Devastated by parents reaction to baby name

AmyNicole82 · May 2015

My parents live 2000 miles away, and recently came to visit. During their stay, we decided to tell them our selected baby name. The name has great significance to us in a variety of ways. One significance is my great uncle. Upon hearing the name, we could tell they hated it, and they quickly changed the subject and we moved on. My husband and I just laughed and brushed it off--it's our kid and our name.

Once my parents returned home, my mom sent me a long text message, telling me that she hoped I wasn't solely naming the baby after my great uncle, because they were just stunned that I would do such a thing, and brought up a business tiff my dad and great uncle had 30 years ago. But... over the past 30 years my family has continued to have a very close relationship with this man!

I am shocked at the disconnect between the relationship I have seen and the reaction my parents had to the name. I am also incredibly angry that my mother felt she had a right to tell me our name was not a good idea because of some stupid business thing three decades ago that had absolutely nothing to do with me or my relationship with my great uncle.

I got VERY mad at my parents, and have not been speaking to them. Of course, now, my mom regrets telling me and is completely heartbroken that I won't speak to her.

Unfortunately I have a history of my mom interjecting inappropriate and unnecessary opinions into things. I only have a few weeks left in my pregnancy and don't want anything else to be ruined or to risk my health and happiness by getting upset.

I just feel like the wind has been let out of my sails. We don't want to change the name, but I have absolutely no excitement at all for sharing it with our family and friends.

Any advice on dealing with this? Or how to move on an regain some of the happiness that has been stolen from my pregnancy?

laurenashley519 · May 2015

I had a similar reaction with my mother. We are going with a family name and she sent me a text message after I told her the name and said she would rather I go with a name from her side of the family instead of my Dad's side. I just told her that it was DH and I's decision and we were going with it. I have a rocky history with my mom as well (for what sounds like similar reasons as you and your mother) but it really helps me that I live 10 hours away from her. If I get irritated with her, I just don't answer the phone until I'm ready. Could be days or weeks. There is no rationalizing with her, so I just ignore her. After almost 4 years of living long distance from her, she has started to keep her mouth shut

We still have our problems from time to time, but it's way better than it used to be. The only advice I have for not letting it get to you, is to simply not let it. It took me a REALLY long time to get to this point, but I know that my mom's actions can only dictate my reaction if I let it. If you and your husband love the name, that's truly all that matters. And I'm sure your uncle will be very touched by the name choice

good luck!

CaliforniaDream87 · May 2015

I'm sorry but I don't understand how someone not liking your baby's name has taken away the happiness from your pregnancy.

Sure, it sucks that your parents aren't supportive of your name. However, I really hope this doesn't break relationship between you and your parents. Obviously, I don't know the history but in a couple years you will look back at this and see just how minor it is. Just my opinion.

kcollins78 · May 2015

I'm sorry you're so disappointed. No matter how much we hate it, we always wants our parents to approve and cheer us on when we're excited about something.

When I was pregnant with our first child, a girl, I told my dad her name. Addison Shane. Her middle name is after my brother that passed away so I thought he'd like the tribute. He hated the fact that I was naming a girl a boys name and was sour about it for months saying I should save my brothers name in case we had a boy later. Two years later I was pregnant with a boy and again I was excited to share his name. Liam Michael. Michael is my dad's name so I thought he'd love it. His reaction ... "I like the middle name but Liam, is that even a name?" So I can relate to a parent totally stealing your joy about something you love and are excited to share.

My disappointment passed in time and both kids were given the names we chose and fit them perfectly. I would say to let them adjust and hopefully they'll come around to it. If the name means something to you and you love it, focus on that and have happy feelings about Baby waking around with a name that you love to say and hear. Give it a little time before you tell other people so you can heal over and get back to happy about it!

Parents are people too and think they have he right to say whatever they want and don't realize how much their lack of fact hurts our feelings. They make mistakes. Try to forgive, for your own sanity and happiness, because not much is worth losing one minute of enjoyment of your pregnancy because of someone else's opinion.

Good luck!

laurena612 · May 2015

Please don't feel you need to change your baby's name. Cut a long story short my mother and MIL hated my sons name when I told them. 2 years on they both say no other name would suit him. People get used to names and at the end of the day, he is your son it is your choice. Don't let anyone get you down about it. My mum once again doesn't like the name I've chosen for my daughter but I'm not even going to give it a thought.

bpwife&mama · May 2015

They don't get a say. They will call the baby by its name regardless of what they think.

chrissynbrian · May 2015

Neither my parents, grandparents or my mother in law like the name that my husband and I chose for our little girl (we chose Cheyenne, which we both absolutely love). And though there are not any personal family issues involved like in your case I am sure their reactions were just as discouraging at first. My mom literally said to my face that it was the name of a dirty, barefooted, red neck child. I was very hurt at first, and then angry, and almost considered changing her name. Remember though hun (as I had to realize) this is YOUR baby and YOU have to do what feels right for you. We decided to heck with everyone else's opinions, our baby girl will have the name we love and chose for OUR reasons, so at this point I could really care less what anyone thinks of our choice and I don't lose any sleep over it.

Trefek1 · May 2015

I know it's too late to take it back, but this is why we chose to keep our baby girl's name a surprise. Please, do not change the name you chose and you both love. Once your baby comes, I'm under the impression that anyone with negative thoughts about the name you chose will get over it and fall madly in love with your little bundle of joy!

I'm hoping my mother will stop being super ticked off at me for keeping the name from her as soon as she sees the baby. For your sake, I hope your parents do as well!!

In the end, it's your child, your choice, your decision for the name. Everyone will have an opinion. And unfortunately they will not always be helpful, kind, or enthusiastic.

jenandbrett · May 2015

Not speaking with her won't help anything. You need to fix this relationship before baby comes. Tell her honestly that she hurt your feelings and that you really wanted her support. Explain that your great uncle is important to you and the history doesn't impact your opinion of him. You Really need to talk with her.

Perfect Sonnet · May 2015

My mom had a weird meltdown about my first daughter's name, too. I told her to deal with it and we named her what we wanted to name her. Now it is her name, my mother refers to her by it, and never complains. She will get used to it....just give her time.

ashbash1012 · May 2015

This makes me sad. Mothers can be hurtful for no good reason. My mom got mad at me because my teenaged brother is having some sort of pre adulthood crisis and I told him she's old and isn't changing and a bunch of older sister things, like he needed to calm down, he was being irrational things like that. So she reads the messages between him my sister and myself, and gets mad because I called her old. I'm sooooooo confused. So I've just decided not to talk to her either. But she probably prefers it that way, she did something similar and childish during my first pregnancy. It's a reoccurring cycle. She's the epitome of a drama queen.

I love her, but she is super upsetting.

bhargrave88 · May 2015

My opinion? Either you like it or don't. It's my child, not yours. If it bothers you that bad, don't come see her or us, then you won't have to deal with her name. Problem solved. Most people usually change their tune after that. Most people didn't like Layla Rose (DD1) when I told them.. We got everything from "how gorgeous!" To "I know a dog, pig (insert any animal) named Layla", "that's a stripper name, kinda." (Which come to Find out, there's a porn star named Layla Rose lol. Thanks google!) . Oh well. Lol. My baby will be named Olivia Marie(my sisters middle name is Marie), or Olivia Mae (Mae is MILs middle name and I adore her!). If you don't like it, don't come see my daughter til you do. Lol

jilladelario · May 2015

My first pregnancy we 'named' our baby at least 3 times before we actually stuck with one. It drove my mother nuts. We're on to name #3 for this little girl too and so far my mother has only liked one of the three - which we are not considering anymore.

She asked me the other day if we were still looking for baby names because she doesn't like Ayla Claire. I just said 'nope!' and ignored the face she made. I had been told that she was praying that we would change it because she really doesn't like it.

You're going to get mixed reactions from people - some will love it, some are indifferent, and some will try and change your mind. Some people also have more tact than others. I know once my mother has to start using the name and gets used to it she'll get over it and I'm sure yours will too.

dkizz82 · May 2015

You name the baby what you want but please don't lose your relationship with your parents over it. I have a mom who likes to interject too and it's caused hurt feelings with my brother. He pulled the kids away and himself. It hurt everyone involved. My mom interjects in my pregnancy too and I just let it roll off. I'm grateful to have a mom still alive that I can get frustrated with.

babyrover · May 2015

This is why my husband and I "haven't landed on a name" as far as anyone else knows. I just don't want to spend the next 3 months fending off people's opinions of our choice. In my mind, people should be nothing but supportive, unfortunately that just isn't always the case. I'm sorry to hear so many of you are having to deal with this negativity.

BryanneWeinert · May 2015

My dad was not a fan of the name my bro and sis-in-law picked for my little nephew, and acted a little weird about it at first. But you know what, when he got to spend time with the little guy and formed a bond, he accepted it completely! It's his name and it's part of who he is!

Hopefully, it will be the same with your parents and they will fall in love with your little one, regardless of the name. Your babe is a whole new person! Plus, your kid your choice!

I have a mom with strong opinions too, and you gotta just stick to your guns when you believe something strongly! All the best to you!

Devastated by parents reaction to baby name

Re: Devastated by parents reaction to baby name

Choose Another Board

Search Boards