Shower drama!!! Help!!! — The Bump
Baby Showers

Shower drama!!! Help!!!

so my mom has offered to throw me a baby shower. She had planned to make it a picnic with just my family and invite the guys and kids too to make a shower/family reunion type thing. She had also planned on inviting my mil/fil/sil and her boyfriend. This has made my DH angry as he feels his whole family should be invited and that my family is excluding his. I don't feel it's my moms responsibility to pay for a shower for his whole side of the family. She was nice enough to offer for this one and just our family alone will be close to 50 people at her house. No one on his side has offered and I'm completely fine with that. Help!

Re: Shower drama!!! Help!!!

  • Your H is being ridiculous.  Your mom is the host and she gets to decide the guest list.  She's being very sweet and generous including his immediate family.  It's rude to expect her to add his entire family to her budget when she's already hosting so many.

  • I actually agree with your husband insofar as I think it's gracious for a hostess to be inclusive in her guest list instead of so "us" vs. "them," but at the end of the day, it's your mom's choice since she's the one hosting, and it's pretty senseless for your husband to get his panties in such a bunch over it. I chalk this up as just more evidence that family members shouldn't be the ones hosting showers in the first place.
  • We had two showers for this sister is getting married right around my due date and with wedding expenses my mom could only afford to throw me a very small shower with just my side of the family (plus mil and sil). She really wanted to throw one but it had to be small which is completely fine with me...I'm happy that she graciously offered.

    My mil and sil threw a separate shower for their family/ was large, about 40 people. It was lovely if them to do that for us. Is it inconvenient for us to have to travel up north for two separate events? Sure. But it's the least we can do when people have been so generous.

    The bottom line is that the host decides the guest list. What your mom is doing is fine. If someone in your husband's family offers, you can have an additional shower for his relatives.
    Me: 36 DH: 36
    Married 5-31-14
    DD1 born 6-21-15
    DD2 born 6-11-17
    DS born 9-5-18

  • My mom hosted my shower and only invited my friends and family and we were fine with that. I'm lucky that my Inlaws live out if the country. They visited when the baby was 6 months and bought a bunch of stuff for him when they visited.

    If his family wants to host something then great but they can't expect your mom to host so many. If they want to give gifts they will. They don't need a shower to do that.
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  • Could you possibly have him discuss co-hosting with his mom? Since you guys are also doing a reunion and it seems to be quite large, it doesn't necessarily need to be a 50/50 spilt. She could either contribute a $ amount to help cover the extra people, or be in charge of something? Either way, a picnic seems like an easy environment to mix families, since it's laid back.

    I knew I only wanted to have 1 shower, so i made sure my Mom & sister would include all of my in laws (if it came down to head count, I would want them included before my mom's guest list expanded). As soon as it was mentioned my MIL of course offered to help pay for half... since this is the case, she is now creating a guest list for her side.
  • I'm in a similar mother is hosting my shower and has invited my MIL, SIL and DH's grandmother who lives in town. Everyone else is from my side, but even still, the guest list is relatively small as my mother's house (and budget) can only accommodate so many. Invitations are set to go out at the end of the month and I'm concerned there will be "issues" as DH"s enormous Italian family is not invited. I'm happy to read that most people agree it is up to the hostess to decide the guest list and what they are able to accommodate, as this was my general though as well :)
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    A shower is a gift and it's in really bad form to bitch about how it's given.

    So very much this.  it's a SHOWER.  Not a wedding.  Showers don't have to be "all inclusive".  Your DH needs to get over himself.  
  • Your DH is wrong.  The host decides how many she can host.  If his family is offended they can throw a shower themselves.  That's how it's done.
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