Advice for first timers

firsttimemommy0715 · December 2014

I haven't seen a thread like this yet so I figured I'd give it a shot! There seems to be a pretty good mix of first time moms and experienced moms on here so I thought it would be fun and helpful to have a place where experienced moms can share their tips and advice with us first time moms. What are some things that y'all wish you would have known the first time around?

jlbaker08 · December 2014

Moms and babies are resilient. Only a few of us are actually fragile (as diagnosed by your doctor), so do the things, eat the things, enjoy the things and after the baby comes do, eat and enjoy all the things too. You'll be fine.

RWPhoenix · December 2014

Take a birthing class, tour the maternity ward, and get to know the nurses/midwives of the ward. The nurses will most likely be your biggest ally and best cheerleader at the time of delivery (no offense to the husbands but it's true). Also don't get mad or down on yourself if things don't go according to your birth plan. An epidural can be wonderful but so is natural birth. Be strong but not stubborn. Listen to your body during pregnancy and after you give birth. If you feel like you can't shake the baby blues, talk to your doctor and don't be ashamed. Good luck FTMs!

masabmom · December 2014

What I wish I knew...the first week or two you might cry, a lot. It's totally normal being down and depressed is different. Enjoy every second even in the middle of the night. It's all a blessing, we get children but don't know for how long so appreciate it all.

Post baby body is the WORST get a c-sec recovery belt. Your belly will be like bread dough, it's gross.

Take your own clothes, underwear and pads to the hospital. Shower after delivery and put on your clothes. Wash your hair, even if you did it already that day. You might go a while before you do it again. You will feel way better then wearing hospital gown. And hospital pads are the worst.

Breast feeding isn't always easy, be patient, don't stress and don't be scared to supplement if you are struggling. Don't be scares of nipple confusion.

Don't let people scare you, live in a place of love not fear and it'll be easier. If people start scare talking you pretent to listen but just zone out

you grandma of mom probably have answers to questions you have. Be open to their advice. Be open to advice, cause your going to want to do it your way, even if your way ain't working.

Wow that was a lot!

dllnlrn · December 2014

Bring depends (adult diapers) to the hospital with you. Otherwise they give you these giant pads and paper underwear.

mnj05 · December 2014

Stock up on freezer meals or something very easy to throw together. Accept help if it's offered, no matter the offer. I agree with the breast feeding and supplementing, don't feel like a failure if it doesn't work out or if it's harder than you imagined because it will be. If you end up with a c-section, take it easy. Even if you feel like a million bucks (especially when the meds are working), take it easy. It's a surgery to recover from, not something to speed through. Do what you feel is right for you and baby. Ignore unsolicited advice from people you'd rather not hear it from. Definitely sleep when baby does. The household chores can wait, you'll need rest and several naps throughout the day beats little sleep at night and keeping up with the house. Ugh, sorry about formatting. I can't get it to correct.

MigdaliaRose · December 2014

This is a great thread. Thank you all so much for the advice!

imavera · December 2014

Honestly, just trust yourself/ your instincts and believe in your mothering ability. That goes for labor and parenting.

alanna7777 · December 2014

Never feel guilty for sleeping and taking time to recover properly. Ask your spouse for help! Or family member or friends. Take a shower or nap and trust them.
Also, I agree about supplementing if needed. Better the baby eats and sleeps than not-you can always keep working on BFing if you don't havr thr hang of it when you leave the hospital.
Pay attention to your blood pressure. And trust your intuition if you don't feel right about you or when the bany comes.

soccsm13 · December 2014

Enjoy the newborn snuggles. Let them sleep on your chest, forget the mess about the house. It doesn't last!! Soon they will be crazy toddlers running around giving 1 second hugs. Yes you will be tired, but you will miss it.

Don't rush your recovery. I started walking too early and my bleeding picked up. Listen to your body and be kind to yourself.

I also didn't mind the underwear/pads from the hospital. It was free (well, included), and I didn't ruin my own!

firsttimemommy0715 · December 2014

Thank you ladies so much

The advice so far has been wonderful and I'm sure it's going to be extremely helpful to a lot of us FTM's!

nikkisauro · December 2014

firsttimemommy0715 said:
Thank you ladies so much The advice so far has been wonderful and I'm sure it's going to be extremely helpful to a lot of us FTM's!

Definitely been so helpful! Thanks everyone

daniellelea1985 · December 2014

Be prepared for everything to NOT go according to plan.

Remember that in the end you just want a healthy baby.

Labor and post partum are more bloody than you think.

If you think something is wrong with either you or baby, listen to your instinct and call the doc. Try to stay calm. Emotions are high and sleep is low so it may be hard to keep your cool but just remember that before you get hysterical!

Sleep. every moment you get.

dllnlrn · December 2014

iandloveandyou1 said:

dllnlrn said:

Bring depends (adult diapers) to the hospital with you. Otherwise they give you these giant pads and paper underwear.

My mesh underwear from the hospital were awesome- and I totally didn't mind the enormous pads provided. I asked for a few extra pairs of those panties to wear at home.

You guys make me
Lol... I hated those underwear wth a passion. The pad would always slide around on me.

JuneBug0611 · December 2014

+1 for enjoying the alone time with DH now, whether at a restaurant, theater, or just watching a movie at home. I have such precious memories of snuggling with DH watching movies, his hand resting on my belly, full of wonder and anticipation at what was to come. We don't get much of that down time together these days and I treasure those memories. And going out without paying for a babysitter... enjoy it!!!

That being said, your life isn't about to end, and don't listen to naysayers with all their "just you wait" horror stories about the future. There will be challenges but SO much joy and fulfillment. You might miss some things temporarily but you will never regret your LO!

It is normal for your patience to wear thin at times. It is ok to leave the baby alone crying in the crib for a few minutes so you can clear your head in the shower. Take some time to take care of yourself or you are no good to anyone else! July is a great month to give birth. Get outside and enjoy long walks in the sun (with a light blanket shielding LO in his/her stroller). Good for the body and the soul.

Don't stress about labor. Prepare yourself but don't fear it. It is intense but it is one day. You will get through it fine. And there is nothing like the rush afterwards!!

ClovesA · December 2014

Pack early so that you have everything you want at the hospital (my DS came at 36 weeks and we weren't prepared).

Order whatever food you want at each meal. At the hospitals around me (in MA), there's no limit. Order enough for you and DH to have each meal so you don't have to send him to the cafe to pay for his food. That's some of the best advice we got about the hospital stay.

Accept the help when you can but also don't be afraid to turn people away when you need to. Sometimes (all the time!) you just want to hold your sweet new baby and the visitors (At hospital and back at home) can and should be ok with leaving at a gentle reminder from you that it's getting late or just with handing your LO back to you when it's been a while and you miss him/her.

People say to love every minute of it all--it goes so fast, and it's true, but it's ok if there are a few moments you don't love. You'll look back on it all later with rose colored glasses anyways, so don't beat yourself up for feeling cranky and tired and like you aren't loving a specific moment.

Motherhood is for sure the most incredibly proud, rewarding, frustrating, and terrifying thing that I've ever done and imagine I ever will do.

FSUNole31 · December 2014

It is ok if you don't fall instantly in love with your baby. I never had that instant feeling with him and felt awful about it for awhile. Of course I fell very much in love with him, but it took me a few days to a week or so to get to that point. Don't be afraid to talk to people about your feelings...post partum hormones are no joke.

JuneBug0611 · December 2014

3timemom said:

Take anything they offer medicine wise, pain pills, laxatives, anything. The worst thing is to be to proud to ask for the medicine and pay later. Also learned the hard way.

Yes to this! I had a med-free childbirth and then took meds like clockwork during recovery. I hit my call button to remind them to bring me ibuprofen if it was time for the next dose and they weren't there. I remember feeling a little silly that I could push a baby out without meds but was a total baby about the pain afterwards, but that's how it was!

lifeisgood27 · December 2014

Take your own toilet paper...
After having a baby, that cheap hospital stuff felt like sandpaper.

This is a great list of advice. Take it, or leave it.

Be your little ones mom. Ask question. Ask for help. Sleep when baby sleeps (at first until on a schedule). Love yourself and actually enjoy a quiet shower, get help or let baby rest in their crib, but truly enjoy a long hot shower.

BbWalter · December 2014

Thank you everyone. This is amazing to read

bnk2012 · December 2014

Thank you so much! This is all great & useful advice.

Stephb0488 · December 2014

Wow thanks you ladies for this! Great advice ♡♡♡

KellyinHB · December 2014

As a FTM, I am so appreciating this!

MisSmartyPants · December 2014

Oh wow... This is such an awesome discussion!! We need to keep it alive for a while to get as much good advice as possible!! :-)

muffyvonmuff · December 2014

I was told not to use regular baby wipes for the first 2 weeks, I had no idea about that. My hospital gave me lots of disposable cloths, they also loaded me up with tons of A&D, mesh underwear (love it) and these crazy ice pack pads. Take it all.

Infants are really portable, they sleep every 2 hours and have no problem napping in their carrier while you go out to get lunch or randomly walk around target. Take advantage by 6 months it gets more tricky.

I wish I switched to target diapers sooner.

Download the remote control app for your phone. You will be trapped under a sleeping baby, dying to change the channel and be happy you can use your phone.

Buy plenty of maternity pants/shorts you will be wearing them after baby is born.

JennyJensing · December 2014

+1 for the postpartum hormones being no joke! I was very weepy for a few good weeks. If you plan to BF, see if there is a La Leche League in your area. It is basically a BFing support group and is totally free. There were several times when I felt like quitting, but I went to a meeting and totally gained my confidence back! I was actually told by the LC at my delivery hospital that she wasn't supposed to help me anymore after I went home, but there were actually LCs at the LLL meetings from other big hospitals in the area! Invaluable!! Andplusalso, they were also very knowledgable abut baby wearing. I also second freezer meals and help from friends and family once home. Even if someone just wants to come hold the baby while you shower-LET THEM. Something as simple as a shower or a good meal can help you feel a little more human again.

usermovedon · December 2014

This is so great! Thank you!

CANTW82BMOM · December 2014

This is my favorite thread so far. Thanks everyone.

evanzmom11 · December 2014

This is advice for first and second and third, fourth, fifth time+ moms.

Do some research on carseat safety before baby comes. You spend 9 months protecting your child and eating well with baby inside you but so many people (INCLUDING MYSELF) are and were clueless about carseat safety. I believe the statistic is 7 out of 8 carseats are used and installed incorrectly and car accidents are the #1 killer of children thru age 12.
Carseatsforthelittles.org and carseatsforthelittles on facebook are a great place to start and is run by Child Passenger Safety Technicians..
DO NOT buy used carseats from anyone you wouldn't trust with your baby's life. And read the carseat and your vehicle manual completely. It will explain how to use it properly and not to add after market covers or anything to it.
There are a few infant seats sold that are not safe for most newborns so research now before you purchase one that won't work safely for you.

My other advice is sleep when you can!

SJ7108 · December 2014

During your pregnancy remember to take it easy when you need to. If you are feeling beat after doing nothing all day remember that your body was doing MAJOR stuff all day.

Start practicing your smile and nod. Everyone thinks they know everything about raising your kids. Everyone has opinions and advice - some is wonderful some is is crappy. Just smile, nod and say - " oh wow, I'll definitely have to look into that" Which of course means "whatever yo!"

I loved the mesh undies. I took A LOT home.. I think I had enough for at least a week. I also loved the hospital pads and their whole system for dealing with all the stuff going on down there after the fact. So i just did exactly what they did for a while.

Also, the give you a "peri-wash" bottle - i didn't know what that was or that you even had to use one until it came up on my BMB last time. But yeah - totally made since after I googled.

If you are going to breastfeed, know that is can be really difficult. I wanted to give up so many times. Just keep at it and get help when needed. Don't be afraid to give the baby formula - the baby has to eat! As hard as it was to finally get my daughter to latch properly and actually drink from both breasts, I'm so glad I had support and pushed through - she ended up nursing til 15 months!

Finally, you will be fine. Try not to stress and plan every detail - take it all one day at a time.

aimbje88 · December 2014

Love this thread! First time young mum here so getting some real advice is great

dot2point0 · December 2014

It's going to be hard those first few weeks, getting used to this baby that's completely dependent on you. You'll be running on adrenaline and no sleep and the days will all start to blend together. Maybe you haven't showered in 4 days...But somehow your baby starts sleeping longer and starts developing their own little personality. That first smile will melt your heart. Enjoy every single minute and take a step back to look at the big picture. You made this little baby that is growing and changing everyday and before you know it you'll be looking back wishing the time didn't pass so fast.

Mamamads · December 2014

+1 to the hold your babies as much as you can club. I look at my two year old now and wish I could shrink her and hold her, stare at her, smell her..all those things I used to do that mobility now makes very hard. Love them while they can't fight back!!

Also! I actually just found this out recently but YOU CAN FIRE YOUR NURSES in labor and delivery. Not every nurse is compatable with you and during such a vulnerable moment in life if you feel threatened etc. Labor won't go so great. You don't have to feel bad either, l&d is about you and baby and you should feel as comfortable as you can bringing baby into the world. I had a nurse who was so rough she would bring me to tears moving me around and if I knew this then I would have had her assed switched out so fast her head would have spun.

Also learn how to swaddle! This is how to help baby sleep well for you. Invest in good swaddling blankets and teach yourself and partner how to swaddle properly before baby comes. This is INVALUABLE, and you must start when they are first born.. Swaddling a two month old for the first time doesn't quite work out. Lastly..trust yourself, You've got this.

Eta: wear what you'd like when in labor, the hospital robes aren't mandatory. Bring a long comfy Cami dress or something you can be easily checked in. Loved this last time!! It's a small thing but made me feel very comfortable.

TeresaWE · December 2014

+1 for freezer meals for those first couple of weeks!

It's a birth "plan" not a legally binding contract. Bottom line is a healthy momma and healthy baby.

Skin to skin immediately after birth and as much as possible. For Dad too. It's awe inspiring how close my LOs are to Daddy.

Trust your gut and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and especially your child.

Sing to baby, talk to baby. And sometimes, enjoy the silence.

smoresdoeuvres · December 2014

Thank you so much for all of this! Very helpful info. : )

Beachy730 · December 2014

-Don't call it a birth plan, call it a birth wish list and know that that's all it is; a wish for how you would like things to go. Understand and accept now that it's not a guarantee, and the only important thing is a healthy baby and mom. -Be nice and gracious to your nurses. They literally will be cleaning your vag and ass for you, as well as taking care of your baby. Yes it's their job, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't be appreciative of them. When you leave the hospital give them some cookies and a thank you card, especially if there is a particular nurse you loved. My nurse in L&D was seriously the greatest thing ever, and I'm tearing up thinking how amazing she was. It was just H and I there (my parents were on their drive down) when they called for the emergency c/s and we were never so scared in our lives. She was absolutely amazing and kept me calm and even laughing at times. While that was her job, she deserved to hear after how much a difference she made to me and how much I appreciated her. -hospital mesh underwear are amazing. I asked for extra to bring home because they were comfy and were great over my incision -Bring a robe To the hospital to throw over your gown. If you have a c/s it's easier to just stay in the hospital gowns for the first day or two since they come check your incision so often. Plus you won't want anything over it. Also wear two gowns, the first wiht the opening in front, then put another one on with the opening in back. When you want to nurse you just take off the first one and aren't naked. -Feed your fucking kid, I don't care how. While BFing is great, formula won't kill your baby, and contrary to what people will tell you it won't keep your kid from nursing. -utilize the resources available to you. The nursery to get sleep, the lactation consultants who will come around to help, Etc. -on that token though, remember that the ONLY thing the LC's care about and are there for is you nursing and getting your kid BM. The nurses care about your child's overall health and well being. If a nurse or Dr is encouraging you to give formula, it's not because they are the devil who hate BFing. They can see your struggles and know your kid needs to eat. DS was in the nicu with jaundice, and eating and pooping were essential to clearing the bilirubin. We would get him out for 30 minutes every 3 hours, and that was all the time we had to hold him and feed him. I would try nursing first, then we would give him pumped milk and formula. I had an LC get mad with me for stopping nursing to give him formula becuase "I needed to keep trying." Yeah, no. My kids health is more important than me nursing. -Freezer meals are your friend. Make a few before if you can. -take help if someone offers it. If people come over and ask what they can do, don't hesitate to ask them to wash dishes, or run to the store for you if that's what you need. Help doesn't only need to mean watching your kid so you can sleep or shower. If you're not comfortable with that don't do it.

ClovesA · December 2014

Dh's grandma told me during my 1st pregnancy that she always loved being pregnant (she has 5 kids) because it's the only time you can be super productive while laying around doing nothing. Sometimes when I feel so tired and lazy and super guilty about that I remind myself of this ("today I'm growing hair and fingernails for my baby") and then I let myself off the hook.

jenwalker1978 · December 2014

I'm a first time mom, so I am really loving this thread. Thank you for the honest and helpful information!

BarefootContessa · December 2014

A few things I'd add in:

For the love of everything- don't worry about pooping during delivery-- you likely will, they won't say anything about it. Delivery is not the time to be vain. I was pretty much naked and couldn't have cared less when they put DS on my chest (skin to skin was amazing btw). There was fluid everywhere, blood, amniotic, DS had even pooped...I couldn't have cared less. I was in awe of him. I remember as soon as he was out shouting "THIS IS THE MOST SURREAL THING I'VE EVER DONE!", my OB just smiled and patted my thigh.

Ask for extra mesh panties. I did, and took home about seven pair. They were wonderful the first week or so after the hospital.

The second night after the baby is born is really hard (at least it was for me-- and the nurses told me it would be). Baby tends to cluster feed all night long to get milk production going and it's brutal.

Take a walk when you feel up to it post postpartum-- with or without baby. As long as you don't over do it- it will make you feel so much better.

Try to keep an open mind. Don't be too rigid about what you "will' and "won't" do. This is in reference to all things pregnancy/baby/parenting. I've eaten my words SO many times. Now I realize... it's easier to just to take it as it comes and not have a plan for everything.

catahoulatte · December 2014

.

petrichor14 · December 2014

This thread is giving me all the feels. ♥

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