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In Law limitation

MaMaCartyMaMaCarty member
in 3rd Trimester
Hello All-

I wanted to get some feedback on how others handled the in-law situation. This is my husband first born, I have an 8 year old from a previous marriage. I understand how excited my hubs, and his family are. It makes me happy they are excited to welcome this little girl into the world. However, learning from experience too many people in the room AFTER the baby is born is chaotic. I do not want to turn anyone away the day of...I'm having a second C-section so we will know the date. His family is very large, and tend to give their opinions, and recommendations. My husband thinks I'm over-reacting and only being mean...I keep trying to tell him that once she is born he is going to see where I am coming from. My family doesn't do this because we all know each others limits and guidelines. 
My MIL is also a teacher so she'll be off all summer, and constantly jokes about moving in to help...I appreciate the help, but I also want my space....



How did everyone else handle situations like this? 
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Re: In Law limitation

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    oneblessedmessoneblessedmess member
    Be honest. Tell your hubby you would really like that time to bond with baby as a family. Suggest to your husband that you come up with some sort of "visitation schedule" for after you arrive home. That way everybody gets a chance to see baby and nobody is left out, but you will be less likely to be overwhelmed by a horde of people.

    Worst case scenario, you can always say the hospital only allows a certain number of visitors at a time (you can even check to see if that's an actual policy) so it may be better to just wait. At least then you won't have a ton of people trying to crowd into your hospital room!
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    delujm0delujm0 member

    I'm kind of mean, and i'd only do this if my husband was on board...but i'd give them a C-section date of about 2-3 days after your actual scheduled date and then call them after she's been born and you have a few hours to yourselves and be like "oops!  she came early!" ;-)

     

    my in-laws were at the hospital when my SIL's son was born...even though they live in states that are a 12 hour drive or 2 hour flight away.  They were in that hospital with her almost the whole time she was there.  I would prefer to not see anyone at the hospital, but would be fine with them stopping by.  They always drive to see us (it's 8 hours) so i'm trying to negotiate with my husband that we won't call them to tell them i'm in labor until i'm about to start pushing...i figure that should give us a lead time of at least 6 hours.  My parents will fly here, so i don't have to worry about them coming until a few days later.  The in-laws keep asking when they should come, and insisting that they don't want to come too early or impose, but they said the same thing when SIL was pregnant, and then they hopped on a plane the second she told them she was in labor, so i don't trust them.

     

    I would, however, let my MIL live with us for a few weeks afterwards.  She loves to clean, and i hate it with the fire of a thousand suns, so it would be nice to have someone around to take care of that for me. ;-)

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    MaMaCartyMaMaCarty member
    I think that is my biggest issue is I don't want a lot of people around. The rooms are not very big to begin with, and sort of only want my daughter, and hubs in there for  most of the time. I don't want a lot of people holding her either...

    As for MIL I wouldn't mind her staying with us if she wasn't so opinionated. She has made it very clear she doesn't want my daughter wearing this or her doing that.  She is very my way is right...She tries to correct and over rule my parenting now, and I had to step in. 
    My thought I have an 8 year old and she's doing just fine, and I raised her on my own :)

    My parents are going out of town so they won't be there, and my family all has the same thoughts as I do.
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    bbiutmcphbbiutmcph member
    Lay the ground rules down now.  It's not about your husbands extended family. It's about HIS family now.  C-Sections in general have a longer recovery.  While my second one was much easier, it's still major surgery on top of having a baby and it's a lot to take in.  Come to some agreement with your husband and stick to it.  The nurses at the hospital can be your best friends and help with limiting guests if you wish.  If his family is pushy it's best to nip it in the butt sooner rather than later.  I would rather be considered a bitch and comfortable and doing what's best for me and my family vs being a crowd pleaser though. 


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    ldmwldmw member
    Be honest and set expectations now. My ILs are over-bearing and stress me out. For that reason, they will not know about the baby until a few hours after birth. Not even sharing I'm in labor. I know that's not possible in your case, but it is important to set boundaries. We've also restricted who can visit at the hospital as we want some visitors but we don't want an entourage. The ILs are pissed. DH didn't understand at first, but now he does. At the end of the day, this is your experience and you need to do what's best for you and baby.
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    nnewman4nnewman4 member
    Honesty, as everyone else said. My hospital only allows 4 visitors at a time in the room anyway so we are restricted at the hospital. I set the ground rules and my husband is abiding, my parents first, then his, then anyone else. We're also going to make them sit in the waiting room for 2 hours to be sure I'm up for visitors.

    As far as unexpected guests at the house. I will lock myself in the baby's room if someone shows up uninvited and refuse to come out. If I'm not up for visitors, no one better be at my doorstep. These first few days are for hubs and I to get acquainted with the little one. They will have plenty of time later to meet the baby.
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    cowboys2009cowboys2009 member
    Absolutely set visiting hours, both at the hospital and when you get home. You know that in the hospital you will have people in and out to check on you, plus if you plan to nurse that's a whole other thing for you and baby to adjust to as well. As PP said, the nurses will be your bffs for helping set these ground rules.
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    PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    MaMaCarty said:

    Hello All-


    I wanted to get some feedback on how others handled the in-law situation. This is my husband first born, I have an 8 year old from a previous marriage. I understand how excited my hubs, and his family are. It makes me happy they are excited to welcome this little girl into the world. However, learning from experience too many people in the room AFTER the baby is born is chaotic. I do not want to turn anyone away the day of...I'm having a second C-section so we will know the date. His family is very large, and tend to give their opinions, and recommendations. My husband thinks I'm over-reacting and only being mean...I keep trying to tell him that once she is born he is going to see where I am coming from. My family doesn't do this because we all know each others limits and guidelines. 
    My MIL is also a teacher so she'll be off all summer, and constantly jokes about moving in to help...I appreciate the help, but I also want my space....



    How did everyone else handle situations like this? 
    I didn't tell anyone it was in labor. ;;)


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