dont plan 'reveal' party ahead of time (based on scan results)

nsaid4u · April 2015

I have read so many people I'm making plans for sex or gender reveal parties when they have not yet even found out if its a boy or girl. I realize because of genetic testing some people are finding out early but there are many people who are planning on finding out at an ultrasound and then having a party. I just wanted to say that I have had three babies already and there is no guarantee that you will find out the sex of the baby by ultrasound. My first baby was very shy and he was always curled up in a ball at every single ultrasound and they could never see in between his legs. Even if you have multiple ultrasounds during your pregnancy there is no guarantee the baby will be in a position where you can see between the legs. I just wanted to put that out there cuz if you are relying on ultrasound results for the party I would not plan a date until after you have actually found out the sex. Just saying.

cgummie · April 2015

Or your ultrasound tech could be wrong! A coworker had a girl- but at 20 weeks the tech declared BOY. They found out after the party at a third trimester us (she was high risk). Thank goodness they had a boy the next time around.

BooBerry137 · April 2015

My question is what would be the point of the reveal if the parents to be already know the sex? It seems kind of pointless to reveal something you already know.

I'm not a huge fan of the sex reveal party, but the only thing I would consider remotely interesting in the parents to be's reaction to the news.

BlueWaffleSpeshul · April 2015

BooBerry137 said:
My question is what would be the point of the reveal if the parents to be already know the sex? It seems kind of pointless to reveal something you already know.
I'm not a huge fan of the sex reveal party, but the only thing I would consider remotely interesting in the parents to be's reaction to the news.

This. The point of the party (and I'm not a fan either) is for the parents to be surprised as well. Only the person taking care of the reveal, be it a family member, baker making cake or cupcakes, etc, should know the results.

anorthro · April 2015

We are planning to reveal the sex at our baby shower. We already know, but we don't want to tell anyone else until then. The point of the reveal (in our case) is to avoid super gender-specific gifts. We will of course be grateful for every gift we receive (and have received!), no matter what, but we plan on having more than one child, so the more gender-neutral things are, the more likely we are to re-use them.

BooBerry137 · April 2015

anorthro said:
We are planning to reveal the sex at our baby shower. We already know, but we don't want to tell anyone else until then. The point of the reveal (in our case) is to avoid super gender-specific gifts. We will of course be grateful for every gift we receive (and have received!), no matter what, but we plan on having more than one child, so the more gender-neutral things are, the more likely we are to re-use them.

I think it's kind of manipulative to do this. Register for gender neutral items and leave it at that. I would feel annoyed as a guest and gift giver, to be honest.

Amstreagle · April 2015

BooBerry137 said:

anorthro said:
We are planning to reveal the sex at our baby shower. We already know, but we don't want to tell anyone else until then. The point of the reveal (in our case) is to avoid super gender-specific gifts. We will of course be grateful for every gift we receive (and have received!), no matter what, but we plan on having more than one child, so the more gender-neutral things are, the more likely we are to re-use them.
I think it's kind of manipulative to do this. Register for gender neutral items and leave it at that. I would feel annoyed as a guest and gift giver, to be honest.

Yeah this feels so wrong. Pigeonholing your guests into how they give your gift. Yuck!

danniellemichelle · April 2015

@anorthro I actually like your idea of gender reveal at your baby shower I think it's a really cute creative way and adds even more fun to the baby shower

can't wait to hear how it goes !

anorthro · April 2015

anorthro · April 2015

Sorry you all feel that way. I don't have a problem with it. It isn't like we have an obligation to tell anyone the sex of the baby. We are registering for gender neutral stuff and the registry is a suggestion. Guests can give us whatever they please, and we will be grateful. They'd have to do the same thing if we didn't find out the sex until the birth.

DeidreHarr · April 2015

Oh my! Same thing I was totally thinking, my baby cousins keep asking when is the GR party, and I keep having to tell them that I'm just not sure yet! Lol. Will definitely plan the party after it's confirmed.

BooBerry137 · April 2015

anorthro said:
Sorry you all feel that way. I don't have a problem with it. It isn't like we have an obligation to tell anyone the sex of the baby. We are registering for gender neutral stuff and the registry is a suggestion. Guests can give us whatever they please, and we will be grateful. They'd have to do the same thing if we didn't find out the sex until the birth.

But you are finding out and keeping the information solely for the purpose of manipulating what gifts you get. That's the issue I have. If it wasn't about gifts that would be one thing, but...it just seems really tacky.

anorthro · April 2015

You're totally entitled to your opinion. I disagree. It doesn't feel tacky to me. The guests are free to purchase or not purchase a gift, and they are free to purchase whatever they want.

aalgood · April 2015

I don't understand how these comments can become so rude, everyone is entitled to their opinion but one would think as all of us are expectant mothers we would be more supportive.

naka92 · April 2015

anorthro said:
We are planning to reveal the sex at our baby shower. We already know, but we don't want to tell anyone else until then. The point of the reveal (in our case) is to avoid super gender-specific gifts. We will of course be grateful for every gift we receive (and have received!), no matter what, but we plan on having more than one child, so the more gender-neutral things are, the more likely we are to re-use them.

I actually really like this idea! Gives an extra layer of awesome to the shower, plus if people buy gender-neutral items they get more bang for their buck anyways, since they'll gift something thats easy to re-use

I dont get the negativity youre getting for this. I dont see how it could possibly be tacky to announce something like that on a day where you are already celebrating baby!

Birdee212 · April 2015

Personally, if I were a guest at said baby shower, I wouldn't feel manipulated if you chose to also reveal the sex of the baby at the same time. I think it would add a fun element of surprise to an otherwise boring party.

I also find gender reveal parties to be insufferable and kind of attention-whorish (no offense!) so I'd appreciate not having to go to a separate event just to find out the sex.

BooBerry137 · April 2015

1. It's weird to have a sex reveal when he parents to be already know the sex. It's pointless because other then the grandparents, nobody really cares that much and the only thing even remotely interesting is seeing the surprise of the parents to be.

2. If you want gender neutral items, register for them and buy them, but don't manipulate your guests simply because you don't want pink or blue stuff.

danniellemichelle · April 2015

Everyone in my family and my husbands family and our friends all really really want to know the sex of our baby .. almost more than we do! ... They can't wait for us to have a gender reveal party ... I think everyone and their families/friends are different and that's okay ... Some people really care and get really excited

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

nsaid4u said:
I have read so many people I'm making plans for sex or gender reveal parties when they have not yet even found out if its a boy or girl. I realize because of genetic testing some people are finding out early but there are many people who are planning on finding out at an ultrasound and then having a party. I just wanted to say that I have had three babies already and there is no guarantee that you will find out the sex of the baby by ultrasound. My first baby was very shy and he was always curled up in a ball at every single ultrasound and they could never see in between his legs. Even if you have multiple ultrasounds during your pregnancy there is no guarantee the baby will be in a position where you can see between the legs. I just wanted to put that out there cuz if you are relying on ultrasound results for the party I would not plan a date until after you have actually found out the sex. Just saying.

We have UCbaby, we don't have blood tests that will tell us the gender, UCbaby if they can't get a clear shot they will have you come back ! It's Amazing ! And they have 3D/4D ultrasound that they do their gender reveal with !!

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

BooBerry137 said:

anorthro said:
Sorry you all feel that way. I don't have a problem with it. It isn't like we have an obligation to tell anyone the sex of the baby. We are registering for gender neutral stuff and the registry is a suggestion. Guests can give us whatever they please, and we will be grateful. They'd have to do the same thing if we didn't find out the sex until the birth.
But you are finding out and keeping the information solely for the purpose of manipulating what gifts you get. That's the issue I have. If it wasn't about gifts that would be one thing, but...it just seems really tacky.

I don't see a problem with them not telling anyone the gender till the reveal ?... I didn't know what I was having with my first pregnancy, I received lots and lots of gender neutral stuff, I have lots and lots of blankets that I can reuse with this pregnancy, and other things as well (: ! And I don't see how it's manipulating ?! They just don't want everyone buying either blue or pink, I don't understand what you mean by manipulating @BooBerry137

BooBerry137 · April 2015

amberrmariee20 said:

BooBerry137 said:

anorthro said:
Sorry you all feel that way. I don't have a problem with it. It isn't like we have an obligation to tell anyone the sex of the baby. We are registering for gender neutral stuff and the registry is a suggestion. Guests can give us whatever they please, and we will be grateful. They'd have to do the same thing if we didn't find out the sex until the birth.
But you are finding out and keeping the information solely for the purpose of manipulating what gifts you get. That's the issue I have. If it wasn't about gifts that would be one thing, but...it just seems really tacky.

I don't see a problem with them not telling anyone the gender till the reveal ?... I didn't know what I was having with my first pregnancy, I received lots and lots of gender neutral stuff, I have lots and lots of blankets that I can reuse with this pregnancy, and other things as well (: ! And I don't see how it's manipulating ?! They just don't want everyone buying either blue or pink, I don't understand what you mean by manipulating @BooBerry137

Because you were team green. But the point of this was to keep the sex a secret so people would only buy them gender neutral gifts. It's not about being team green, it's about getting the "right" gifts.

TrendyTina · April 2015

With both of my children, they weren't able to see at first during the anatomy scan. Fortunately, by the end they both shifted and the tech could see. This time we aren't finding out, though!

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

BooBerry137 said:

amberrmariee20 said:

BooBerry137 said:

anorthro said:
Sorry you all feel that way. I don't have a problem with it. It isn't like we have an obligation to tell anyone the sex of the baby. We are registering for gender neutral stuff and the registry is a suggestion. Guests can give us whatever they please, and we will be grateful. They'd have to do the same thing if we didn't find out the sex until the birth.
But you are finding out and keeping the information solely for the purpose of manipulating what gifts you get. That's the issue I have. If it wasn't about gifts that would be one thing, but...it just seems really tacky.

I don't see a problem with them not telling anyone the gender till the reveal ?... I didn't know what I was having with my first pregnancy, I received lots and lots of gender neutral stuff, I have lots and lots of blankets that I can reuse with this pregnancy, and other things as well (: ! And I don't see how it's manipulating ?! They just don't want everyone buying either blue or pink, I don't understand what you mean by manipulating @BooBerry137
Because you were team green. But the point of this was to keep the sex a secret so people would only buy them gender neutral gifts. It's not about being team green, it's about getting the "right" gifts.

I think I'm completely missing what your getting at !

ClaireBear90 · April 2015

@Birdee212 yes! It's infinitely more tacky to host a party just so that you can tell people you're having a boy or a girl, ESPECIALLY if they're being asked to attend a shower too. If anyone is disappointed that they can't give a gender specific gift they can A) just guess or

give a gift after the birth!

wildbutterfli2001 · April 2015

As far as gender, I've never been a fan of big reveal parties. When we found out with our first, we just shared the news with our family and friends. if you want to have a bbq and mention it at the bbq that's one thing, but to throw a party just for gender seems a little weird to me. Not to mention surprises happen, sometimes even the surest ultrasound can be wrong

Birdee212 · April 2015

@ClaireBear90 Thank you! It's not that I'm not excited for the parents-to-be. I'd gladly attend if I were invited to a reveal (because yay babies and cake!) But I could never throw one for myself. I'd feel very Me!Me!Me! That's why I didn't want an engagement party or lingerie shower when I got married. It's just too much.

Even though I can kinda see where @BooBerry137 is coming from, it just personally wouldn't rub me the wrong way if a loved one revealed the sex at their shower.

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

wildbutterfli2001 said:
As far as gender, I've never been a fan of big reveal parties. When we found out with our first, we just shared the news with our family and friends. if you want to have a bbq and mention it at the bbq that's one thing, but to throw a party just for gender seems a little weird to me. Not to mention surprises happen, sometimes even the surest ultrasound can be wrong

That's what we are doing as well ! Just telling people the gender (: ! But we find out may 16th what we are having and baby shower not till September !

wildbutterfli2001 · April 2015

amberrmariee20 said:

wildbutterfli2001 said:
As far as gender, I've never been a fan of big reveal parties. When we found out with our first, we just shared the news with our family and friends. if you want to have a bbq and mention it at the bbq that's one thing, but to throw a party just for gender seems a little weird to me. Not to mention surprises happen, sometimes even the surest ultrasound can be wrong
That's what we are doing as well ! Just telling people the gender (: ! But we find out may 16th what we are having and baby shower not till September !

That's exactly how we did it, if people are worried about gender specific gifts, they do make gender specific baby shower invites. It doesn't really warrant a party just for your baby's junk or lack there of

mommygrams0730 · April 2015

With my first reveals were not big at all! Now it's like the thing to do...but totally not my thing, lol.

Last 2 we were team green and I loved it! This time we'll be finding out because I'll be getting rid of whichever boy/girl stuff we don't need.

I'm also not huge on announcement stuff either, but if we do any type of announcement it'll be combined with the boy/girl.

I think seeing the couples reaction to the news can be exciting...but I don't think it's the same as revealing when they found out the news earlier, it kind of ruins the excitement!

JustHyr · April 2015

We revealed with DD and are again this time as well.

With DD not even DH or I knew, we were all surprised. This time DH and I know and will be surprising my family with cupcakes for Easter dessert.

With DD the reveal was really special to us. I miscarried on my 29th birthday, which was absolutely horrible. So when we realized that we'd find out the sex of our baby at the same time as my 30th birthday the following year I decided to do a reveal to make up for the crappy birthday that I had the year prior.

nsaid4u · April 2015

@amberrmariee20 i have never heard of UCbaby but it sounds great!!!

where do you live? Is that a private company and appoinment you arrange on your own? or your doctor refers you there? I live in Canada I don't know that we have that here. But I wish we did :-)

OliveOyl2014 · April 2015

amberrmariee20 said:

BooBerry137 said:

amberrmariee20 said:

BooBerry137 said:

anorthro said:
Sorry you all feel that way. I don't have a problem with it. It isn't like we have an obligation to tell anyone the sex of the baby. We are registering for gender neutral stuff and the registry is a suggestion. Guests can give us whatever they please, and we will be grateful. They'd have to do the same thing if we didn't find out the sex until the birth.
But you are finding out and keeping the information solely for the purpose of manipulating what gifts you get. That's the issue I have. If it wasn't about gifts that would be one thing, but...it just seems really tacky.

I don't see a problem with them not telling anyone the gender till the reveal ?... I didn't know what I was having with my first pregnancy, I received lots and lots of gender neutral stuff, I have lots and lots of blankets that I can reuse with this pregnancy, and other things as well (: ! And I don't see how it's manipulating ?! They just don't want everyone buying either blue or pink, I don't understand what you mean by manipulating @BooBerry137
Because you were team green. But the point of this was to keep the sex a secret so people would only buy them gender neutral gifts. It's not about being team green, it's about getting the "right" gifts.

I think I'm completely missing what your getting at !

What she means is that you, along with everyone else, did not know the sex. If you had known the sex, and were deliberately keeping it a secret from others because you were worried about what kinds of gifts you would get, that's manipulation.

I don't get what the point of keeping it a secret is. Like it's that hard to exchange pink or blue clothes for gender neutral ones.

ajhellmuth · April 2015

I don't understand why people are freaking out about revealing the gender at the shower!! Settle Down!!! She's doing it to make it a fun announcement at the shower. It's not manipulative. I guarantee if people know the gender they will buy you that gender stuff and if it's a girl you will get a ridiculous amount of clothes! I see nothing wrong with this and everyone needs to go eat a chocolate and get off their high horse! The point of this post was to warn new mommies that there's a possibility of not even being able to find out the gender & just be careful planning your parties. If you don't like gender reveal parties....don't have one.

Desiserata13 · April 2015

I don't quite understand the party thing myself, BUT, I do want to have a sex reveal photo shoot. Lol I'm thinking about asking the tech to write it down, & I will give it to our photographer, who can take pictures of us finding out. I saw a cute idea once where mom & dad wear white, & are blind folded, & their toddler squirted blue or pink paint all over them lol I think that would be a fun way to find out.

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

Yes UCbaby you arrange your own appointments, it's for gender reveal or to see the baby develop and to check position closer to term, I live in Canada also ! And UCbaby is 3D and 4D ultrasound (: ! Look it up ! Www.ucbaby.ca ! It'll tell you all about them, but they also won't do a gender scan until 18+ weeks !! @nsaid4u it'll ask you where in Canada, maybe there is one near you !! I'm from Nova Scotia !

nmatheny14 · April 2015

We are doing a "Babies, Brews & a BBQ" event. It's scheduled for two weeks after our elective ultrasound. If baby doesn't cooperate, you get to go back until it does. That should give us plenty of time to find out before our BBQ. Our family and friends are VERY excited to find out what our twins are and it will be a nice reason to host an event. We don't expect any gifts at this event and if asked we will advise that they aren't necessary. It's not meant to "benefit" us in any way. We're hosting it and paying for it. We just want to make the reveal fun. I've never heard so many criticisms of such a popular event. Interesting perspectives! Plus, even if we don't have gender news to announce due to uncooperative babies, we will still have a nice afternoon with friends and families!

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

We don't have gender reveal parties around here, what happens here is you find out what your having at 18-20 weeks and then tell all friends and family then post on fb ! This time around we are having our son hold a sign saying he's going to have a little brother or sister and send it around !! That will be on May 16th.

nsaid4u · April 2015

Thanks @amberrmariee20 i am in Alberta..i have a regular ultrasound at 19 weeks. If we dont find out the sex then i will check out UCbaby.

leah665 · April 2015

I'm purposely not finding out the gender, because people think I'm crazy for not finding out. I'm very stubborn and I can wait till October.

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

nsaid4u said:
Thanks @amberrmariee20 i am in Alberta..i have a regular ultrasound at 19 weeks. If we dont find out the sex then i will check out UCbaby.

Here in Nova Scotia they won't tell us the sex unless we go to UCbaby and have the 3D/4D ultrasound done

!

moonseeds92 · April 2015

I don't think withholding the sex is manipulative at all. I think only buying pink for a girl or blue items for a boy is putting gender restraints on a child before they're even born. If you want only gender neutral items so they're easily reusable for another baby, I think that's being extremely eco friendly. Buying something for someone else's child that goes against the parents wishes and is only what you want to buy them is very rude and disrespectful.

ETA: I'm not bashing anyone who goes with traditional pink or blue based on sex, just offering a different view on gender neutral items.

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