Dissapointed after finding out babies gender

Letlovegoo1 · April 2015

i recently found out I was expecting a baby boy , I had my heart set on a girl as I am the only girl in my family . I thank god I have a healthy baby but when I was told it was not a girl I felt a brief moment of loss . I don't know if this is a normal feeling and I feel bad for grieving the fact of not having a girl . Any other mommies to be ever feel this before ??

Laurakat81 · April 2015

I think it's normal if it's a brief feeling. And I only say that because it's a topic that comes up in every BMB but usually ends with a lot of hurt feelings and anger. This will inevitably bring out some strong feelings as many people, and I have to say I'm one of them, find the idea of being upset over a healthy baby of a particular gender to be ridiculous. While I'm aware our feelings are sometimes beyond our control this one is hard for me to empathize with. I guess it's all about our perspective and our experiences.....

JLW0504 · April 2015

It's normal. We all have this wish for a certain sex of child. I have my heart set in a boy this to around and will likely feel a little bummed if it's a girl. But, there will no less love regardless.

So, my advice, don't feel guilty. It'll pass and you're going to be just as excited about this little guy as you would a little girl.

sarahsnowball · April 2015

I was convinced that I was carrying a girl last time so when I found out he was a boy I was a little bit disappointed. I was glad I'd found out because I had plenty of time to get used to the idea before he arrived.
I then fell so madly in love with my little man that I have actually decided to go team green this time. DS is so amazing, so another boy would just be awesome. And if it's a girl, that would be amazing to have one of each.
I really believe that we will get the exact little person we were always meant to have in our lives. Once your little man arrives there will be no looking back.

Squirtgun · April 2015

It's totally normal, as long as you don't dwell on it and treat the child differently because if it. (I have seen that happen, and it is truly sad!!). When I first found out I was having a girl, I had a day of " what the heck am I going to do with a girl?!" I am not a girly girl at all, have never worn makeup in my life! I think that a part of the feeling disappointed it based on stereotypes of how boys or girls are. You just have to remember that this boy is going to be YOURS, and probably a lot more like you than like the stereotype that makes you a little sad at the moment.

Elyse1384 · April 2015

soberrysweet said:

JLW0504 said:
It's normal. We all have this wish for a certain sex of child. I have my heart set in a boy this to around and will likely feel a little bummed if it's a girl. But, there will no less love regardless.

So, my advice, don't feel guilty. It'll pass and you're going to be just as excited about this little guy as you would a little girl.
I don't agree with this blanket statement that EVERYONE wishes for a certain sex. I don't have a preference and I haven't ever had a preference for one over the other.

Ditto! I just wanted a healthy baby for my first pregnancy (which I was blessed to get) and I wish the same for this pregnancy. No preference on a boy or a girl.

Noey80 · April 2015

I find out in 3 weeks. I will flat out cry if they tell me I'm having another boy.

jasbaby2 · April 2015

I do think it can be normal to hope for and be disappointed when you don't get what you want. I think it can also be tough to understand that mindset when you've been trying for a long time and like us have experienced two miscarriages just since July.

I'm so wrapped up in whether I will get to take this baby home it's hard to imagine being disappointed by sex. That said not everyone has had my experience and I don't judge those who have a more carefree experience and perhaps worry about things like sex.

MadBloom · April 2015

I'm at the point now where I've dreamt about having another girl (they'd be 18 months apart) and I've got this whole picture of what our life would be like if we ended up with two little girls who'd be best friends and would be in all the same activities together and everything. I would LOVE to have another girl.

I've also had the dreams of a little boy and envisioned that life and have the same feelings about having a boy.

I know that either way I'll be a little upset about what could have been. Just the same as how happy I'll be with what we end up with.

I think the only way for me to avoid disappointment at this point is to magically have boy/girl twins lol

Does this make sense at all? It makes sense in my brain lol

babybean0015 · April 2015

I have two girls already. I would not mind a boy, but if it was a girl I would be just as thrilled. The only thing is everyone (and I mean everyone including DH)is hoping it's a boy. Not one person has said anything about being happy if it is a girl when I bring it up. This is making me have anxiety! I feel like I would let everyone down if it is a girl and I was happy about it. Like I should feel guilty for my happiness.

JLW0504 · April 2015

I didn't say you wouldn't have any less of a bond if you care what the sex of your child is. Being "team green" isn't a factor in what I'm saying whatsoever. Before ultrasounds, everyone was "team green". That doesn't mean you don't have a preference.

Since everyone seems all butthurt about my " blanket statement" I'll go so far as to say 99.99% of people instead of "all people'.

Does that satisfy the hormones tonight?

Letlovegoo1 · April 2015

Thank you all for your opinions , I love my baby regardless but couldn't help but feel a little off about him being a boy . I know I will get used to the idea of a boy and be so in love

soberrysweet · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
It's normal. We all have this wish for a certain sex of child. I have my heart set in a boy this to around and will likely feel a little bummed if it's a girl. But, there will no less love regardless.

So, my advice, don't feel guilty. It'll pass and you're going to be just as excited about this little guy as you would a little girl.

I don't agree with this blanket statement that EVERYONE wishes for a certain sex. I don't have a preference and I haven't ever had a preference for one over the other.

Laurakat81 · April 2015

soberrysweet said:

JLW0504 said:
It's normal. We all have this wish for a certain sex of child. I have my heart set in a boy this to around and will likely feel a little bummed if it's a girl. But, there will no less love regardless.

So, my advice, don't feel guilty. It'll pass and you're going to be just as excited about this little guy as you would a little girl.
I don't agree with this blanket statement that EVERYONE wishes for a certain sex. I don't have a preference and I haven't ever had a preference for one over the other.

I also agree. Not "all" of us. I just begged and prayed and pleaded for a baby that could actually come home with me. Sex was never important to me and never will be. Being able to parent a child was and is all that mattered.

YummeeCookee · April 2015

I more worried about my family ... A few have made it clear they are hoping for a boy. I feel like they will be disappointed if it were a girl. I don't intend to have anymore children after this one so

Cardiganmom2 · April 2015

With my first I didn't hope for either, I just thought it was a boy. I was very surprised when we found out it was a girl but not disappointed. With this one, I don't really care again. It'll be nice to have one of each if it's a boy but I think if it's a girl, it'll be nice for my daughter to have a sister. I don't agree with you being disappointed but it doesn't affect me so I don't care. You'll get over it, especially by the time the baby gets here.

Gapeach83 · April 2015

babybean0015 said:
I have two girls already. I would not mind a boy, but if it was a girl I would be just as thrilled. The only thing is everyone (and I mean everyone including DH)is hoping it's a boy. Not one person has said anything about being happy if it is a girl when I bring it up. This is making me have anxiety! I feel like I would let everyone down if it is a girl and I was happy about it. Like I should feel guilty for my happiness.

I have 2 girls also and everyone is hoping for boy right now our family is lacking in the boy department. 1 boy to 6 In my immediate family only and more only more girls in my extended family. Me snd DH joke that we will have no idea what to do with a boy we are used to girls. I don't think anyone will be disappointed though. We will be happy either way as long as it's happy and healthy.

mnunga · April 2015

So I have been extremely sick with this pregnancy and everyone has been referring to the baby as a girl. So I guess part of me was expecting to hear it would be a girl, but nope it's a boy.
So we got the call today about the genetic results. For a moment I was kinda disappointed, but really it is going to save so much money! (We already have a boy). Now to fearlessly purchase blue everything!!!

Ceridwen77 · April 2015

soberrysweet said:

JLW0504 said:
It's normal. We all have this wish for a certain sex of child. I have my heart set in a boy this to around and will likely feel a little bummed if it's a girl. But, there will no less love regardless.

So, my advice, don't feel guilty. It'll pass and you're going to be just as excited about this little guy as you would a little girl.
I don't agree with this blanket statement that EVERYONE wishes for a certain sex. I don't have a preference and I haven't ever had a preference for one over the other.

Completely agree. Not sure why @JLW0504 would make a blanket statement like that. I have so little care about boy vs girl I'm team green. I just want a healthy pregnancy and baby. The rest is icing on the cake.

oliviaann91 · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
It's normal. We all have this wish for a certain sex of child. I have my heart set in a boy this to around and will likely feel a little bummed if it's a girl. But, there will no less love regardless.

So, my advice, don't feel guilty. It'll pass and you're going to be just as excited about this little guy as you would a little girl.

Nope, I truly only want a healthy baby. I have a 6 year old daughter and a 12 year old step daughter. Would another girl be fun? Yep. Would a little boy be fun? Yep. I just want a healthy child.

Family is a different story. My husband would love a son (but will be happy either way). My grandma has said she hopes it's a boy. My monster in law has said she is "praying like crazy" that it's a boy (she says this as she lights up a cigarette in an enclosed vehicle with me) - I seriously cannot stand her. So we shall see.

maura+c · April 2015

Earlier in the year all I wanted was a little girl and I would have been devastated if I was having another boy. I now have a completely different perspective on things- my pregnancy has been extremely complicated and "high risk." I have been on bed rest for 8 weeks now due to the severity and can now say I would just be thrilled with a happy healthy newborn. All I want is the baby to be ok and everyday that I don't bleed is an accomplishment. I will be 13 weeks tomorrow and pray my little boy or girl is going to make it. So, to all the women out there that have hopes for the sex of the baby- I say it is an extremely normal emotion to have and please don't feel guilty about it. Your human..

JLW0504 · April 2015

It's easy to say on the internet that "all I want is a happy and healthy baby". We all want that. That goes without saying. I know that some of you, whether you choose to admit it or not has had, at one time or another, that thought of, " wouldn't it be fun to have a little girl" or "how amazing it would be to have a son". Don't just dismiss my " blanket statement " entirely without thinking it through.

blams05 · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
It's easy to say on the internet that "all I want is a happy and healthy baby". We all want that. That goes without saying. I know that some of you, whether you choose to admit it or not has had, at one time or another, that thought of, " wouldn't it be fun to have a little girl" or "how amazing it would be to have a son". Don't just dismiss my " blanket statement " entirely without thinking it through.

Nope I still really don't care. Just because I sometimes think "oh it would be fun to have another boy," or "oh it would be sweet to give my son a little sister," does not mean I have a preference. We aren't finding out because it just isn't important to us. We can focus on expanding our family rather than what color clothes to buy.

oliarnmom1517 · April 2015

I would love a girl but if it's a boy I'll be just as excited all I want is a happy healthy bouncy baby...that's all that truly matters to me after hearing so many loss stories and so many people losing their babies it makes me grateful to have a healthy baby inside of me...a girl would be fun but I just want a happy healthy baby in the end....

ash413 · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
It's easy to say on the internet that "all I want is a happy and healthy baby". We all want that. That goes without saying. I know that some of you, whether you choose to admit it or not has had, at one time or another, that thought of, " wouldn't it be fun to have a little girl" or "how amazing it would be to have a son". Don't just dismiss my " blanket statement " entirely without thinking it through.

No, I would still prefer that you did not speak for me. I absolutely do not care what sex we have. After 2 mc in a year and a half All I want is a healthy baby in 7 months. Boy or girl idc.

Ceridwen77 · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
It's easy to say on the internet that "all I want is a happy and healthy baby". We all want that. That goes without saying. I know that some of you, whether you choose to admit it or not has had, at one time or another, that thought of, " wouldn't it be fun to have a little girl" or "how amazing it would be to have a son". Don't just dismiss my " blanket statement " entirely without thinking it through.

I don't say this only on the Internet, I say this in real life to my family and friends and husband when they ask the inevitable question - what do you want a boy or a girl? I spend absolutely zero brain power thinking about the sex and honestly do not have a preference. Not very nice to assume those of us that truly do just want a healthy baby and pregnancy are being dishonest.

DrMommaDVM · April 2015

I can't say I understand the whole 'sex disappointment' thing. I don't think you're a terrible person, just you are thinking about things totally wrong.

The child's sex shouldn't define your relationship.

Little boys are wonderful and you will love him just as much and probably more than you imagined yourself loving a little girl.

sla626 · April 2015

With my first, I wanted a girl. Found out it would be a a healthy boy. For a mini sec I was like I, I guess it's not a girl, but then I got so excited and he is my little buddy and the sweetest thing. Boys are so fun and so so so sweet.

lyankowi · April 2015

@JLW0504 I agree with you even though we all want happy healthy babies and you dont care you think about your life one way or the other

soberrysweet · April 2015

Ceridwen77 said:

JLW0504 said:
It's easy to say on the internet that "all I want is a happy and healthy baby". We all want that. That goes without saying. I know that some of you, whether you choose to admit it or not has had, at one time or another, that thought of, " wouldn't it be fun to have a little girl" or "how amazing it would be to have a son". Don't just dismiss my " blanket statement " entirely without thinking it through.
I don't say this only on the Internet, I say this in real life to my family and friends and husband when they ask the inevitable question - what do you want a boy or a girl? I spend absolutely zero brain power thinking about the sex and honestly do not have a preference. Not very nice to assume those of us that truly do just want a healthy baby and pregnancy are being dishonest.

This. I honestly have no preference whatsoever.

Elyse1384 · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
It's easy to say on the internet that "all I want is a happy and healthy baby". We all want that. That goes without saying. I know that some of you, whether you choose to admit it or not has had, at one time or another, that thought of, " wouldn't it be fun to have a little girl" or "how amazing it would be to have a son". Don't just dismiss my " blanket statement " entirely without thinking it through.

Nope... still don't care to have you speak for me. I was team green with #1 and I will be team green with #2 because I only care about the health of my baby. The sex of a baby doesn't define my love and/or relationship with that child. My babies and I will share an eternal bond that is in no way shaped by anatomy. A P or a V has been and continues to be irrelevant to us.

Laurakat81 · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
It's easy to say on the internet that "all I want is a happy and healthy baby". We all want that. That goes without saying. I know that some of you, whether you choose to admit it or not has had, at one time or another, that thought of, " wouldn't it be fun to have a little girl" or "how amazing it would be to have a son". Don't just dismiss my " blanket statement " entirely without thinking it through.

I'm not liking that you're trying to speak for me either. Getting excited about the idea of having a son or a daughter is NOT the same as wanting one over the other or caring one bit about not getting one or the other. I will be over the moon excited whether baby is a boy or a girl. I don't care if I end up with 2 girls, or 1 girl and 1 boy. I never thought I'd have kids. Before my IF journey I wanted 5 kids. I never cared if they were boys or girls. Sure I just assumed I'd get at least one of each just because of the sheer number. But the hell I've been through, no, I don't give a crap what the sex of my baby is. Not even a little. Why can't I be equally excited about both?!

Elyse1384 · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
I didn't say you wouldn't have any less of a bond if you care what the sex of your child is. Being "team green" isn't a factor in what I'm saying whatsoever. Before ultrasounds, everyone was "team green". That doesn't mean you don't have a preference.

Since everyone seems all butthurt about my " blanket statement" I'll go so far as to say 99.99% of people instead of "all people'.

Does that satisfy the hormones tonight?

It's not my hormones that need satisfying... it's my sensibilities

. The reason I struggle with your comments is that you don't have background information on all... I'm sorry, 99.9%... of women and/or couples. My husband and I endured 3+ years of fertility treatments just to welcome the birth of our first child. I know many couples in the same boat or still praying for that first miracle and they have expressed the same sentiment. When you just want a healthy baby you don't care what parts are between the legs. Being team green in today's day and age can't be compared to being team green when you had no option. We're team green because we have the option to know the sex, but we don't feel the need because it doesn't change anything for us. We just want another healthy baby to love. If you have a preference on a gender that is fine, but please just speak for yourself.

DrMommaDVM · April 2015

JLW0504 said:
I didn't say you wouldn't have any less of a bond if you care what the sex of your child is. Being "team green" isn't a factor in what I'm saying whatsoever. Before ultrasounds, everyone was "team green". That doesn't mean you don't have a preference.

Since everyone seems all butthurt about my " blanket statement" I'll go so far as to say 99.99% of people instead of "all people'.

Does that satisfy the hormones tonight?

Wait a sec.... 99.99%? So you're saying only one in 1,000 women doesn't care whether she's having a boy or girl? Hmmmmmm

That seems a little off, since we have like 5 or 6 ladies just in this thread saying they don't care either way.

OK. Carry on.

kcoke89 · April 2015

Before I lost my baby I wanted a girl but after I lost my baby I don't care anymore. I just want a healthy baby .

Letlovegoo1 · April 2015

Thank you for all your opinions . I will LOVE my baby regardless of their sex. I think when you expect something and get the opposite you have a moment of disappointment and i am glad i am NOT the only one who feels that way. Thank god for a healthy baby as well . I do also understand where many people are coming from who have suffered a loss. I can't imagine that pain , I am so lucky to be carrying a healthy little man.

Letlovegoo1 · April 2015

I do also understand the opinion of people who have unfortunately struggled with carrying a child , as for the opinion on carrying a healthy baby i do not think its a bad thing to have a preference on gender, i don't think its caring about " all the wrong things " .

Cook3133 · April 2015

Yup, I have 3 boys. I would LOVE for this one to be a girl. I cried when I found out my first was a boy because my mom also wanted a girl (14 grandchildren only 3 girls and I am the only sibling of 4 without one) was bummed with my second and with my third I was positive it was a girl until 2 days before my 22wk ultra sound to find out when I had a clear as day dream it was a boy. And yup, Another boy, my reaction was "ah damit" of corse I am in love with all 3 but would love some tutus and prom dresses in my future

. And NO we are not going to try until we get one!! 4 is good for us no matter what sex. I just figure God wants me to raise some respectable men for the future!

Princessbcw · April 2015

I understand being slightly disappointed but a feeling of loss is more what I felt when I was told my baby didn't have a heart beat. So I'm also have a hard time empathizing with this.

BlondeMomma92 · April 2015

I don't think there's anything "wrong" about being slightly disappointed, I also believe that the sex of the baby won't matter once you finally give birth and can look at the beautiful life you've just brought into the world. I can totally understand wanting to have a little girl or a little boy specifically, but ultimately I think in the end the sex doesn't matter simply because the bond created in utero and the instant love you will feel once you've delivered will overcome any doubts or fears a person has about being a mother in general. Really all that matters in the end is that you're healthy and that the baby is healthy too

Sweetpea192 · April 2015

Noey80 said:
I find out in 3 weeks. I will flat out cry if they tell me I'm having another boy.

Doesn't having a heathy baby out weigh finding out the sex? Shouldn't you be more concerned with having a healthy baby as to crying or stressing over the sex of your baby? I understand the frustration. I have two boys and pregnant with baby #3 as it so happens we are having a girl BUT even if it were a boy I'd be happy because another baby regardless of the sex is what we wanted. You should count your blessings because some people can't have children or struggle to get pregnant..

Want a personalized experience?

Dissapointed after finding out babies gender

Best Answers

Re: Dissapointed after finding out babies gender

Choose Another Board

Search Boards