Can I use a name...

blendedfammama · December 2014

So when discussing boy names with my boyfriend we agreed we both want the middle name to be Frederick. It's his dad's FN and my dad's MN. We couldn't decide on a first name. I ran through the list of biblical FNs I liked and he wasn't crazy about any of them. Then I remembered his mother's maiden name is Gray. So I suggested Grayson Frederick. All of the sudden he bursts out in tears and can't speak. Once he calmed down he told me his cousin was pregnant a few years ago and was in a bad car accident. She was 34 weeks pregnant with a baby boy they had planned on naming Grayson and lost him due to the accident. I had NO clue...and felt terrible. It's eating at me though, I really REALLY like the name. I'm wondering if it would be okay to use the name and somehow it'd be in honor of her lost baby? On a side note, she lives two states away and he is not really close with her, but we would ask her first if she was okay with it...not that I have any clue how I would ask her. TIA for your opinions.

nurse714 · December 2014

I thought you were going to say he cried because he loved the name so much. It sounds like he cried because the name brought back sad feelings so I would definitely not want to use the name and you two can find a better name than Grayson anyway.

blendedfammama · December 2014

NurseRobinson said:

I thought you were going to say he cried because he loved the name so much. It sounds like he cried because the name brought back sad feelings so I would definitely not want to use the name and you two can find a better name than Grayson anyway.

He said he cried because he was shocked I just plucked that one out of thin air. He did say he loved the name though.

Renisra+2 · December 2014

Your husband's reaction to the name is saying it all. I think you know the answer to your question.

blendedfammama · December 2014

Thanks ladies. I think in my gut I knew it just can't happen. Off to figure out the backup names. I don't like Frederick as a FN... My dad is a Jr and my brother is a 3rd. Grandfather goes by Rod (FN Rodney), my dad goes by Rick and my brother by Ricky. It's too much.

LNic5 · December 2014

Based on his reaction it seems to still be a touchy thing, so I wouldn't! It might be too difficult for some of his family members as well! You don't want people thinking of sad, painful memories when it comes to your baby, I wouldn't think anyway.

Love Frederick for the mn!! But I'd definitely try to come up with a different fn

puppygurl21 · December 2014

Personally, I wouldn't use it. BUT, if you are absolutely set on it then definitely ask her first.

whatevs89 · December 2014

I don't think it is appropriate.

Dr.Loretta · December 2014

It would be one thing if you knew about the baby and chose to use the name to honor him. But to spin it after the fact is a bad idea. Use it as inspiration for a name with a similar feel

4N6s · December 2014

I'd definitely find something else...

Elsa1984 · January 2015

I wouldn't use it. But that is just me. There was a name I absolutely loved throughout my whole pregnancy, and I ended up using a different name that I loved towards the end. I don't regret not using that first name.

Keep searching....you will find something else that you both love

this decaf life · January 2015

Definitely ask before committing to that name because I don't think I'd be okay with it being used as a FN had I gone through what she went through.

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