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June 2015 Moms
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cats

allstaggallstagg member
edited April 2015 in June 2015 Moms
Hi all, do any of you have cats and are worried about how your baby will fare with the cats?

i am very allergic to my husbands two male cats. they shed a lot and it is hard to keep up with the cleaning. both have horrible habits of jumping on countertops and tables so before we can prepare food we have to clean the entire kitchen to ensure that there are no remnants of littler and/or hair.

one of the cats is horrible and will urinate around the house (specifically on my personal belongings) whenever he is unhappy. it is disgusting and i have to throw a lot of things away. the cats are cute and i look forward to being greeted by them when i come home and theyre very sweet but i have a feeling that the cats will urinate on any surface i put down the baby and i am not thrilled about their dirty paws all over the house. i am begging my husband to find a new home for them but he is growing to be resentful.
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    edited April 2015
    P.s. - if you have a feline only vet in your area, I would suggest taking them there instead of a dog and cat vet. Usually dog and cat vets see a disproportionate amount of dogs compared to cats, and I know some can downright dislike cats (but won't let their clients know, of course) or will let their knowledge on cats lapse. Use this website to find a feline-only practice near you, or at a minimum, a 'Cat friendly practice' with a doctor who is a member of the AAFP (american association of feline practitioners). Cat doctors hear about and deal with these problems all the time. Dog and cat doctors may not be as up as an AAFP member will be, AAFP members have additional yearly continuing education in just cat stuff, and thus should be up on all the most current and well established / proven treatments
    https://www.catvets.com/cat-owners/find-vets-and-practices

    There are good dog and cat vets, but you'll be more assured they are good mixed practice vets if you see them on the AAFP website.

    ETA - is it obvious that 6 of those 10 years were spent working in feline only practices? Lol...
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    KonaCoffeeBean said:

    but if he had asked me to re-home, I probably would have pointed him towards some housing options in his price range. 

    Nice =D>
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  • MrsWiggleWaggleMrsWiggleWaggle member
    I see what you did there you clever gal. :-j
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  • upandbelowupandbelow member
    Our male cat is very picky about his litter box and the litter we use. Through trial and error we've found that if we clean both litter boxes 2-3 times daily and use the specific litter that he 'approves of' he doesn't urinate outside the box. Miss a cleaning and he lets us know his feelings by finding a corner to pee in. Also, make sure you have 1 litter box for every cat plus an extra, this really helped us too!
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  • gilder40gilder40 member
    Also, it is suggested that if you have multiple cats that you need multiple litter boxes. I think it's at least one per cat. And if you have a two-story home, one upstairs as well as one downstairs.
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  • aliciac2008aliciac2008 member
    Have you seen "my cat from hell" on the animal planet? There's lots of tips on there about dealing with behavior problems in cats. It is recommended to have 1 litter box pet cat, plus one. So if you have 2 cats you should have 3 litter boxes. And if you have multiple floors make sure there is a litter box on each floor. Also, if you put the litter box near the spot where they are urinating they are more likely to use the litter box and not on your stuff.
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  • finchfeeder80finchfeeder80 member
    @mellymar Crazy cat ladies, unite!

    Those are my babies in my signature below. My BFF got me a necklace for my birthday last year with the silhouette of two cats. I wear it every day. I couldn't give them up for the world. Everyone's given great advice. Rule out anything medical, and then work on behavioral. Cats are so intelligent, albeit stubborn, and they will learn quickly your rules and boundaries.

    I would also add, work on keeping their claws trimmed. I can always tell it's time for a trim when they run across my legs or something and accidentally scratch me. I'd hate for the same to happen to baby. It's always better to be proactive with something like that, then the cat getting the incorrectly blamed for being mean or something. I've made it a point to touch and play with their feet and trim their claws from day one of having them. They don't really enjoy the process of trimming, but they don't mind their feet being touched, and that helps tremendously.
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  • allstaggallstagg member
    @mrswigglewaggle @mellymar @konacoffeebean @upandbelow @glider40 @aliciac2008 @delujm0 @finchfeeder80

    OK, it seems like a lot/the majority of you ladies are cat lovers and addressed the urinating problem (all of the solutions we have tried tirelessly to no avail) which is just one of many issues. I AM ALLERGIC, have always been allergic and have spent thousands on immunotherapy with no resolution. these cats were brought into my life via my husband (at the time my boyfriend). i would have never willingly adopted cats because i have had this allergy ever since i was a young child.

    i cannot sit on our couch because it is covered in their dander and hair. the only way i can sit on the couch is if i get it steam cleaned and washed before i sit on it. i cannot be in the house and sleep through the night without waking up choking because i literally cannot breathe. i have endured this for over 6 years and continue to love them because i am a huge animal lover. i provide them the best life they can possibly have. we are up to date on vet visits, they are fed premium food and poland spring water and given plenty of attention throughout the day. i brush them whenever i can but it usually ends with me breaking out in hives with horrible hayfever and no matter how many steroids i take, i am gasping for air and barely unable to open my eyes.

    we have multiple litter boxes, purchased scratching posts and kitty condos to deter them from the countertops and furniture. the squirt bottle method does not work. i have even scattered lint roller paper all over the countertops to drive them off but they dont care. they walk around with the lint roller paper stuck to their bodies and if theyre annoyed enough they will find somewhere to pee.

    no, it isn't the cats fault that i am having a baby but it isnt my fault i have a severe cat allergy. i also dont think its fair for me to be guilted or shamed for seeking another living situation for the cats or even be worried about the baby. i have already spent the last few days and nights crying because i am sad and frustrated that i can't find a situation that will work. for the sake of my husbands happiness, i have lived with the allergies and sought medical treatment for many years. is it honestly fair for me to have to continue to live like this while i am pregnant? and when the baby comes, how can i possibly take care of a newborn when i am battling the cats?

    my parents cant even come over to the house to help us with the baby when s/he is born because theyre allergic as well so i have to literally pack everything up and drive to their house every morning and come back every evening as if my house were some cat hotel.
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  • gilder40gilder40 member
    You never mentioned that you tried all the suggestions in your original post, so we suggested solutions to some of your issues. If you had said you tried all those, you may have gotten different responses. We have a dog and a cat, our dog is getting old and has accidents in the house. Personally, I don't care. I just wash it and deal with it.

    I guess I don't understand why things suddenly need to change now, when you've lived with it for however long you have, and you've reached the end of your pregnancy. I personally would never get rid of my animals. But that's me. To each their own.
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  • allstaggallstagg member
    @finchfeeder80 @glider40 - to clarify, my husband was renting an apartment at the time when we met, he moved out to another apartment and we moved in together while we were searching for our new home. from the beginning days of his ownership of the cats (they were previously abandoned by a roommate of his from college), i had mentioned to him that i am really allergic and will do everything i can to make the situation livable but we both knew that somewhere down the road, the cats would become an issue. i have "tolerated" the allergies because i genuinely fell in love with the cats. the one who urinates outside of the box is the cat that i am most attached to. he is a fat ball of fur and will purr ever so lovingly even if you so much as glance at him. i presume he urinates on my belongings (laptop bag, shoes, padfolio, electronics, packed suitcase, etc.) because i travel for work and when i come home he is upset that i have left him and acts out. it is infuriating and extremely costly. all the training we have invested has failed repeatedly. cats have their own personalities. this particular cat is accustomed to sitting on my lap while i work on my desk. i allow him to do this after i have taken immunosuppressants and have a robe on reverse. since the pregnancy, i cannot take my meds and my reactions have gotten worse. pregnancy is hard as it is which is why i ask, is it fair for me to continue to live this way while i am pregnant? i am due in late september so i have more than a few weeks to go. regardless, sure, my pregnancy is temporary but my allergies will not cease and i cannot take those meds if i breastfeed and i have every plan to breastfeed. as of present, the doctor is concerned about my increased immune response because there is always risk of my body thinking that the baby is an invader. i am allergic to many things, not just the cats but on my blood results the cats were my primary allergy while the other ranked far below.

    @mrswigglewaggle - perhaps you are proud of your sarcastic comments about me being a cat hater and disliking my cats but i am genuinely disappointed with your lack of empathy while i make an extremely difficult decision. in fact, it is your response that makes people think cat lovers are all crazy. and to re-iterate, i asked for comments from people related to concerns about introducing baby to cats and followed up the question with details about our cats being generally territorial and difficult to manage. i did NOT ask for your opinions about my preferences for cats. clearly, i love the cats, otherwise i would not have put myself through hell for 6 years trying to make it work. and if you did not intend to be sarcastic in your last post, i apologize for interpreting it as such but that is how i observed your tone. i came to the community searching for support as i grow my family as a FTM, not to be made to feel more guilty about having to seek alternative living situation for the cats. i refuse to put them in a shelter and am only willing to give them to friends who can take both in and have made offers to continue to pay for them (vet bills, food, litter, toys, etc.). and to add, i have stated that i love them and i am a huge animal lover so to make any inference that i hate my cats is absolutely wrong.

    to all, in general, my husband is extremely sad about the cats and threw away all my allergy meds and immunotherapy pills and drops because he was afraid i would be tempted to take them to make my day to day tolerable. i obviously would not take the meds because the doctor had already told me that they observed birth defects when they were tested on mammals. i would never put my child at risk. my husband tried to put them in a shelter last night and tried again this morning before i woke up but i did not let him. i refuse to put the cats in a shelter. he locked them in one section of the house and all i heard was crying early in the morning and after husband went to work, i let them out. they have full reign of the house because isolating them to one room will not make a difference in the dander or hair. it will just upset them and make them feel even more isolated. again, i give them the best life i possibly can. all i can do is lock myself in the master bedroom with the windows open and do work in bed until we figure out a solution. their behaviors have increasingly worsened after we found out we were pregnant, almost as if they sensed it.
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  • allstaggallstagg member
    @hoodoll82 - thank you for commenting and your support. (i just posted a response right before you posted). and i agree, my initial post did not contain details of my efforts. i was literally in tears when i posted that discussion and kept it short and focused on the problems i have been having and not so much on what i have done so far.

    i read horror stories online of people adopting older cats to torture them or be cruel and abuse them. it was advised that i go through a shelter but i just can't bring myself to put them in a shelter and find out that theyre lifers and no one wants them because theyre older, must stay together and both have bad manners. the perfect situation is for one of my husbands previous college roommate that has a special bond with the cat i am most attached to, to take them both in. his friend, van, lives about 40 minutes away and just bought a home. he used to be bean's property. bean is the the naughty pee-er. when bean was a kitten, he would sit on van's lap whenever van was eating, watching tv,playing the drums, etc., and one day he stood up and peed all over van. he peed on vans laundry, peed on his bed. peed everywhere. when they talked to the vet about it it was believed that bean was just territorial over van and was marking his territory. bean hated his brother at the time and was probably marking territory from his brother. the previous owner waited a long time before neutering the cats because he couldnt afford to but he could afford going out to the bars every night. it was my husband who ended up taking the cats to the vet and getting them neutered because of the behavioral issues. since then, the cats had never gone to the vet for regular check ups because my husbands mother was a vet tech and said indoor cats dont need shots. when i came into the picture, the cats were 7 years old and 5 years behind on wellness visits and had NO shots. against my husbands wishes, i took both cats to the vet, they got their shots, their teeth cleaned, etc. i honestly love animals and have always loved cats. when i was 8 i stole my neighbors cat and hid it in my closet. my mother found it within a matter of hours because i was breaking out in hives and so was everyone else in the house. she made me give the cat "back". just two years ago, my uncle found two cats abandoned in a box on the sidewalk in january in -10F weather and i knew i couldnt take them in but i did what i could do, brought them to the vet, got a clean bill of health and spayed both cats.

    theres no question in my mind or in my heart that i love these two cats. bean is extremely territorial and gets jealous when his brother is too close to me or if the dog is getting more of my attention. even if i can safely progress through the pregnancy with the cats i worry about how bean will react to a baby that i will be nursing and caring for around the clock. my husband doesnt even trust the cats just because he knows their history. the bottom line is that the doctor is concerned about my overwhelming immune response to the cats. naturally as the pregnancy progresses your immune system will ramp down to protect the fetus. in my case, it is the exact opposite.

    i have also looked into getting a life sized play/dollhouse in the backyard with a kitty door into an enclosed area. the issue is, the cats are used to having a lot of room and need human interaction. we also live in connecticut so we have harsh winters and that is not a sustainable option because to make the house heated and cooled, we would violate building codes in our town. its been tough and i have a headache just thinking about it.
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  • finchfeeder80finchfeeder80 member
    edited April 2015
    @allstag I definitely appreciate your situation. I'm not supposed to own them either, but I love them, and I'm crazy, so I do. :) I have rehomed animals in the past, one cat and one dog. Not because of the allergies, but it still happened. Like you have suggested, I only rehomed them to actual families and did not put them in a shelter. The dog, especially, broke my heart. It's been ten years and I'll still cry over that decision. I wish I would have fought harder for him, it's my one true major regret in life. I don't think I have it in my psyche to go through that again. 

    I will say that as far as peeing on things, since you know it's an issue, I have to put a little bit of the responsibility back on to you for leaving items like expensive electronics where he has access to them. It's like this plant I have that I know the cats lose their shit over. I can't leave it anywhere in their reach, or they're going to eat it. When I hang it by my deck door they will sit under it and just stare at it, trying to find a way to get to it. (It's pretty hilarious, actually.) They ate the arms off of of my aloe plant, and kept fishing the avocado seed I'm trying to sprout out of its glass, so they got moved, as well. And when I had my beagle I knew he would destroy my shoes and underwear, so I had no one to get mad at but myself if I left them in his reach.Much like a small child, if you know something is going to be too great of a temptation for them, you have to take the temptation out of their path. 

    That being said, ultimately you have to do what you have to do. Those furry little buggers will never leave your heart, even if they leave your home.

    ETA: I assumed since you were posting this in the June board, you were due in June, hence the few more weeks comment. 
    Diane
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    edited April 2015
    OK, and while I was typing my rant you posted again OP, clarifying, and that changes my rant. Some.

    Allergies are really frustrating. I get that. I know it. Not being able to take your meds is really really frustrating. I get that, too. I know it. It sorta sounds like you love the cats (sorta because on the one hand you say they are terrible, then you later say you love them).

    All I can suggest is you discuss your situation with your personal physician and your vet. It sounds like you have tried therapies beforehand for your problems, but not since you have gotten pregnant (I mean vet recommended therapies). Again I'll say that inappropriate urination is usually treated fairly easily with anti anxiety meds for the cats, which it sounds like you did not try.

    Good luck
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    edited April 2015
    P.s. I'm not against re-homing either. But I am against people who don't try to make it work. It sounds like you are trying. I am presuming that you have been in contact with your Dr about your allergy meds and there are none safe for pregnancy (which I find a little weird, but I'm not a doctor, so whatever).

    Re-homing happens. If it happens, please make sure that your husband is 100% on first. Don't push him into it. Let him come to terms its the right thing to do. And be very engaged in finding them the right place to go. Do your research so they end up with nice families, or with no-kill shelters.

    Good luck

    ETA I also thought you were due in June.
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    Ooh, and as for the shedding, try giving them lion cuts (well, have the vet or a professional groomer do it). Super cute and no hair!
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  • allstaggallstagg member
    @mrswigglewaggle - again, i apologize for interpreting your comment with sarcasm if that was not your intention. i am just extremely emotional about the decision we are being faced with and not taking things likely. as for the crazy cat lovers comment, i know what you mean when you say there are judgement on women for being crazy. not my intention to bring it there, there is just a huge stigma against cat lovers and theyre labeled as crazy especially after that tv series featuring cat hoarders. yes, on the lighter side, it was funny to see the cats stomping around with lint roller paper and protesting my efforts to keep them off the countertops, but nowadays i can't even look or think about them without breaking down in tears. we literally couldnt even have a quick dinner at a restaurant down the street without me bawling in public because the restaurant has paintings of cats on their walls and all i could think of was our cats. and yes, as i admitted in a previous post, i agree i wasn't more clear in my initial discussion thread about what i have been going through with these cats and what they mean to me. but they really are naughty! one cat is more attached to my husband, the other cat is more attached to me. my husband does all the punishing in the house, i dont have the heart to yell or reprimand the cats. when i used the water bottle method, i felt so bad i started petting them afterwards. the naughty pee-er was by far the worst. instead of scurring away from the water bottle he sat there with his mouth open and tried to catch the water. when i placed the water bottle down on the table and came back, i found it on the floor in a puddle of water because they punctured the plastic with their sharp little teeth. the cats are smarter than i give them credit for. i literally clean the house every day with a HEPA filtered vacuum but it isn't as effective as i hoped. we had 2 different housekeepers, both who had quit because they got frustrated with the cats. whenever you mop, they will lay down on the damp floor and let their hair stick to it, get up, move to another damp spot and do it all over again. one of the 2 quit because she was unable to work with her allergies. her allergies aren't nearly as severe as mine but everyone has a different tolerance level. between my allergies and general concerns about the territorial cat potentially having a bad introduction to the baby, i cant think of any other solution other than to find them a very good home. my husband is an extremely patient man, he rarely gets upset or wound up and the only times i have heard him yelling or seen him upset was when the naughty cat did something bad.

    i guess i am wrong in saying my husband is getting resentful because when we spoke he said he wasn't mad at me but more upset about how the cats have made it difficult for him in general and it was those emotions mixed with sadness that i confused with resentment. my husband claimed ownership of the cats after his college roommate abandoned them scheduled to have them euthanized. my husband was in no position to take on two cats and always had a difficult time finding a place to rent that would allow for two cats and when he did, the cats were so destructive he ended up forfeiting his security and more. at the time he was a student working 2 jobs and $ was extremely tight. he took on the challenge for as long as he did because he was just as conflicted about the cats as i am. they're expensive, a pain in the ass but he loves them.

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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    Its a tough situation. I wish you the best in working it out for everyone (felines and humans).
    Sorry I called you a selfish whiny B. I'm not afraid to admit I overreacted. But I didn't have all this other info when I said it.
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  • ArcadianDreamsArcadianDreams member
    I accidentally clicked over to this board instead of May and saw this was the top post. Excuse the interruption =)

    I've been a lifelong cat owner and currently have three. I've also been through the whole pets + babies thing before. So here is my perspective for what it's worth, since the OP asked for advice.

    It's very common, and probably natural, to feel extra resentful and annoyed towards your pets when a new baby is born. To those who are first time moms and don't believe they could ever feel that way, I'm just giving you the heads up now. It's okay if you do and like everything else, it will, eventually, fade. Cats especially are used to their routines and knowing what the order of things is, and they can tell when that gets disrupted and might react in a whole host of ways. You, meanwhile, are extra focused on this new being in your life which is completely natural also, but predisposes you to want everything else to be easy. In short, it's a recipe for annoyance. 

    The key thing, I think, is recognizing that this is temporary. The cats will adjust to the change, and the baby will become less dependent. The extra hormones making you rage-y will fade. In the meantime, just like dealing with other family members who might be making life tricky right now, you need to do what you need to do to keep life manageable. If that means putting the hubby in charge of all pet care and doing a daily vacuum, so be it. If it means that you literally cannot stand the sight of your cat or the cat hair, then consider keeping them restricted to a certain area of the house, especially at night, so you can get that break from stress. One of my cats has long been a notorious pee-er when he is stressed or simply when you leave a pile of something around that he confuses for cat litter, and as much as I love him there was a period of time when I simply couldn't deal with it and he had to live as a basement cat. We would switch out keeping one of the other two cats down there with him so he would have company. 

    Do what you need to do, but remember, it's temporary and it will get better.
    Raising a threenager since 11/11
    Baby boy #2 due 5/6/15
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    Yes, cats adjust. I did read when you separated them earlier they meowed alot and it broke your heart. I have had to segregate a cat for over a year from my other cats because of aggression (I did end up putting him on prozac, FYI, that suggestion was from personal experience). They DO adapt after a transition period, maybe this could be a do able situation for you. It won't be easy but after some work with everybody adjusting it may work.
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  • MrsWiggleWaggleMrsWiggleWaggle member
    edited April 2015
    Thanks for your response, I agree with melly that this is a really tough situation. And thank you for confirming my suspicions about your cats and the water bottle. They may in fact already be part of some vast secret cat spy agency. I am sorry, I seem to have broken my own "don't be an a-hole" rule and probably didn't read as sympathetic to your situation. Sounds like you already kind of know you've tried everything, and where things are headed. Use your best judgment I am sad for the kitties still.
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  • allstaggallstagg member
    @finchfeeder80 - Yes, a huge concern of mine is what my cats will think if i rehome them even if they go to a friends house and i am able to come pay them short visits. my heart breaks thinking about the cats being sad or feeling like theyre abandoned. i read somewhere that cats remember their owners even after 15 years of being separated. i cant even walk by the cats without bending down to rub their bellies and give them treats, let alone be at home knowing that maybe someone isnt giving them the same level of attention or that they are wishing i was there to feed them treats and let them throw cat nip all over the house. of course, whenever i touch them i always wash my hands and face. i love my cats but they really are terrible. the things they do are just horrible and i get mad and freak out, clean it up, and move on but it doesnt change the fact that i love them. and the fact that i love them doesnt change the fact that they have behavioral issues that make them terrible. my husband and i call them our little devils. as for putting things out of their reach to avoid urination - trust me, this has been done. the cat will go on my desk and pee on my computer and keyboard!! it is so incredibly insane!! i cant possibly put these things farther out of reach unless i box them up and store them in the attic at the end of every day which is not practical. he will also intentionally push my notebook off the desk and urinate on it after it has hit the floor. my favorite incident was when i was sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop and the cat hopped up on the table, sat on my laptop and stared at me face to face and grunted and snorted and refused to move. as i was trying to gently coax him off my laptop and table, he had sent a number of important files into the recycle bin and sent an incoherent email to my boss. one time, i was on a video conference with my boss and suddenly, the cat jumps up behind my chair and sets his nails in my scalp and i am screaming because it was so painful. my boss was mortified and then moments later the cat was in my lap nudging his head against my chin to apologize. as for the shoes, we dont wear shoes in the house so we put them on the shoe rack when we come home. well, boy cats can spray their pee while standing up and this is what he does! we know plenty of cat owners and all have said our cats are naughty and blame it on not having them neutered when they were younger (which was fault of their previous owner, not my husbands). oh a little detail i failed to mention, the other cat, the non-pee-er, his worst habit is scratching and biting. he has a routine every morning to sit on the toilet and watch my husband shower and when my husband gets out of the shower he has to rush to get a towel around him because the cat is ready to pounce and scratch and bite. when my husband has a towel safely wrapped around his man parts he pets the cat and tries to calm him down but if he turns away too fast, he will be left with vertical bleeding scratch marks. it is the most insane thing i have ever witnessed and i refuse to let the cat into the bathroom while i am showering. the tricky part is the little sucker knows how to open doors so sometimes when i have finished my shower i stand there on the other side of the glass debating when it is safe to jump out and grab my robe or if my husband is home i desperately scream as loud as i can to get him to help me. the biting? i dont know what that is all about. sometimes when youre holding the cat he will gently nipple on your fingers affectionately. BUT, if i am in bed sleeping and my foot is hanging out or my arm is hanging out, sometimes he will bite me REALLY hard to wake me up. so hard that i am literally bleeding. we have no idea what it is all about but sometimes i am convinced theyre trying to kill us. i guess i am bit more worried about the baby and the cats because my younger cousins have come to visit and i sent them home bleeding because the cats decided it would be nice to bite. the kids weren't even doing anything, just sitting on the couch watching cartoons.

    @mellymar - i appreciate you changing your tone towards me, i was pretty offended when i read your comment as it calls me out for being whiney and uncaring. for the past 6 years i have always put the animals first and never myself. my parents had questioned my sanity and wondered if i did it to please my husband but i assure you, i did it because i love animals and i thought there was a way to beat and cheat the system and become immune. unfortunately, i have to take steroids for my allergies that are listed at drug teratogens for pregnancy. regular OTC allergy meds are useless to me and we tried every brand. it was frustrating. i had visited a number of allergists in manhattan and also locally and they all reprimanded me (gently) for not finding a new home for the cats. i am not against rehome-ing but the thought of it really upsets me. i have literally not been productive at work in the past 72 hours. my mom just stopped by to grab some paperwork from me and saw me all poofed up with a tear stained face and felt bad for me for 2 seconds but then had to go because the cats were making her break out. i can't even have my parents at the house it is really sad and makes me feel bad. i had gone several months not hearing from my parents because they were afraid to tell me that they couldnt come over because when they do my dad is feeling like crap and my mom has to break out her inhaler. seriously really torn, i would never put them in a situation where they would be put down but i wish i had more options since i seem to have exhausted everything.
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  • fivesgirlfivesgirl member
    edited April 2015
    I'll probably get ripped to shreds for my comment but here it goes...

    You've tried everything you could and nothing is working.  It's time for the cats to go.

    It's ok to be selfish about this, you shouldn't have to suffer through this anymore if you don't want to.  Your parents can't even come over to see you and their new grandchild, that's not ok. Not being able to sit on the furniture, that's not ok.

    It's not the cats fault your allergic or having a baby.  It's no ones fault.  Just do what is right for your family.  I think you already know what you need/want to do, and you are looking for some justification.

    I'm sorry you are having to make this choice, I know it sucks but your happiness/health matters too.   
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    Mason James 
    July 23, 2011



    Baby Girl Due June 9, 2015
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    edited April 2015
    @allstagg it sounded whiny and uncaring at first, that's why I said it. But then I read your other stuff and realized I jumped the gun.

    Anyway, your cats sound like they have a prozac deficiency. I know I keep coming back around to that, but only because it really does help with behavior issues of all stripes. I know it doesn't help your own allergic situation, and I know most 'people doctors' are quick to say 'get rid of the cats' - my own Dr says it and I'm like shut the hell up. My air purifiers have really done me a solid. It may give you a little extra relief but I don't know if it will be a tremendous help for you. The behavior stuff with the kitties I have some experience in, people allergy stuff I'll have to defer to drs n stuff. But I do love my air purifiers.

    ETA if you are able to sort out your allergies, then I would definitely look into chemical therapy for the kitties. If your allergies are really that severe then the only thing I can think of is giving them a part of the house by themselves or finding another home. Like I said, it happens. I hope since you love them that you can find something that works for you, and then can eventually try some meds for them.
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  • allstaggallstagg member
    also, dont know if i mentioned this but in my emotional state i interpreted my husbands sadness and frustration as resentment towards me because i felt that if i weren't around, the cats could stay. but because i am around and i cant take my usual meds to combat the allergies due to the pregnancy, now the cats are an issue. he claims he isn't resentful towards me and he is proud that i tried for so long to live with the cats but i just cant help to think or feel that he is just saying that to comfort me but is truly resentful on the inside. he also expressed a general concern about the cats anyways because he was never happy about the unnecessary scratching and biting. husband loves the little bugger growing inside of me so much that he will do anything to keep it safe. he doesnt even let me touch a glass of iced tea because of the caffeine and helps me clean the litter boxes two times a day. i was fighting with him last night because he started packing up the cats to bring them to the shelter and the cats were screaming and i was so upset because i dont want to just throw them into a shelter. he tried to do it again this morning before i woke up but his attempt was unsuccessful because i removed the doors from the kitty carriers and hid them in the guest bathroom. my husband loves the cats too but he is also the type of person who doesnt believe in slowly removing the band aid. he wants to just rip it off fast and get the hard part over with which is why he is fighting so hard to put the cats in a shelter NOW and i am fighting for us to take our time and interview our friends first. we have very different coping mechanisms and right now he feels like i am making it harder for both of us to transfer the cats to a new home because he wants to work on emotionally separating himself whereas i want to continue our life as we had been for the past 6 years and not change anything until we find a good place for them to go where we can still visit. i am literally so tempted to knock on our neighbors doors and ask them if they can take in two more cats so i can walk across our backyard and see them.
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  • kbooth412kbooth412 member
    I feel like the posters here are all giving such awesome advice, but OP, you keep shutting down the advice.  Really it sounds like you're facing a tough decision and you're looking for support and validation.  In reading the responses, it doesn't look like you're going to get it, so just know that life is full of tough decisions and you have to do what's right with you and your family.  End of story.  It really sounds like you and your husband have made up your minds, if not you'd be embracing the suggestions instead of fighting them so do what you need to do and stop stressing about it because amping up the event of re-homing and continually talking about it is emotional and difficult for all parties involved.
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    edited April 2015
    Oh, that really sucks. Tell your man to chill. If he can't 'let you' drink tea or whatever then you need to assert yourself. Unless you have a medical condition there is no reason you can't have caffeine. And you need to not let someone run roughshod over you and your body. Its your body and your kid, too. Also, since you care about the pets so much he can't just make that decision without you both being in agreement. Tell your man to slow his roll and have a sit down and formulate a plan. Also, contact your vets office regarding rehoming. Its not a part of the job we would enjoy, but its not uncommon for clients to contact us asking us to try to connect them with people who are looking for pets to adopt. Sometimes tho, we are able to connect the lady who just lost her cat and wants another one but doesn't want to go to the shelter with the other lady who had to move to a non pet friendly apartment. It happens, and when it does, it'd brightens everybody's day

    ETA 200mg caffeine a day is the general guideline. I'm sure you knew that tho
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  • allstaggallstagg member
    edited April 2015

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  • WestypetWestypet member
    All I can say, and it may not be comforting, is that you've received so much advice, and validation (this sucks, etc.), that there is probably nothing more you can get from this discussion, OP. Your family has tough decisions to make about the health and welfare of the humans in the household.
    Unless you're just looking for a place to vent...

    Time to put on the big girl panties and either add: cleaning schedule/separating the cats routine/behavioral modification suggestions/ vet medical therapy AND COMMIT to it...

    Or find a nice family/owner that can give a loving home to the cats.

    Sucks that you're in this situation. I would not have lasted six years.
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    I've been in that store in NoLa when I lived there! And those are really good paintings!
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  • WestypetWestypet member
    Those are really cute cats-- that makes me want to force mine to snuggle with me right meow. WHERE IS SHE??
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    also, dont know if i mentioned this but in my emotional state i interpreted my husbands sadness and frustration as resentment towards me because i felt that if i weren't around, the cats could stay. but because i am around and i cant take my usual meds to combat the allergies due to the pregnancy, now the cats are an issue. he claims he isn't resentful towards me and he is proud that i tried for so long to live with the cats but i just cant help to think or feel that he is just saying that to comfort me but is truly resentful on the inside. he also expressed a general concern about the cats anyways because he was never happy about the unnecessary scratching and biting. husband loves the little bugger growing inside of me so much that he will do anything to keep it safe. he doesnt even let me touch a glass of iced tea because of the caffeine and helps me clean the litter boxes two times a day. i was fighting with him last night because he started packing up the cats to bring them to the shelter and the cats were screaming and i was so upset because i dont want to just throw them into a shelter. he tried to do it again this morning before i woke up but his attempt was unsuccessful because i removed the doors from the kitty carriers and hid them in the guest bathroom. my husband loves the cats too but he is also the type of person who doesnt believe in slowly removing the band aid. he wants to just rip it off fast and get the hard part over with which is why he is fighting so hard to put the cats in a shelter NOW and i am fighting for us to take our time and interview our friends first. we have very different coping mechanisms and right now he feels like i am making it harder for both of us to transfer the cats to a new home because he wants to work on emotionally separating himself whereas i want to continue our life as we had been for the past 6 years and not change anything until we find a good place for them to go where we can still visit. i am literally so tempted to knock on our neighbors doors and ask them if they can take in two more cats so i can walk across our backyard and see them.


    See the bolded is where this falls apart for me.  are you saying that you're fine with the cats as long as you're on your normal medication?  if so, you don't need to find a permanent solution to this issue.  you will only be pregnant for another few months.  Is there a friend or family member that wouldn't mind taking the cats until after the baby is born and you can be back on your medication?  I wouldn't worry too much about the baby being allergic - generally, children that grow up in houses with pets have a lower chance of developing allergies related to those pets. 

     

    the issue seems to be just that you are unable to take your medication while pregnant.  Another option would be to go to your allergist and OBGYN and ask if there is an alternate medication that you are able to take while pregnant.  There are a lot of medications that are completely safe to take while you are pregnant.  It is silly to go without medication when you are suffering and you don't really have to.  i understand not WANTING to take medication - i have seasonal allergies and am trying to not take my normal OTC Claritin if i can help it - but if it gets unbearable and i can no longer sleep or function at work on a day to day basis, my OBGYN gave me several OTC allergy options that i can safely take while pregnant to deal with it.  Similarly, i have terribly heartburn now, and while i am currently managing it with Tums, i have a prescription from my OBGYN for a pregnancy-safe stronger option if i wind up needing it.  don't suffer for no reason.

     

    Another option is that perhaps you can designate a certain part of your house for the cats to be located in until you can be back on your medication.  like a guest bedroom, or an office, or a basement.  That way your husband can still spend time with them and they don't have to be totally rehomed.

     

    Obviously your health should take precedence over the cats for your husband.  but i can tell you that if my husband was completely fine with my cats when i married him, and then he suddenly started demanding that i get rid of them, i would absolutely resent him for it.  is that fair?  probably not.  but these cats have been your husband's family longer than you have.  And he probably thought when you got married that you'd be fine with them for the rest of their lives, since you had tolerated them for the previous 6 years.  i can see where he'd be upset about possibly getting rid of them.  I mean if your kid winds up being terribly allergic to them, that's a separate issue.  but i can see where he's coming from right now.

     

    I will say, however, that it is absolutely insane for your husband to refuse to allow you to drink tea, and that he threw away your medication because he was afraid he couldn't trust you not to take it.  Wut?  that sounds like a serious trust issue to me, but that's not the point of this post, so i won't get into that.  I will, however, suggest that you ask him to read a book about pregnancy to calm his nerves.  Having 8 cups of coffee a day probably isn't so great for you (even if you're NOT pregnant), but you can certainly enjoy a few glasses of tea on a daily basis.  Don't tell him that chocolate technically contains trace amounts of caffeine, or he might take that away from you too!

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  • allstaggallstagg member
    @westypet @kbooth412 - yes, i came to the community to seek out advice and opinions from mothers who may have a similar experience to me. i am not in anyway shooting down anyones advice, i have tried it all (and more, much more in fact) and never heard of anyones pregnancy being threatened by severe allergies until i became pregnant so i am sorry if you think i am dragging on the heart strings of other and i am in fact doing the best that i can and the purpose of this community is to seek support.

    @fivesgirl - i know its the unpopular choice just so heart wrenching. i feel like a bad person because it doesnt seem like anyone else had to relocate their furry loved ones due to health reasons which is making me question if i should just relocate to my parents home and finish my pregnancy there and come back home if i am unable to breastfeed. if i can breastfeed, i will have to stay at my parents house with the baby until i am ready to stop breastfeeding and start up immunotherapy. sadly, because i stopped immunotherapy, i have to start all the way from the beginning. it was supposed to be a 12-15 year program. obviously, we will buy those nets that go around a crib to keep the cats out so i dont have to be that parent that wakes up to my babies fingers missing.

    @mellymar - i keep on forgetting to comment on the prozac recommendation. i wrote it down on my phone to talk with the vet when we go in for our appointment. i am not opposed to giving one or both prozac, just want to make sure it wont affect their kidneys and lead to other health implications. i put calming pheramone diffusers around the house and it didnt seem to help or perhaps there is an incubation time before the results start to show? it also doesnt help that our dog is naturally high energy and the cats probably feed off of her energy. husband swears that the cats problems are with me because he claims that they act out more when i am home. when i am traveling and not home for several days they are little angels. they live peacefully with the dog and the three can share a little pet bed without bloodshed and tears. he has even taken photos and sent them to me, i was completely shocked. but i dont understand what i could be possibly be doing to fuel their behavior. the scratching and biting is not isolated to me. husband tends to be on the receiving end of that one so that is where i get lucky. i totally agree with the caffeine, my doctor even told me i can have two cups a day. i work in the research industry and my husband has picked up on my "habit" of relying on research papers for information vs. books and the internet. after he found out that the ACOG has not identified any risk associated with caffeine consumption during pregnancy, they also have not ruled it out as being completely safe and because the basic carbon backbone of caffeine is nearly identical to that of cocaine, he is just generally classifying it as a stimulant and making me stay away from it and even limiting my chocolate intake (it naturally has low levels of caffeine in it!!! the only reason why i would stay away from the caffeine is because i have pre-hypertension so i avoid it as to not affect my blood pressure. but i also avoid over salting my food and everything else that could impact my blood pressure. i am complete chicken sh*t whenever it comes to my husband. i know its my body and my baby too but i always remind myself that it is also his baby and the only control he has right now is what i consume so i feel bad and i let him win a couple of battles. whenever i want some ice tea i water it down with a lot of water and drink it slowly over the course of 2 or 3 days and i try to keep it from him. as for his hastiness to detach from the cats, i am working on it. i have been sending him texts all day begging him to come home with a lighter heart and respect that i want to try more things as we work on speaking to our friends simultaneously. even if my allergic attacks grow more and more severe and obstruct my breathing, if i at least put them on a solid prozac regimen it will make them more adoptable/manageable to our friends. does that make sense? anything i can do to contain the behavior before i ship them off and who knows maybe by the time i am 6 months i will turn a corner and be able to better tolerate the allergies. our primary plan is find a host friend or family for 1-2 years and take them back. obviously, taking them back is always a challenge if their new family gets attached. so our long term plan is a home with a close friend or family that will allow us to visit and be open to giving the cats back. i looked into long term foster locally and theyre limited to the elderly and not open to the public :(. also dont know how the cats will do with other cats.
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