Can I use a name... — The Bump
Baby Names

Can I use a name...

So when discussing boy names with my boyfriend we agreed we both want the middle name to be Frederick.  It's his dad's FN and my dad's MN.  We couldn't decide on a first name.  I ran through the list of biblical FNs I liked and he wasn't crazy about any of them.  Then I remembered his mother's maiden name is Gray.  So I suggested Grayson Frederick.  All of the sudden he bursts out in tears and can't speak.  Once he calmed down he told me his cousin was pregnant a few years ago and was in a bad car accident.  She was 34 weeks pregnant with a baby boy they had planned on naming Grayson and lost him due to the accident.  I had NO clue...and felt terrible.  It's eating at me though, I really REALLY like the name.  I'm wondering if it would be okay to use the name and somehow it'd be in honor of her lost baby?  On a side note, she lives two states away and he is not really close with her, but we would ask her first if she was okay with it...not that I have any clue how I would ask her.  TIA for your opinions.
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Re: Can I use a name...

  • I thought you were going to say he cried because he loved the name so much. It sounds like he cried because the name brought back sad feelings so I would definitely not want to use the name and you two can find a better name than Grayson anyway. 

    He said he cried because he was shocked I just plucked that one out of thin air.  He did say he loved the name though.  
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  • Thanks ladies.  I think in my gut I knew it just can't happen.  Off to figure out the backup names.  I don't like Frederick as a FN...  My dad is a Jr and my brother is a 3rd.  Grandfather goes by Rod (FN Rodney), my dad goes by Rick and my brother by Ricky.  It's too much.
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  • Based on his reaction it seems to still be a touchy thing, so I wouldn't! It might be too difficult for some of his family members as well! You don't want people thinking of sad, painful memories when it comes to your baby, I wouldn't think anyway.

    Love Frederick for the mn!! But I'd definitely try to come up with a different fn
  • Personally, I wouldn't use it. BUT, if you are absolutely set on it then definitely ask her first.
  • I don't think it is appropriate.
  • It would be one thing if you knew about the baby and chose to use the name to honor him. But to spin it after the fact is a bad idea. Use it as inspiration for a name with a similar feel
    lalamommasgarmandashiscute[Deleted User]
  • I'd definitely find something else...
  • I wouldn't use it. But that is just me. There was a name I absolutely loved throughout my whole pregnancy, and I ended up using a different name that I loved towards the end. I don't regret not using that first name.

    Keep searching....you will find something else that you both love
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  • Definitely ask before committing to that name because I don't think I'd be okay with it being used as a FN had I gone through what she went through.

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