im sure it's been posted so don't kill me .i do not have the best relationship with my mil . I tried for many years and she just basically told me out right she wasn't that type of person and didn't want a relationship . After I got pregnant like I predicted it all changed she wanted to buy everything for our baby which I'm very appreciative for ..and now she wants to talk everyday Etc.... . I only want my mom and my husband at the hospital I would prefer my mil stay home because she has 5 other kids oldest being 16 and I don't want her in the delivery room because I don't want to entertain anyone and I don't want my husband to feel like he has to go out and update her every 5 mins with her in the waiting room . Bottom line is she's not my mom and it would be awkward for me given our "relationship". Has anyone dealt with this how did their husbands deal with it . Mine feels like im putting him in an awkward situation .
Re: Mother in law in delivery room
With that being said, if your DH wants her at the hospital as well (like in the waiting room) you need to accept that. However, maybe you can work out a schedule for updates. Chances are your labor could take a while (I'm assuming you're a ftm????). You will likely only get checked for progress every hour or so. Maybe make that his update schedule???
I know it's a difficult situation! Good luck and just keep it in your mind that this is your situation and you should have as much control as possible because lord knows when it comes to birthing a baby, we rarely ever have very much control over anything.
I have a tough mil as well who is pretty bad with boundaries. My sil tried to talk to my mil when she was going on another one of her "our baby" rants about crowd control at the hospital and how she knows I don't want a ton of people out in the waiting room. My mil got annoyed and said to my sil that she doesn't want a phone call until after the baby is born then because she knows she won't be able to respect my wishes and will try to get into the delivery room. I also know that she will probably send out a mass email and Facebook message about my status and show up to the hospital with an entourage which I definitely do not want....
Sorry that turned into sort of a rant. I have pictured myself many times yelling "get out" if she tries to come in the room and then later blaming it on the hormones. Maybe you could try that if she tries to come in the room? Lol
Maybe you can do something similar so that your MIL isn't offended. She in no way should be, but if she's anything like my MIL .... she's fragile and I have to walk on eggshells around her.
First off, set realistic expectations. I was pretty clear with my MIL with DD what my delivery plans were. I let them all know we would call when we got admitted so they could wait in the waiting room and that after baby arrived, they would be allowed to come in and see the baby for a few moments, but then should go so we could get some rest. MIL was dissapointed but after reminding her how I'd still be recovering and in pain and wouldn't really be up for visitors right after she got it. The day of she knew what to expect. We made sure to call her the next day to let her know when it was ok to visit, but asked to keep the visit short so baby and I could get sleep.
If it's a big problem, let her know that the hospital only allows 2 people in the delivery room with you and just let the hospital staff know which two and that you don't want anyone else coming in.
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Just talking about this gets my blood pressure up too--theres family on both sides that can be extremely overbearing but hang in there and don't let them reuin your time. I plan on ignoring the fact that theres people waiting for as long as possible, it's not about them!
As far as his comment that its "his day too" He is sort of right, once the baby is born, then you partly share the day. As far as labor, that is just about YOU!!! Until he is the one naked, in pain and incredibly vulnerable, then he does not get to pick who sees you like that. His only job is to support you and to make the process as easy as possible. You say that you are fine with her coming to the hospital once you and baby are cleaned up and ready. That is when it also becomes his day, when baby is there.
I completely agree with others that say it seems like he will be the type that keeps leaving to update his mom if she is in the waiting room. I would shut that down completely, but if you want to compromise, you can say that he can call her once you reach XX cm (4 or 5 maybe?) then once you hit X cm (8?) he is no longer allowed to leave you to update her. And she certainly does not enter the room in that first hour post delivery. All I heard from the teacher in my birthing class was the importance of that hour to the bonding with the baby. Baby should remain skin to skin and you breast feed for the first time then(assuming you are). Tell her that your Doctor insists private time for that first hour. She can research it, its scientifically valid.
Good luck! My MIL lives on the other side of the country and isn't coming for a month post due date! I think I'll be ready for her by then.
I know very few women that have their mother in laws in the room. Nope, not even that, I do not know any that let their mother in laws in the room. It would have to be a unique situation where you have a very tight bond, which is clearly not the case here. Your husband might need to talk to friends with kids, as I bet he will discover that. Even if you find someone who did invite MIL, it would still be for mother, because she wanted them there, not for the father that she would be invited in.
When I said its his day too, I in no way meant to criticize you. It was a tongue in cheek statement. When you are in labor, nothing is about him. Once baby comes and everyone is recovered slightly, then it can be about him a little.
Also something you might want to show your husband- On the Dads and Dads to be section there is a question on who gets to be in the room. One of the questions specifically ask who gets to vote on who is in the room- EVERYONE answered "My wife" haha!
Whether you show it to him or not, you can at least feel good about your stance! It should be your choice!
You didn't need her assistance or presence making the baby so you don't need it bringing baby into the world.
Show her now where her limits are before its to late.
If daddy doesn't want to comply, simply tell him if he wants her in there watching the most intimate moment together, you will just go ahead and give her a detailed description of how it happened that night 9 months ago. Trust me he will be blowing her phone up feeling her she can't be there
I can see why your husband is upset about offending his mom but honestly it sounds like he needs to cut the cord from her a bit. This is a very personal and special time that is between you and your DH. People get so excited about new babies (understandably.. They are awesome!) and sometimes forget about common courtesy. I think that you and your DH should sit down and have a rational conversation about it without anyone being attacked.. Which is hard when we are so far along and hormonal. Maybe set up a plan for her to come up when you are X centimeters and explain that you both would like to spend some time bonding your baby before guests start rushing in.
Or you could do what I did; move to another country! There will be no one in the delivery room but my fiancée and doula. And the whole family will get the same exact Viber message once kiddo arrives so there aren't any "favorites" on who heard first.
Also she told my husband that she's heartbroken because I don't want her in the room during delivery ( she's not my mom I won't apologize for that ) and because my mom gets to do everything with olivia (my unborn baby ) lol but like I said she does not make time when we try to include her .and the only person who really gets to do things with my daughter is me because hello she's not born yet! Lol .
I'm willing to compromise I told my husband she can come after the epidural . But will not be allowed in the room during delivery .im not sorry for having a good relationship with my mom though and wanting her there during delivery