Dadchelorette Party? What the Flying F++k?!

MrsCaliRN · January 2015

So DH meets a friend for lunch last week and after talking about our being pregnant and getting prepped for LO's arrival in June, DH's friend asks him, "So what are we doing for the Dadchelorette party?" DH has no idea what he's talking about but implores more, only to receive a 15-minute lecture on the importance of the dad-to-be getting some time away with his guys to "just hang out" and "be a regular, non-dad for one last time." What the flying eff is he talking about?!

Unfortunately, DH was totally sold on the idea and now has all of these ideas including house boating or camping, or even a bachelor/stag night reenactment from when we were married (a little over a year ago). Needless to say, I'm still scratching my head. What the heck does my DH need a break from? Endless backaches, RLP, on-again-off-again nausea, emotional roller coasters, growing a person inside of himself?

I asked DH, "So if you're getting a Dadchelorette party/weekend, what do I get." He proudly exclaims, "A baby shower!" Hmmm, you mean the co-ed baby shower that you will be very present at and lasts all of 3-4 hours?

Please tell me

1. If you've ever heard of such an atrocity as a Dadchelorette party?

2. If you know of anyone who has done one and what did they do for this party?

3. Am I reacting like a selfish beast and should DH really get away from it all before LO arrives?

Thanks for your input!

silentdormancy · January 2015

Wouldn't it be a dadchelor* party if anything? Sounds like a lame excuse for men to be men.. Never heard of it. I don't think it paints a great picture of parenthood though. If it bothers you, talk to him about it.

MrsCaliRN · January 2015

brennazesquire said:

Also...shouldn't it be "dad-chelor" without the feminine "-ette"? Just a thought lol.

Haha, yeah, that's what I said, too! But that's how DH pronounced it to me and that's what I'm calling it. I think it is just another testament to the idiocy of it all. Good catch, though, @brennazesquire

thay33 · January 2015

I think that idea is really dumb. My husband is having a diaper party.... It's not a dadchloreette but I mean they will be drinking but that's as crazy as it will get lol.

courtyowl427 · January 2015

DH's friends are throwing him a diaper party that will mostly likely end up being a lot of beer, drinking games, and all around Tom foolery. I don't mind and think he deserves a night out because he is an awesome husband and will be an amazing dad. Do I want to be involved? Hell no! Get him home safe to me the next day, all I ask.

Think of it this way. My BIL has very few friends and tried to get some guys to go out the night of my sister shower when they were in town and he has no takers. Kind of sad. Just be glad that you guys have friends and family that love and support you, even if it's in weird way!

ksimo6 · January 2015

Never heard of such a thing. Totally ridiculous. If they want to go out and get shitfaced, they should just say it.

KonaCoffeeBean · January 2015

*shudder* that sounds redonkulous

sammyca · January 2015

I've never heard of it. My DH and his other dad friends have all been very keen on the idea of "wetting the baby's head" - a big night out after the birth. I'm a total no on that. I would probably go for the dadchelor party if I could negotiate a beautiful lunch and spa day with some close friends as my mumchelorette party.

leenziepops · January 2015

Firstly, I'm having trouble trying to pronounce Dadchelorette. I've tried. It's really hard.
Secondly, never heard of it BUT I have encouraged DH to go have a few nights out before our baby is due. Told him he should definitely celebrate his bday in May and go all out. He agrees to a block out period of about 3 weeks prior to EDD and at least 2 months after LO arrives. For myself, I have so far booked two massages for end of this month and mid Feb and will be booking in a few more pamper sessions and pedicures with the girls. We both need our own versions of fun before LO arrives.

cnoelle92 · January 2015

My boyfriend's friends are throwing him a diaper party, but thats about it. He wants me there just like he's going to be at the shower.

JoJo1111 · January 2015

A good friend threw my dh a diaper and cigar party while I was pregnant with dd. They played poker, drank scotch and smoked cigars. Each guy also brought a pack of diapers which was fantastic for us! I spent the evening out with friends having mocktails and a nice dinner out.

I don't think I would want my dh to go further than 20-30 min away from me in the third tri. I had a friend who drove herself to the hospital in preterm labour because her dh was at the lake drinking with friends. He almost missed the delivery and he was super hammered and embarrassing once he got there.

I would say no to house boating or anything that he can't get back to you quickly if something were to happen. Otherwise use the night as an excuse to pamper yourself or hang out with friends!

GASuzuki · January 2015

I'm a psycho hose beast because if my DH had told me that my head would have spun around while I spit pea soup. Hell no there shouldn't be reason for a damn Dadchelor party. If his friend means he gets "alone" time, that's BS as men have that all fucking time. I can't count the times my DH has had time to himself while I had to comfort our DD who was sick/tired/breastfeeding, etc. The reality is I believe, even when we have amazing husbands - and I do - they know the kids usually prefer us. Once Baby is born, it's mom this and mom that.

If I sound bitchy, it's because I've been sick at home with our DD for five days while DH has watched football/ hung out with friends/ played on his phone, etc. So no... I think a Dadchelor party is BS.

MrsCaliRN · January 2015

GASuzuki said:

I'm a psycho hose beast because if my DH had told me that my head would have spun around while I spit pea soup. Hell no there shouldn't be reason for a damn Dadchelor party. If his friend means he gets "alone" time, that's BS as men have that all fucking time. I can't count the times my DH has had time to himself while I had to comfort our DD who was sick/tired/breastfeeding, etc. The reality is I believe, even when we have amazing husbands - and I do - they know the kids usually prefer us. Once Baby is born, it's mom this and mom that. If I sound bitchy, it's because I've been sick at home with our DD for five days while DH has watched football/ hung out with friends/ played on his phone, etc. So no... I think a Dadchelor party is BS.

Can I just say that your rage is totally on par with how I feel right now? I feel so amped up after reading your post that I want to blast the Slayer music and mosh it out with you! Haha!

turtletyme · January 2015

This is an "Oh hell to the no." The next 5 1/2 to 6 months are his dadchelor party. (Nope, I never want to say that again).

ksimo6 · January 2015

@GASuzuki‌ I'm rolling. I love your anger. It's all true!!!

I have no issue with DH going out and hanging with his buddies but please don't couch it in the "dad needs time alone before baby". My husband helps A TON with DD but let's not pretend that the heavy lifting was not on me post partum. The more I read and think about this, the more I want to punch someone. Lol

Emilywooddesign · January 2015

Meh! I'm
Too Tired to honestly give a shit! I love my husband and if him and his loser friends want to go to the strippers and get frat boy drunk, Be my guest! I'll have a nice sleep and probably feel great the next day while he groans with regret on the sofa, he treats me very well and sends me on spa days often ( his job treats wives awesome) so he can honestly do whatever he wants although I guarantee he is too tired and lame to want to do a dadchelorette party. I don't think there is anything wrong with letting dudes be dudes. That being said, if he thinks you having a baby shower is equal to him going out and acting like a fool he is mistaken.

awheeler4311 · January 2015

MH said this same shit to me. Bc one of his friends had it. Didn't call it that, but they all went out and got hammered before the baby. He said bc I get a shower, he gets a guys night out. He also wants a push present now that he knows what it is. Such a brat. ARE YOU PUSHING A WATERMELON THROUGH YOUR VAGINA?

I do like the diaper party where the guys bring a box of diapers, if anything. I'm happy to let him have a party for himself to celebrate, but not treating it like a bachelor party with strippers and crazy shit. THATLL make your pregnant wife super happy as she feels 9000 lbs and looks like a whale. NOT.

leenziepops · January 2015

Definitely no strippers for a night out!! I'm talking a few drinks with friends, do what ever guys do but definitely no strippers. That's so wrong for a man to do while his wife is at home pregnant with his child.

GASuzuki · January 2015

@MrsCaliRN‌ and @ksimo6‌ Glad I'm not alone in my rage-filled reaction. Seriously... I'm always the one who takes her to the bathroom when we are out, takes care of her at home, shops for all presents and wraps them, and plans any and all activities. I wish I could be magnanimous, but this BS about Dad needing alone time is for guys who really don't understand how much we do as moms.

Emilywooddesign · January 2015

@awheeler4311‌ lol I actually laughed out loud that now your husband wants a push present. When I was so sick in first tri my husband looked at me and said " man, I'm going to need a really big gift when this is over" he was half joking but he is such a brat too! So funny

Emilywooddesign · January 2015

Hmmm I didn't think about my husband being at the strippers while I'm 10,000 pounds pregnant with fucking twins probably feeling very unsexy! I revoke my comment! No strippers! Frat boy drunk is okay though.

mamayo26 · January 2015

Oh I love all these posts...so funny. My DH would hang out with friends and watch sports and stuff while I was at my showers and occasionally go out with friends to a bar on weekends when I wanted to stay home and veg on the couch, but other than his annual guys weekend (which he ahs done for 8 years) he doesn't get anything special. If he wants a night to hang out with the guys I think that is fine as we all need to be with friends, but a special big weekend comparable to a Bachelor party is absurd! Tell him he is out of his mind.

DEVIL'S ADVOCATE: he may be feeling jealous that you are getting all the attention, b/c you are the one that is pregnant, but he needs to get over that cause once the baby comes the baby will get all the attention.

GirPipley · January 2015

I honestly would be totally fine with this. As long as I got to have a weekend at the spa with friends while he was out getting shit faced.

FI and I are using the next 5 months to have our on party. We already have two kids, but we know when the twins arrive, we won't be able to get out as often, or have as much alone time. We've been really focusing on us, as a couple, and taking advantage of our free time.

If he wanted to get away for the weekend, I'd be totally down with it now. If he wanted to leave after the twins are here, I would have a much different response.

I say, book yourself some spa time and let him have his party.

erbear84 · January 2015

@brennazesquire‌ my H also is not a stripper fan. It was one of his wishes for his bachelor party - no strippers!

I'm okay with H going out, but a shower =/= night out. We're doing a co-Ed shower anyways, so hopefully he'll feel special enough.

awheeler4311 · January 2015

Lol I can't decide if H was pushing my buttons on mentioning strippers or not. His bachelor party ended up at a dive strip club in the keys where the two strippers working were 1. Pregnant and 2. 50 (FAIL!). I can't make this shit up. I know he wouldn't make it happen, but his little asshole friends would. I would hope he would be like oooookkkkkkkk no this is a bad idea, my wife will ACTUALLY kill me. Like with a knife.

I can get on board with them going out celebrating him being a dad, not let's get fucked up bc your life is now over party.

kimmarie1105 · January 2015

I am assuming that you get one as well, approximately 3 months after the baby has arrived. And you get to go for the entire weekend and he gets to be a single stay at home dad. As long as it's agreed to then go for it buddy. I'd rather have a weekend alone while pregnant and then a weekend away from a stressful 3 month newborn stretch.

LadySif · January 2015

Short version:

1. Hell to the no.

2. Hell to the hell to the no.

3. Hell to the hell to the HELL to the no.

Long version:

I get the whole last hurrah before parenthood, but ffs. If he does that, you absolutely get a super awesome whatever of your choice. I'm on board with the babymoon, etc., but this is just ridiculous. I'm not anti dads doing stuff with friends, parents need time together as a couple and time alone with friends before and after baby, but glorifying it as a dadchelorette... I can't roll my eyes back far enough. Your subject line is completely apropos, my dear and I'd have the same reaction.

Let him have his boys weekend if he swears to never call it that EVER again and you make SURE you take yours, plus some.

ohiodoxiemama08 · January 2015

I've definitely heard of them. DH was going to have something similar. I've never heard it called a "dad-chlorette" party though. Usually it's guys getting together to drink and play poker and the guys bring diapers as a "gift" for the dad to be. DH was going to have one with DD--with his firefighter buddies. However we got hit with snow and a bunch of people couldn't come. I didn't love the idea, but at the same time I guess one last hurrah can't hurt. He definitely won't be having one this time around.

MJMum524 · January 2015

No effing way.

VintageVixenMommy · January 2015

I think that some people will find any excuse to get drunk and stupid. I've never heard of this, but it doesn't surprise me.

I'm not normal though - I am not completely sold on bachelor/bachelorette parties before weddings either. Once an adult, act like an adult!

GASuzuki · January 2015

I also have to add that, while it would be awesome to think you could take a weekend or even a day away from your baby, if you're like me after I had DD, you will not want to leave your baby for any reason. I was obsessed with my DD and had to be pushed out of the house for even a few hours. It wasn't healthy by any means, but there's no way I would have been able to catch up on a promised weekend away.

JoJo1111 · January 2015

GASuzuki said:
I also have to add that, while it would be awesome to think you could take a weekend or even a day away from your baby, if you're like me after I had DD, you will not want to leave your baby for any reason. I was obsessed with my DD and had to be pushed out of the house for even a few hours. It wasn't healthy by any means, but there's no way I would have been able to catch up on a promised weekend away.

I agree, my dd was almost a year before I left her overnight. Some moms feel comfortable leaving their babies earlier but many don't. Don't book tickets for a weekend away until the baby is here and you know how you feel!

8411mommy · January 2015

Sounds like a lame excuse to get away from it all. If he wants something to do before he becomes a "dad", tell him to put the crib together.

)

8411mommy · January 2015

But Yes, I agree with the idea of you getting a spay day/weekend if he gets to go out drinking with his buddies.

mcp6286 · January 2015

DH's brother is throwing him something in between what you described and a diaper party. Get ready to laugh: The day of my shower, they are going on...not a bar crawl...but a bakery crawl (lmfao), then out for a steak lunch. They're calling it Baby Bachelor Party because they're weirdos. I think it is beyond hilarious and couldn't care less...they're going to be eating cupcakes for fuck's sake...but if there was even a mention of a drunken night w/ strippers, I would flip shit. Luckily my DH also thinks strippers are gross, @brennazesquire‌ (hardly ever find someone whose DH shares that opinion!). The idea that they need the break is stupid....wanting to celebrate with friends, I understand.

redrocksmama · January 2015

I'm clearly in the minority here but it wouldn't bother me if my H had a guys night/weekend to live it up before the baby came. I know if I wanted to have a getaway either before or after the baby came he'd be fully supportive. I think OP's husband was off base to compare a baby shower to partying it up with his friends. And I can also see getting pissed if they think it's an excuse for strippers or to be a complete idiot...but if there's none of that going on then who cares?

sassypants2010 · January 2015

My husband smoked a cigar with his brother the week we found out the sex of our baby the first time (not for all dad's). But he was part of the shower we had and included me in his bar night where I ate buffalo wings and played darts while drinking iced tea all night. If he asked me if he could have a dadchelor party I would be surprised since he didn't want a bachelor party before we married.

poppyc8 · January 2015

My Aussie friends have something that sounds somewhat similar called 'the wetting of the head' ... I think it involves either a night or a weekend away where the dad can gets wasted.

My husband did a snowboarding/heliboarding trip in BC with friends before DS was born and he is doing the same trip again in March a few months before our LO will be born. I don't have any issue with it. I figure at least one of us should have a last horrah before the sleepless nights commence!

ChrisLipstick · January 2015

What ever happened to having a babymoon and the couple celebrating together their last days without baby? Are these separate dadchelor parties and spa days supposed to be instead or in addition? Who has the money for that with a bavy coming?

missjenniebean · January 2015

Never heard of this til now but I think it is a wonderful idea for a man to spend time with the guys one last time before baby comes. I dont even care if there is a woman version, as I didnt even want a baby shower. No reason why mom and baby should get all the attention.

But I see no reason why a guy cant take a break from helping his woman out. My man has been so helpful I keep telling him to go out with the guys.

If a girl version is important to you, do as PP have said and book a spa day or spend a day doing as you please. No biggie in my book.

leenziepops · January 2015

ChrisLipstick said:
What ever happened to having a babymoon and the couple celebrating together their last days without baby? Are these separate dadchelor parties and spa days supposed to be instead or in addition? Who has the money for that with a bavy coming?

We're definitely doing a babymoon and many things together before Baby arrives in addition to having time apart to do what we personally find enjoyable. If we had to choose we would pick the babymoon.

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