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"I am not going to be the parent who..."

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Re: "I am not going to be the parent who..."

  • lindsladle15lindsladle15 member
    STM and no baby ear-piercing for 1st or 2nd!
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    ngaines27 said:

    mellymar said:

    I'm not going to be the mom who freaks out over every tumble, and follow behind with antibacterial wipes for their hands. Tumbles build character, and dirt on hands builds immune systems

    I call these moms "helicopter moms" and they annoy me.
    Yeah. I'm pretty sure we all ate dirt as children. Or, at least I know I did.
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  • HoosOnFirstHoosOnFirst member
    I actually WANT my kid to eat dirt and such. I have a theory it makes for a good immune system. Based on my own upbringing :) I never get sick!

    A little different, but I won't be a parent that always tries to explain both sides of an argument. Particularly on social issues. I think parents sometimes err on the side of not providing perspective. If someone is being racist or homophobic for example, I'm not gonna say "well some people believe XYZ". I WILL say "some people believe XYZ but they are wrong and here's what we believe". Ain't got time for that crap.
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  • mamameghanmamameghan member
    I've been thinking about this all day and finally found one. I'm a STM and I won't be the mom that runs to the pediatrician with every little question. Silly things like when can I take my baby swimming and what should I do about this diaper rash. Every doctor has a different opinion and I really like to parent based off instinct. Of course, there's good reason to go to the ped but there's a lot of not good reasons. Trust yourself!
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  • enigmaticjjenigmaticjj member
    In no particular order...

    1. I don't want to be the parent who is over posting things on social media (no need for anyone to see him/her potty training or in the bathtub and no one needs or cares to know if I just had to clean up puke, etc) - besides no one wanting to see this, I figure its also for the child's own privacy
    2. I hope I can maintain a healthy balance of electronics so they can see the light of day and play with other toys (I'll see how long I can keep my cell to myself...)
    3. I don't want to be the person who won't let my husband be able to take care of the baby without me - I'm determined to make sure he has the chance to be able to take care of her without me so he's not someone who doesn't know how to take care of their own child
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  • ElRubyElRuby member
    amhowell14 said:


    "I am not going to be the parent who...

    Never says never! As a TTM, you will eat those words. ;)

    Totally the point of me starting this thread!!!
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    aliciaspinnet said:

    ElRuby said:

    amhowell14 said:


    "I am not going to be the parent who...

    Never says never! As a TTM, you will eat those words. ;)

    Totally the point of me starting this thread!!!
    I think we need to all come back to this post in a few years and see how many resolutions we've broken. :)
    Exactly. I'm fully looking forward to coming back and laughing at my naïveté

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  • akmhbm924akmhbm924 member
    amhowell14 said:


    "I am not going to be the parent who...

    Never says never! As a TTM, you will eat those words. ;)

    Exactly this! I'm a STM, and I've done things I NEVER thought I'd do!
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  • karaelaine1991karaelaine1991 member
    enigmaticjj said:

    In no particular order...


    1. I don't want to be the parent who is over posting things on social media (no need for anyone to see him/her potty training or in the bathtub and no one needs or cares to know if I just had to clean up puke, etc) - besides no one wanting to see this, I figure its also for the child's own privacy
    2. I hope I can maintain a healthy balance of electronics so they can see the light of day and play with other toys (I'll see how long I can keep my cell to myself...)
    3. I don't want to be the person who won't let my husband be able to take care of the baby without me - I'm determined to make sure he has the chance to be able to take care of her without me so he's not someone who doesn't know how to take care of their own child
    I love your number 3. My husband is actually going to be having DD all to himself all day every Saturday from very early on because I have an internship. I know it's going to be tough on me to have to not have that family time, but for him, it's fantastic. I absolutely love how excited he is to have one-on-one time with her. It's adorable :)
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  • CurlyMom78CurlyMom78 member
    FTM:
    1) I'm not going to be a helicopter parent...see too many at work
    2) no co-sleeping (we already have a dog that does that...big mistake) plus I've seen how hard it is for them to stop.
    3) no tantrums in public
    4) limit electronic use and learn to use her imagination (this one is hard since we use our electronic devices a lot)
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  • ElRubyElRuby member
    CurlyMom78 said:

    FTM:
    1) I'm not going to be a helicopter parent...see too many at work
    2) no co-sleeping (we already have a dog that does that...big mistake) plus I've seen how hard it is for them to stop.
    3) no tantrums in public
    4) limit electronic use and learn to use her imagination (this one is hard since we use our electronic devices a lot)

    How are you going to avoid public tantrums? You can only control your own behaviors, not theirs.
    MamaBish said:

    mamahawk12 said:

    Chuckling at so many of these. Mostly the "I will not make separate meals" comments. Believe me, I was that person too, pre kids. But are you REALLY going to withhold food from your 2 or 3 year old because they don't like what you made? There is a difference between a picky 10 year old and a picky toddler. They don't understand the concept of "eat what I've made you or you will get nothing." All they know is that they are hungry. So you tell yourself, "if they are really hungry, they will eat it." No. No they will not. At the end of the day, you aren't going to starve your kids. And some kids are more picky than others. It's just life, not the way you parent.

    I was one that said I wouldn't make separate meals but I was implying for a child old enough to get it. I assumed that would be understood, but I can see how it can look otherwise.

    My husband thinks it's possible to say that his child (of any age) will not throw public tantrums. I think it's hilarious that he thinks this :)
    I, like you, am in the camp of no separate meals for older children as well... After this post I understand the need to clarify that these sort of ideals do not apply to toddlers! I don't understand when parents make separate meals for their middle schoolers but my 3 year old has has the occasional PB&J for dinner...luckily he tends to eat well .. But I am not going to get in a pointless control battle over food at this stage! I do expect him to try new things when appropriate.
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  • mamahawk12mamahawk12 member
    In my FTM mind, it was a slippery slope. If you start with the separate meals at a young age, they will grow to expect it as standard. But then I had kids and realized that was crazy and unrealistic and my kids needed to EAT. Even if that meant chicken nuggets for the third night in a row. I still have a picky 2 year old with a short list of acceptable items, and we have to constantly work to add things to that list. But our 4 year old will eat anything that is presented to him - so I'm hopeful it's just a toddler phase for the little one!
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  • ElRubyElRuby member
    sideboth said:

    Cracking up over these as a STM.  Pick your battles (and there will be many to be had)  Don't beat yourself up over your "perceived" failures.  It's always a much bigger deal to you than to anyone else.  Are your kids clean, happy, respectful, fed?  Will breaking said rule lead to the road of stripping, drugs and crime?


    And for the record: tantrum are a fact of life.  Two/Three year olds are not rational individuals.  They are ticking time bombs that don't care if you made a rule prior to birth that they would always behave themselves in public.
    If the toddler was aware of the rule, they would act out in public on purpose :)
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  • laurendutchlaurendutch member
    I always thought that way about separate meals but then we had/have to deal with food allergies. At one time I was making 3 separate meals for all of us. Now, I just make variations of the same meal.

    The only thing that I have felt strongly about is raising polite and well mannered children. So far, I think we are doing great. My kids are the first to say please and thank you.
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  • mlindzzmlindzz member
    I won't be the parent that teaches/permits my som to bark 'no!' at everything they're asked to do.

    I also won't be the parent that distracts her child every time he's upset that he can't have what he wants.
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  • ElRubyElRuby member
    annatta79 said:

    MurLindzz said:

     I also won't be the parent that distracts her child every time he's upset that he can't have what he wants.

    Distraction is the name of the game! You don't have to give them what they want, but distracting with them something else is one of the best tools you'll have in your belt! "I know you are throwing a fit because mommy said you can't play with her phone. Look, a ball! Let's play with the ball!" It is surprising how much babies and puppies have in common.
    Distraction is also a useful tool to avoid fixation and encourage flexibility (this applies to adults as well as children) :)
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  • esampson1983esampson1983 member
    I will not be a parent who does my kid's homework or projects for them. My grandmother "taught" me to sew by basically doing it all for me so now I have a sewing machine but no real idea of how to sew. I got best in show clothes at the state fair but that's because I really didn't do it. I want my son to be able to do things on his own and if he fails it's okay at least he tried and has mistakes to learn from. I will by all means be there to support my son but he needs to learn to think and problem solve on his own from an early age.
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  • devyns2nddevyns2nd member
    I had so many when I was pregnant and truth is I didn't know the first thing about being a parent. I have however stuck to a few...DD doesn't stay the night with anyone besides my parents and DD does not have a tablet or iPhone. I was looking around for birthday gifts and so many are made to be "app friendly" or actually have slots for tablets. She's five and I struggled to find her a gift that didn't plug into anything. That frustrates me.

    I do make her eat cabbage and I do let her sleep with me if she has a bad dream because it's heartbreaking to see her scared. I also let her stay up late to watch the walking dead because it's her favorite show (that two "I wonts" in one ;) )

    I had no way of knowing what kind of person she was going to be. She is the sweetest yet strangest kid ever. I couldn't have planned for that.
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  • karaelaine1991karaelaine1991 member
    devyns2nd said:

    I had so many when I was pregnant and truth is I didn't know the first thing about being a parent. I have however stuck to a few...DD doesn't stay the night with anyone besides my parents and DD does not have a tablet or iPhone. I was looking around for birthday gifts and so many are made to be "app friendly" or actually have slots for tablets. She's five and I struggled to find her a gift that didn't plug into anything. That frustrates me.

    I do make her eat cabbage and I do let her sleep with me if she has a bad dream because it's heartbreaking to see her scared. I also let her stay up late to watch the walking dead because it's her favorite show (that two "I wonts" in one ;) )

    I had no way of knowing what kind of person she was going to be. She is the sweetest yet strangest kid ever. I couldn't have planned for that.

    I'm amazed that Walking Dead doesn't give her nightmares! She must be a very brave kid. Does she watch the show the whole way through or do you skip through parts that are more graphic? Just curious :) 
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  • devyns2nddevyns2nd member
    karaelaine1991 said:

    devyns2nd said:

    I had so many when I was pregnant and truth is I didn't know the first thing about being a parent. I have however stuck to a few...DD doesn't stay the night with anyone besides my parents and DD does not have a tablet or iPhone. I was looking around for birthday gifts and so many are made to be "app friendly" or actually have slots for tablets. She's five and I struggled to find her a gift that didn't plug into anything. That frustrates me.

    I do make her eat cabbage and I do let her sleep with me if she has a bad dream because it's heartbreaking to see her scared. I also let her stay up late to watch the walking dead because it's her favorite show (that two "I wonts" in one ;) )

    I had no way of knowing what kind of person she was going to be. She is the sweetest yet strangest kid ever. I couldn't have planned for that.

    I'm amazed that Walking Dead doesn't give her nightmares! She must be a very brave kid. Does she watch the show the whole way through or do you skip through parts that are more graphic? Just curious :) 
    She loves it! She loves monsters of any kind. The only thing that scares her is aliens...? She counts down the days to watch the walking dead. Her five brothers and sisters watch it too so no we dint skip any of it. It doesn't scare her because she knows it's fake. She also loves fright night and the lost boys. She won't dare watch a princess movie all the way through. I dont let her watch murder movies or demonic things.

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  • enigmaticjjenigmaticjj member
    @devyns2nd, omg aliens scared the hell out of me as a kid too! (Still freaky) Nevermind other monster/killers, pish. Those aliens (almond eyed ones) are what to watch out for. lol I also enjoyed (enjoyed) the scary shows/movies.
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    DH and I LOVE scary movies. We were actually just having a conversation about when to introduce scary movies, and which movies we would use to lead in with. @devyns2nd your girl sounds cool as hell :)
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  • WestypetWestypet member
    Gives their child coca-cola in their bottle! Growing up in the South, I saw this a lot, and it scares me!
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  • HoosOnFirstHoosOnFirst member
    Heh a study just came out that 14% of babies in Massachusetts have coffee everyday. And I wasn't surprised. America runs on Dunkin'!
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  • esampson1983esampson1983 member
    Westypet said:

    Gives their child coca-cola in their bottle! Growing up in the South, I saw this a lot, and it scares me!

    Ugh! That scares me too! DH and I both are prone to dental issues so no soda or sugary juice for as long as possible. I realize that LO will be exposed to it at some point but the longer we can hold off the better!

    A family friend had a heart attack recently and has to change his diet and is finding it very difficult to do so. I want to avoid a lot of fast food with LO as well and aim for as healthy as possible. It's easier to start young and healthy than to have to change your diet when you are in your 50s or 60s. Again I realize that some of that is beyond my control and LO's grandparents will probably take him to the Golden Arches of McDonald's at some point, but by golly I will control food exposure while I can!

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  • mlindzzmlindzz member
    @mccall35 I was referring to children, not babies. I spent a few years working in a nursery and daycare, and used redirection regularly with the little ones, and heard more 'no's!' and 'why's?' then I could count :)

    I just also recall the nightmare events with some older children who had no ability to self regulate when they didn't get what they wanted. From learning the hard way, I know this is something I'll be making my best efforts to avoid having to deal with at home.
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