gender help!

kittyann1 · April 2015

Hi ladies

this is my first baby I'm currently 21 weeks and didn't get to find out the sex of my little monkey as he or she wouldn't uncross their legs at my 20 week scan! I have another scan in 3 weeks but not knowing is driving me insane! I was looking at my other scan photos and came across a 'forked nub' in my 14 week scan! Was wondering if anyone else had this and what gender their baby was? Thanks for reading!

kittyann1 · April 2015

Bump

kittyann1 · April 2015

Anyone?

kcollins78 · April 2015

Sex of the baby, not gender. And no one has answered probably because we all have the same experience with ultrasounds as you .... which is to say none. 14 weeks is too early to see anything much less guess at what you're seeing or not seeing. I know waiting sucks so I would suggest A) call your OB and ask them to look at your 14 week scan and give an opinion or

pay for an independent scan. I think they are around $100.

kittyann1 · April 2015

Sorry I'm from UK terminology is different here lol and thanks

AHughes33 · April 2015

My husband an I found out the sex of our baby through blood work at 13 weeks. We recently went to our 20 week scan a few days ago and confirmed it was a girl cause we weren't too sure about the results. Anyways, call your doctor and ask to come in early, are they really gping to day no to you? Lol

SantistevanMommie · April 2015

Actually I'm pretty sure most people use gender not sex. That's why it's called gender reveal parties not sex reveal party.

kittyann1 · April 2015

Thanks ladies

I didn't know you could find out gender through blood results!

I'd be worried the lady doing the scan would think I was crazy asking for an earlier scan haha would need a good excuse!

and sex and gender are they not the same?

SantistevanMommie · April 2015

kittyann1 said:
Thanks ladies I didn't know you could find out gender through blood results! I'd be worried the lady doing the scan would think I was crazy asking for an earlier scan haha would need a good excuse! and sex and gender are they not the same?

Yes the exact same but I noticed on a different board that people like it better when you use gender instead of sex

kittyann1 · April 2015

Oh whoops didn't know lol sorry!

I just said gender cuz that's what we say in northern Ireland lol

Miz_Liz · April 2015

SantistevanMommie said:

kittyann1 said:
Thanks ladies I didn't know you could find out gender through blood results! I'd be worried the lady doing the scan would think I was crazy asking for an earlier scan haha would need a good excuse! and sex and gender are they not the same?
Yes the exact same but I noticed on a different board that people like it better when you use gender instead of sex

They are not the same - do a quick google search on "Sex vs Gender".

kcollins78 · April 2015

Sex refers to anatomy (penis vs vagina) and gender refers to how people identify as man or woman (ie; gender reassignment). They don't call it a sex reveal party because it sounds weird and gross. Ask Google if you need reassurance on those points.

I do find it interesting that different places around the world use one term over the other when they mean different things.

kittyann1 · April 2015

Oh sorry

silly me lol

Ambermom043 · April 2015

Who gives a rats butt which word she used... I got the point. Different countries use different words.

voldem0rt · April 2015

Ambermom043 said:
Who gives a rats butt which word she used... I got the point. Different countries use different words.

People whose assigned sex does not match their gender might care. Just because your personal gender identity is in line with your sex does not make it so for everyone.

hjphillips · April 2015

voldem0rt said:

People whose assigned sex does not match their gender might care. Just because your personal gender identity is in line with your sex does not make it so for everyone.

This. I care. I'm one of the ones that cares. People assuming that sex and gender are the same can hurt, and just because I'm carrying a child, that does not mean I 100% identify as female 100% of the time.

Ambermom043 · April 2015

If that's the word they use in her country, she's entitled to speak as her culture does, my stepmom is from another country and uses words way differently than I do all the time. And besides that, what if someone doesn't agree with "gender choice" (not exactly sure what the proper term would be). Why should those people be forced to conform, and not be entitled to speak as they wish, freely? For fear of being rejected and/or criticized for it, or seeming intolerant? Then that's not being fair to those individuals who should have just as much right as a transgender person, to believe what they do and express why. One view point should not be forced upon someone as right, against that persons moral values. To each their own opinion. By correcting someone, you're assuming they (should) agree with you. What if they don't? Should they be forced to say it how you would? That isn't exactly freedom of speech then.

hjphillips · April 2015

You're not informing them that they're wrong and you're right by correcting someone, not necessarily. Perhaps the first person was being needlessly "no you're wrong," but then she asked what the difference was, and was informed.

hjphillips · April 2015

And you asked who cared about the difference, and you were informed.

princesslockness · April 2015

Ambermom043 said:
If that's the word they use in her country, she's entitled to speak as her culture does, my stepmom is from another country and uses words way differently than I do all the time. And besides that, what if someone doesn't agree with "gender choice" (not exactly sure what the proper term would be). Why should those people be forced to conform, and not be entitled to speak as they wish, freely? For fear of being rejected and/or criticized for it, or seeming intolerant? Then that's not being fair to those individuals who should have just as much right as a transgender person, to believe what they do and express why. One view point should not be forced upon someone as right, against that persons moral values. To each their own opinion. By correcting someone, you're assuming they (should) agree with you. What if they don't? Should they be forced to say it how you would? That isn't exactly freedom of speech then.

I personally don't believe in gender choice, small minded? Maybe, but it's me. The correct term for referring to a child and announcing penis/vagina is sex.

Ambermom043 · April 2015

Yes, that's what I was talking about, was the original correction being what Could be considered based on a moral issue. All I'm saying is, she says that's what's customary in her culture, so why make her change it? Every country/culture is different. Ultimately, she doesn't live here, she lives there and might as well make sense to her own "people" lol. My stepmom cracks me up with the words she uses, but I don't want her to change that, it's who she is.

Ambermom043 · April 2015

Kate08Young said:

Ambermom043 said:
If that's the word they use in her country, she's entitled to speak as her culture does, my stepmom is from another country and uses words way differently than I do all the time. And besides that, what if someone doesn't agree with "gender choice" (not exactly sure what the proper term would be). Why should those people be forced to conform, and not be entitled to speak as they wish, freely? For fear of being rejected and/or criticized for it, or seeming intolerant? Then that's not being fair to those individuals who should have just as much right as a transgender person, to believe what they do and express why. One view point should not be forced upon someone as right, against that persons moral values. To each their own opinion. By correcting someone, you're assuming they (should) agree with you. What if they don't? Should they be forced to say it how you would? That isn't exactly freedom of speech then.
I personally don't believe in gender choice, small minded? Maybe, but it's me. The correct term for referring to a child and announcing penis/vagina is sex.

I asked who cares, thank you for responding! Here's my reply: have no problem with the way kate08young corrected, bc it's solely based on proper grammar. But people correcting on a basis of it hurting their feelings, etc isn't right. (For something considered a personal belief or moral issue) People hurt my feelings by what they say all the time! But I still respect their right to say it.

Miz_Liz · April 2015

Ambermom043 said:

Kate08Young said:

Ambermom043 said:
If that's the word they use in her country, she's entitled to speak as her culture does, my stepmom is from another country and uses words way differently than I do all the time. And besides that, what if someone doesn't agree with "gender choice" (not exactly sure what the proper term would be). Why should those people be forced to conform, and not be entitled to speak as they wish, freely? For fear of being rejected and/or criticized for it, or seeming intolerant? Then that's not being fair to those individuals who should have just as much right as a transgender person, to believe what they do and express why. One view point should not be forced upon someone as right, against that persons moral values. To each their own opinion. By correcting someone, you're assuming they (should) agree with you. What if they don't? Should they be forced to say it how you would? That isn't exactly freedom of speech then.
I personally don't believe in gender choice, small minded? Maybe, but it's me. The correct term for referring to a child and announcing penis/vagina is sex.
I asked who cares, thank you for responding! Here's my reply: have no problem with the way kate08young corrected, bc it's solely based on proper grammar. But people correcting on a basis of it hurting their feelings, etc isn't right. (For something considered a personal belief or moral issue) People hurt my feelings by what they say all the time! But I still respect their right to say it.

Actually, if you reread the post, she was corrected solely based on proper grammar - the response about who may care was to your comment. She did not seem to have an issue with people informing her that there was a difference.

voldem0rt · April 2015

Ambermom043 said:
If that's the word they use in her country, she's entitled to speak as her culture does, my stepmom is from another country and uses words way differently than I do all the time. And besides that, what if someone doesn't agree with "gender choice" (not exactly sure what the proper term would be). Why should those people be forced to conform, and not be entitled to speak as they wish, freely? For fear of being rejected and/or criticized for it, or seeming intolerant? Then that's not being fair to those individuals who should have just as much right as a transgender person, to believe what they do and express why. One view point should not be forced upon someone as right, against that persons moral values. To each their own opinion. By correcting someone, you're assuming they (should) agree with you. What if they don't? Should they be forced to say it how you would? That isn't exactly freedom of speech then.

This has nothing to do with anyone agreeing with "gender choice." It's the simple fact that gender and sex are defined differently. This is a matter of definition, not your moral opinion on gender identity.

GirlOnTheBeach · April 2015

Me when I realized where this discussion was heading:

beccs98 · April 2015

Sex vs gender aside: OP, I don't think you can actually see the "nub" in your picture. I've become oddly obsessed with the whole "nub theory" this pregnancy (I don't know why) and I've read up quite a bit on it. But I honestly don't think your nub is visible.

Nub pics need to be profile shots with baby's spine at the bottom of the screen but yours appears to be maybe from the front or back. Sorry!

jemholo · April 2015

Ambermom043 said:
If that's the word they use in her country, she's entitled to speak as her culture does, my stepmom is from another country and uses words way differently than I do all the time. And besides that, what if someone doesn't agree with "gender choice" (not exactly sure what the proper term would be). Why should those people be forced to conform, and not be entitled to speak as they wish, freely? For fear of being rejected and/or criticized for it, or seeming intolerant? Then that's not being fair to those individuals who should have just as much right as a transgender person, to believe what they do and express why. One view point should not be forced upon someone as right, against that persons moral values. To each their own opinion. By correcting someone, you're assuming they (should) agree with you. What if they don't? Should they be forced to say it how you would? That isn't exactly freedom of speech then.

She's from the UK. They speak English. They don't have a different cultural use of sex and gender than we do in the US (I know, I just checked with a colleague in London to see). She initially made the excuse that's it's cultural, but in reality she just didn't realize there is a difference (just like many people in the US don't realize there is a difference). So please stop hiding behind the culture point when the real issue is lack of awareness.

Your argument beyond that is basically that she has the right to be intolerant. It's a free country (both in the US and UK, actually), so people have the right to be intolerant and bigoted and racist and anti Semitic and homophobic if they so choose. That doesn't make them less vile. Fortunately for the OP, I don't think she is actually intolerant, just ignorant. Now she understands the difference, she needn't be anymore. It's much, much easier to solve an ignorance problem than an intolerance problem.

kittyann1 · April 2015

Okay I really wish I hadn't wrote this up now I'm sorry I didn't know there was a difference I'm only 18. I'm from Northern Ireland there's a huge difference here than London you can check all you like I made a mistake and I said sorry there's no need for arguments over a mistake. I am not intolerant of anyone's identity be that gender sex relationship preference or anything I believe people can be whatever and whoever they want. I simply made a grammar error.

jemholo · April 2015

kittyann1 said:
Okay I really wish I hadn't wrote this up now I'm sorry I didn't know there was a difference I'm only 18. I'm from Northern Ireland there's a huge difference here than London you can check all you like I made a mistake and I said sorry there's no need for arguments over a mistake. I am not intolerant of anyone's identity be that gender sex relationship preference or anything I believe people can be whatever and whoever they want. I simply made a grammar error.

This is exactly my point. It's not a cultural difference, you just didn't know. Now you do. Problem solved.

kcollins78 · April 2015

Geez, people are like a dog with a bone. Point was made, she apologized (which wasn't even necessary) about 5 times. Can we all move on? It's Friday

Have a great one!

lap018 · April 2015

Couldn't resist. Notice the synonyms listed for the word gender.... I'm sure other resources would say differently but don't call someone ignorant when literally even if she did look it up she would still be grammatically correct using gender and sex synonymously according to Google. Unless Google is also ignorant. In that case we're all screwed.

jemholo · April 2015

lap018 said:
Couldn't resist. Notice the synonyms listed for the word gender.... I'm sure other resources would say differently but don't call someone ignorant when literally even if she did look it up she would still be grammatically correct using gender and sex synonymously according to Google. Unless Google is also ignorant. In that case we're all screwed.

If you google "sex versus gender" you get hundreds of results explaining the difference.

Also, when I google "gender" the FIRST response on the results screen is information from the WHO laying out the distinction. So it's not even just that other sources would say differently, it's that if you bother to google this ALL of the results that come up first explain the distinction. Your screenshot is sort of akin to saying "if you look up synonyms for gay, happy comes up, so we should turn a blind eye to ignorant statements about gay people." You're really stretching to give her cover.

So yes, I think if she had googled it she could have learned the distinction. It's honestly not that difficult. And I all along I've only been saying that it's great that she has now had the distinction explained to her. Being corrected when you are wrong is not a terrible thing. That's how you learn!

hjphillips · April 2015

I'm going to say that I think everyone needs to let this die and give the poor girl a break. As someone who's sex and gender don't line up, I do realize that it was an honest mistake and she really didn't need to apologize like she did.

But the fact of the matter is that it matters, whether you think so or not.

Really, though, this thread, argument, and conversation doesn't need more attention. Not here.

Kelsie07Ulmer · April 2015

I have a question on the sex vs gender..... I want to first day that I understand the difference and feel that people should be free to be who or what they choose.... So when your child is born don't you assume the gender is the same as the sex until the child is able to voice otherwise? So wouldn't it be a moo point? Does it really make a difference while the child is still an infant as Long as you're open minded in knowing that your child may identify with a different gender?

ETA: happy mistake of a friends reference, I know it's moot.

hjphillips · April 2015

I think that it's silly to raise a child as genderless until they decide. Most people identify with the gender that matches society's idea of their biological gender.

But if kiddo wants a change, that's cool. But they won't know for sure until they're older, and neither will you.

hjphillips · April 2015

But okay, I am done with this topic now. I wish you all the best and hope you have a wonderful day.

carleym93 · April 2015

Sex refers to anatomical make up only. Gender is more of an identification with either more female or male characteristics. However, my real point here was WHO CARES! There are lots of ladies on this board who just seem to want to find a reason to argue. The difference between sex and gender was not the reason for this thread anyway. We are all experiencing the journey of motherhood and some of us for the first time. I can tell you that at 18 I did not know the difference and I wouldn't think to Google it to avoid being torn apart by other women, especially when it is a mistake that doesn't have much to do with my post. She is not the first person to use those terms interchangeably on here and she won't be the last. This is a pregnancy app, not a dissertation.

Miz_Liz · April 2015

Ambermom043 said:
Who gives a rats butt which word she used... I got the point. Different countries use different words.

To me, I don't think anyone is attacking OP, who clearly admitted she did not know the difference. I think that the heat only turned up once this comment was made, which to some can be offensive. Prior to this comment, I think the difference was simply pointed out.

jemholo · April 2015

Miz_Liz said:

Ambermom043 said:
Who gives a rats butt which word she used... I got the point. Different countries use different words.

To me, I don't think anyone is attacking OP, who clearly admitted she did not know the difference. I think that the heat only turned up once this comment was made, which to some can be offensive. Prior to this comment, I think the difference was simply pointed out.

I was just about to make the same point. Most of the contentious responses were not directed at OP, they were directed at the "omg who cares the distinction doesn't matter" posters. OP got caught in the middle, which is unfortunate because I think she was pretty gracious about just admitting that she didn't realize and made a mistake.

sjgray11 · April 2015

I must say after reading several posts now, the women are these boards go way over board on their opinions. A simple question keeps being turned into a war of optimists and technicalities. Seriously people, why can't you all get along and just stop being so dramatic about everything. When I found this site I was really hoping to get to know other women who where expecting and enjoy some good conversation, as I am a stay at home mom and don't get to talk to anyone much other then my DD and DH. Afte only a few days of following this site I am completely discussed and will not return. I hope any first time moms don't listen to any of your shit.

CaliforniaDream87 · April 2015

sjgray11 said:
I must say after reading several posts now, the women are these boards go way over board on their opinions. A simple question keeps being turned into a war of optimists and technicalities. Seriously people, why can't you all get along and just stop being so dramatic about everything. When I found this site I was really hoping to get to know other women who where expecting and enjoy some good conversation, as I am a stay at home mom and don't get to talk to anyone much other then my DD and DH. Afte only a few days of following this site I am completely discussed and will not return. I hope any first time moms don't listen to any of your shit.

@sjgray11 Really? So this comment was necessary? How exactly are you contributing to the positivity of this board?

Bye now.

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