get him to intensive counseling. I would make it clear to all children that I still loved them both, that my daughter did nothing wrong, and that my son was facing the consequences of his actions, but could still get better and live a happy, healthy life.
Of course, this is easy to say when I don't have kids, but I think this is how I would handle it.
Me: 28, DH: 28 Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007 Married: July 2013 Began TTC: June 2015
@kplat That is a really good question to ask but to be honest I would have to say yes I would go to the authorities. How could your other children ever trust you to protect them? That is our job as a parent. I think by taking a 14 year old boy to the police would only help. How much trouble is he going to get in? I feel like it would be the best thing to do to get him the right help and guidance. It would be the hardest thing in the world to do but its the right thing.
@Beegey33 I agree with you 100%. I just wanted to add- It is also our job to teach our children consequences. If you do something wrong, bad, or illegal, there is a punishment.
IMHO- Jim Bob and Michelle have ruined not only Josh's life, but the reputation of the entire family. Had he faced the consequences at the time of the allegations- he could have received treatment. Yes, it would still be a scandal, but it would have been much more manageable.
No question, them being "The Duggars" makes it more questionable since things they follow and their beliefs were already a bit out there and extremist for the majority of people.
My mom group posed the question though and I thought it was thought provoking, especially if you already have children. If you were in Michelle and Jim Bob's position, would you have turned in your 14 year old son? Not living their lifestyle and belief system, but how you would raise them under your beliefs and values, what would you do as a parent?
I think that is actually a hard call, because you know your children and I for one would be concerned as to "why" my son was doing it. Was he abused himself? Does he have other mental issues? etc.....I really don't know what I would do honestly, and I hope no one here or that I know would have to make that decision........but I hope that if anything the Duggars also sought out to help the girls with what happened. That's just as important as, if not more so than, dealing with Josh.
I already know I will be over the top on good touch, bad touch conversations with future children. I want the kid that tells me someone was inappropriate because they got a high five from someone they hate. Seriously. They will know to tell myself, their father, or another adult if there's any inappropriate touching, regardless of who did it. So I would HOPE this would mean that there wouldn't be unreported molestation or anything, but of course nothing can be for sure. Also, teenage boys will know about sex and their body and they can masturbate whenever as long as they're alone, so hopefully that would help as well.
Now, if a daughter of mine said that her brother molested her, I actually would have no choice but to report it to the authorities. Mandated reporter, and that includes in my private life. No matter the outcome, both children would have counseling with separate counselors. If no charges were filed, I would still probably send the son away to a good treatment center or with family who could get him to intensive counseling. I would make it clear to all children that I still loved them both, that my daughter did nothing wrong, and that my son was facing the consequences of his actions, but could still get better and live a happy, healthy life.
Of course, this is easy to say when I don't have kids, but I think this is how I would handle it.
Yes. This exactly. If your child does something wrong, they should be held accountable for their actions, whether it's taking candy from the convenience store or something much, much more serious.
They should also get the help they need. Neither of those things happened in this case.
And how in the world could you live with yourself when it's your other child(ren) that is being hurt? What must those poor girls think about their own self-worth, that their parents, the people who are supposed to love and defend them more than anyone else in the world, didn't help them?
There really isn't any easy way to deal with a child who commits this sort of abuse. It so often involves some degree of inter-generational abuse (a kid is abused, and then mimics the behavior with someone smaller), which could mean more abusive conduct within the family or maybe just somewhere in the community, but the point is, it doesn't happen in isolation.
So it's a really difficult thing, when this happens, to protect other kids from the abusive kid, while doing what you can to rehabilitate them. I mean, if you throw a 14-year-old in jail for sex crimes and leave them to rot, you're not going to get a well adjusted adult, especially if their behavior arose from abuse they suffered themselves. But you still have to protect others from their conduct.
I know there are families who do their best with this, and I certainly can't imagine what that would require. But honestly, I can't imagine doing your best while still being the star of a reality TV show and promoting a repressive way of living. It's so bizarre.
And I really can't believe the work this family has done to fight gay marriage, ranting that gay people are the ones who pose a threat to children. It's twisted.
Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
TTC with frozen donor sperm and science
7 IUIs, 7 BFNs. 2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs. Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire. Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus! fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)
I plan on teaching my children about consequences. I'll even take them to the courtroom with me so that they can see consequences for bad actions played out. If I'm not real with them about what society will do. i.e. tear them apart, especially for being a person of color, then I have failed as a mom. There will be no sugarcoating from me. If I have to lock you up overnight to give you a wake up call then I will in an attempt to save you from yourself. That's my no nonsense no time for bullshit approach.
**Triggers**
Me: 32 DH: 35 Married 10/4/14
TTC #1 May 2015 BFP: July 21, 2015 Stillborn January 8, 2016
TTC #2 April 2016 BFP: June 17, 2016
Baby Girl Shih-Tzu and Baby Boy Boston are my furbabies
I grew up in a christian home. My dad is very strict but no matter how safe you think you are, it can happen. And its a lot different when it happens to you. You blame yourself. And because you where taught to never let a man touch you before marriage you feel like a sinner. And you feel like no christian guy will want to marry you. And you think you will never have a white wedding dress because you aren't pure. Its a lot to handle for a young girl. I understand that the parents where probably in denial because no mother or father wants to know their son is that way or that their daughter has been done that way. But he did ask for help and they should have helped him and the girls way before now.
I'm not sure how many people here are familiar with the particular movement the Duggars belong to, but a lot of what is happening makes sense (as much as it can) if you look it up. It's called the Quiverfull movement.
I've found myself become quite concerned about young women in this movement. There are a number of blogs or articles written by women who have "escaped" it.
Re: Duggars Scandal
Also was just released one victim is still a minor. Which is joy Anna who is 17. She was 4 when this happened. Ugh.
2 IUIs - BFNs (May & June '17)
IVF August 2017 - BFP!! First Beta - 365
Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007
Married: July 2013
Began TTC: June 2015
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/58d258
March 2003: Josh is accused of having molested “several” more minors, “often when they slept, but at times when they were awake.” Jim Bob then brings this information before his church’s leadership and the group collectively decides to send Josh to a “program [that] consisted of hard physical work and counseling.” Josh is away at this “program” from March 2003 to July 2003.
(Michelle Duggar admits in 2006 to police that Josh never saw a counselor, but was instead shipped off “to a family friend who was in the home remodeling business” in Little Rock, Ark.)
Lawd have mercy.
For those he molested.
Feb16 August Siggy Challenge
Favorite TV Mom
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
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Married since 8/7/10
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
**Triggers**
Me: 32 DH: 35 Married 10/4/14
TTC #1 May 2015 BFP: July 21, 2015 Stillborn January 8, 2016
TTC #2 April 2016 BFP: June 17, 2016
Baby Girl Shih-Tzu and Baby Boy Boston are my furbabies
Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007
Married: July 2013
Began TTC: June 2015
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/58d258
Me 27 DH 31
Married 11.1.14
Married: June 2013
BFP- Nov 2015
Me 27 DH 31
Married 11.1.14
Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007
Married: July 2013
Began TTC: June 2015
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/58d258
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
Married: June 2013
BFP- Nov 2015
5/13 Married
8/13 DD
9/16 DS
**Triggers**
Me: 32 DH: 35 Married 10/4/14
TTC #1 May 2015 BFP: July 21, 2015 Stillborn January 8, 2016
TTC #2 April 2016 BFP: June 17, 2016
Baby Girl Shih-Tzu and Baby Boy Boston are my furbabies
Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007
Married: July 2013
Began TTC: June 2015
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/58d258
I've never watched the show and have no idea how the kids were raised, but at 14, you know that you don't touch people without their permission, especially on areas a bathing suit covers.
TLC needs to cancel that show, and I hope CPS gets involved with both Josh and his siblings. The girls who were abused need help.
5/13 Married
8/13 DD
9/16 DS
2 IUIs - BFNs (May & June '17)
IVF August 2017 - BFP!! First Beta - 365
2 IUIs - BFNs (May & June '17)
IVF August 2017 - BFP!! First Beta - 365
I'm still reading through the long police report. Those poor kids, they all seem confused. I'm from AR myself and also glad they pulled the show.
Of course I have no idea what his upbringing was like and if he was abused or not himself, but I would think just being told that sexual body parts are "naughty" and that you only touch them when you're married and want to make babies could confuse someone enough to perhaps act out in this way.
Boys going through puberty need to experiment with their bodies and feel okay about it. IMO they should be told that masturbation is okay, totally normal and healthy.
Me: 32 Hubby: 31
Married 12/29/12
Started TTC July 2014
Miscarriage August 2014
Emmett born February 2016
Expecting Baby #2 in August 2017
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/544e80
5/13 Married
8/13 DD
9/16 DS
Now, if a daughter of mine said that her brother molested her, I actually would have no choice but to report it to the authorities. Mandated reporter, and that includes in my private life. No matter the outcome, both children would have counseling with separate counselors. If no charges were filed, I would still probably send the son away to a good treatment center or with family who could get him to intensive counseling. I would make it clear to all children that I still loved them both, that my daughter did nothing wrong, and that my son was facing the consequences of his actions, but could still get better and live a happy, healthy life.
Of course, this is easy to say when I don't have kids, but I think this is how I would handle it.
Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007
Married: July 2013
Began TTC: June 2015
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/58d258
Married: June 2013
BFP- Nov 2015
7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!
fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP!
Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)
**Triggers**
Me: 32 DH: 35 Married 10/4/14
TTC #1 May 2015 BFP: July 21, 2015 Stillborn January 8, 2016
TTC #2 April 2016 BFP: June 17, 2016
Baby Girl Shih-Tzu and Baby Boy Boston are my furbabies
I've found myself become quite concerned about young women in this movement. There are a number of blogs or articles written by women who have "escaped" it.
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/
Expecting Double Trouble, April 2016