Vent

laurenlalap · December 2014

I'm sorry, but how the fuck do people get pregnant by accident?

My cousin announced at Christmas she is expecting (by accident) and tonight my good friend called in me tears. She's devastated that she's pregnant by some loser she hooked up with a few times.

I'm not usually a jealous person but this is crazy... especially since I watched the amazing sperm race!!

On the bright side, at least I get to be drunk tomorrow night. I'm starting now - drinking white wine. Anyone else???

laurenlalap · December 2014

LongLiveTheEvilQueen said:

Accidents happen. Condoms break/slip off or birth control fails. You don't know the details and even then you shouldn't judge.

I'm not judging. I'm being jealous. My friend was the one who referred to him as a loser.

laurenlalap · December 2014

LongLiveTheEvilQueen said:

LongLiveTheEvilQueen said:

Accidents happen. Condoms break/slip off or birth control fails. You don't know the details and even then you shouldn't judge.

I'm not judging. I'm being jealous. My friend was the one who referred to him as a loser.
------------------FQB--------------------- Your whole post comes off as judgmental. Other women's fertility has nothing to do with your own fertility so jealously is not needed.

Well that was not my intended tone at all... more of disbelief. It is hard to hear two people tell you how they accidentally got pregnant within 1 week of each other and within 1 week or experiencing loss #2 within 2 months. It's all just a bit overwhelming.

bracingourselves · December 2014

I don't know if it makes you feel any better but I find some of the decision-making processes involved in these situations to be baffling. I find it incredibly hard to credit that some people don't use (or have knowledge of) any form of birth control and purposefully take the risk if they truly would be upset by a pregnancy. I have never been so caught in the moment that I came to the conclusion that I wanted unprotected sex more than I wanted to not be pregnant.

I wouldn't call it jealousy but it's really hard to wrap my mind around, especially if I know the person in question is usually rational.

teeveemom · December 2014

I think it's a totally valid feeling to be a little jealous. It sounds like you've been through a lot and I think venting can be cathartic. It might not be "fair" to the ladies you know-- but isn't that what these boards are for? Anonymity - where you can vent without the other repercussions?

URMySunshine77 · December 2014

I am so sorry for your pain. I can understand your emotions at this moment. Hug to you.

lilsneezy · December 2014

jennameowion said:
All the empathy and understanding on that one. I swear accidental pregnancies happen because theres absence of stress related to TTC.

No. Just no.

AngSZ · December 2014

I can totally relate to you! Both of my younger brothers just accidently got their girlfriends pregnant. My husband and I have been TTC for a year this month

icaughtfire · December 2014

laurenlalap said:
I'm sorry, but how the fuck do people get pregnant by accident?

Well when it happened to me, there was alcohol & poor decision making involved. Why is it any of your business how or why other people get pregnant? Worry about your own uterus.

GypsySoul1112 · December 2014

teeveemom said:

I think it's a totally valid feeling to be a little jealous. It sounds like you've been through a lot and I think venting can be cathartic. It might not be "fair" to the ladies you know-- but isn't that what these boards are for? Anonymity - where you can vent without the other repercussions?

Cute...but no. Lurk more and you shall see.

Euphony · December 2014

Getting pregnant when you really don't want to be is not better than not being able to get pregnant when you really want to be. It is shitty all around.

cluckster · December 2014

when it happened to me, i was on birth control pills and the doctor's best guess was that I wasn't good about taking it at the same time every day, even though I took it every day and never skipped a day. when i found out, i cried for 2 days straight before telling my then boyfriend (now husband).

it was the best thing that ever happened to me looking back, but at that moment I was fucking terrified.

just giving you my own personal anecdote! i've read before that 51% of pregnances in the U.S. are unplanned.

ETA: i like the "you can be jealous without being judgmental". i'm jealous of my former self if that makes you feel any better?

vh2014 · December 2014

jennameowion said:

icaughtfire said:

I'm sorry, but how the fuck do people get pregnant by accident?
Well when it happened to me, there was alcohol & poor decision making involved. Why is it any of your business how or why other people get pregnant? Worry about your own uterus.

Also, misinformation about periods. Early/Late ovulation. Broken condoms. NTNP may be considered accidental too.

When it happened to me the first time I was young and dumb. The second time, anti-biotics and not being consistent with BCP.

Now that I am trying to have a child on purpose, understand charting, and use OPKs I am headed to an RE. Yep... life sucks and it isn't fair. I'm jealous of my younger self. You can be jealous of people and not judgemental I think. But yeah... it sucks and pisses you off.

Unknown · December 2014

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Wine&Cupcakes · December 2014

I'm going to jump on board and say that I don't blame you on the jealousy - I think it's difficult to hear of pregnancy happening easily/when unintended when you work so hard to make it happen and you can't. That's shitty.

But, I also think back to how equally shitty (with more long term consequences) it would have been to get pregnant before I was ready.

It's a shitty situation all around, to echo some others on here.

wirt2cute · December 2014

I can say that I understand your vent @laurenlalap, when H and I decided to try again the past January I talked to all of my friends about it because that how we always used to do it. Well some of my friends were against us trying for their own personal reasons (two kids are enough, I would never have more kids why are you, don't you want to just spend time with your husband). But that's another story.

What was the kicker, was that one of my friends from that group ended up pregnant two months after the "don't have another baby conversation", and then the pregnancy ball started rolling. It was like everybody that was in or helped with my wedding ended up pregnant. We had three bridesmaids, my hostess/ close friend, coworker with twins, and now my hair stylist. All of these wonderful ladies are a huge part of my life and I have hosted and participated in all of their baby showers and I have got to hold all of these cute babies.

I can say that I can get jealous and I would love for it to be my time to have a precious baby but it hasn't happened and it might not happen but I make sure that I show huge loving support to my friends because most of them have shown huge loving support to me. Even when they say stupid things like "just relax and you will get pregnant" or "girl look we just had sex and boom it happened".

I can say that lately I have been more hush about me seeing my RE and the possibility of surgery but when we know exactly what our next step is then I will share with some of my friends.

So here's my creepy internet hug ((HUG)).

eta: wrong tag

Euphony · December 2014

nikkchikk said:
Just be glad she isn't telling you she's ending the pregnancy for convenience.

I am genuinely baffled by this. Why would this be bad? I have had friends end pregnancies for that reason and I support that sort of self-awareness. I fail to see the advantage in pressuring women to go through with having a child they are not ready for, regardless of how they got pregnant.

ETA- I fundamentally disagree with the idea that if you are irresponsible with birthcontrol you should have to suck it up and have the baby. This is way too complex a situation for that kind of simplistic logic.

PrimRoseMama · December 2014

Euphony said:

nikkchikk said:
Just be glad she isn't telling you she's ending the pregnancy for convenience.
I am genuinely baffled by this. Why would this be bad? I have had friends end pregnancies for that reason and I support that sort of self-awareness. I fail to see the advantage in pressuring women to go through with having a child they are not ready for, regardless of how they got pregnant.

ETA- I fundamentally disagree with the idea that if you are irresponsible with birthcontrol you should have to suck it up and have the baby. This is way too complex a situation for that kind of simplistic logic.

Yeah...this.

I've gotten pregnant on BC twice-- once I miscarried & one instance gave me my daughter. Shit happens. :-??

Euphony · December 2014

@nikkchikk‌ I am sorry if you felt misrepresented, but you were saying it in reference to the op who has a friend who got pregnant accidentally. Even in reference to your friend who terminated 3 pregnancies, I just don't see why ending the pregnancy because she is not prepared to have those children is a problem for you, however those pregnancies happened. I just don't. That line of thinking is bad for the rights of all women.

thycapa · December 2014

OP I'm sorry you feel this way... it's hard. I have been married several years so with every friend or family members pregnancy announcement and there have been a lot lately, I get snarky questions now. "Maybe if you relaxed more, did you talk to your doctors, don't you want to be a mom, it should be your time why aren't you pregnant yet?".... when these things happen i just try to brush it off, think some choice words and remember that I'm trying my best. It's frustrating and you're human you can't help how you feel sometimes as long as you try to support those people and are still happy for them.

bracingourselves · December 2014

Just curious @lindsrockies, were you charting at the time? Did you suspect at all that you might have ovulated?

JuneBugMommy627 · December 2014

------------------FQB---------------------

Your whole post comes off as judgmental. Other women's fertility has nothing to do with your own fertility so jealously is not needed.

------I screwed up this quote box-----

I haven't read the rest of the comments yet but I wanted to say, my SO said this to me once and it really clicked for me. I used to get really upset/jealous when I found out someone else was pregnant but it's really changed since he said this to me. Their pregnancy doesn't prevent ours. (I've actually been really scared to say anything along these lines in here bc I didn't know how to word it as to not come off offensively).

bracingourselves · December 2014

Lol I didn't want to imply that you couldn't read your own chart. But I'm thinking people with longer cycles are less likely to over analyze lateness and assess their pregnancy risk as lower than it actually is. That's my conjecture though.

ramaholic · December 2014

JuneBugMommy627 said:

------------------FQB--------------------- Your whole post comes off as judgmental. Other women's fertility has nothing to do with your own fertility so jealously is not needed. ------I screwed up this quote box----- I haven't read the rest of the comments yet but I wanted to say, my SO said this to me once and it really clicked for me. I used to get really upset/jealous when I found out someone else was pregnant but it's really changed since he said this to me. Their pregnancy doesn't prevent ours. (I've actually been really scared to say anything along these lines in here bc I didn't know how to word it as to not come off offensively).

~~~~~~~~~~~QUOTE BOXES ARE JACKED UP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
@JuneBugMommy627 We actually say this a lot here, so you're in good company. No need to be scared.

BankerBSN · December 2014

@LindsRockies‌ I remember your 2nd BFP like it was yesterday.

:::peeks in Linds' window like a creeper:::

JuneBugMommy627 · December 2014

@ramaholic‌ I jacked up those quote boxes for sure lol

I'm happy SO said this to me, it changed my perspective

ramaholic · December 2014

GetzyStark said:

Oh hai @ramaholic. Miss you!

@GetzyStark Hiiiiiiiii, 2014 is coming to a close with a bumpy ride for me; I'll try to be more "back", I promise.

I miss you guys, too!

icaughtfire · December 2014

nikkchikk said:
Just be glad she isn't telling you she's ending the pregnancy for convenience.

A woman I've known since childhood gets pregnant 3 times in 2 years, ends each one because she 'can't deal with it right now' and 'doesn't like condoms and isn't good with oral BC' (this is from the horses mouth, verbatim.) tells me this, I want to explode. One slip is an honest mistake. THREE times is just plain dumb.

The kicker? Fast forward, now she's married and has 2 kiddos. Talk about bullshit....

Get off your fucking high horse and worry about yourself. So because she chose to terminate her pregnancies (for whatever reason, the choice is hers) it's now bullshit she has two kids? Are you saying her punishment should be infertility? You sound like a peach.

Unknown · January 2015

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danascullyx · January 2015

@ramaholic‌ I don't have a cute gif but you've been missed! Hope things look up and to see you around moar!

chall87 · January 2015

I worked as a Foster care caseworker and it is very difficult to see so many families take their children for granted. And many times they threatened, "if you take this one I'm just going to have another one" absolutely rediculous... children grow up in horrible situations and continue the cycle. If they aren't willing to take care of them then don't have them.

icaughtfire · January 2015

chall87 said:
I worked as a Foster care caseworker and it is very difficult to see so many families take their children for granted. And many times they threatened, "if you take this one I'm just going to have another one" absolutely rediculous... children grow up in horrible situations and continue the cycle. If they aren't willing to take care of them then don't have them.

So who makes that decision? How do we know the person was willing to take care of the child(ren) but then found themselves in a situation that they weren't able to? Who made you supreme decider of who may & may not reproduce?

Some of y'all really need to stop with all the judging. Worry about your own life & your own damn business. JAYSUS.

chall87 · January 2015

It is rediculous to think people who have kids should be willing to take care of them? I think it should be a requirement.

chall87 · January 2015

Keep in mind I said WILLING, not ABLE. Situational circumstances I can understand, but what I can't understand is when children are literally abandoned by their parents, after years of abuse and neglect.

chall87 · January 2015

Circumstances do change. And most parents do want their kids. But the ones that dont, it breaks my heart. I guess you could only understand where I'm coming from when you build a relationship with these kiddos and all they want is for their parents to WANT to at least visit them...

PrimRoseMama · January 2015

chall87 said:
I worked as a Foster care caseworker and it is very difficult to see so many families take their children for granted. And many times they threatened, "if you take this one I'm just going to have another one" absolutely rediculous... children grow up in horrible situations and continue the cycle. If they aren't willing to take care of them then don't have them.

WTF??

PrimRoseMama · January 2015

@chall87‌ : my birth parents surrendered us to CPS. My bio-mom decided she didn't want to deal with premie-twins (born at 30 weeks at home). I don't think she was mother of the year with regards to us, but she went on to have 4 more kids. All taken by the state save for the very last which the state couldn't take because she was Native American.

I still don't agree with anything you are saying & I grew up in the system. It's not up to you to decide for anyone else if they are fit to parent.

Also, WTAF does this have to do with accidental pregnancy?

chall87 · January 2015

I guess I just can't understand why parents would give up on their kids... im sorry to have offended some of you. I didn't mean it the way it came out. I suppose I'm bitter right now that they can have kids and give up and I can't.

painttheair14 · January 2015

bracingourselves said:
I don't know if it makes you feel any better but I find some of the decision-making processes involved in these situations to be baffling. I find it incredibly hard to credit that some people don't use (or have knowledge of) any form of birth control and purposefully take the risk if they truly would be upset by a pregnancy. I have never been so caught in the moment that I came to the conclusion that I wanted unprotected sex more than I wanted to not be pregnant.

I wouldn't call it jealousy but it's really hard to wrap my mind around, especially if I know the person in question is usually rational.

------

BC can fail. I had an accidental pregnancy after the condom came off and the plan B pill failed.

ETA now that I've read the thread. My blood is boiling. So many fucking high horses. You don't know situations. Fucking just fucking don't.

chall87 · January 2015

I do know what it's like. You don't know what I've gone through. And I guess in my mind I don't know why my mom would have me and I'd hate to think she was encouraged to have a baby she didn't want to parent.

wallflwr926 · January 2015

I have quite a few friends who have accidentally gotten pregnant.
One friend was unaware of the antibiotic rule. Another friend has gotten pregnant 3 times due to birth control failure. Twice on the pill and the last while on Mirena. We call her fertile Myrtle. She's the sweetest girl on earth and has even offered to be a surrogate to her best friend who is struggling with conceiving.

For others like my little cousin,who was shocked that she was pregnant when she was not been using any protection, I'm left speechless. I've actually unfollowed her on Facebook because she has been posting daily about her pregnancy since week 6. Shockingly, she never mentions that she's currently on probation and joked that she was going on vacation the last time she got locked up.

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