First, I think we're probably all a little hormonal here and being upset or crying over something not matching our expectations is completely normal. Whether that is baby's gender, the store being out of the ice cream we crave, or any other thing our pregnant selves blow a bit out of proportion it's completely fine as long as it's not a permanent state of mind.
That said, if you find your disappointment lasts for a while maybe look into the reasons you're disappointed in the gender. Is it because you feel you'll miss out on certain bonding experiences or that you won't understand your child? Perhaps reading books on how moms can bond with their children (regardless of gender) can help. If it's based on gender stereotypes maybe you can look into ways to raise children who break stereotypes. If you find yourself getting consistently upset by things that don't meet you're expectations and/or you are in a constant state of disappointment maybe look into depression and anxiety. I don't know your situation and only you know what's going on inside yourself. These are just some thoughts.
I can't say I personally understand b/c we had trouble getting pregnant and are now blessed with twins (10 weeks along right now). I think they're both boys, but my husband thinks they're one of each. Our doctor took the third guess at 2 girls so we will see!! I honestly don't care and just hope they stay in there until they're supposed to come out.
That being said, one of my dearest friends had a boy, and then shortly thereafter had another boy. She found out the sex with her 2nd and was really depressed over it being a boy. She almost went through a mourning process and wasn't really even excited about him coming. As soon as they laid him on her chest, that all changed in an instant. For her third baby, she opted not to find out b/c she didn't want to have those feelings again for the duration of her pregnancy.
We're having twins
Our angel baby boy is looking over his twin sister - due November 21
I was very disappointed for my 3rd girl! Cried even! But when I held my sweet baby girl, I was ashamed about the way I had felt. Then for my 4th girl, I was like HA ok this will be fun. My hubby on the other hand, was upset and that made me feel bad almost like I was to blame. And he loves his baby girl " daddy's girl" this time, we have learned that....it's pointless to feel down about either gender cause in the end, we are madly in love with our sweet little one! Of course we will want a boy this time as well, after 4 girls. But we will welcome whoever is ment to be in our family
With my DD, the u/s tech thought I didn't want a girl because I was sobbing so hard but in reality, she was what we, and my family needed for healing. My younger sister had had a stillborn baby boy 6 months before I had found out I was pregnant. I remember hoping and praying that it wasn't a boy, I wanted a girl so it would be easier for everyone. DD has been the greatest blessing in my life, now that we're having another little miracle, I honestly don't have a preference either way. As long as baby is healthy and that we get to take him/her home then I will be one happy camper.
That being said, I do understand where OP is coming from and also the people who are upset. I feel like everyone needs to take a deep breath and step away from the board before posting, just so sparks aren't ignited any further.
Did not realize the commotion this subject would cause I'm a first time mommy and just wanted to make sure the feelings that I had were something people have felt before and I was not the only one .
@Letlovegoo1 - I don't see any harm in your post at all! From how I read this thread, it seems to me the only sensitivity came about from a blanket statement made by a responder. I don't think that responder had any ill intent (just trying to show you support), but for those of us who genuinely don't care about the sex of the baby, it was a bit jarring to read and have the responder remain so obstinate even after several of us came forward contradicting her statement. For some of us, the sex of the baby truly is not important. Just because I don't care one way or the other doesn't mean I find fault in your being a bit let down by the news received. I think we can all agree that the news won't in any way prevent you from loving your little one unconditionally and being a great mom. My SIL tried for years to get her baby girl (she has 4 boys) and every time she found out "it's a boy" she went through a mourning period. I respect her longing for a girl, but for my husband and I (who were struggling with fertility for years and she knew it) it felt a bit like we were getting slapped in the face every time she was upset. We still would always love and support her. We gave her a shoulder to cry on, but we just didn't understand it. That's all. Doesn't mean her feelings are irrelevant or unjustified.
I can understand where you are coming from, but I'm not able to empathize. I'm on pregnancy 4, 5 years TTC, and have sacrificed my career and spent thousands in hopes of getting pregnant. I plan to find out the sex of baby so I can purchase items before their arrival, but will be equally excited regardless of whether baby is a boy or girl. My biggest concern is making it to the end of this pregnancy, and hopefully not having to experience the pain/loss of another child.
I do get where u are coming from because with my first it was a girl and I didn't care then I had my second which was supposed to be our last child. We only were planning for a family with two kids and I found out it was another girl. I felt bad/down because I knew first this was it for having anymore children. Second, I felt for my DH that he wouldn't have a son to bond with and do "guy" things. Probably after a couple of days playing it out in my head I was totally fine and started picking out old clothes from my first that would work and making baby #2 nursery special for her. Let me tell u when u have that second one ohh I just loved her. She was different then my first and has this amazing bond with her big sister. It's the best feeling and I hope it stays with them when they grow.
Now we had a surprise baby #3 and I won't feel that way because I already came to terms with having two girls so if it's 3 oh well! I keep telling DH he is going to be in for it when they are teens!
Also, I couldn't imagine going through treatments and years of trying to get pregnant. My sister in laws sister was doing that for 10 years wow did that just break my heart so I get how this post could be ridiculous when your mind set is different per pregnancy situation. Best of luck to all your pregancies no matter what the sex of your child is!
While some of these ladies are clearly perfect in every aspect and would never care about such a trivial thing for even half a second, I believe it's perfectly normal to prefer one over the other at some point. As long as it doesn't effect how the child is treated and you don't dwell on it then there's really nothing wrong with it. I was convinced my first was a boy because I wanted one so badly. She's a beautiful 7year old girl and the biggest helper I could ever ask for. Sweetest child. I wanted a boy first but love my daughter no different. She's also a product of rape. None of these things make a difference. She's my child and the light of my life.
When baby arrives, they are perfectly them and always a beautiful gift.
I have so many emotions about gender but as pp's have said, we have what we are meant to have in this life and we will love them unconditionally.
Our emotions have power when we don't accept them for what they are and/or are told they are wrong. Allow yourself to feel what you feel and then focus on the love you have to give.
While some of these ladies are clearly perfect in every aspect and would never care about such a trivial thing for even half a second, I believe it's perfectly normal to prefer one over the other at some point. As long as it doesn't effect how the child is treated and you don't dwell on it then there's really nothing wrong with it. I was convinced my first was a boy because I wanted one so badly. She's a beautiful 7year old girl and the biggest helper I could ever ask for. Sweetest child. I wanted a boy first but love my daughter no different. She's also a product of rape. None of these things make a difference. She's my child and the light of my life.
I never said or implied that I was perfect. What I did do was correct a previous poster who made an extremely generalizing statement that everyone has some desire to have one sex over the other. That's just not true for me. I don't have any comments for individuals who feel disappointment in the sex, because I flat out can't relate.
Just because I posted to correct a false statement and provide my point of view on the subject does not mean that I think I'm better than anyone else. I think it's wrong of you to also make a generalizing statement like you did. What goal are you trying to achieve?
Lol no he's a good guy trust me. Maybe it was me that felt I had let him down, when I seen his face of disappointment. That's just how I felt. Not that he blamed me. Sorry I didn't make that clear at first
I have two girls already. I would not mind a boy, but if it was a girl I would be just as thrilled. The only thing is everyone (and I mean everyone including DH)is hoping it's a boy. Not one person has said anything about being happy if it is a girl when I bring it up. This is making me have anxiety! I feel like I would let everyone down if it is a girl and I was happy about it. Like I should feel guilty for my happiness.
I know exactly what you are going through...I feel the same way. I wouldn't mind another girl (I have 2 already) but EVERYONE who knows about this pregnancy keeps saying "I hope it's a boy!" With every symptom I have someone would say "That means you're having a boy!" They are just trying to be encouraging but it's making me feel anxious. I know that if I have another girl, people would pity us and that's sad. I'm trying not to let what others think get to me. I love being a girl's mom!!
Re: Dissapointed after finding out babies gender
That said, if you find your disappointment lasts for a while maybe look into the reasons you're disappointed in the gender. Is it because you feel you'll miss out on certain bonding experiences or that you won't understand your child? Perhaps reading books on how moms can bond with their children (regardless of gender) can help. If it's based on gender stereotypes maybe you can look into ways to raise children who break stereotypes. If you find yourself getting consistently upset by things that don't meet you're expectations and/or you are in a constant state of disappointment maybe look into depression and anxiety. I don't know your situation and only you know what's going on inside yourself. These are just some thoughts.
I can't say I personally understand b/c we had trouble getting pregnant and are now blessed with twins (10 weeks along right now). I think they're both boys, but my husband thinks they're one of each. Our doctor took the third guess at 2 girls so we will see!! I honestly don't care and just hope they stay in there until they're supposed to come out.
That being said, one of my dearest friends had a boy, and then shortly thereafter had another boy. She found out the sex with her 2nd and was really depressed over it being a boy. She almost went through a mourning process and wasn't really even excited about him coming. As soon as they laid him on her chest, that all changed in an instant. For her third baby, she opted not to find out b/c she didn't want to have those feelings again for the duration of her pregnancy.
We're having twins
Our angel baby boy is looking over his twin sister - due November 21
this time, we have learned that....it's pointless to feel down about either gender cause in the end, we are madly in love with our sweet little one! Of course we will want a boy this time as well, after 4 girls. But we will welcome whoever is ment to be in our family
That being said, I do understand where OP is coming from and also the people who are upset. I feel like everyone needs to take a deep breath and step away from the board before posting, just so sparks aren't ignited any further.
Now we had a surprise baby #3 and I won't feel that way because I already came to terms with having two girls so if it's 3 oh well! I keep telling DH he is going to be in for it when they are teens!
Also, I couldn't imagine going through treatments and years of trying to get pregnant. My sister in laws sister was doing that for 10 years wow did that just break my heart so I get how this post could be ridiculous when your mind set is different per pregnancy situation. Best of luck to all your pregancies no matter what the sex of your child is!
When baby arrives, they are perfectly them and always a beautiful gift.
I have so many emotions about gender but as pp's have said, we have what we are meant to have in this life and we will love them unconditionally.
Our emotions have power when we don't accept them for what they are and/or are told they are wrong. Allow yourself to feel what you feel and then focus on the love you have to give.
Just because I posted to correct a false statement and provide my point of view on the subject does not mean that I think I'm better than anyone else. I think it's wrong of you to also make a generalizing statement like you did. What goal are you trying to achieve?
I know exactly what you are going through...I feel the same way. I wouldn't mind another girl (I have 2 already) but EVERYONE who knows about this pregnancy keeps saying "I hope it's a boy!" With every symptom I have someone would say "That means you're having a boy!" They are just trying to be encouraging but it's making me feel anxious. I know that if I have another girl, people would pity us and that's sad. I'm trying not to let what others think get to me. I love being a girl's mom!!