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1st Trimester
Ally2524
member
Can't have a baby... abortion?
Ally2524
member
I've been having some really mixed feelings about this baby. I'm only 7 weeks (I think), I haven't actually gone to a doctor yet. The thing is, I explicitly told the guy I'm with that I would have an abortion if I got pregnant. I'm not even with him, just dating him. I'm also due to finish my practicum in 5 months and no hospital in their right mind would hire me pregnant. I'm unmarried, never been pregnant before, and I have the weirdest feeling the baby wouldn't be healthy because I'm unhealthy. I stopped drinking, but I smoke occasionally (I'm a horrible person I know). I take my vitamins, eat more veggies, and get about 20 minutes of hard walking a day. But why am I doing all this if I'm just gonna have an abortion? I'm sorry I know I sound confused, but when I found out I was extremely happy (I was told it was hard for me to have kids), and sad too because I don't know what to do! Did anyone else have an abortion or miscarriage? How did you cope?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can't have a baby... abortion?
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I certainly won't judge for how you feel or whatever you decide.
I'm thinking if I were in your shoes, i'd go through with the pregnancy, see how I feel as I neared the end, and think of adoption if I truly did not want the child. You were happy in the beginning when you found out. Try to remember why. It's normal to be afraid of parenthood for a variety of reasons. What you are feeling is normal for many.
You are afraid of the unknown future, as babies bring out a lot of change. That's totally understandable. Whatever you choose, put a lot of thought into it, and I'd discuss it with a counselor and also your partner. He also has a part in this child's life, his child shares half his dna.
Good luck, whatever you choose!
As for your question, I've never had an abortion, but I have had a chemical pregnancy and a missed miscarriage. I did not cope well, always angry, bitter, and easily jealous of other pregnant women. Not everyone copes the same, however. Once I got pregnant once again, those feelings went away. Even for as much as I want and love this one, some days I really wonder how my future is going to change.
Honestly, if the time isn't right for you, and you don't have the support you need, then termination is a totally valid and viable option. But, if you want to continue this pregnancy and either parent or consider adoption (which I know is not something that every person can go through) then those are both things you can do. As far as health goes, I've seen crackheads have healthy kids and health nuts have kids with issues. There are things you can do to make your pregnancy healthier, but those are also things that you can do for yourself.
As to your last question, I've had both. One of the former and three of the latter. My termination was absolutely the correct decision for me at the time. I was with someone, but it wasn't a super healthy relationship and it wasn't going to be long-term. He was a nice person, but not someone I wanted to have a child with. If I hadn't, I never would have met my husband, and I wouldn't have the life I love that I have today. It was physically not pleasant, but it wasn't awful and I recovered pretty well.
My miscarriages were a punch in the gut. They were very hard, emotionally, physically I got pretty lucky. And I've had very good doctors. It's different for me now, I'm in a good place, my H and I have a good life and we're ready and open to starting our family.
I'm pregnant again now and everything seems to be holding good, which I worry about every day. But I'm so happy that I'm able to do this at a point in my life that I have the ability and the support to have this child.
ETA: I know myself, and for me, the options were parenting or termination. Adoption is a great thing, but it's something I don't think I could have gone through with after a pregnancy. But all women are different, and that's a call only you can make.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Make no assumptions
Take nothing personally
Be impeccable with your word
Do your best
JIC
Abortion is not a form of birth control.
You need to see a doctor, whether you're going to have an abortion or not. They can explain to you the hazards that come with it and help you decide.
Op I had an abortion as a teen and I never ever once regretted it. If you choose abortion because it is right for you don't feel guilty. It your body, your choice and I am sorry you have a tough decision.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I don't know how long OP and this guy have been seeing each other, but it came up pretty quickly for me either right before or soon after I would be sleeping with someone. I'm also pretty political, so I wasn't going to date someone who was anti-choice even in the abstract. OP also doesn't say if they were taking other precautions. I always was, but, as many here know, they're not foolproof. Having an abortion after birth control failure =/= abortion as birth control, unless you're someone who sees all abortions as birth control (and, really, abortions can be used as birth control, it's not ideal, but it's not illegal).
OP, I think you make the choice that's best for you and your life as it is now.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
I don't know what it's like to have an abortion. I don't know anything about what emotions you would have after going through with it. I DO know what it's like to have a miscarriage though. Its gut-wrenching and one of the hardest things I've had to go through. Twice. I still think of my little ones as their birthdays roll around or when I see other children that would be their age. Each time it makes me so incredibly sad.
I don't know, maybe the emotions are similar with an abortion. Maybe not. To me, it seems like there would be a difference between the emotions behind having a baby that you love taken away from you unwillingly and deciding that, for your own convenience or through your own lack of preparation, choosing to end your baby's life. I don't feel guilt for my losses, but I know I would if I chose to end my unborn baby's life. Looking at the early ultrasounds of our baby, seeing the heart beat, watching it moving around, I could never willingly let anyone harm it.
Everyone else, thanks for your thoughts, thanks for taking the time to give me your opinions. I appreciate it very much and it has helped. Whatever I decide I'm going to have to live with it and have no regrets.
No problem at all. To be clear, I don't care what you do either way. Your body your choice. I just don't see the point in asking strangers on the net for their ancedotes to help you make these kinds of personal decisions. You're either going to get people like me who say, "do what's best for you". Or, you going to get the people who'll try to throw all manner of guilt and shame at you. ::shrugs::
People change when they become mothers, and it's not always for the better. People are human and also make mistakes.
It's not a one size fits all, like that comment implies.
To the OP, you can be a good mother. It's all up to YOU. I know someone personally who became pregnant accidentally and they're a good mother. It comes down to choices, attitude, and how much you put into it.
As a former elementary school teacher, I understand completely what you are saying. Maybe I did not word that the way I wanted to but I just feel like it sounds like she was excited about carrying the baby so she is likely to have her baby and realize what a blessing her baby is to her. It just sounds like she's on the right track to loving and caring for her baby. I felt that if that is the case, there's a chance she could have regret or experience similar feelings as I did after my abortion, and I had zero excitement or happiness about my pregnancy or my baby at that time. It is something I personally will struggle with for the rest of my life.
I'm not telling you this so you feel judged or guilted. I just felt the need to share how beautiful adoption can be and that you have more than just two options. Good luck to you... and whatever you decide to do, I hope it brings you peace and comfort.
Your post about "killing" is offensive not to mention why drag up an old post just to preach?
DS - BFP 01/15/13 - EDD 09/21/13 - Born 09/22/13
DD - BFP 02/02/15 - EDD 10/13/15 - Born 10/15/15