Questioning my little Isabella

Re: Questioning my little Isabella

• starkbaby22 member

  January 2015

  Umm..One word. ADOPTION.

  
  
  

  

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• girlymama79 member

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  It is too late. Adoption. It's your only bet if you don't want to/can't be a mother.

  

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  Angel baby 3/2014 at 5.5 weeks

  Angel baby 6/2014 MMC at 7.5 weeks

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• sideboth member

  January 2015

  Can we not give misinformation!  

  
  

  Depending on what state you are in, an abortion MAY still be an option.  I would check with Planned Parenthood rather than a board with their own slants and views.  It will be expensive and not a pleasant experience.

  
  

  Adoption is option as well.  I happen to be one of five adopted, so please let me know if you have any questions.

  
  

  It doesn't sound like you want either option.  You don't need a father to have a baby.  They are nice to haves but you absolutely can do this on your own.  It sounds like you have a support system with your family.  A paternity test is in order and it is what it is.  You can't make your ex come back with or without a baby.

  Report8 Reply
• Trampslikeus member

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Most states elective abortion is legal until 25 weeks give or take. I think only a handful are more restrictive. So let's not be spreading incorrect info here. However, second trimester abortions are invasive and potentially traumatic. Not something you want to do unless you are REALLY certain that's what's best for you, and it doesn't seem to be the case. Sounds like your parents are supportive? Can you tell them you need some extra support?

  
   
  

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• dedebush02 member

  January 2015

  Just wanted to give you some info on what a late abortion procedure entails. I firmly believe that it's your body and your decision. Even though I would never consider this I'm in no place to judge.
  
  Late abortion (20-24 weeks)
  There are two options for a late abortion carried out at 20-24 weeks. Both require an overnight stay in hospital and are described below.
  Surgical two-stage abortion – stage one stops the heartbeat of the foetus and softens the cervix. Stage two is carried out the following day and involves removing the foetus and surrounding tissue. Both stages are carried out under general anaesthetic.
  Medically induced abortion – this issimilar to a late natural miscarriage and involves the medicine, prostaglandin, being injected into your womb, making it contract strongly (as in labour). Contractions can last six to 12 hours. You will remain awake during the procedure and will be given medicines to help control the pain if needed. D&E may then be used to ensure the womb is completely empty.
  
  I got this from https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Abortion/Pages/How-is-it-performed.aspx
  
  This is a huge decision and I adoption is still an option. You made an adult decision so now you need to act like an adult. We can't tell you what to do.

  Report1 Reply
• tjanca22 member

  January 2015

  I'm sorry, but you've named your daughter and are still considering abortion?

  Report65 Reply
• eshap90 member

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  I agree with PP About considering adoption and like it was said on the other thread, having a child is also very expensive. More expensive than an abortion.

  <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Getting Pregnant"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt18dbdd.aspx" alt=" BabyFetus Ticker" border="0"  /></a>

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• lmfs90 member

  January 2015

  Adoption! It's a wonderful gift. I was personally adopted and gave my first up for adoption. I was young when I had her and it was the best decision I ever made! It is very she's at first but then you relize it was the best decisions.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• leenziepops member

  January 2015

  You need to do some research on adoption and abortion with professionals. You can get some stories of experience here but the final decision will be on you. And it will be a huge adult decision on whether to keep your baby or not. Seek professional guidance

  

  EDD: June 10th 2015 ~ Aussie Bumpie~FTM

  ** June 2015 ~ January Siggy - Pinterest Fails**

  

   

   

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• taboullio84 member

  January 2015

  You need to talk to a professional. I'm reading you would rather have an abortion this late to keep a man. A man that left you. A man that got you pregnant and is bailing on you. A man that is not helping you figure anything out. To be brutally honest. He will not stay with you forever .. And you will lose a child in the process you will look back on this as a major regret in your life. Don't make any decision just to try to keep this man in your life.. It's VERY clear this was an excuse to leave you.. He doesn't really want you. Please go speak to someone. If you decide you want to abort after all that... It's your choice. Adoption is an option... Someone out there is praying for a child.

  Report45 Reply
• taboullio84 member

  January 2015

  Y'all were broken up since the summer.... Y'all weren't dating when you conceived ? And you are really worried about him? Smh

  Report4 Reply
• mamahawk12 member

  January 2015

  *I* will personally adopt your child if it means you won't abort it this late in the game. There are literally thousands (if not millions) of families out there who want nothing more than to parent your baby. I realize you're young and it seems like this guy is holding your world in his hands, but I promise you, he is not. 

  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  Proud Mama to cleft cutie
  

  
  

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• marshmallowmadness member

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  I am 22 and having my THIRD, yes THIRD child. I had my first at 17. Suck it up. If you're considering KILLING a baby you've already named to stay with a man, you don't even deserve this wonderful little baby. Adoption is the way to go- and you wouldn't even need a paternity test! If neither guy wants the baby, and the one you want will come back to you if you dont have one, just give it up to a loving family!

  
  Baby 1 - November 2009
  *loss* - March 2010
  Baby 2 - January 2011
  Baby 3 - June 2015
  Baby 4 - April 2017
  Baby 5 - May 2019
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• adorebel member

  January 2015

  FWIW, I am also adopted and grateful every day to be in a family where I was so loved and wanted. I know my birth mother made a sacrifice to give me up and never see me again, and I'm glad she did that every single day.

  
  

  Rainbow Baby? {2.1.21}
  MC at 8 weeks {EDD 9.2.20}
  Rainbow Girl! {2.28.16}
  Baby boy, lost at 16 weeks {EDD 6.10.15}

  
  

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• luvindanimals member

  January 2015

  Adoption is my recommendation. Seems like you are worried about pleasing everyone else. I feel like what is right for this baby should be priority. I understand abortion could be an option depending on where you live, but in my opinion baby daddy drama is not a good reason for ending her life.
  My mom was adopted and because she was 7 lives were possible (my sister and her 3 kids me and my soon to be 2 kids)
  I agree with others about talking with professionals because you will need support for whatever choice you make.

  

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• thelittlestbee member

  January 2015

  
  

  donnaaxo said:

  I'm honestly feeling unsure about having a baby. I'm 18 years old & 19 weeks pregnant today, I'm 95% sure who the father is. The father says he wants no part of the baby & thinks it's ruining my life & us. He's my best friend & I love him to death. He wants a paternity test when the baby's born, but I don't want to wait that long, if the baby's not his I want no part with the other dad. He doesn't support this decision at all, & says it won't make anything better between us, we're currently broken up & have been since the summer. (We still messed around after the breakup) I don't know if this is what I want to do anymore. The thing is my parents are so excited to have a grandchild & I don't want to disappoint them, plus I heard that abortions are super expensive & I'm too late in my pregnancy to get one. Someone please help or give me advice!! Thank you!

  I'm going to give you my honest opinion and advice, and be forewarned that my intention is not to be mean at all, but I think you are in need of some tough love. 

  
  

  1. This man is NOT your best friend. No one who truly cares about you would abandon you if there was any chance you were pregnant with their child. 

  
  

  2. You say there's a 95% chance he is the father. Sorry but no. He either is or he isn't. That makes it 50/50. If he knows there's a possibility that he's not the father, maybe that's why he doesn't want to stick around. 

  
  

  3. You should NOT get an abortion in an attempt to keep a man. A man like that is not worth keeping. You deserve better than that!!!

  
  

  4. Getting an abortion this late in your pregnancy is not as simple as taking a pill. It is an invasive and traumatic procedure, and it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. At 19 weeks there is a tiny baby moving around inside of you. You already named her!!!! 

  
  

  5. If you truly care about this baby, please consider adoption. 

  
  

  6. Take a look at the infertility and trying to get pregnant boards. There are so many women out there who would do anything to be blessed with a child. Please think about this. 

  
  

  7. It sounds like your parents are supportive. Please talk to them and explore your options. 

  

  Report22 Reply
• disney815 member

  January 2015

  taboullio84 said:

  You need to talk to a professional. I'm reading you would rather have an abortion this late to keep a man. A man that left you. A man that got you pregnant and is bailing on you. A man that is not helping you figure anything out. To be brutally honest. He will not stay with you forever .. And you will lose a child in the process you will look back on this as a major regret in your life. Don't make any decision just to try to keep this man in your life.. It's VERY clear this was an excuse to leave you.. He doesn't really want you. Please go speak to someone. If you decide you want to abort after all that... It's your choice. Adoption is an option... Someone out there is praying for a child.

  This. Exactly. Couldn't have said it better myself.

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

  

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• aagenthner member

  January 2015

  thelittlestbee said:

  
  

  
  

  donnaaxo said:

  
  

  I'm honestly feeling unsure about having a baby. I'm 18 years old & 19 weeks pregnant today, I'm 95% sure who the father is. The father says he wants no part of the baby & thinks it's ruining my life & us. He's my best friend & I love him to death. He wants a paternity test when the baby's born, but I don't want to wait that long, if the baby's not his I want no part with the other dad. He doesn't support this decision at all, & says it won't make anything better between us, we're currently broken up & have been since the summer. (We still messed around after the breakup) I don't know if this is what I want to do anymore. The thing is my parents are so excited to have a grandchild & I don't want to disappoint them, plus I heard that abortions are super expensive & I'm too late in my pregnancy to get one. Someone please help or give me advice!! Thank you!

  
  

  I'm going to give you my honest opinion and advice, and be forewarned that my intention is not to be mean at all, but I think you are in need of some tough love. 

  
  

  1. This man is NOT your best friend. No one who truly cares about you would abandon you if there was any chance you were pregnant with their child. 

  
  

  2. You say there's a 95% chance he is the father. Sorry but no. He either is or he isn't. That makes it 50/50. If he knows there's a possibility that he's not the father, maybe that's why he doesn't want to stick around. 

  
  

  3. You should NOT get an abortion in an attempt to keep a man. A man like that is not worth keeping. You deserve better than that!!!

  
  

  4. Getting an abortion this late in your pregnancy is not as simple as taking a pill. It is an invasive and traumatic procedure, and it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. At 19 weeks there is a tiny baby moving around inside of you. You already named her!!!! 

  
  

  5. If you truly care about this baby, please consider adoption. 

  
  

  6. Take a look at the infertility and trying to get pregnant boards. There are so many women out there who would do anything to be blessed with a child. Please think about this. 

  
  

  7. It sounds like your parents are supportive. Please talk to them and explore your options. 

  
  
  
  Amen!!!

  Report8 Reply
• inspirational315 member

  January 2015

  It sounds like you are very confused and scared. But know that you are not alone. Sometimes we make mistakes but God never does. Your baby is a gift from God and if no one has ever told you before, your life matters and you were born with a purpose, and your unborn baby's life has a purpose. As a young woman it's very important that you educate yourself regarding your options outside of this forum . I am not here to judge...just want to encourage you to empower your self and know your self worth. If a man truly loves you he will respect you, he will love you unconditionally, he will provide for your family and treat you like the queen that you are. Your relationship doesn't sound healthy and there is no trust. But it doesn't matter what I say or anyone else thinks, you are the one who has to live with the decisions you make. But you can raise this child on your own. It won't be easy but you can do it. Just because you are having a baby doesn't mean your life is ending...it's just beginning...And going in a different direction that's all. I don't know what you're dreams and aspirations are...but if you wanted to go to college you can still do that, lots of colleges have day care centers on campus...and there is funding to help pay for tuition and day care. If you would like to know more information about the different support services in your area just let me know. I would be more than happy to help you. Just know that you are not alone and with God all things are possible.

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• briafields94 member

  January 2015

  taboullio84 said:

  Y'all were broken up since the summer.... Y'all weren't dating when you conceived ? And you are really worried about him? Smh

  This.!!! I'm going to try to be as nice as I can because I'm really not a fan of abortion but it is your body and your choice at the end of the day. I would suggest raising your child on your own there is really nothing wrong with that my best friend got pregnant at 16 and is raising her child alone . & I really really suggest speaking to someone about adoption, an abortion at this point is way too traumatizing for you and your body and that little angel.
  
  
  I hope you can come to some type of end of that makes you happy and keeps the baby safe as well. Good Luck
  

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• megron member

  January 2015

  You aren't too late to get an abortion but they are quite expensive at this stage. If you don't want to be a mommy right now you can't do it for anyone else. Depending on your religious and spiritual beliefs abortion is still an option though you might have to make some tough financial decisions to get one.
  
  Adoption is another option for you. Now there are even open adoptions where you can see and be a part of your child's life. Plenty of great people who have fertility problems or are gay would love to provide a loving home for your child and would cherish the gift.
  
  I personally was adopted and I love my birth mother with all of my heart for giving me to my parents. My parents and I will all be forever grateful to her. I love her so much more for giving me up when she either didn't want to be a mommy or couldn't provide for me than I ever thought I could love someone I never met!
  
  Lastly, if you're worried about the cost of an abortion I think you'd probably be shocked at the expense of a dna test before the baby is born and this might not be an option for you.
  
  Please think carefully about abortion or adoption before you do either. Listen to your heart and your brain and forget what anyone else says, including your parents. You are the one who has to live with this decision for the rest of your life, not them.

  Report1 Reply
• CateOfChicago member

  January 2015

  As someone who struggled to have kids, I hope you consider adoption, if you really decide you don't want a kid. I imagine it is very hard to do yet rewarding. As p&p said, talk to a professional to help you sort out what you really want. God luck.

  
  

  Franco Paul born 6/4/15 at 39 weeks.  Mila Francesca born 10/19/13 at 37 weeks.  Both born via C-Section after 6 years of fertility treatments, disappointments and losses. Love them!!

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• megron member

  January 2015

  One more thing:
  
  If you really feel that you do not want to have this baby you'll have to decide quickly, one the baby reaches viability (24 weeks in most states) it is no longer an option for you.
  
  If you are struggling with your choices of motherhood, adoption or abortion there are great counsellors at your local Community Mental Health that can help you for no cost. Also, although the emphasis will be strong on my getting an abortion your local Catholic Social Services has adoption counsellors that you can usually see within the hour of stopping by at no cost to you, even if you are not Catholic (the emphasis will be on adoption, not religion).

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• ksimo6 member

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Mud anyone? This post and the previous are almost identical.

  • Married 6/1/2012
  • BFP #1 - 11/17/2012 -  MC 12/10/2012
  • BFP #2 - 2/12/2013 - EDD 10/17/2013 - DD Born 10/10/2013
  • BFP #3 - 1/29/2014 - Ectopic pregnancy discovered 1/31/2014
  • BFP #4 - 9/28/2014 - EDD 6/4/2015 - DS Born 5/31/2015

  
  

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• Synnovus member

  January 2015

  Former June15 lurker here. I strongly advise you to listen to what others on here have said and seek professional guidance. I will tell you strait forward that an abortion this late will not be easy for you (emotionally or physically). It is not just to go to the hospital and you'll be as "normal" when you get out. Your body will need several weeks (4-6) until it start to get "normal" again, during this time you probably will have bleedings, your breast will get milk (you might or might not get medication to help with suppressing milk production if it's bad) and your hormones will go crazy all over the place in the process of readjusting. I had an MA in mid dec (I was 15+4, but foetus was only 9 weeks) and I experienced all the above. It's not so easy to handle all of this going on with your body at the same time and while mourning the loss of a baby (even though the choice of an abortion will be yours, you most likely will mourn some too). If you are considering abortion you need to prepare for all of this.
  
  Adoption is a great option if you do not feel you can be a good mother for your child.
  
  Please talk with your parents, get professional help and explore all of your options.
  
  As for your x, his an ass!! You're better off without him

  Report1 Reply
• KonaCoffeeBean member

  January 2015

  ksimo6 said:

  Mud anyone? This post and the previous are almost identical.

  If not, that is one depressing fucking coincidence. 

  Coffee Bean Born 6/13/15.
  2nd round exp 8/20/18.

  Meow.

  Report5 Reply
• kemdupuis member

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  dedebush02 said:

  Just wanted to give you some info on what a late abortion procedure entails. I firmly believe that it's your body and your decision. Even though I would never consider this I'm in no place to judge.
  
  Late abortion (20-24 weeks)
  There are two options for a late abortion carried out at 20-24 weeks. Both require an overnight stay in hospital and are described below.
  Surgical two-stage abortion – stage one stops the heartbeat of the foetus and softens the cervix. Stage two is carried out the following day and involves removing the foetus and surrounding tissue. Both stages are carried out under general anaesthetic.
  Medically induced abortion – this issimilar to a late natural miscarriage and involves the medicine, prostaglandin, being injected into your womb, making it contract strongly (as in labour). Contractions can last six to 12 hours. You will remain awake during the procedure and will be given medicines to help control the pain if needed. D&E may then be used to ensure the womb is completely empty.
  
  I got this from https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Abortion/Pages/How-is-it-performed.aspx
  
  This is a huge decision and I adoption is still an option. You made an adult decision so now you need to act like an adult. We can't tell you what to do.

  This makes me cry. For heavens sake, if you really don't think you can raise your baby, PLEASE consider adoption. Look at all if the ladies struggling in the TTC board. There are so many families out there that could give your baby a loving home and a beautiful life.
  
  ETA: spelling.

  Report6 Reply
• dedebush02 member

  January 2015

  @kemdupuis‌ I agree I cried when reading it. Like I said I'm in no place to judge but I wanted her to have all the info. It's a big decision to make. I agree that adoption is the best if you can't keep the baby. I had my DS at 20 and was single mom. I also know that you don't Need a man to raise a child. She seems like she doesn't want the baby strictly because he doesn't. Either way it's sad.

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• littlebear&bugbug member

  January 2015

  Anne Lamott wrote an amazing book called "Operating Instructions." She had her baby young, under non-ideal circumstances and the book is full of examples of how hard, yet simultaneously how amazing, parenthood is. Bring sweet Isabella into this world and either love her with your family or allow another family to love her. Open adoption is also an option now, so you can watch her grow up. But seriously, check out the book. (As a side note Anne and her son Sam, who is an adult now, go on book tours together )

  
  

  (((hugs)))

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Cnrwife member

  January 2015

  As a lurking June 15 Loss Mom, who would do anything to not have lost my baby and be able to give my daughter a sibling she's been asking for, please consider adoption.

  Report9 Reply
• gracieloohoo member

  January 2015

  Adoption.

  Report2 Reply
• ooopswediditagain member

  January 2015

  I can't imagine what you are going through and I feel awful for you. You can do this mama.
  
  If you choose adoption I have two families who are friends of mine that I know are dying to adopt. Both have been on a waiting list and are just hoping that phone rings any minute. Both would be excellent adoptive families. One is awaiting on the first and the other their second. And there are thousands of families out there just like them.

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• NoeliaV member

  January 2015

  Polling an international forum for opinions on your child and your body seems incredibly immature? uninformed? 

  
  

  I suggest that you talk with anyone who you feel can give you an unbiased ear (ie- not your boyfriend), perhaps your parents? A friend? Someone who can really walk you through the options and the real outcomes/consequences of each.

  
  

  And if you're a troll? Congratulations to The Bump for the awesome "community" they're creating with all their new "guidelines" or whathaveyou.

  

  BFP: 12/20/13 EDD: 08/23/14 (discovered m/c at 8w5d)

  BFP: 09/22/14 EDD: 06/06/15 (hoping for our rainbow)

  My FF Chart
  
  

  
  

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• finchfeeder80 member

  January 2015

  I call MUD. OP never came back.

  Diane

  First Timer!

  EDD: 6-13-15

  Me: 34 Hubs: 37

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

                                                                  Jean-Luc                                   Unna       

  
  

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• KonaCoffeeBean member

  January 2015

  pickles26 said:

  OPs username is easily googled and brings up some social media accounts. Unfortunately I don't think it's mud. I think she's incredibly naive and probably should have been on birth control.

  
  Ugh. Well, that's depressing as hell. Sex ed., people, sex ed.

  Coffee Bean Born 6/13/15.
  2nd round exp 8/20/18.

  Meow.

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• thelittlestbee member

  January 2015

  pickles26 said:

  OPs username is easily googled and brings up some social media accounts. Unfortunately I don't think it's mud. I think she's incredibly naive and probably should have been on birth control.

  Just saw for myself... 

  
  

  Not MUD. Just a young girl who really needs guidance and support. 

  

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• kelseygaona member

  January 2015

  Adoption is one of the single most selfless acts a woman can make for the well being of her child. To put the needs of her child before her own is the best thing you can do. I know it's your body and your choice but please have mercy on this child because it is living, and think of other options besides not giving her a chance at life. I am sorry that you feel this will keep a boy (I say boy because he is obviously no man) around. I will say one last thing from personal experience. A couple months after I turned 14 I found out I was pregnant and although my mom was not "excited" she supported whatever decision I would make. At first the guy was supportive and we were going to have the baby... that lasted 2 weeks. Then he gave me the ultimatum... our relationship or the baby... at 11 weeks I had an abortion and it has haunted me my entire life since! Please know I say these things from experience and I hope you find the love and support that you need to make the right decision.

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• jwiem15 member

  January 2015

  Oh sweetheart this is a crazy emotional time you are in. Please keep in mind how traumatic an abortion this late can be. I would seek psychological advice and talk with a professional about your situation. Adoption is also a great option. I am 33 married and my husband and I aren't in the best place and we are expecting our first. Life can be crazy at any time. Do not make a decision for him but for you. I wish you the best. Keep your head up.

  Report1 Reply
• CareyGross member

  February 2015

  First of all, I'm not here to debate, so if no one likes my response that's too bad for you. I'm only giving my advice to the one who asked.

  I couldn't imagine being in your situation. I really hope some peace comes to your heart about all this soon. What a rough place to be in and I have no right to judge you. Abortion is a huge decision. We can rant and rave about it being our body, but you actually have another body living in you or you wouldn't need to end a pregnancy. Is this really what you want for your child? Regardless of the baby having a father or not, how is ending a life protecting a life? You're 19. Young, but not a child. You can handle this on your own without a dead beat father. I have a lot of friends who have chose to keep their baby and they are just fine. It's scary doing it on your own, but once you see that baby, believe me, he or she will become your world! If there are things in your life that really are preventing you from being a good parent, other than finances and fear (because those don't make you a bad parent), then would you consider adoption? I have a friend who has spent $30,000 trying to adopt a baby. No parent has chose her. If she wants to continue to adopt then she'll have to pay another $30,000. There are so many couples forking out money waiting for someone to hand them a baby. So many women who can't have children and it's sad. This man says he doesn't want to be with you if you have the baby. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to be with you period. His love for you is conditional. And over time, he'll walk away the next time something happens he doesn't like. Don't put another man before your child. Believe me, you will be just fine!

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• amooraxo member

  February 2015

  Not this again... didn't she already post this same thing? Ridiculous. This post really pisses me off. 

  Married: 28 August 2014
  BFP #1: 11 October 2014
  EDD: 22 June 2015 -- updated DD: 20 June 2015
  
  

  

  
  

  
  

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