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Told the ultrasound tech we didn't want to know the gender but she accidentally told us... :(

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Re: Told the ultrasound tech we didn't want to know the gender but she accidentally told us... :(

  • missmarissa711missmarissa711 member


    CaliforniaDream87 said:



    Long story short-TB began banning old members who had been on this site, supporting other women for years. That caused a major uproar and exodus (to another site). You can feel the difference.

    I like you though. You take advice with thick skin. You seem like a smart girl. As a FTM, it's important to research and find what methods work best for you. Yes, advice is great but it's also about going in with your eyes wide opened. Parenting is hard. That's why I feel like it's important to be honest here. No sugar coating needed :)



    Thank you! And yes, absolutely! All the second, third, fourth time moms are who I am looking up to most. because honestly, I can read every book in the world, take every class given, practice with other babies, but once my baby is born its a whole different story! As my mother likes to put it "Having your first is like life bitch slapping you into a gear that you never come out of" lol.
    Always hold on to hope ❤
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  • Hairdesignee6Hairdesignee6 member
    I wouldn't really care but that's just me.
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  • GirlOnTheBeachGirlOnTheBeach member
    Marissalynn0620 said:

    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    You said the tech cried? That means she felt bad. I really don't see the big deal as you can still have your party. The meaning of the AS has become so diluted. Scary.

    I really miss the old bump. Where this "sparkly/shitting rainbows and butterflies" and "you're supposed to be supportive and not mean" crap didn't exist without a flaming episode.


    LOL shitting rainbows. Wouldn't that be nice! The old bump sounds like a bunch of women talking real to eachother, I wish I could have been a part of it!
    It was so much better! You could actually get a ton of great advice about just about anything! I learned SO MUCH and it absolutely drives me crazy to see how much inaccurate knowledge gets posted as advice around here now. Also, how eager people are to run in and support the madness... The bump was definitely more real before ;-)


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  • MamaMcBrideMamaMcBride member
    Just have the party anyways, if the whole point of it was to be in celebration of this child in lieu of a second shower then its still just as valid as it was before- your surprise isn't necessary to other people celebrating your baby. Its not a "waste" because you'll still have a great time with your family/friends. Being grateful for the blessing of a healthy little boy is so much more relevant and important than being contrary about what are essentially first world problems- when you've had time to reflect on this you're going to realize how silly this is and you'll feel better about the whole situation.

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  • laurasuzanne2006laurasuzanne2006 member
    My friend found out for both pregnancies at her anatomy scans her sons wouldn't survive long after birth. Get some perspective
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  • Starynightsky24Starynightsky24 member
    JemHolo2015 said:

    Just because someone provides a service doesn't mean it's their job to bow to your every whim. If I hire a babysitter, I don't expect her to clean my house just because it would make me happy and it's sort of tangential to her job. There are some sitters that go above and beyond, but that doesn't mean it should be expected.

    This is even more true in the medical field, where services are just as targeted (If not more so) to what patients need as to what they want. An US tech is there to provide a specific service - scanning your baby to make sure it's developing properly. Plenty of techs play along with the gender reveal stuff because they are nice people, but please don't confuse that with the service you're actually paying them for, which is infinitely more important. Your $262 pays for the scan, not the gender reveal assist. If you want to procure gender services from a company that is targeted at your gender reveal experience, pay for an elective ultrasound.

    People forget that an AS isn't to find out the gender. That's a fun extra bonus, but there is a medical purpose to the procedure, people!

    Lol. I Bet if you were team green you may not feel this way. A babysitter's job is to do what the mother of the children asks her to do. Cleaning is extra. As in, a comparison to that would be the tech spending extra time or giving her extra pictures for NO REASON. You bet I'd expect her to do what I asked of her with my children. Or, what to tell me, or not to tell me on the US.

    It may have been a mistake, or not the biggest deal, but either way what the tech did was unacceptable.

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  • Starynightsky24Starynightsky24 member
    It's also absolutely not the tech's "job" to tell you the sex. What does that have to do with the health and growth of a baby anyway? I get that she forgot... But that was a terrible mistake.

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  • SbuxtonteachesSbuxtonteaches member
    In another message board, you told someone they were overreacting and questioned their experience at an ultra sound. I think you - yourself - have not always been so empathetic on here. Yet you are upset you didn't get the response you wanted.
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  • ltasz13ltasz13 member
    Yes this happened to me on Monday. The tech was new and was super sorry but it still sucked because I spent so much time getting this party together. At least my family will be suprised though. And my baby is healthy so that is what I was mostly worried about. Feeling thankful for that.
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  • emshredderemshredder member
    You sound like a brat. When I went to my anatomy scan I was so nervous because I just wanted everything to be okay with my baby. If it was a boy or girl was the farthest thing from my mind. Yeah it sucks the tech ruined your surprise, but crap happens that you don't expect. You can't get depressed every time something doesn't go your way.
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  • neludeluneludelu member
    AllyseGrant said:

    JemHolo2015 said:

    AllyseGrant said:

    I think you are majorly overreacting. Welcome to being a parent. You can make all the plans you want, but sometimes plans go awry. Is it ok and normal to feel some disappointment when that happens? Sure. But to feel "depressed" and "devastated" is ridiculous. The tech made a mistake, but catering to gender reveal party wishes isn't a tech's job.

    Focus on what matters. You're having a healthy baby boy. And you still get to experience the gender reveal (which is a tradition that's been around for about a hot minute, btw) with your family and friends. "NOTHING" is going to bring back your excitement? Um, how about having a baby?! So you didn't find out the gender the way you planned. Put on your big girl panties and get over it, because how and when the gender is revealed to you does not matter even a little bit in the grand scheme of things.
    I am already a parent thanks. Since baby showers are pretty 'taboo' with second children I really wanted a special event for this child to celebrate. I do feel devastated considering over $500+ was spent on planning this event and I feel like "faking a surprise reaction" kinda sucks regardless if its only a tradition that's been a round for a 'minute'. Thankfully I'm not one of those people that wanted to wait until birth because I could only imagine how they would of felt. I feel like I got a blow to the chest because the anticipation was crushed instead of a special moment with my husband I got one by myself. Maybe you are very impatient and want to know your gender ASAP but this was special to me. Thanks for your input but I'm pretty sure I asked for comforting words not a 'internet bad-ass' to pop my bubble further.
    Sorry to offend your delicate snowflake sensibilities. You don't get to request only "comforting" replies on a message board, so you might as well know that some people's response to your post will be a giant eye roll. There are thousands of couples out there who would give anything to have a healthy baby. Perhaps think about them and how lucky you are when your moaning about the fact that your party won't go exactly how you planned.
    Well I have never been on a message board, I just assumed it would be filled with mature women (wrong I guess) who all share a bond of motherhood. Thanks for your input, I guess I just learned less 101 of message board rude people.
    -------


    So because someone doesn't agree with you they are immature? (Insert side eye). I don't see anyone being rude I feel some people were trying to provide a more positive perspective. However, there are many of us who went to the same type of scan that you went to and we found out scary things a lot of us would kill to have had that as the biggest issue of the day. Pull yourself together it was a mistake and it sucks but it is nothing to be devistated or depressed about.
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  • gingerygirlgingerygirl member
    ...what did i just read?
    True, we don't know exactly what you've been through, but you don't know what we've been through either. With my last pregnancy we were told everything was fine when two days later I went in to labor at 23 weeks and my girl didn't survive. Be happy that you have a healthy baby. Get over it that you didn't find out the way you wanted to. Just like how you're not going to find out about his first girlfriend, his grades in school, or anything else in his life the way you want to. Welcome to motherhood. It's not all rainbows and daisies.
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  • tlpyotttlpyott member
    @Huler I wish I could "love" your post more than once!
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  • evolala13evolala13 member
    Amandacarrera516 said:

    I'm sorry but are you serious? You should just be happy your baby is healthy. At my 19 week appointment we were told our son had half a brain and half a heart and to terminate. I'd gladly have a tech make a simple mistake as yours. Reality check.

    I started crying when I read this. I am so sorry.
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  • jesicabrennanjesicabrennan member
    I'm team green and I would be disappointed but I WOULD GET OVER IT and I would never come here asking for support. I've had miscarriages and dealt with infertility, THOSE require support, a tech making a mistake??? No, just no. Be disappointed all you want but devastated is the wrong word.
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  • kingkellyekingkellye member
    The only change regarding the party will be that one person (you) knows the surprise. I think it can still be a great celebration! Just think of how fun it will be to watch others' reactions, namely your husband's. We were going to do a gender reveal party and not find out until the nig reveal at the party, but we've changed our minds. We are going to find out at the u/s and keep it a secret until the party. Im so excited to see everyone's reaction and not worry or focus on
    my own. It sucks that your plans didn't happen as you wanted, but don't let it ruin everything! Best to you!
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  • sschwegesschwege member
    Starynightsky24 said:

    JemHolo2015 said:

    Just because someone provides a service doesn't mean it's their job to bow to your every whim. If I hire a babysitter, I don't expect her to clean my house just because it would make me happy and it's sort of tangential to her job. There are some sitters that go above and beyond, but that doesn't mean it should be expected.

    This is even more true in the medical field, where services are just as targeted (If not more so) to what patients need as to what they want. An US tech is there to provide a specific service - scanning your baby to make sure it's developing properly. Plenty of techs play along with the gender reveal stuff because they are nice people, but please don't confuse that with the service you're actually paying them for, which is infinitely more important. Your $262 pays for the scan, not the gender reveal assist. If you want to procure gender services from a company that is targeted at your gender reveal experience, pay for an elective ultrasound.

    People forget that an AS isn't to find out the gender. That's a fun extra bonus, but there is a medical purpose to the procedure, people!

    Lol. I Bet if you were team green you may not feel this way. A babysitter's job is to do what the mother of the children asks her to do. Cleaning is extra. As in, a comparison to that would be the tech spending extra time or giving her extra pictures for NO REASON. You bet I'd expect her to do what I asked of her with my children. Or, what to tell me, or not to tell me on the US.

    It may have been a mistake, or not the biggest deal, but either way what the tech did was unacceptable.
    An anatomy scan is to check and make sure baby is growing and the organs are all there and measuring properly.  Not to check the sex of the baby!  I mean if the tech decided not to check the heart because, well it was getting late and she wanted to go home then that's a problem.  She is not doing her job and that would be 'unacceptable' as you say.  The tech did her job and checked what she was supposed to check and accidentally revealed the sex of the baby.   

    We were Team Green with our first two and are with this baby as well.  If the tech had slipped I would have been disappointed, no doubt about it.  But I would still be focused on the bigger picture here, a healthy baby!  I certainly wouldn't be blaming the tech or calling what she did 'unacceptable', it was a mistake for Pete's sake, it wasn't intentional!    
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  • BlueWaffleSpeshulBlueWaffleSpeshul member
    JemHolo2015 said:

    Just because someone provides a service doesn't mean it's their job to bow to your every whim. If I hire a babysitter, I don't expect her to clean my house just because it would make me happy and it's sort of tangential to her job. There are some sitters that go above and beyond, but that doesn't mean it should be expected.

    This is even more true in the medical field, where services are just as targeted (If not more so) to what patients need as to what they want. An US tech is there to provide a specific service - scanning your baby to make sure it's developing properly. Plenty of techs play along with the gender reveal stuff because they are nice people, but please don't confuse that with the service you're actually paying them for, which is infinitely more important. Your $262 pays for the scan, not the gender reveal assist. If you want to procure gender services from a company that is targeted at your gender reveal experience, pay for an elective ultrasound.

    People forget that an AS isn't to find out the gender. That's a fun extra bonus, but there is a medical purpose to the procedure, people!

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  • bashfulbirdbashfulbird member
    Starynightsky24 said:


    JemHolo2015 said:

    Starynightsky24 said:

    JemHolo2015 said:

    I think you are majorly overreacting. Welcome to being a parent. You can make all the plans you want, but sometimes plans go awry. Is it ok and normal to feel some disappointment when that happens? Sure. But to feel "depressed" and "devastated" is ridiculous. The tech made a mistake, but catering to gender reveal party wishes isn't a tech's job.

    Focus on what matters. You're having a healthy baby boy. And you still get to experience the gender reveal (which is a tradition that's been around for about a hot minute, btw) with your family and friends. "NOTHING" is going to bring back your excitement? Um, how about having a baby?! So you didn't find out the gender the way you planned. Put on your big girl panties and get over it, because how and when the gender is revealed to you does not matter even a little bit in the grand scheme of things.

    I disagree with this. It's the tech's job to abide by her wishes. She is providing a service. It's like ordering a meal at a restaurant without a certain sauce and then not recieving it. It's not what you ordered- not what you paid for. And this is way worse than that because she's playing with her patients emotions.

    OP I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Congrats on the boy!
    It's a tech's job to measure the baby and report to the doctor so they can confirm that your pregnancy is progressing normally and your baby is healthy. I know two US techs, and both feel that all the gender reveal nonsense pulls their focus from doing their job. Your restaurant comparison is apples to oranges. When you go to a restaurant the purpose is to get food, so getting what you order is integral to that purpose. The purpose of an ultrasound isn't to facilitate a gender reveal party.
    Nope. Healthcare is a service... it's something you PAY FOR OUT OF REQUEST. It's easily compared to a million things. It doesn't matter if it's inconvenient. When it comes down to it, it's about what the patient wants... In everything. Her pregnancy, her body, her choice.
    You might call it a service, but there are protocols, that can not be compared to the service you receive a restaurant or repair shop.  Yes its our body and we may make requests, but just a with birth-plans sometimes things get lost in the shuffle. Sorry if this disappoints, but it is reality.
    Be the Change.
    Make no assumptions
    Take nothing personally
    Be impeccable with your word
    Do your best

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  • amk013amk013 member
    edited March 2015
    bashfulbird said:

    Starynightsky24 said:


    JemHolo2015 said:

    Starynightsky24 said:

    JemHolo2015 said:

    I think you are majorly overreacting. Welcome to being a parent. You can make all the plans you want, but sometimes plans go awry. Is it ok and normal to feel some disappointment when that happens? Sure. But to feel "depressed" and "devastated" is ridiculous. The tech made a mistake, but catering to gender reveal party wishes isn't a tech's job.

    Focus on what matters. You're having a healthy baby boy. And you still get to experience the gender reveal (which is a tradition that's been around for about a hot minute, btw) with your family and friends. "NOTHING" is going to bring back your excitement? Um, how about having a baby?! So you didn't find out the gender the way you planned. Put on your big girl panties and get over it, because how and when the gender is revealed to you does not matter even a little bit in the grand scheme of things.

    I disagree with this. It's the tech's job to abide by her wishes. She is providing a service. It's like ordering a meal at a restaurant without a certain sauce and then not recieving it. It's not what you ordered- not what you paid for. And this is way worse than that because she's playing with her patients emotions.

    OP I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Congrats on the boy!
    It's a tech's job to measure the baby and report to the doctor so they can confirm that your pregnancy is progressing normally and your baby is healthy. I know two US techs, and both feel that all the gender reveal nonsense pulls their focus from doing their job. Your restaurant comparison is apples to oranges. When you go to a restaurant the purpose is to get food, so getting what you order is integral to that purpose. The purpose of an ultrasound isn't to facilitate a gender reveal party.
    Nope. Healthcare is a service... it's something you PAY FOR OUT OF REQUEST. It's easily compared to a million things. It doesn't matter if it's inconvenient. When it comes down to it, it's about what the patient wants... In everything. Her pregnancy, her body, her choice.
    You might call it a service, but there are protocols, that can not be compared to the service you receive a restaurant or repair shop.  Yes its our body and we may make requests, but just a with birth-plans sometimes things get lost in the shuffle. Sorry if this disappoints, but it is reality.
    Exactly. Healthcare is not Burger King. You can't have everything your way. There are clinical guidelines and laws set for the providers to follow. Of course a patient has a right to refuse treatment, change providers, etc, but it is ridiculous to think that the patient controls the situation. I can't imagine how screwed up people would be if their providers allowed them to do all of the crazy ideas they get from the Internet.

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  • carleym93carleym93 member
    I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt by the ruined surprise. That can be hard. I had my level 2 today and couldn't find out the gender because baby wasn't cooperating. However, whoever they are is healthy and active and I am OVER THE MOON about that, especially after reading about all the women on this board who are scared or didn't have such great results. A little empathy and perspective could really go a long way in this situation. I think you will enjoy surprising your husband just as much as you would have enjoyed being surprised yourself.
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  • Starynightsky24Starynightsky24 member
    amk013 said:

    bashfulbird said:

    Starynightsky24 said:


    JemHolo2015 said:

    Starynightsky24 said:

    JemHolo2015 said:

    I think you are majorly overreacting. Welcome to being a parent. You can make all the plans you want, but sometimes plans go awry. Is it ok and normal to feel some disappointment when that happens? Sure. But to feel "depressed" and "devastated" is ridiculous. The tech made a mistake, but catering to gender reveal party wishes isn't a tech's job.

    Focus on what matters. You're having a healthy baby boy. And you still get to experience the gender reveal (which is a tradition that's been around for about a hot minute, btw) with your family and friends. "NOTHING" is going to bring back your excitement? Um, how about having a baby?! So you didn't find out the gender the way you planned. Put on your big girl panties and get over it, because how and when the gender is revealed to you does not matter even a little bit in the grand scheme of things.

    I disagree with this. It's the tech's job to abide by her wishes. She is providing a service. It's like ordering a meal at a restaurant without a certain sauce and then not recieving it. It's not what you ordered- not what you paid for. And this is way worse than that because she's playing with her patients emotions.

    OP I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Congrats on the boy!
    It's a tech's job to measure the baby and report to the doctor so they can confirm that your pregnancy is progressing normally and your baby is healthy. I know two US techs, and both feel that all the gender reveal nonsense pulls their focus from doing their job. Your restaurant comparison is apples to oranges. When you go to a restaurant the purpose is to get food, so getting what you order is integral to that purpose. The purpose of an ultrasound isn't to facilitate a gender reveal party.
    Nope. Healthcare is a service... it's something you PAY FOR OUT OF REQUEST. It's easily compared to a million things. It doesn't matter if it's inconvenient. When it comes down to it, it's about what the patient wants... In everything. Her pregnancy, her body, her choice.
    You might call it a service, but there are protocols, that can not be compared to the service you receive a restaurant or repair shop.  Yes its our body and we may make requests, but just a with birth-plans sometimes things get lost in the shuffle. Sorry if this disappoints, but it is reality.
    Exactly. Healthcare is not Burger King. You can't have everything your way. There are clinical guidelines and laws set for the providers to follow. Of course a patient has a right to refuse treatment, change providers, etc, but it is ridiculous to think that the patient controls the situation. I can't imagine how screwed up people would be if their providers allowed them to do all of the crazy ideas they get from the Internet.

    When someone is doing something FOR ME I expect my wishes to be carried out. I'm not saying it wasn't a mistake or that there isn't a bigger picture... I'm only saying its ridiculous to me that a simple request like that couldn't be carried out. Obviously the tech was apologetic and felt bad, but again it's just about that she should not had done it.

    It wasn't a life or death or complications type thing such as a birth plan. It also wasn't like she looked at the sex and noticed something wrong with the organs. There was no reason for her to do that.

    I'm only saying I understand OP's disappointment.

    Also, I do expect to control the situation. If I decided to do delayed cord clamping, for example, I'd expect it to be done. Doctors are only given decisions under life or death emergencies. You sign permission for EVERYTHING. Obviously you should definitely listen to your doctor. However, these types of things do not apply to OP's situation.

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  • diwersendiwersen member
    If people want the 'old bump' let's stop discussing a party non of us care about and give attention to some of the more legitimate posts?
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    diwersen said:

    If people want the 'old bump' let's stop discussing a party non of us care about and give attention to some of the more legitimate posts?

    Oh yea... Cause that will bring it back. If you pay attention you would see the majority of the active posters do just that.

    Thanks though...
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  • taboullio84taboullio84 member
    Years from now you will be telling this story and laughing about it. Congratulations on your healthy boy.
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  • hitcj4687hitcj4687 member
    I cannot believe everyone is being so hostile because she's disappointed it didn't go as planned! Of course I'm sure she realizes she's lucky to have a healthy baby but remember we all have extra hormones right now and there's no reason to attack her because she is upset it didn't go how she wanted. Our pregnancies are special and each women wants different things to make it special. Dear God, forgive her for not having a child with any handicaps... Yes, it's awful to have a child with any issues or to find out your baby isn't healthy... But she luckily doesn't have that issue. Which is good! I'm sorry your gender reveal was ruined for you, you can always try again next time if you choose to have more children. I would be upset too.
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  • cowboys2009cowboys2009 member
    AllyseGrant said:

    As I said I was looking for words of comfort apparently this is the wrong type of board or social media for me, this isn't my first go around I've had loss before this pregnancy so wanting some extra special of a surprise after trying for so long was important to me.

    You don't know what I HAVE BEEN THROUGH and I'm going to leave it at that and find somewhere else online.

    GBCB!

    Bye Felicia.
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  • BlueWaffleSpeshulBlueWaffleSpeshul member
    edited March 2015
    Starynightsky24 said:

    bashfulbird said:

    Starynightsky24 said:


    JemHolo2015 said:

    Starynightsky24 said:

    JemHolo2015 said:

    *snip*

    When someone is doing something FOR ME I expect my wishes to be carried out. I'm not saying it wasn't a mistake or that there isn't a bigger picture... I'm only saying its ridiculous to me that a simple request like that couldn't be carried out. Obviously the tech was apologetic and felt bad, but again it's just about that she should not had done it.

    It wasn't a life or death or complications type thing such as a birth plan. It also wasn't like she looked at the sex and noticed something wrong with the organs. There was no reason for her to do that.

    I'm only saying I understand OP's disappointment.

    Also, I do expect to control the situation. If I decided to do delayed cord clamping, for example, I'd expect it to be done. Doctors are only given decisions under life or death emergencies. You sign permission for EVERYTHING. Obviously you should definitely listen to your doctor. However, these types of things do not apply to OP's situation.
    *Effing quote boxes*



    These aren't always followed to the letter either, and aren't life or death. It is a plan, how you would like your L&D to flow. You should always be prepared for things to go another way.

    I'm not being mean, before anyone accuses me of that. But birth rarely goes as planned.

    Edit to trim that monster tree and fix the quote mess.
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  • Jones071507Jones071507 member
    @xsunshinelady15 That, that right there is the drama I was talking about. Grown women using the Internet as a cover up to bully and make fun of other women. Seriously??
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