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June 2015 Moms
Sad about gender reveal?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Sad about gender reveal?
Congrats on the healthy baby boy! You're blessed!
Give her some slack. You kind of implied that OP Is a terrible person because she made "NO effort to confirm" that she is thrilled. Sure she def should have lurked a little and seen previous posts about this, BUT mommy forums get a bad rep because someone puts themselves out there personally and emotionally and gets flamed ( like I'm sure I'm about to be for this post, yes I use the search bar no I don't think I'm a special snowflake...I promise not to ask for medical advice....). BUT SORRY IMA DO A BIG OL GLITTER FART! RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS TO YOU OP!!
Edited because I'm mobile and my fast flying fingers made me post too soon.
As a mom who has suffered a loss, you should not be asking all us moms if there are any "positives."
Edited to note that AFTER OP saw that users were offended by her post, she accused them of being "insensitive". I don't find my outrage to be misplaced.
WARNING UO here:
But that doesn't mean the rest of the world has to...trying to find the right word "grovel?" "Pontificate?" About how lucky they are. Some times people feel shitty feelings, even feelings that make them not of good character. (Aka any teacher who has suddenly had the overwhelming urge to throttle a student they might otherwise handle with aplomb).
And to clarify @pickles26 I don't feel bad for OP. Don't actually care that much, but meh, I thought it was important to point out that feelings aren't always super rational or kind. Lots of posters said the same thing over and over. Some were constructive and some were unkind. Assuming good intentions here.
Edited for clarification.
EDD: June 10th 2015 ~ Aussie Bumpie~FTM
** June 2015 ~ January Siggy - Pinterest Fails**
I see that you just joined us a few days ago. I suggest lurking a little longer. Like, until you get to the point where whenever you read a loss/scare post by someone you 'know', your stomach flips, your heart hurts a little, and you choke up a bit.
At that point, your perspective might change when someone drops in with the audacity to say, "I'm not very excited about doing all the boy things again. ... Any positives here??"
You might feel a little less "meh" and you might be a little protective of your community. You might even be the one who says, "yeah, actually, the positive is that you're having a healthy kid. be grateful."
Married 10/9/2009
The beautiful Royelle Marie born 2/7/2012
Baby #2 coming June 11, 2015 (Scheduled CS)
No problem with the posts that say "the positive is you are having a healthy kid". Not trying to justify OP's feelings. The "meh" was specifically about feeling bad for the OP, because I don't. (Too lazy to quote here). Not about women who have had losses or scares. I've been to the ER 3 times and been admitted twice this pregnancy. It's horrifying to have that feeling. Got off bedrest recently. Not expecting you to care since I'm "new" just pointing out that I have some experience here.
I totally get that you feel protective of the women on this board that have had these scares or even loss. I'm so glad that people have a place to share. As a long time lurker I'd love the opportunity to participate. Haven't had the guts frankly because it seems different views get bashed pretty hard.
Of course it's terrible. I won't rehash my original argument here since it seems silly. I'm sorry if what I said came across as harsh. I get that is painful when you feel like another woman is trivializing pregnancy which is a gift, but that doesn't negate other experiences even if they were wrongheaded. As mentioned and responded to several posters before, I do agree with you that OP was being petty.
So very sorry you even have to come across a thread like this. Very sorry about your baby boys. My heart goes out to you !!
@MrsWiggleWaggle, I did click your name, but it shows you only joined us a few days ago(?). Not sure if that's a glitch or what. I didn't read all your posts, so if you explained something on another thread, I didn't catch that.
I am sorry you've had such a rough pregnancy. It is horrifying. This is a good place for support; no one will bash you for that, and people do care.
Different views can get blunt responses. If you're scared to offend, but want to participate, there are totally benign ways to be active--support others, comment on posts that aren't controversial, etc.--until you start feeling more comfortable. (Unfortunately, I think you learned the hard way that coming to the defense of a poster like OP isn't a good way to start off, even where your goal was to just add a new perspective. As I think you now know, she hit a nerve.)
I think you and the PPs already hashed out all the other stuff. I just wanted to respond to those points. Hoping the rest of your pregnancy is healthy and free from ER visits.
I'm sorry you are disappointed. That is sad.
My brother and SIL chose to be team green to avoid this type of disappointment. When they were handed their second son, there wasn't a moment of anything but joy when they saw him. Instant love. I wish this for you too when you see your son for the first time.
January Siggy Challenge
I have 4 children, 3 of which are boys. None of my children are repeats of each other. While they do have similarities, they are vastly different people with their own challenges and interests.
In addition, you never know what you're going to get. My daughter will spend hours playing hot wheels with her brothers. My 7 year old son's favorite color is "glitter".
Stop being silly and narrow minded and realize this is your child. He will offer you unconditional love the minute he is born. He deserves the same back no matter what's between his legs.
I don't expect the OP to come back and read this or take what I'm saying how I mean it, so I'm just going to discuss this philosophically.
First of all, I absolutely agree with every PP that said that OP was being insensitive and wrong by not seeing ANY positives in having another boy. Everything everyone said about how loss moms would feel to read that is absolutely correct. Gratitude should be a given for a baby, any baby. Boy, girl, healthy or not, as long as that baby comes, you should be grateful for the blessing. I can't think of anything more heartbreaking than looking forward to that and losing your precious baby.
However, I also think that gender disappointment is legitimate and that people should be able to deal with it without added guilt. As long as they don't have OP's attitude of "there is nothing good about this", realising that any baby is a blessing, then I think that it's something that people should be able to deal with. I can't remember who said it, but in the Gender Disappointment thread someone described gender disappointment thusly: when you are having a baby, you have two possible futures in mind, one for a boy and one for a girl. When you find out which it is, then you have to say good bye to one of those futures, and mourning that is gender disappointment. I think that's okay. I didn't realise how much I was expecting to have a boy until my OB told me it looked like a girl. I had to adjust to that. Now I'm ecstatic! But I still needed time to process.
I second what everyone said about every child, regardless of sex, being an individual. That is the honest-to-goodness truth and anyone who has spent time with kids could tell you that. Age, sex, distance from siblings cannot tell you anything about the PERSON your child is going to be.
Finally, I am sick of anyone talking about "boy things" and "girl things" like that is reality. There are so few things in life that are really separated by biological sex. Basically only things directly related to genitalia. Sports, dance, music, cooking, hunting, camping, babies, dolls, dress-up--none of these things are restricted based on your genitalia. So I don't get why any of these would count as boy things or girl things. I think the only true boy things and girl things are the things between your legs, and that's what I intend to teach my kids. So when people reassure that you can still do "boy things" with your girl, or vice versa, I think we are only halfway there. Why not throw all that out the window and say you can do whatever you want with any and all of your kids? (within the law and reason, please don't get stupid)
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TTC since March 2014
BFP#1 09/25/2014 EDD 6/4/2015
I understand really wanting a certain gender though but the main goal is a healthy baby and to be grateful for it!
We are so excited to have our little baby girl doll! We are naming her
Maddison Claire Kaegi..... And call her Maddi for short... That was what my husband name was going to be was Matti shirt for Mattaeus but they named him Christopher instead.... love you Maddi !!!!
Honest question. Not being a jerk at all.
J15 January Siggy Challenge: Pinterest Fails
Married: 12/08/12
BFP: 09/21/14
EDD: 06/04/15
~*~ book nerd forever | Tar Heel '07 ~*~
Also, who are these people that ''Love-it'' on that post.. I don't recognise any of them!!
Da fuk! I can't even.
Nothing wrong with being disappointed it's a totally normal feeling. I think my hubby is disappointed this one is another girl instead of another boy... And that doesn't bother me. I know he will get over it and I know it's a normal emotion.. Is probably feel the same way of it was reversed.
You will get over the disappointment!
It won't last!