No Shower?

kristyn831 · April 2015

I'm really bummed. I'm 6 months pregnant and no one has mentioned a baby shower besides my coworkers who want to have a work one for me. My sister is also pregnant but due after me and I was planning on discussing her shower in the next month. In my area, showers are thrown by mom, sisters, or bridesmaids.

Will it be odd to bring up throwing her a shower with my mom and other sisters? I don't want it to seem like I'm asking so that someone will offer to host for me. As a side note, my generation is the first generation in my family to have baby showers, although my cousin had one last year so it's not like I'd be the first.

CatsAreShady · April 2015

kristyn831 said:
I'm really bummed. I'm 6 months pregnant and no one has mentioned a baby shower besides my coworkers who want to have a work one for me. My sister is also pregnant but due after me and I was planning on discussing her shower in the next month. In my area, showers are thrown by mom, sisters, or bridesmaids.

Will it be odd to bring up throwing her a shower with my mom and other sisters? I don't want it to seem like I'm asking so that someone will offer to host for me. As a side note, my generation is the first generation in my family to have baby showers, although my cousin had one last year so it's not like I'd be the first.

I'm a tad confused.

So you are bummed that no one has stepped up to throw you a shower. You want to host your sister's shower but you feel you'd be asking in a round about way for someone to host your own?

Just bring it up. It's not out of etiquette to discuss hosting a shower with your family. But be prepared to not have the favor returned if it's not a normal thing in your family. In other words, throw your sister a shower if you like but don't throw her a shower just to get someone else to throw your own shower. Do it because you want to do it, without strings or expectations.

lilweenie · April 2015

I understand where you are coming from. I would suggest straight out asking if one is being planned. Just say you'd like to be prepared with setting up a registry, but dont want to bother if no one is planning anything. I would be bummed too if I weren't to have a baby shower, considering how many baby showers I've gone to in my life.

CatsAreShady · April 2015

lilweenie said:
I understand where you are coming from. I would suggest straight out asking if one is being planned. Just say you'd like to be prepared with setting up a registry, but dont want to bother if no one is planning anything. I would be bummed too if I weren't to have a baby shower, considering how many baby showers I've gone to in my life.

I would advise against this completely.

Creating a registry has nothing to do with having a baby shower. I know many women who created a registry with no shower planned.

You don't ask people to throw you a shower. It's either gifted to you or its not. It's not an entitlement.

BooBerry137 · April 2015

CatsAreShady said:

lilweenie said:
I understand where you are coming from. I would suggest straight out asking if one is being planned. Just say you'd like to be prepared with setting up a registry, but dont want to bother if no one is planning anything. I would be bummed too if I weren't to have a baby shower, considering how many baby showers I've gone to in my life.

I would advise against this completely.

Creating a registry has nothing to do with having a baby shower. I know many women who created a registry with no shower planned.

You don't ask people to throw you a shower. It's either gifted to you or its not. It's not an entitlement.

This. 100%

@CatsAreShady is on fleek.

NoSugarCoating · April 2015

You're only 6 months along. It only takes a couple of weeks to plan a shower. In our family, I was pregnant at the same time that my brother was getting married. I was a few weeks shy of 7 months at their wedding. My mom and H's mom co-hosted my shower, and did no planning whatsoever until my brothe'rs wedding was over.

That being said, you're not entitled to a shower. By all means, discuss planning your sister's shower with your family. But do so without hinting (or even outright asking) if they will do the same for you.

CatsAreShady · April 2015

BooBerry137 said:

CatsAreShady said:

lilweenie said:
I understand where you are coming from. I would suggest straight out asking if one is being planned. Just say you'd like to be prepared with setting up a registry, but dont want to bother if no one is planning anything. I would be bummed too if I weren't to have a baby shower, considering how many baby showers I've gone to in my life.

I would advise against this completely.

Creating a registry has nothing to do with having a baby shower. I know many women who created a registry with no shower planned.

You don't ask people to throw you a shower. It's either gifted to you or its not. It's not an entitlement.
This. 100%

@CatsAreShady is on fleek.

@BooBerry137 :x

kristyn831 · April 2015

Thanks! I wasn't going to ask if one was being planned. I'm also not asking in a roundabout way by offering to host my sister's. I just didn't want it to come off as such.

CatsAreShady · April 2015

kristyn831 said:
Thanks! I wasn't going to ask if one was being planned. I'm also not asking in a roundabout way by offering to host my sister's. I just didn't want it to come off as such.

No, it should be fine for you to offer. It's nice of you to do so.

neverblushed · April 2015

I think it's very nice of you to want to throw a shower for your sister, even though there is a bit of awkwardness around it because you haven't been offered a shower. I haven't read the replies; maybe this was covered already, but here goes:

If you want to host a shower for your sister, by all means, discuss it with your other family members and make the offer. Don't mention yourself, your pregnancy, or anything about a shower for you.

One of three things will happen as a result:

1. They will say, "We decided that since we can't afford to do two showers and you're both pregnant at the same time, we're just not doing a shower for either of you. We'll put our money towards gifts for both of you instead." Then you'll know why no shower has been planned for you and you'll roll with it. Polite acceptance of this decision will help the rest of the family understand that you're not fishing for a shower.

2. After you mention a shower for your sister, it will trigger the realization that they want to plan one for you as well, but that they just didn't get organized earlier. They'll feel guilty, but they'll get moving on it, even though it's a little late. If you are okay with their plans, accept graciously and move on. In this case, don't say anything about the timing or the fact that your offer was genuine and not a way to get them to throw you a shower. Just work on your sister's shower and let it go.

3. They will think it's awesome that you've offered to take the lead on organizing a shower for your sister, but still not throw you one. In this case, you don't have to worry about appearing to be fishing for a shower -- obviously, they're not thinking along those lines.

It is possible that the conversations around your sister's shower may prompt other family members to say "Oh, I feel bad we're not doing anything for you!" In that case, just remind them that a shower isn't a necessity, and that people can still be excited about the baby and show their love and support even without the party.

Either way, you should register for baby stuff so that your list is organized, so that you get a completion coupon, and so that you can direct people who want to get you stuff even without a shower to a registry.

ashleyhozey · April 2015

Do you think they may be throwing you one but haven't told you because it's a suprise? My family is huge on suprise showers.

kristyn831 · April 2015

ashleyhozey said:
Do you think they may be throwing you one but haven't told you because it's a suprise? My family is huge on suprise showers.

No, I work nights and weekends so they would need my schedule. They would also need addresses of friends.

KonaCoffeeBean · April 2015

It's too early to assume that none of your friends and family will offer a shower for you. My best friend brought up my shower with me at 6.5 months, and she's not half the procrastinator that I am. My god daughter was practically crowning when I hosted my friend's shower.

Designermomma · April 2015

I agree it is early. I threw one for my sister when she was 7.5 months along. Though there was conversation about it long before. I had already planned on hosting one but my sister asked me too. We are close so I don't see it as tacky. I was happy to do it. Her best friend offered but she's a flake and my sister was not happy with how her wedding events went down so she told me all of this and asked if I could get involved. It went great.

I say go ahead and offer to host for your sister if you want to but don't be too upset if they don't offer. Not everyone is good at planning and hosting parties. People will give you gifts that want to with or without a shower. You could always host a "sip & see" for a meet the baby party later for yourself so everyone can celebrate the baby afterwards if no one hosts a shower and you really want a party.

YogaSandy · April 2015

Where I live showers after the baby are born are more common. Someone could be planning on that.

Also, you may not get one from your family. That's fine. It sounds like you're having a work one, and that's nice. On another note, two dear friends from work came to see me in the hospital the day DS was born. They told me then that they were going to have a shower for me.

hopanka · April 2015

It's not too late. I had mine two weeks before my due date and my hostess threw it together with just a few days of planning. It was still fun - no need to plan for months in advance.

surferP528 · April 2015

I don't feel like it's tacky to ask your mom or your sister if you're having a shower or what is going on with it. They aren't the same as asking a friend or less close relative. In some ways, I disagree with others and feel like it's not that awful of you to expect a shower, and I think you are kind of entitled to one unless your mom or sister has a reason not to throw one. I wouldn't dream of letting my sister go through a pregnancy without a shower, I would totally step up. It could even be something simple that wouldn't cost the host much money.

I agree with previous posters that asking about planning your sister's shower is a good way to approach the topic and hopefully yours will come up naturally without making you feel awkward about asking.

CatsAreShady · April 2015

surferP528 said:
I don't feel like it's tacky to ask your mom or your sister if you're having a shower or what is going on with it. They aren't the same as asking a friend or less close relative. In some ways, I disagree with others and feel like it's not that awful of you to expect a shower, and I think you are kind of entitled to one unless your mom or sister has a reason not to throw one. I wouldn't dream of letting my sister go through a pregnancy without a shower, I would totally step up. It could even be something simple that wouldn't cost the host much money.

I agree with previous posters that asking about planning your sister's shower is a good way to approach the topic and hopefully yours will come up naturally without making you feel awkward about asking.

No one is entitled to a shower. No one is owed a gift. You cannot be entitled to something that is being funded by someone else. If people would stop thinking that a shower is their God-given right as a pregnant person, then many people could avoid the disappointment about not receiving one.

No Shower?

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