I came straight home furious telling my husband about this post. Tears filled in my eyes as I told him heaven forbid something ever happen to me I know you would never love another woman unless she loved our son as her own. And he was just as furious and taken back by it and said that there is no way on this earth he would ever let someone in his life unless his main priority became theirs; our son. This just breaks my heart. I would suggest a really deep talk with your husband about this and the way you feel about his son. This is NOT something to take lightly because he is going to understand the difference in treatment when his sibling makes their debut. You have these feelings now about your "good relationship" and "doing what you can".... You just wait until he really gets older and starts acting out. You may be SO furious with the way he acts if he acts as a child who as been neglected, but please remember... You and your husband did that to him if there ever comes a time. When you said "I do" you said I will love you for all that you are. That boy is everything that he is. And if your husband didn't specify that he wanted you to love him as your own, then he needs a good solid reminder of how much of a treasure that boy is. Either he did tell you and you lied about it, or he was selfish and wanted the relationship for himself. This is so out of my element to post and be "judgemental", but unfortunately I am admitting that I am totally judging. I pray for that little boy in hopes he truly does feel loved and that he never grows to know the true feelings you just posted here.... Maybe I am being judgmental because I thought long and hard about it on my hour drive home and any child no matter who they are or where they come from I instantly feel this motherly instinct.... Like I just want to give them the world if I could and be a good role model giving them love, care and guidance... It really makes me sad to see that you don't have that same instinct. Best of luck with this... I think that having a 4 year old around and maybe using that as a time to bond with the both of them and even giving him responsibilities to being a big brother would be awesome. Yeah I'm sure it would be tiring, but you married two men... Not just one.
@themusicignites9 I have to know...I'm guessing that when you started dating your husband you knew he had a son correct? Did it not occur to you that by marrying his father you would be his mother? Does he call you mom or does your son call you by your first name?
If he calls you mom then you need to shape up and fast because he will always wonder why his "mom" treats his sibling better. If you truly don't love this little boy and (from what it sounds like) have no intention of changing then you don't deserve the title of mom for him and he should call you Mrs. Lastname. You need to set the tone of the relationship you have with boy before you cause irreversible damage.
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My husband and I are both step parents. I read this to him and we agreed we could never have married someone who wasn't prepared to love our kids as their own. Yes, both girls still have both parents but that doesn't change the fact that to us they are "our girls". We treat them both equally to the point the oldest told her mom she wants to come live with us when our newest two arrive so we can all be together as a family and bond while the twins are still young. It actually hurts my heart that both of the older two will be with their other families this summer and we won't be together as a whole family until school starts up again. My husband and I will have 4 daughters- we don't have 3 each, one isn't "mine" or "his".
You've been in this boy's life for two years now. It's not like he showed up at your door last night with a note asking for food and shelter. You chose to marry a man with a child and that made you a mother the day you became a wife. It's time to start acting like it. My daughter was 2 when she met my husband and she was 4 when we got married and you wouldn't have known he was her step-father as close as they were even then. A lot can happen in two years but only if those involved are actually open to the possibilities.
Also, at 4, your son can actually be a big help to you with the new baby. He's not so young that you actually have to hold his hand every second of every day. He can bring you things while you are feeding or rocking the baby, he can can help soothe it or listen for it while you use the restroom or take a quick shower. There are lots of things a boy his age can do to help out.
I will start off by saying I read through the post but not all of the comments. If this little boy lost his mom at six months and you've been around for two years don't you think he thinks of and will think of you as his mom??! He isn't going to remember anything else and don't you think it will hurt him to realize that you don't love him the same as a mother should or love him the same way as your own baby. Should your baby grow up not considering him a brother in that case?? I think you are being super selfish. I get you may not feel the same way as if he was your own but I think that's your fault and I think that if you stopped being selfish and tried to work on your relationship instead of just "doing what you're supposed to for him" that you could grow to love him as your own. I was adopted at a young age and it's hurtful to know that my biological parents didn't want me or couldn't make it work. Even though he wouldn't have known his bio mom it's gonna hurt him growing up knowing that he didn't get a chance to know her and that he can't have a relationship with her, and the fact that you obviously don't care to be that motherly figure to him is gonna hurt him even more. FYI my adoptive family treated me as theirs from day one and never made me feel as less. I think you should try it. It may be inconvenient to have him home with you and it may make things more difficult but people do it all the time, plus you obviously need to grow up and work on your relationship.
This post infuriates me. I have been with DH for 13 years. He and his XW splitted amicably, following him returning from basic training. They got married young after finding out my SD was on the way. He came home, they tried and realized they were much better friends. A month later, they found out SS was on the way, two weeks later, he met me in a coffee shop. My step children have called me "Mom" for years and I have a pretty amicable relationship with their mom. Two years ago, SS decided he wanted to come live with us. A month later, we found out DS was on the way. Now we are expecting our little girl. DH travels for work, so I've got the boys by myself a lot. SS decided he wanted to homeschool this year because he wasn't being challenged in public school. I also work full-time. I get home from work, make dinner, bathe the baby and put him to bed, then I sit and do school with SS until he gets his shower and go to bed. Yes, I have to spend a lot of time with DS because he's 18 months old and requires constant attention and supervision. His brother helps me, because he wants to. On the weekends, I take the baby to play date, swimming lessons and then we take SS to soccer (DH coaches). Sure, it'd be a hell of a lot easier for me to let DH deal with SS or maybe i could nap or do anything else. But I don't. This child chose to live with me. I've been his mom since he was born. He's a moody teenager and he drives me crazy most of the day. But i make time for him. I go to soccer, I push him in school, I take him to his doctor and dentist. I do that, because I'm his mom. You are the only mom this child has ever known. He didn't chose it. You did, when you married his father. I need my me time, because I'm a mom, and i darn well deserve it. Go be his mom, because yes, you are. You deserve time with your newborn, but your step son needs to bond with the baby too. Your step sons role in the family will be changing too, and he needs time to adjust also. Whatever you decide, make sure it's the best for EVERYONE involved, not just because you don't want to deal with him or because it's easier. Parenthood isn't meant to be easy. It's the hardest job you will ever have.
I swore I was not going to read this post, nor comment, but I cant do it.
I just want to say as a mom, step mom and a person who was legally adopted....
You are truely selfish!!!
Post this where you like and have moms say poor you, but what this is truly about it Love, acceptance, and human kindness.
You are setting your family up to fail, you are in love with a man but you do not accept part of him, and you are going to put dividers within your family and cause HATE!
I read your problem, and while I don't understand your feelings, or agree with them. They are your thoughts and feelings at the moment and you asked for other's thoughts. Before you get angry at everyone else's comments and that anger blocks any true help, people are trying to reach to you with., please consider this: and put your feelings aside. My honest humble advice would be to PRAY , pray that your heart be opened to this little boy, and that youd be able to love him as your own. Pray that you will be the mother that you are called to be. When you have the thoughts of feeling different towards him, that's the moment you pray about it. No one is ever perfect , And we all could grow as mothers. Most of us don't understand your feelings, and some of us were angry about it. I just sincerely hope that you take my advice, you'd be surprised at how fast feelings and thoughts can change. I wish you and your family the best!!!!!
Why did you even step up to a role you want women enough to handle. I'm sorry , you knew the situation and role you was taking. I can't believe what I was reading. Maybe you should tell your husband the truth. You are not mother material and don't want a true family with him. Let them go find someone who truely wants a family.. What did you think you were getting into? Smh . you will ruin that child playing favorites.
The bashing on here is unnecassary!!! I understand why you would feel thT way. I have a blended family and it is very challenging to love someone that is not your own like you would love your own child. It takes time but eventually you will learn to love that child. You have it better than most because all he knows is you as a mom. I hope that one day you can realize that. Being a step mom can be very rewarding. Just wait and see. Also, i think your stepson should stay in daycare for at least a month while you get acclimated with your baby.
Being a step mom is way harder than being a real parent. Please stop the bashing ladies. It is not fair. You can voice your opinions in a tasteful way.
Being a step mom is way harder than being a real parent. Please stop the bashing ladies. It is not fair. You can voice your opinions in a tasteful way.
Please refrain from dictating the way people respond. Because people get emotional in their responses doesn't mean it's unnecessary or uncalled for. And saying that is only stirring the pot. Now you're going to have all these women coming back at you and defending themselves and you're just going to get pissed and this post will get even uglier.
People here are honest, and passionate with their advice and the things they say. Just because you drive by wanting glitter farts and rainbow shit doesn't mean you're going to get it. You post the way you want to post as no one is dictating that to you, and let others post as they like as well.
The only thing I wanted to add is if you think it's so hard being a step parent, try being a step child. I'm sure you will feel the difference. If you want to sympathize with someone that's made an active decision to treat her stepson different than her own child that's your prerogative. I however do not feel her bad behavior needs any supporting.
I also wanted to add... while I know nieces and nephews are different, I babysit mine almost every day off the week. They aren't even mine or my husband's but I definitely do more than just getting by fine with them. I love them fiercely as if they were my own. That is your husband's son. I can understand having mixed feelings but not this late in the game. It's not like there is a witchy baby mama in the mix to make you resent him.
You obviously wouldn't have asked this question if you didn't feel the slightest bit irrational about the whole thing. Family counseling would be beneficial for all of you.
I was adopted by my step dad at 2yrs old. He was the only dad I knew. My parents had to tell me at 13 that he wasn't my real dad, because I believed he was!
My father passed away when I was a year old. I, fortunately, didn't realize that I had a father who passed because my stepdad was always there for me. I called him dad and I didn't grieve the loss of my "real" father until I was in high school and understood what dying really meant. My "step" dad was amazing and I think it truly changed the person I m today because he loved me like his own and I never knew the difference. Take time to consider how that little boy will grow to love and cherish you if you love and cherish him. Maybe that will help you open your heart. I think it's terribly sad you feel this way and hope it works out for the sake of that delicate little boys heart.
Being a step mom is way harder than being a real parent. Please stop the bashing ladies. It is not fair. You can voice your opinions in a tasteful way.
its really talking out of both sides of your mouth when you're telling OP how good she has it with no baby MAMA drama...and that she will eventually come to love this kid and should treat him the same as the other kid, but then you think other posters should be more tasteful? OP specifically asked if this makes her a terrible person...so everyone is just being honest. This issue becomes very personal, and don't air your dirty laundry publicly if you don't want to hear opinions. I totally get that step parenting and adoption isn't for everyone...but then don't get involved with it. Once you are involved, you keep those feelings bottles up inside for the rest of your damn life because you made a choice and yes treating two children who live in the same household differently does make you a terrible person. she doesn't have to "love" him the same as her own child, but she should "treat" him the same as she would her own child and so should her husband who seems to be ok with this hot mess he has going on in his home.
Being a step mom is way harder than being a real parent. Please stop the bashing ladies. It is not fair. You can voice your opinions in a tasteful way.
Yeah being a step parent is hard if she had to deal with a crazy baby's mom like pp said but she has this little boy all to her self and her with him. I'd give anything to have my step daughter all to my self and not have to deal with her crazy mom.
People aren't bashing OP for calling her a terrible parent when she ASKED for opinions on whether or not she was.
Yes, being a step parent is hard. Yes, it's difficult to grow to love a stepchild as much as your own, but you better damn well try. The first time I met my husbands family I didn't know who which of his siblings were biological and which were steps. THAT is step parenting done correctly.
I get that it isn't for everyone, but if you marry someone with kids, you signed up to be their parent, whether you and your spouse explicitly discussed it or not. You suck it up and deal and treat that little boy (who probably ADORES you, OP, since you're all he's got) with all the love and respect he deserves. And as a PP said, a 4 year old is a lot more independent than a toddler and he can help you out more than you realize. He deserves the bonding time too, not to be shut up on daycare for 3 months while you coo and coddle over YOUR baby and neglect him (and as a reminder he is YOUR kid as well, whether or not you want to admit it). He is a part of your family, and you need to treat him as such. If you absolutely need to put him in daycare because you need one less thing to deal with as a FTM (which I get; you're going to feel overwhelmed), do so part time. Don't shut him out. He AND his father will grow to resent you if you start treating him differently than his new sibling.
I'm not a stepmother, but I'm planning send my 3 year old to daycare probably 3 days/wk during my maternity leave for LO2. Our situation is a little different because we have to pay his daycare anyways to "save his spot". I also think the structure and social interaction will be good for him. I think baby deserves some alone attention but the older kids needs special attention too so they don't feel left out. Regardless of whether you feel the same love for the other child, please just make him feel included and important too.
June 2012 Mom (2.5 yr old boy), July 2015
Mom (team green), Babywearing newbie/enthusiast
Last night at dinner I read this post to my husband 13 year old and 10 year old. My step children where not here.
My husband became angry as soon as I read the post and what happened next touched my heart forever.....
My 13 year old who is not a "hugger" anymore, got up from the table.... walked to his step father... wrapped his arms around him and told him he loved him. He told his step father thank you for being so awesome, and then he told him thank you for everything he did for him.
My 13 year old then looked at me and said, " thanks mom for finding someone special that accepted us too"
I couldnt imagine my step children being greated as out casts in their home. When I fell in love with my husband, I fell in love with every part of him and part of him was two beautiful children.
YOU OP NEED TO STEP BACK AND MAYBE THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR HUSBAND!! You knew posting this post that you would not have a ton of support in your feelings. YOU KNEW GOING INTO IT THAT YOU WERE NOT BEING FAIR TO A CHILD!! Honestly your HUSBAND seams a bit blind because knowing your feeling I wouldnt trust you with my childs heart by any means, he is safer in daycare where he has a chance to be loved by someone.
Love isnt about what blood you have running through your veins, it is about passion and caring! Not only is he your husbands child (a part of the man you love) he is a child, your are caring his sibbling, and you have a chnace in life to make a real impact on that little guys life. Instead of getting over yourself you choose to be selfish and child like, and are forgetting YOU are supposed to be the adult in this situation!!
I hope that little boy finds a woman figure to mold his life, someone who will love and be there for him.
Being a stepmother does mean that you're not biologically his mother but it also means that you assume the role of being a parental figure in his life. I'm not sure how you marry someone with a child and NOT take on the role of being a loving caring person toward that child.
That little boy is completely innocent, he didn't pick you to be his stepmother, so I would stop acting as if you were put into this situation unknowingly. You knew full well while you were dating your husband that you would have to love your husband as well as his son. It's not fair to the boy to act like that.
I do think that you need to spend some more time with your stepson and if you have an open-heart (which you should when it comes to a stepchild) I guarantee that you will fall in love with him. I would do this before the baby is here so that you can establish a healthy relationship with him, and he's comfortable with you and you're comfortable with him. And who knows, you may decide you'd like to have him home with you guys. Kids that age love to help, let him be involved in taking care of the baby (picking out clothes to wear, grabbing a diaper, playing with the baby, etc) and you'll find that he may take a small load of things off your shoulders.
I am the mother of a 7 year old boy and currently pregnant with my 2nd. My DH is not the father to my son however my son does still see his real dad every other weekend. I'm going to be brutally honest to you right now. If my DH couldn't look at my son like his own, or I felt the slightest inclination that he would show a difference or not want to be a parent to my son then I would have left him. There's absolutely NO WAY I could be with someone who felt that way about my child especially since at the end of the day, I will always choose my children over my significant other. Hopefully when your child is born your motherly instinct will kick in and you will be able to overcome this.
I am a stepmother to a 9 year old and am having my 3rd child. So 4 total. My 9 year old may not be biologically mine but I would never act this way. Do I feel less close to him then my 2 girls and my unborn son, yes but that's how feelings are. If you weren't planning on being a mother figure only a "step mother" then your shitty for that. It's a child that didn't ask for any of this, he didn't ask for his mother to pass away he didn't ask for his dad to marry a women like you that wouldn't care for him. All he asks and wants is love and attention just like you and any other person. You say that the intention was just to be a step mother well guess what a step mother does, whether you have the child every other weekend, every other week, or full time you have to play the mother role while he is in your care! I'm surprised the child's dad married such a cold hearted person towards his son. If I was the dad I would want out.
Also you can't be mad at people's responses, first you posted on a site that it full of hormonal women, many have similar situations of being a step parent or their spouse is a step parent. And you even labeled your post Bad StepMother? So if you didn't want honest opinions and people to say yes you are a bad stepmom you shouldn't post that stuff on here
Also you can't be mad at people's responses, first you posted on a site that it full of hormonal women, many have similar situations of being a step parent or their spouse is a step parent. And you even labeled your post Bad StepMother? So if you didn't want honest opinions and people to say yes you are a bad stepmom you shouldn't post that stuff on here
I agree. You said yourself on this board that you're a bad step mom. We're just agreeing. And on 2nd tri, you said you're a bad person. We're just agreeing there also.
This post is heartbreaking! When you chose to marry your husband you chose his son too! I understand it may have taken a while to bond, but you have been in his life for two years! You are the only mother he knows. You should love him like your own. He lost his mom, it's not like he has a mother and is with you on the weekends. You and your husband are his parents. He may not realize it now, but after that baby is born he will sense that you don't love him as much as the baby. So sad! For this child's sake I truly hope that you can have an open heart and see that this little boy needs you to be his mommy too, not his "step" mom.
ThisMakes5 - Queue the waterworks. You totally got me. I feel the same way about my stepdad. He IS my dad. I've told him many, many times I don't know where me, my brother, or my mom would be without him but I don't think I've ever told my mom thanks for waiting for/finding a good man. Especially after the real piece of shit that my bio-dad is. I need to call my mom now.
1/19/15 - Officially Team Blue!
"Victory is paid for in sweat, courage, and preparation!"
I have been stewing about this post. I am not a step parent, I am a step child. My bio dad beat us, even when he had visits with us he beat us and burned us with cigarettes. My step father raised me and my brother. Guess who never laid a hand on us, went to all our events, cheered us on, and was there when we fell, and walked me down the aisle? My dad, my "step parent". He didn't just put up with us, he didn't do what he had to do, he did it because he wanted to too. Then the day came when I was 21 and him and my mom got divorced. I asked him would he still be my dad, would he still love me. Want to know what he said? "I am your dad just as much as I am to my biological kids. I think you should know I never told anyone you were my step daughter, I told them you're my daughter". Then he had Alzheimer's and when he didn't know who was who and I went to see him with my baby girl at the time, he pointed to her and said, "that's my baby girl Kristin, my youngest girl. She's going to make me proud." He's since passed away, I lost my dad. He was the dad he didn't have to be. THAT is a step parent, being the parent you didn't have to be.
My heart hurts for that 4 year old boy, and every person on here that was a step child and was treated differently. You are a horrible person for just putting up with that boy, and not wanting to parent him. I truly hope you can get over yourself, and learn to be less selfish. I'm not even sure what it is to be just a step parent, because from what I have seen in my life is a step parent is the equivalent of a parent. If my husband and I ever get divorced or I pass I hope he marries someone who loves our kids as fiercely as I do.
I also just want to add that I could understand your concerns about daycare, taking him out of his routine etc. if that's what this was about. But that's not at all the tone in your post. You have said multiple times in your post in second tri that you don't love him as your own, because he's not your own. I can understand the dynamics of step families, having a stepdad myself and being a stepmom. A lot of it has to do at when the child/parent comes into your life. My stepdad came into my life in my late twenties and my step kids are adults. The relationship is very different, I love them all, but it's more of a friend relationship, as we are close in age. Their are plenty of people who love children like they are their own blood, think of adoption. I just don't understand how being in a child's life since he was two you can be so detached from him. Love is a choice not a feeling, those feelings we get are just bonus. I think that maybe if you start intentionally loving him like your own, your feelings about him will change.
don't feel bad! being a step mom makes us feel all sorts of crazy feelings at different times. since being pregnant, I have had a lot of cries and angry outbursts due to things involving my step kids and honestly just their existence at times! I would be honest with your husband and maybe compromise you being alone with baby for X amount of weeks then have step son home more but not full time? good luck!
My husband is the child of a divorce and both parents remarried. His stepfather worked three jobs to make ends meet, loved and supported him, and always treated my hubby as his own son. He is one of the best men I know. Carrying a baby doesn't make you a mom or a dad. Raising them and loving them does.
I am a step mom to a little girl. Her dad and I have been together since before she turned 3 and she is 6 now. I also have 3 children that are my biological children. This post makes me sick inside. I feel terrible for that poor child. He didn't ask to have to hand he was dealt and I feel terrible that you could spend time with this child in a parental role and say the things you said. All feelings are valid, but what does it take as a person for you to feel this way? Are you jealous of him, a defenseless child? You sound it. I feel bad for that child and I hope that one day, if your child has a step mother, she doesn't think/feel the way you do.
Yes this does make you a terrible person. Your husband is just as bad for marrying someone who could not love his child and simply tolerated him. Disgusting.
My step dad . ( my daddy) walked me down the isle. He never told ppl I wasn't blood related. When my first son was born my "daddy" was right there, he told the nurses the baby was good looking and took after paw paw.
He was an amazing man. He did everything for me. He did till he passed away. I was more close with him than my real mother... He was my everything. That's how step parents are... They are Real parents.. They show real love. I wish he was here so I could thank him again. For everything.
I agree so much with what everyone is saying about how you are treating this kid and situation. Your reasoning for not wanting him home with you is selfish and really just downright mean to someone that doesn't deserve it. Someone that has lost so much and will never have a fair dog in the fight of life because he'll always be competing with a sibling who gets two parents while he gets one. Not cool.
That being said. IF you had some real perspective and thoughts about the best interest of the child, you probably would have viewed this more from his view point. What 4 year old wants to be locked in a house with a step mom and newborn in the middle of summer because she's recovering and the baby is too young to do most fun things out in the heat and sun? And that daycare would actually make sense because he could play and socialize and actually get to have a fun summer. But since you only thought of reasons why you didn't want him there because your reasons and feelings are selfish, then I guess you really can't view it from the kids perspective of not wanting to be stuck in a house with you.
Re: Bad stepmother?
If he calls you mom then you need to shape up and fast because he will always wonder why his "mom" treats his sibling better. If you truly don't love this little boy and (from what it sounds like) have no intention of changing then you don't deserve the title of mom for him and he should call you Mrs. Lastname. You need to set the tone of the relationship you have with boy before you cause irreversible damage.
You've been in this boy's life for two years now. It's not like he showed up at your door last night with a note asking for food and shelter. You chose to marry a man with a child and that made you a mother the day you became a wife. It's time to start acting like it. My daughter was 2 when she met my husband and she was 4 when we got married and you wouldn't have known he was her step-father as close as they were even then. A lot can happen in two years but only if those involved are actually open to the possibilities.
Also, at 4, your son can actually be a big help to you with the new baby. He's not so young that you actually have to hold his hand every second of every day. He can bring you things while you are feeding or rocking the baby, he can can help soothe it or listen for it while you use the restroom or take a quick shower. There are lots of things a boy his age can do to help out.
I just want to say as a mom, step mom and a person who was legally adopted....
You are truely selfish!!!
Post this where you like and have moms say poor you, but what this is truly about it Love, acceptance, and human kindness.
You are setting your family up to fail, you are in love with a man but you do not accept part of him, and you are going to put dividers within your family and cause HATE!
Family isnt about blood, its about love.
Shame on you!!
I just sincerely hope that you take my advice, you'd be surprised at how fast feelings and thoughts can change. I wish you and your family the best!!!!!
Also, i think your stepson should stay in daycare for at least a month while you get acclimated with your baby.
Please refrain from dictating the way people respond. Because people get emotional in their responses doesn't mean it's unnecessary or uncalled for. And saying that is only stirring the pot. Now you're going to have all these women coming back at you and defending themselves and you're just going to get pissed and this post will get even uglier.
People here are honest, and passionate with their advice and the things they say. Just because you drive by wanting glitter farts and rainbow shit doesn't mean you're going to get it. You post the way you want to post as no one is dictating that to you, and let others post as they like as well.
That is your husband's son. I can understand having mixed feelings but not this late in the game. It's not like there is a witchy baby mama in the mix to make you resent him.
You obviously wouldn't have asked this question if you didn't feel the slightest bit irrational about the whole thing. Family counseling would be beneficial for all of you.
I was adopted by my step dad at 2yrs old. He was the only dad I knew. My parents had to tell me at 13 that he wasn't my real dad, because I believed he was!
Yes, being a step parent is hard. Yes, it's difficult to grow to love a stepchild as much as your own, but you better damn well try. The first time I met my husbands family I didn't know who which of his siblings were biological and which were steps. THAT is step parenting done correctly.
I get that it isn't for everyone, but if you marry someone with kids, you signed up to be their parent, whether you and your spouse explicitly discussed it or not. You suck it up and deal and treat that little boy (who probably ADORES you, OP, since you're all he's got) with all the love and respect he deserves. And as a PP said, a 4 year old is a lot more independent than a toddler and he can help you out more than you realize. He deserves the bonding time too, not to be shut up on daycare for 3 months while you coo and coddle over YOUR baby and neglect him (and as a reminder he is YOUR kid as well, whether or not you want to admit it). He is a part of your family, and you need to treat him as such. If you absolutely need to put him in daycare because you need one less thing to deal with as a FTM (which I get; you're going to feel overwhelmed), do so part time. Don't shut him out. He AND his father will grow to resent you if you start treating him differently than his new sibling.
My husband became angry as soon as I read the post and what happened next touched my heart forever.....
My 13 year old who is not a "hugger" anymore, got up from the table.... walked to his step father... wrapped his arms around him and told him he loved him. He told his step father thank you for being so awesome, and then he told him thank you for everything he did for him.
My 13 year old then looked at me and said, " thanks mom for finding someone special that accepted us too"
I couldnt imagine my step children being greated as out casts in their home. When I fell in love with my husband, I fell in love with every part of him and part of him was two beautiful children.
YOU OP NEED TO STEP BACK AND MAYBE THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR HUSBAND!! You knew posting this post that you would not have a ton of support in your feelings. YOU KNEW GOING INTO IT THAT YOU WERE NOT BEING FAIR TO A CHILD!! Honestly your HUSBAND seams a bit blind because knowing your feeling I wouldnt trust you with my childs heart by any means, he is safer in daycare where he has a chance to be loved by someone.
Love isnt about what blood you have running through your veins, it is about passion and caring! Not only is he your husbands child (a part of the man you love) he is a child, your are caring his sibbling, and you have a chnace in life to make a real impact on that little guys life. Instead of getting over yourself you choose to be selfish and child like, and are forgetting YOU are supposed to be the adult in this situation!!
I hope that little boy finds a woman figure to mold his life, someone who will love and be there for him.
I am so glad I have the family I do!!
That little boy is completely innocent, he didn't pick you to be his stepmother, so I would stop acting as if you were put into this situation unknowingly. You knew full well while you were dating your husband that you would have to love your husband as well as his son. It's not fair to the boy to act like that.
I do think that you need to spend some more time with your stepson and if you have an open-heart (which you should when it comes to a stepchild) I guarantee that you will fall in love with him. I would do this before the baby is here so that you can establish a healthy relationship with him, and he's comfortable with you and you're comfortable with him. And who knows, you may decide you'd like to have him home with you guys. Kids that age love to help, let him be involved in taking care of the baby (picking out clothes to wear, grabbing a diaper, playing with the baby, etc) and you'll find that he may take a small load of things off your shoulders.
I agree. You said yourself on this board that you're a bad step mom. We're just agreeing. And on 2nd tri, you said you're a bad person. We're just agreeing there also.
Edit for spelling
My heart hurts for that 4 year old boy, and every person on here that was a step child and was treated differently. You are a horrible person for just putting up with that boy, and not wanting to parent him. I truly hope you can get over yourself, and learn to be less selfish. I'm not even sure what it is to be just a step parent, because from what I have seen in my life is a step parent is the equivalent of a parent. If my husband and I ever get divorced or I pass I hope he marries someone who loves our kids as fiercely as I do.
@thismakes5 & @GSUDavis Shit. You guys gettin' all sentimental and shit making me cry!
I don't have any ties with step parents or anything on my side of the family, but I did just call my mommy and told her how much I
her anyway. 
He was an amazing man. He did everything for me. He did till he passed away. I was more close with him than my real mother... He was my everything. That's how step parents are... They are Real parents.. They show real love. I wish he was here so I could thank him again. For everything.
That being said. IF you had some real perspective and thoughts about the best interest of the child, you probably would have viewed this more from his view point. What 4 year old wants to be locked in a house with a step mom and newborn in the middle of summer because she's recovering and the baby is too young to do most fun things out in the heat and sun? And that daycare would actually make sense because he could play and socialize and actually get to have a fun summer. But since you only thought of reasons why you didn't want him there because your reasons and feelings are selfish, then I guess you really can't view it from the kids perspective of not wanting to be stuck in a house with you.
Poor kid.