"I am not going to be the parent who..."

ElRuby

Let's hear it... What did you say before you were a parent that you would never do that you actually do now that you are a parent? Or, for FTM what are you saying now you will never do? Chances are you will....

For me, I always said I would never allow kids in my bed.... Yeah right... My middle of the night guest reminds me that some battles are not worth having right now (who can really not choose sleep?!)

KaLikeAWind

FTM and before I ever considered kids I always said I wouldn't let a kid throw a tantrum in public. Which is totally bosh. Even my pre-pregnant self knows that it will happen to even the best of parents and well behaved kids. Now I'm saying that when my kid throws a tantrum I'll just stand there and watch and not react. Which will probably also be bosh. I'll probably bribe the kid with a candy, lol

lkr004

I always said I wouldn't let my child run around in just a diaper. Especially when people are over or are expected to come over. Proud to say she's 16 months and it never happens. Mainly because when we don't leave the house we don't change out of our pajamas. Me included. 

aliciaspinnet

I'm pregnant with my first, and one of the few things I've vowed to myself is not to be the person who floods facebook with pictures and posts about their baby. I just figure no one is excited about the baby as DH and I (other than perhaps the grandparents!) I've done pretty well so far with not posting pregnancy stuff, but I might not be able to resist posting baby stuff.

silentdormancy

aliciaspinnet said:

I'm pregnant with my first, and one of the few things I've vowed to myself is not to be the person who floods facebook with pictures and posts about their baby. I just figure no one is excited about the baby as DH and I (other than perhaps the grandparents!) I've done pretty well so far with not posting pregnancy stuff, but I might not be able to resist posting baby stuff.

This. I have an Instagram friend who literally posts at least one pic of her baby a day(after a thousand belly shots throughout her pregnancy). I've contemplated just deleting her as a result. I think a pic here and there is fine but I don't need a live feed of your kid's daily facial expressions. I will never be that person who shows an endless stream of pics to coworkers or uploads a million videos as if I'm the first person on Earth to have a baby. I realize, though he will be a miracle to my bf and I, to the rest of the world he's just another baby.

laurendutch

ElRuby said:

Let's hear it... What did you say before you were a parent that you would never do that you actually do now that you are a parent? Or, for FTM what are you saying now you will never do? Chances are you will....

For me, I always said I would never allow kids in my bed.... Yeah right... My middle of the night guest reminds me that some battles are not worth having right now (who can really not choose sleep?!)

This is so us! Lately, we have been doing reward aka bribing the kids with trips to the dollar store if they stay in their own bed. Last night, my son came in wanting me to come to his room and DH told him if you get into our bed ill take you to the dollar store. And of course, the kids remembers what was told him at 3 am...my kids must be so confused.

aliciaspinnet

silentdormancy said:

aliciaspinnet said:

I'm pregnant with my first, and one of the few things I've vowed to myself is not to be the person who floods facebook with pictures and posts about their baby. I just figure no one is excited about the baby as DH and I (other than perhaps the grandparents!) I've done pretty well so far with not posting pregnancy stuff, but I might not be able to resist posting baby stuff.

This. I have an Instagram friend who literally posts at least one pic of her baby a day(after a thousand belly shots throughout her pregnancy). I've contemplated just deleting her as a result. I think a pic here and there is fine but I don't need a live feed of your kid's daily facial expressions. I will never be that person who shows an endless stream of pics to coworkers or uploads a million videos as if I'm the first person on Earth to have a baby. I realize, though he will be a miracle to my bf and I, to the rest of the world he's just another baby.

My sister is that person, so I can't really block her. I live on the other side of the world to my family, so I do like seeing some updates from her but I don't need daily posts going "(her son) did this, it was so cute". Moderation is definitely key.

Emilywooddesign

aliciaspinnet said:

I'm pregnant with my first, and one of the few things I've vowed to myself is not to be the person who floods facebook with pictures and posts about their baby. I just figure no one is excited about the baby as DH and I (other than perhaps the grandparents!) I've done pretty well so far with not posting pregnancy stuff, but I might not be able to resist posting baby stuff.

Absolutely this! I will post a few pictures of my twins ( bc obv they are going to be adorable and it wouldn't be fair to the world not to share them) but I have some friends who just post picture after picture and every single status update is about little bobby going poo on the potty. I don't need random people I went to high school with being updated about my kids, it's weird. Maybe my opinion will change once they arrive but for now I feel pretty strongly about it.

mishmardhiono

Argue over food/dinner and cook seperate meals. My friends are such slaves to their children and eating habits (often results in 3 separate meals every night). If they don't eat what is given then so be it. If they are hungry they'll eat it if there not they won't.

I read an article about how your stealing your child's privacy by posting everything on Facebook. A good friend posted a video of her daughter (8)singing on Facebook, when I saw her next I said to her what a great job she had done (not realising it would be sensitive) and she was so mortified/angry that her mum put these videos on Facebook.
Both of these things will stop me putting things about my kids on my fb. If they aren't old enough to have their own then they aren't old enough to have things put up about them

valeriemarie24

FTM, but I don't want my kid to be so wrapped up in technology that they don't do anything else. I won't be buying them iPads or their own TVs or having a computer in their room (at least that's the plan right now...we'll see). One family I babysit for often grounds their 7 year old from his iPad and I didn't know what was worse...the fact that he has his own iPad or the fact that the first punishment he receives is not being able to use said iPad. I'm not going to deprive them of technology, but they can use the family tv/laptop etc they most certainly don't need their own (not that young anyway).

Penwater1

I'm not going to be a parent who only limits what my child can do, who doesn't let them know that I love them no matter what, who doesn't lead by example, who neglects to teach them manners or how to be a citizen of the world and be accountable for their actions. Everything else is flexible; Love, respect, and trust are good foundation.

karaelaine1991

mishmardhiono said:

Argue over food/dinner and cook seperate meals. My friends are such slaves to their children and eating habits (often results in 3 separate meals every night). If they don't eat what is given then so be it. If they are hungry they'll eat it if there not they won't.

I read an article about how your stealing your child's privacy by posting everything on Facebook. A good friend posted a video of her daughter (8)singing on Facebook, when I saw her next I said to her what a great job she had done (not realising it would be sensitive) and she was so mortified/angry that her mum put these videos on Facebook.
Both of these things will stop me putting things about my kids on my fb. If they aren't old enough to have their own then they aren't old enough to have things put up about them

FTM so these may change... but my parents were SO the parents who catered to their kids' individual eating preferences. For all SIX of their children. They meant well of course, but the result is that, with the exception of my one sister, we're all super picky, myself included, which I personally find to be super embarrassing as an adult. Plus my poor mother worked way harder than she should have trying to satisfy all of us. So DH and I are currently saying that we're not going to do that - his family didn't, and he'll eat anything now. And I'm totally with you on the Facebook thing. I took a course last semester about kids and technology so I was reading TONS of articles and research studies similar to the one you've mentioned. While I have no qualms about putting a ton of info about myself on Facebook, I really believe that it should be my daughter's choice if she'd like to have an internet presence or not, once she's old enough to understand the ramifications of that, which won't be for some time. This is the thing that I think I'm most likely to deviate from in the future, because I know I'll want to show off all the cuteness, but I hope I'll put safety and privacy first.

My other big "I will never do this" thing is I never want to yell at my kid(s) in public. I know at some point I'll have to discipline her/them outside of our home, but I've seen some parents absolutely flip out at their kids and I find that to be horrifying. I'm sure at some point over the next 18+ years I'll raise my voice, but I hope I'll never humiliate my child in the name of discipline.

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Katerina&Baby

I refuse to be that parent who doesn't teach table manners. My husband is pretty atrocious and thinks nothing of getting up and leaving the table while others are eating - it drives me nuts!

karaelaine1991

MrsWilson830 said:

FTM and I will no cosleep. Period. It's not happening. Not only do I enjoy alone time with my husband I sleep like a tazmanian devil and could roll and crush the baby and not wake up! Our house alarm has gone off many times and I haven't woken up. And we spent so much money and time on his nursery we will not be having a pack and play or bassinet next to our bed either. Cosleeping is a huge no no anyways although I know plenty of people who are willing to take that risk. My BFF, for example, has coslept with her 9 month old. Hasn't been intimate even once with her husband since the baby was born, spent hundreds on a crib the baby has never spent 1 night it and now cries hysterically for hours when she tries to put him in his own room.

We won't be sleeping with baby in the bed either because we have a full sized bed, so there's barely enough room for the 2 of us, and, like you, I am such a sound but restless sleeper that I'm worried about accidentally crushing baby. I'm keeping an open mind about letting her sleep next to us though. I've heard that in many cases, newborns HATE their cribs and only sleep through the night in swings because they like the rocking movement. If that's the case with LO, I'm absolutely choosing my sleep over the crib! Haha

ElRuby

MrsWilson830 said:

FTM and I will no cosleep. Period. It's not happening. Not only do I enjoy alone time with my husband I sleep like a tazmanian devil and could roll and crush the baby and not wake up! Our house alarm has gone off many times and I haven't woken up. And we spent so much money and time on his nursery we will not be having a pack and play or bassinet next to our bed either. Cosleeping is a huge no no anyways although I know plenty of people who are willing to take that risk. My BFF, for example, has coslept with her 9 month old. Hasn't been intimate even once with her husband since the baby was born, spent hundreds on a crib the baby has never spent 1 night it and now cries hysterically for hours when she tries to put him in his own room.

I never co-slept with my infant.... He actually slept fine in his bassinet and then crib...The problem now is when he wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into my bedroom and just crawls into bed! Much easier to control when they can't get out on their own!

katyertl

I will never be the parent who takes pictures of my child on the potty and saying "look who can use the potty now" or something ridiculous like that. So annoying! And I'll never be the parent posting pics of myself breastfeeding. I have a girl on my fb who actually has photo shoots done just of her breast feeding and she's just in her underwear and her child is naked. Like wtf?!

MamaBish

FTM and I will not be the parent who cosleeps with an infant, too dangerous and DH has no concept of his surroundings while sleeping. He has accidentally hurt me and the dog while asleep so no way would I put the baby in that situation. Baby will be in a P&P by the bed for a few months, then moved to crib.

I will not be the parent who caters different dinners. If you don't like it, you can have cereal. (unless of course that becomes a pattern, then I will just tell them they eat it, or not.)

I will not be the parent who forces my child to do a sport or activity just because I want them to.

I will not be the parent who posts about my child's bodily functions online. Eww! 

alcrimmins

I will not be the parent who cooks a different meal for the children. If they don't like what we make, so be it. Go hungry for the night.

I will not be the parent that screams at their kids in public. Their is a time and place for that.

I will not be the parent that does not give their children responsibility for their actions.

aj1327

I've said most of these things! My #1 is electronics. I don't want my son having an I pad when he's two or being plugged in all the time. Kids learn from actual coloring books & crayons, exploring, and playing in the mud! I don't think my DH feels as strongly about this one so we'll see.

I've also said I won't make seperate food just for them. They'll eat what we eat. Not sure I could sleep worrying my child is hungry so we'll see how that one goes. I'm a FTM so all of this should be interesting.

karaelaine1991

amccoy129 said:

I've said most of these things! My #1 is electronics. I don't want my son having an I pad when he's two or being plugged in all the time. Kids learn from actual coloring books & crayons, exploring, and playing in the mud! I don't think my DH feels as strongly about this one so we'll see.

I've also said I won't make seperate food just for them. They'll eat what we eat. Not sure I could sleep worrying my child is hungry so we'll see how that one goes. I'm a FTM so all of this should be interesting.

If you want a little extra back up on the electronics, the American Association of Pediatricians recommends no screens (meaning cell phones, iPads, TV, etc) until age 5, I believe.... will try to find the document where I read that and link it for you later on today

ElRuby

karaelaine1991 said:

amccoy129 said:

I've said most of these things! My #1 is electronics. I don't want my son having an I pad when he's two or being plugged in all the time. Kids learn from actual coloring books & crayons, exploring, and playing in the mud! I don't think my DH feels as strongly about this one so we'll see.

I've also said I won't make seperate food just for them. They'll eat what we eat. Not sure I could sleep worrying my child is hungry so we'll see how that one goes. I'm a FTM so all of this should be interesting.

If you want a little extra back up on the electronics, the American Association of Pediatricians recommends no screens (meaning cell phones, iPads, TV, etc) until age 5, I believe.... will try to find the document where I read that and link it for you later on today

Almost impossible to achieve but a goal none the less.... I hated when the children's section of the library got iPads because that is not why we go to the library!.... I will admit that the nabi has been a life saver when I have to shower or take an important work call (it's designed for toddlers and has a ton of interactive games and coloring on it).

karaelaine1991

ElRuby said:

karaelaine1991 said:

amccoy129 said:

I've said most of these things! My #1 is electronics. I don't want my son having an I pad when he's two or being plugged in all the time. Kids learn from actual coloring books & crayons, exploring, and playing in the mud! I don't think my DH feels as strongly about this one so we'll see.

I've also said I won't make seperate food just for them. They'll eat what we eat. Not sure I could sleep worrying my child is hungry so we'll see how that one goes. I'm a FTM so all of this should be interesting.

If you want a little extra back up on the electronics, the American Association of Pediatricians recommends no screens (meaning cell phones, iPads, TV, etc) until age 5, I believe.... will try to find the document where I read that and link it for you later on today

Almost impossible to achieve but a goal none the less.... I hated when the children's section of the library got iPads because that is not why we go to the library!.... I will admit that the nabi has been a life saver when I have to shower or take an important work call (it's designed for toddlers and has a ton of interactive games and coloring on it).

Agree, I think the no TV thing would be especially difficult. I'm going to strive for it, but my personal opinion is that it's like candy - not the best for them, but probably OK in small doses

Mommaswizz

I worry I sound judgey but I'm anti co sleeping as well. I fear it's a slippery slope. One of my best friends allowed it for too long and now her 2 year old still won't sleep alone... Ever. She judges those who sleep train as being too rigid with their kids but I'd rather be rigid and eventually have a child who is okay sleeping in her own crib/ bed

ElRuby

mommaswizz said:

I worry I sound judgey but I'm anti co sleeping as well. I fear it's a slippery slope. One of my best friends allowed it for too long and now her 2 year old still won't sleep alone... Ever. She judges those who sleep train as being too rigid with their kids but I'd rather be rigid and eventually have a child who is okay sleeping in her own crib/ bed

I always worried about it too... This time around I am going to buy a co-sleeper for the bed... Not for sleeping but for resting/ in between nursing... Because it feels more secure in case I were to fall asleep...

annatta79

I wasn't going to cosleep either, I was very against it, but then I realized that if he was in the bed with me, I could nurse him and drift back off to sleep and we both ended up much more well rested. DH and I started sleeping in separate rooms b/c there wasn't really room for all 3 of us, but that doesn't have to mean an end to intimacy. I mean, we are waiting on #2 to arrive! DS is 16 months now and goes to bed in his own crib and is able to sleep all night, but it doesn't always happen. I guess I just want to allay the fears of those who think that if you start out cosleeping you'll never get the kid out of your bed; it doesn't have to be that way.

I really try not to be the super over-protective parent. I don't want my kid to get actually injured, but I'm not going catch him every time he trips or pick him up every time he falls. I want him to feel secure enough to wander and play by himself and know that mom will be there when he needs me, but that he can handle the little stuff on his own.

lizabean15

Emilywooddesign said:

aliciaspinnet said:

I'm pregnant with my first, and one of the few things I've vowed to myself is not to be the person who floods facebook with pictures and posts about their baby. I just figure no one is excited about the baby as DH and I (other than perhaps the grandparents!) I've done pretty well so far with not posting pregnancy stuff, but I might not be able to resist posting baby stuff.

Absolutely this! I will post a few pictures of my twins ( bc obv they are going to be adorable and it wouldn't be fair to the world not to share them) but I have some friends who just post picture after picture and every single status update is about little bobby going poo on the potty. I don't need random people I went to high school with being updated about my kids, it's weird. Maybe my opinion will change once they arrive but for now I feel pretty strongly about it.

Yes! My one friend posts videos of her belly moving and pictures of her self everyweek most the time more it's very annoying to me I will not be posting videos I have maybe two pictures of my belly that iv taken and I'm 25 weeks

toodaloo

I am not going to be the kind of parent who let's the baby of the house (our 4th) get her way just because she throws a tantrum and I don't want to hear the crying. She will learn right from wrong and how to share. I refuse to give in to that; )

KaLikeAWind

I'm not going to be the mom who freaks out over every tumble, and follow behind with antibacterial wipes for their hands. Tumbles build character, and dirt on hands builds immune systems

BabyList

I always said I wouldn't bed share, let my under two year old watch TV, and I said no fast food. Well, we've been sharing a bed since dd was about 4 months (she's 3 now). Sometimes TV has to happen so I can leave the room for any reason. And fast food, after working all day and then being a single parent at night, it happens. I feel guilty about a lot of parenting choices that I have made, but in the end my daughter is happy, and really that is all that matters to me.

KarasTwin

So glad to see these posts on co-sleeping and separate meals. These and screen time are my biggest pet peeves. My brother in laws sister actually rolled over on her 3 year old daughter and suffocated her in her sleep. It was before I knew him but I've never been able to get that out of my mind. And the food thing...apparently DH went through a phase of eating nothing but instant grits and spaghettios as a child and my MIL had to take those foods into restaurants. Seriously? Last night she was talking about how much he loved TV as a baby/kid and I was just thinking because you let him!!!!! I'm a ftm but these are things I will not waiver on.

ElRuby

BabyList said:

I always said I wouldn't bed share, let my under two year old watch TV, and I said no fast food. Well, we've been sharing a bed since dd was about 4 months (she's 3 now). Sometimes TV has to happen so I can leave the room for any reason. And fast food, after working all day and then being a single parent at night, it happens. I feel guilty about a lot of parenting choices that I have made, but in the end my daughter is happy, and really that is all that matters to me.

This is so true.... The whole no TV think is so ridiculous... Of course you don't use it as a baby sitter but there are many great kid shows and I have no problem with them.... I had a friend who was like "my kid doesn't watch TV ever". Yet her kidknew the theme song to just about every cartoon haha

bobaby06

I will not be the parent who prices my baby's ears until they are old enough to ask. If they do. I believe that this should be thier choice. Not mine.

ReadyforBaby2

I said I would ensure that my baby was able to sleep anywhere. A friend didn't let her baby sleep anywhere but his bed for 2 years and then leaving the baby with others or going on trips became impossible. So, we have done a good job of letting her sleep lots of places. Now, she's comfortable going to grandparents, aunts, on trips, etc.

Penwater1

ElRuby said:

karaelaine1991 said:

amccoy129 said:

I've said most of these things! My #1 is electronics. I don't want my son having an I pad when he's two or being plugged in all the time. Kids learn from actual coloring books & crayons, exploring, and playing in the mud! I don't think my DH feels as strongly about this one so we'll see.

I've also said I won't make seperate food just for them. They'll eat what we eat. Not sure I could sleep worrying my child is hungry so we'll see how that one goes. I'm a FTM so all of this should be interesting.

If you want a little extra back up on the electronics, the American Association of Pediatricians recommends no screens (meaning cell phones, iPads, TV, etc) until age 5, I believe.... will try to find the document where I read that and link it for you later on today

Almost impossible to achieve but a goal none the less.... I hated when the children's section of the library got iPads because that is not why we go to the library!.... I will admit that the nabi has been a life saver when I have to shower or take an important work call (it's designed for toddlers and has a ton of interactive games and coloring on it).

I say no electronics at the table, grocery store, or in restaurants. my daughter is not allowed to play with my phone, that being said I do let her use it when I go into a doctors appointment and she has to come with me. It helps to keep her from freaking out, thinking that the doctor is for her as she has white coat syndrome. And lets me see my doctor.

queequeg09256

I have a king size bed and baby is totally not sleeping with us. Neither one of us was allowed to sleep in our parents bedroom when we were kids. Also the food thing I am super picky eater because ny mom would order what I wanted (she can't cook). I just hope to be a supportive understanding parent. So I think I'm not going to go with hey I will never do this but really want to try and be there for my kids because my parents worked a ton when I was a kid and I really think I could have benefited with spending more time with them.

mccall35

I'm giggling at some of these. Not beause you ladies aren't making valid points, and I sincerely hope that all of these "won'ts" work out for you, however as a soon to be STM I will say that no matter how strongly you feel about some of these things, you should be prepared to make some concessions. Don't beat yourself up over having to waver on some of your strongest beliefs.

Mine as a ftm was the seperate meal thing. While I never thought I would do this, when faced with a 2 year old who has it in his head that he only wants toast and peanut butter for dinner, there's not a lot you can do about it. Sure, you can pull the whole "if you don't eat this chicken and broccoli, you get nothing", but when it all boils down giving in, every now and then, won't break your child. Our DS is a very diverse eater even though I will often let him select his meals. Toddlers have very little control in life and will use mealtime as a way to exert some independence through food selection. I don't see anything offensively wrong with indulging him.

But to each their own.

Good luck!

karaelaine1991

mccall35 said:

I'm giggling at some of these. Not beause you ladies aren't making valid points, and I sincerely hope that all of these "won'ts" work out for you, however as a soon to be STM I will say that no matter how strongly you feel about some of these things, you should be prepared to make some concessions. Don't beat yourself up over having to waver on some of your strongest beliefs.

Mine as a ftm was the seperate meal thing. While I never thought I would do this, when faced with a 2 year old who has it in his head that he only wants toast and peanut butter for dinner, there's not a lot you can do about it. Sure, you can pull the whole "if you don't eat this chicken and broccoli, you get nothing", but when it all boils down giving in, every now and then, won't break your child. Our DS is a very diverse eater even though I will often let him select his meals. Toddlers have very little control in life and will use mealtime as a way to exert some independence through food selection. I don't see anything offensively wrong with indulging him.

But to each their own.

Good luck!

In a 2 year old... probably not harmful. But my parents continue to do it for my high school aged siblings. It's pretty ridiculous. I definitely agree that with toddlers you need to choose your battles, but, as much as I love my parents, they have definitely let the food thing go on for WAY too long.

karaelaine1991

@amccoy129 I've said most of these things! My #1 is electronics. I don't want my son having an I pad when he's two or being plugged in all the time. Kids learn from actual coloring books & crayons, exploring, and playing in the mud! I don't think my DH feels as strongly about this one so we'll see.

I've also said I won't make seperate food just for them. They'll eat what we eat. Not sure I could sleep worrying my child is hungry so we'll see how that one goes. I'm a FTM so all of this should be interesting.

So I was off on the no screen time under age 5 thing - it's actually under age 2. Whoops! But here's the AAP policy statement on media use by kids and teens, if you or anyone else is interested. It also gives advice on how to use tech with kids effectively, since in this day and age it's next to impossible to completely eliminate this stuff from kids' lives (plus, some of it is actually beneficial!), unless you're Amish or something. 

https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/10/24/peds.2013-2656.full.pdf+html

Another really great read on this topic is "Babies, Television, and Videos: How Did We Get Here?" by E. Wartella, but unfortunately due to copyright I'm not able to post it - the only link I could find requires you to pay a $20 access fee. Not worth it! But it basically talks about what a scam baby learning videos such as Baby Einstein are - it references a study that demonstrated that Baby Einstein videos actually make kids LESS intelligent!

ngaines27

I said before DD1 that I wouldn't co-sleep either. That went out the window when she had her days and nights confused for the 1st 3 weeks of her life. We bought a co-sleeper with DD2 and absolutely loved it and will use it again with DS. DD2 (4 yo) still climbs into our bed most nights in the middle of the night. We realize that she won't always want us to be her comforter when she wakes lonely or frightened, so we cherish it.

I have a sister who sleep "trained" her children and one of her daughters has, now on 3 different occassions, slept in her own vomit because she became ill in the night and wouldn't wake her parents. . . My sister, of course, tells her that she can come wake them if she is sick but because of her "training" she doesn't.

ngaines27

mellymar said:

I'm not going to be the mom who freaks out over every tumble, and follow behind with antibacterial wipes for their hands. Tumbles build character, and dirt on hands builds immune systems

I call these moms "helicopter moms" and they annoy me.