My Dad spilt the beans...

laleiste · April 2015

I need a bit of a vent. First of all, I'm not really trying to hold it against my Dad. It's his first grandkid, bless him, but ugh! XD To give some context... I had read that it's okay to tell your folks 4 weeks into your pregnancy and then friends and the rest of the family at 12 weeks. I was so good. I hadn't told anyone except for my parents, my husband's parents, and my doctor...

But unfortunately, I just found out yesterday that my Dad had accidentally revealed it to one of my aunts. Now my aunts and uncles on my Dad's side know and then he said he told a friend of the family while he was out at the supermarket... I'm still at 8w 4d so I'm not really ready to tell the whole planet yet. I'm also living in a different country to my dad. I'm in the UK while he's still in PA so damage control is pretty much impossible.

So all I can do is just sit and sigh. :P I mean, really there are worse things, but ugh, I really wanted to see the surprise on everyone's face. ;3; How has everyone else kept with keeping things secret?

mamavbs · April 2015

My dad told everyone about my first, never intentionally- he just got so excited. I, however, got extremely hormonal and angry and teary about it! On baby #3 now and looking back I just think it's sweet that he was that excited and proud he couldn't help himself. Don't get me wrong, it's annoying because you come up with lovely ways to tell everyone! But you'll still get the looks of surprise

x

happylife7 · April 2015

I know. We told our parents at 4w and I wasn't planning on telling people unless they were close friends/family I was comfortable enough to tell if we were to have a miscarriage. Needless to say, not how things went! We took both of our families to dinner at the same time to surprise them and in the moment, while everyone was hugging us, others were already calling/texting aunts/uncles/friends. We told them not to tell anymore and while I was upset at first, I eventually got over it and while many knew before I was 8wks, there were a lot of people who didn't know that we were able to suprise. Sorry it happened to you! For future, I know not to tell anyone until I am okay with everyone finding out.

Now, as far as when baby is born, I am making sure that EVERYONE who is at the hospital waiting knows not to send ANY text or photos out until I have! I want to be the first one to break news about baby!

IBulson · April 2015

I am in the same boat as you. My mom some how "accidentally" told everyone I know. I'm trying not to be upset with her but it is so hard. I am having her 5th grandchild so I don't think she has a good excuse for telling the world. I had a whole plan on how I wanted to tell everyone. I think the reason I'm so upset is because this is my first baby. Oh well.

laleiste · April 2015

mamavbs said:
My dad told everyone about my first, never intentionally- he just got so excited. I, however, got extremely hormonal and angry and teary about it! On baby #3 now and looking back I just think it's sweet that he was that excited and proud he couldn't help himself. Don't get me wrong, it's annoying because you come up with lovely ways to tell everyone! But you'll still get the looks of surprise x

Yea, I think that's just it. It is adorable that he's so excited. :P My worst fear is the people at work finding out about it, but thankfully both being in a different country and making a point of not friending people on facebook from my current place of work, I think I'm still safe :P

LadyBird9 · April 2015

My dad was the same way, we told them on Wednesday about baby #2, and early Thursday morning I got a Facebook message from a friend of mine that works for him saying Congrats. Apparently he was bouncing off the walls at work that morning!

HeatherFaye718 · April 2015

I told my parents and not even 5 minutes later my dad had posted it to Facebook. Luckily I'm not friends with him on Facebook so most of my friends still don't know.

laleiste · April 2015

HeatherFaye718 said:
I told my parents and not even 5 minutes later my dad had posted it to Facebook. Luckily I'm not friends with him on Facebook so most of my friends still don't know.

ugh, I think I definitely would've cried from that... It's one of the reasons I haven't told my Mom. She posts EVERYTHING on facebook. They're divorced and don't talk to each other much, so hopefully I can keep it till I'm 12 weeks to tell her... she already started asking me months ago if I was and I was just like... no O_O;;

HeatherFaye718 · April 2015

laleiste said:

HeatherFaye718 said:
I told my parents and not even 5 minutes later my dad had posted it to Facebook. Luckily I'm not friends with him on Facebook so most of my friends still don't know.
ugh, I think I definitely would've cried from that... It's one of the reasons I haven't told my Mom. She posts EVERYTHING on facebook. They're divorced and don't talk to each other much, so hopefully I can keep it till I'm 12 weeks to tell her... she already started asking me months ago if I was and I was just like... no O_O;;

I was really upset but I let it go. My mom laid into him for me. Lol. First time grandpa and he is just so excited.

When I got my ultrasound I showed him and he said "can I take a picture and put it on Facebook? " my mom and I just yelled "no!" At the same time. Haha.

laleiste · April 2015

HeatherFaye718 said:

laleiste said:

HeatherFaye718 said:
I told my parents and not even 5 minutes later my dad had posted it to Facebook. Luckily I'm not friends with him on Facebook so most of my friends still don't know.
ugh, I think I definitely would've cried from that... It's one of the reasons I haven't told my Mom. She posts EVERYTHING on facebook. They're divorced and don't talk to each other much, so hopefully I can keep it till I'm 12 weeks to tell her... she already started asking me months ago if I was and I was just like... no O_O;;
I was really upset but I let it go. My mom laid into him for me. Lol. First time grandpa and he is just so excited.

When I got my ultrasound I showed him and he said "can I take a picture and put it on Facebook? " my mom and I just yelled "no!" At the same time. Haha.

lols, STEP AWAY FROM THE FACEBOOK! XD Granted, I guess a lot of our parents missed out on the Facebook firsts thing as it's only been around for the last like 10 years or so. Although I guess a part of me is happy that there aren't naked baby pictures of me spewed around the internet... yet. xD

ColoradoHiker · April 2015

My MIL told her sister, but thankfully BIL and FIL put a stop to anyone else finding out. Honestly, I was annoyed for a few minutes, but keep this in mind: once you start telling people, you lose control of who finds out. So if you really really don't want anyone unintended to know, wait until after the first tri.

cbolton19 · April 2015

We told our familes at 8 weeks. My dad was so excited, he cried. It was adorable. He did get so excited that he started texting his family immediately. I didn't mind. I just had I tell him to tell them not to put anything on fb. I knew he'd be excited so I figured this would happen. It's my first baby, but my sister has two. With his reaction, you'd think it was his first grand baby!

mza919 · April 2015

we told our parents and siblings around 5 weeks, we are keeping it kind of hush from most everyone else because this is pregnancy number 3 with no babies yet. My father is such a loud mouth though, he has pretty much told his entire side of the family and pretty much anyone that is standing near him that he will have 4 grandkids by the end of the year. My sister in law is pregnant too and due in august with their 3rd child.
its very sweet that he is so excited by theres going to be no one left to be surprised in 3 weeks when i hit the 12 week safer zone.

HeatherFaye718 · April 2015

laleiste said:

HeatherFaye718 said:

laleiste said:

HeatherFaye718 said:
I told my parents and not even 5 minutes later my dad had posted it to Facebook. Luckily I'm not friends with him on Facebook so most of my friends still don't know.
ugh, I think I definitely would've cried from that... It's one of the reasons I haven't told my Mom. She posts EVERYTHING on facebook. They're divorced and don't talk to each other much, so hopefully I can keep it till I'm 12 weeks to tell her... she already started asking me months ago if I was and I was just like... no O_O;;
I was really upset but I let it go. My mom laid into him for me. Lol. First time grandpa and he is just so excited.

When I got my ultrasound I showed him and he said "can I take a picture and put it on Facebook? " my mom and I just yelled "no!" At the same time. Haha.
lols, STEP AWAY FROM THE FACEBOOK! XD Granted, I guess a lot of our parents missed out on the Facebook firsts thing as it's only been around for the last like 10 years or so. Although I guess a part of me is happy that there aren't naked baby pictures of me spewed around the internet... yet. xD

My dad is all about Facebook it's hilarious! I remember teaching him how to use it. He asked about that ultrasound and all I could think was "it just looks like a blob right now. Can't even tell it's a baby" haha

japostolova · April 2015

My husband and I decided we wouldn't tell anyone until 12 weeks ( after my doctor's appointment), but he then decided to tell the whole world! Friends, his family, and anyone around. Really can't keep secrets, which I should know bc this is #2 for us

laleiste · April 2015

japostolova said:
My husband and I decided we wouldn't tell anyone until 12 weeks ( after my doctor's appointment), but he then decided to tell the whole world! Friends, his family, and anyone around. Really can't keep secrets, which I should know bc this is #2 for us

Aww bless/ XD Yea, my husband's like the complete opposite. He would probably rather no one else know as he doesn't like the attention whereas I wish I could tell the whole world, but can't. ;3;

liz5188 · April 2015

Sorry your dad spilled the beans @laleiste
Just chalk it off to excitement for you. Just be glad you can have control over the next news, like the sex of the baby and when it's actually born and stuff. Just try to enjoy it for you!

dalzien · April 2015

My MIL made an announcement at Easter dinner. She says to everyone "Doesn't she look like she's glowing" followed by "wink, wink, nudge, nudge". Seriously? We weren't planning on telling anyone else until we were out of the 1st trimester as I've been having some issues and was told that the 1st trimester is really unpredictable and if I was going to miscarry it would most likely happen in the first 13 weeks. Hubby and I just looked at each other before I told everyone that we weren't telling anyone until we were out of the woods, just in case. This was followed with a "just in case of what?". I then got upset and left the table and DH had to tell everyone that things haven't been going well and we wanted to make sure we were in the clear incase we were having a miscarriage (turns out everything is fine for the time being, but at the time we had no idea). No apology, nothing. The rest of our dinner was awkward, and as I was now upset and embarrassed I was quiet... and rude (i.e. telling people I don't want to talk about it, and was short with people and refused to talk to MIL), the rest of the evening.

dogsombrero · April 2015

Everyone did really good with my first son (after 2 m/cs the excitement was muted a bit until it was safe) but this time with twins we've only told parents 1 super close friend and DH's favorite sister. We told everyone if they told or said anything in an email or on Facebook to those we haven't told we aren't telling them the sex(es) it seems to be working at this point!

queenwog · April 2015

This is exactly why we aren't telling ANYONE until twelve weeks (may or may not be next Tuesday, but my first appt isn't until Monday so we'll find out then). I can't trust anyone to not tell everyone else! My mom and sister would probably keep the secret but I'd rather not risk it and just keep everyone in the dark. DH, myself, and my midwife's office are the only people who know.

laleiste · April 2015

dalzien said:
My MIL made an announcement at Easter dinner. She says to everyone "Doesn't she look like she's glowing" followed by "wink, wink, nudge, nudge". Seriously? We weren't planning on telling anyone else until we were out of the 1st trimester as I've been having some issues and was told that the 1st trimester is really unpredictable and if I was going to miscarry it would most likely happen in the first 13 weeks. Hubby and I just looked at each other before I told everyone that we weren't telling anyone until we were out of the woods, just in case. This was followed with a "just in case of what?". I then got upset and left the table and DH had to tell everyone that things haven't been going well and we wanted to make sure we were in the clear incase we were having a miscarriage (turns out everything is fine for the time being, but at the time we had no idea). No apology, nothing. The rest of our dinner was awkward, and as I was now upset and embarrassed I was quiet... and rude (i.e. telling people I don't want to talk about it, and was short with people and refused to talk to MIL), the rest of the evening.

Omg!! Your MIL should've at least apologised... It's like they all forget what it's like to be pregnant.

*hugs* hopefully we'll both make it out of the woods with flying colours!

liajskinner · April 2015

My parents LITERALLY told everyone they knew when I was 4 weeks. Like they told coworkers and even checkers at the grocery store. There isn't anyone left for my husband and I to tell at 12 weeks.

geologynerd · April 2015

My parents bullied me into letting them tell my grandmother but they held the secret from everyone else.

YummeeCookee · April 2015

@dalzien That is horrible. Reminds me of my MIL who always wants the focus to be on herself somehow. We told my MIL and FIL and I said to them that we weren't telling others until after my NT next week. Well of course, as soon as my SIL shows up at the house, my MIL says to my hubby "ohhh, don't you have some news to share w your sister?". I wanted to punch her.

Bravo to all you who can just roll w it and move on. I am pretty private and I really dislike when ppl blab about news that is NOT theirs to share. It's our baby, just let us have our moment. You can tell whoever you want after we have announced it.

laleiste · April 2015

@liajskinner - ugh, how do they not realize that they just selfishly took that experience away from you?...

@Yummeecookee - sigh... thankfully my BIL is a very jealous type who would not like hearing that I'm pregnant so my FIL and MIL are trying their best NOT to tell him or anyone in the family :P

dalzien · April 2015

@Yummeecookee I constantly feel like punching her in the face. She really is all about herself in that regards. I'm sorry yours did the same. Our biggest concern was what do we say if things go south? Then we have to deal with their sad/pity faces or worse yet a comment about how It wasn't meant to be/wasn't what God had planned.

dalzien · April 2015

laleiste said:

dalzien said:

Omg!! Your MIL should've at least apologised... It's like they all forget what it's like to be pregnant. *hugs* hopefully we'll both make it out of the woods with flying colours!

I agree. We've been given the all clear as the heartbeat is really strong now and everything else really matches up. I have a really odd cycle and we were almost 1 week behind where we thought we were, so nothing was adding up to a healthy baby with my original dates. I hope everything works out for you as well.

mmbonnell · April 2015

You're not alone. My husband and in laws told their side of the family at Easter(@8w). When we told his grandmother she made us call his uncle and tell them while on speakerphone. I wasn't ready to tell them just yet but I wasn't gonna tell grandma no. I had to do some damage control since his side of the family knows parts of my side of the family way before we met so I was forced to tell some people early so they didn't hear through the grapevine. It hasn't gone the way I planned but does life ever go like we plan? Don't let it bother you and stress is not good for you or baby. Just wish for a happy and healthy baby now and surprise people with gender (if you find out).

RideliketheWind · April 2015

We've been worried about telling my mil for the same reason. ANY suggestions on getting her not to put everything on facebook?

irohspupil · April 2015

Lurking from August15.

@RideliketheWind My MIL posts EVERYTHING on Facebook, so I was worried about telling her about the pregnancy right after my husband and I found out (around 5 or 6 weeks). We just made it clear exactly why we wanted to wait for anyone else to know--that miscarriage was very possible. Thankfully, she respected our wishes, though she was bugging us everyday after that about whether or not she could tell so-and-so. We'd get texts from her all day asking/begging. It was annoying, but we told her we would let her know as soon as we were comfortable with her telling people. We also told her that she could start posting about it on Facebook once my DH and I had already made our own Facebook announcement. She announced the pregnancy literally two seconds after DH and I made our post. I won't lie... I might have been a little annoyed at first that her post garnered twice as many likes than ours did. I feel silly now admitting that.
She did really good about keeping it under wraps until we gave her the go-ahead.

I know it's a really stressful time, especially since it's very possible to lose the pregnancy, but just try to stay positive about anything that happens. Grandparents-to-be get very excited and can neglect to think about anyone/anything but their own excitement.

laleiste · April 2015

@micshi - You must have the patience of a saint. I would've been so upset with her. Like it's fair enough my nana asks me like once a week or so about when she can tell people, but everyday?... I mean, you're right, they're just overly excited, but I just get frustrated that they've seemed to completely forget what it was like when they were pregnant... sigh... Our dating scan isn't until May 7th and I'm guessing I'm at 9w now so hopefully I only have 3 more weeks to deal with the secrecy and the asking... :P

NancyG1661 · April 2015

I had to tell my work at 9 weeks because my doctor put me on desk duty since my job is pretty physical. There are only a couple of reasons to be on a desk so the rumors are around. I am almost 13 weeks now so I feel more comfortable with a public announcement. It's hard to keep the cat in the bag, especially when you are excited. It really was for me this time around.

irohspupil · April 2015

@laleiste Trust me. I wanted to punch her many times. I would boil up just thinking about her and how much she was annoying me. But that was then, at the time. Now I'm kinda able to look back and see that she was just extremely excited. I'm thankful she still followed our wishes...even if she was really annoying about it.
I'm still worried about how she will treat my wishes at the hospital. I hope she doesn't barge her way in as soon as my girl is born. I hope everyone understands that I'd like a couple hours alone with my little one and my husband first. I get a little frustrated just thinking about her taking control and marching in, but I know that there is no point in worrying about it now. I'll make sure the nurses know to keep others out, and I'll set the boundaries with visitors as my due date gets closer.

No need to stress myself out!

laleiste · June 2015

Sorry to open this up again... but ugh... so I guess in a way I "asked" for it, but I'm still pretty angry...

So I posted my pregnancy announcement on Facebook and I was debating adding for anyone reading to not tell my great grandmom who is 90 and doesn't have a Facebook. Instead I just messaged my close family members through email before I posted on Facebook saying please don't tell her.

I come to find out that my extended family on Facebook did the honors. They not only told her, but my one cousin had the audacity to show her the ultrasound on facebook as well. I just couldn't believe it. None of them asked me before hand if it was okay. And I can't say anything because I don't know how they'll take it... but I'm just really really disappointed. I would've thought any sensible person would think, oh, maybe we shouldn't say anything or maybe we should ask my grandmother if it's okay to say anything to my great grandmom. Nothing. My grandmother was stressing me out so much last night because she was taking their side saying I shouldn't have posted it on Facebook, but I definitely expected better out of them. Especially since this would probably have been the last great great grandchild she'd see. We don't think she'll live too much longer... I'm just so upset.

EDIT // Also bear in mind.. I'm in the UK and my family is in the US. I'm visiting them next week.. ==;

Lsager424 · June 2015

I can imagine that you must be feeling stressed out, and for that I am sorry. Unfortunately though, when you post things on a public forum like Facebook, I think it is the general assumption that whatever you are sharing is now public knowledge. Unfortunately, it sounds as though you probably should have trusted your instinct, and specifically asked for your family not to share this exciting news. Now that the cat is out of the bag, the only thing you can do is to try to move on, and to enjoy your visit with your family. Congratulations, and good luck to you!!

lyankowi · June 2015

At my nefews first communion party I found out that grandma #1 was telling everyone I was pregnant not OKed by me yet and grandma #2 was telling everyone that my H had left me and was moving out. I was not OK with either of those and had to do some damage control and tell the people I wanted to tell before gossip got around and tell people that it was not grandmas news to share and keep it to themselves. Grandma #1 was excited while grandma #2 was just concerned.

laleiste · June 2015

Lsager424 - It's very true.. and as I said, I understand that to a point, but it's just annoying because I'm living out of the country... also it's that these people don't even interact with me on facebook or anything.. it's almost as if they're acquaintances.. when they found out that my grandmom didn't already know.. they should've stopped there.. but the fact that she went as far as to show her the ultrasound as well.. I'm just ugh... I can't help it.. I'm still fuming.

Lsager424 · June 2015

@laleiste I totally get it-which is why I'm not on FB in the first place. My mom couldn't wait until I gave her the go ahead to post our news, and was thrilled with the amount of positive comments she got back. To me, being that I didn't hear word one from one of those people, it was totally disingenuous. But, with that being said, I knew when I gave her that go ahead it became public domain! Good luck to you!!!

CEB37 · June 2015

Is this real lyfe?

You're upset that you posted something Facebook and people shared it? Really?

laleiste · June 2015

@CEB37 - It's the consideration of it. I'm fine with them sharing amongst each other. I just thought they would be considerate enough to perhaps discuss it with me first whether or not it was okay for them to tell my 90 year old great grandmother who has no access to facebook or the internet and I haven't been able to tell due to the fact that I live in the UK and not in the US where my family is from. I had warned my closer family members who I trusted would not tell, but yea, I would've thought that my extended family who don't even send me christmas cards anymore would've perhaps checked with me first whether or not it was okay to tell my great grandmother especially since I explicitly stated it to the family who actually give a crap about me and my life. I just thought they would've been a bit more considerate.

I can't even imagine how the conversation would've gone. Have you heard that she's pregnant? No! *Shock* Yea, wow I'm surprised that your son (my grandfather) wouldn't have told you? Why not? Oh well, here's an ultrasound since obviously they're keeping you out of the loop for some odd reason so we're going to tell you all about it instead even though we haven't had a conversation with her in years and even though she sends us christmas cards every year, we don't act as if she exists otherwise.

jscasher · June 2015

I think unfortunately like others have said, if it's on Facebook they probably consider it to be public knowledge and didn't think twice about sharing with great grandma. I wouldn't say what they did was wrong, but I do see how it's upsetting when you wanted to be the one to personally share the news with her.

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