Advice for first timers

JennyJensing

I just wanted to add...if you have a partner, chances are that he will be even more in the dark than you are about what's going on. Don't be afraid to tell him very clearly and plainly what you need. This would have prevented lots of frustration on my part!

Also, immediately after birth, they put my baby on my chest to see her, and it absolutely took my breath away! I didn't want to touch her for fear that I'd break her or st. Be prepared to love this little thing more than you can imagine and have your world rocked!! It's so beautiful

Merides

This thread is amazing. Thank you ladies!!

KatD2011

Thank you thank you thank you!!  great thread

c-elizabethf

It's okay to ask for help.
There is nothing wrong with breast feeding or formula feeding. I got comments from both sides and it was really aggravating.
Your baby will go at its own pace and you might hear comments like my baby did this by blah blah months or something. Thankfully I didn't hear that but my friend did from her family.
It's okay to cry and take a break, those breaks and crying can help.
Whatever delivery happens whether you have a c-section, natural, etc...there is no wrong way and don't make anybody make you feel like if you don't go natural you are horrible.
If you had a bad feeling or feel something is wrong it's okay to call the nurse or doctor.
Take all the stuff they give you at the hospital, pads..tuck pads, spray bottle, etc.
Be prepared for teething, I cannot say this enough lol. My dd got all her teeth super early and different things were lifesavers. Like in the early month teething toys, cold rag. One time when she was getting like 4 at a time I gave her some Tylenol when she was older and it helped a lot.
This is from my experience, I didn't want to feed solids super early but I would get comments from certain family members to give her things when she was like 3 months old. They would then go on a rant about my child did this blah blah blah.
It's okay to give a baby a pacifier.
Research strollers, car seats, etc.
And also you can take your car seat to a fire station or police department and they can check to see if it's inserted properly.

catahoulatte

JennyJensing said:

I just wanted to add...if you have a partner, chances are that he will be even more in the dark than you are about what's going on. Don't be afraid to tell him very clearly and plainly what you need. This would have prevented lots of frustration on my part!

YES! MH and I have a fantastic relationship. But when we had DS, we were both so tired and overwhelmed we had to completely re-learn how to communicate. Don't stress about it, but your relationship will change. Most of the time, it does get better. Make sure your significant other knows that you love them, even if you don't like them very much at the moment.

READY4TWO

Dermoplast!  That stuff is amazing.  I ordered a bottle off of amazon so I would have extra for when I came home.  The peri bottle, followed by dermoplast, with a padsicle were must haves for me post delivery.  Our hospital actually encourages and recommends skin to skin contact for the hour following delivery.  No guests, just you, the father and baby with skin to skin contact for an hour.  I knew I wanted to do it before going in, but as we checked in they made us watch a video called the Golden Hour I think?  But it was just informing us about the skin to skin contact.  

munchkinsmama

I agree with everything above. With that don't stress if you don't get to have skin to skin right away. I couldn't hold DS for almost 3 hours. DH, my mom and dad, SIL and husband all cuddled him first, I was thankful the hospital allowed this and my LO was surrounded by all the love. When I could finally take him, words cannot express the emotions I felt. Things didn't go as planned but he was healthy and so was I.

Try not to compare your newborn experience to others. If people go on and on about why something your child does is different just respond " Ohh I wasn't aware all babies are identical and they make one handbook to cover it all." Your the mama now trust in yourself and your abilities.

BarefootContessa

Am I the only one that hated the frozen pads? I remember just after delivering there were people in the room and the frozen pad stuck to my bits. I was in tears pressing the nurse's button to come help me. Horrible!

hpanabaker

JuneBug0611 said:

+1 for enjoying the alone time with DH now, whether at a restaurant, theater, or just watching a movie at home. I have such precious memories of snuggling with DH watching movies, his hand resting on my belly, full of wonder and anticipation at what was to come. We don't get much of that down time together these days and I treasure those memories. And going out without paying for a babysitter... enjoy it!!! That being said, your life isn't about to end, and don't listen to naysayers with all their "just you wait" horror stories about the future. There will be challenges but SO much joy and fulfillment. You might miss some things temporarily but you will never regret your LO! It is normal for your patience to wear thin at times. It is ok to leave the baby alone crying in the crib for a few minutes so you can clear your head in the shower. Take some time to take care of yourself or you are no good to anyone else! July is a great month to give birth. Get outside and enjoy long walks in the sun (with a light blanket shielding LO in his/her stroller). Good for the body and the soul. Don't stress about labor. Prepare yourself but don't fear it. It is intense but it is one day. You will get through it fine. And there is nothing like the rush afterwards!!

This 1000x.  I am still hearing "just you wait".  If people were to relax they probably wouldn't have so many "just you waits" to share.  It's not always easy, not by a long shot.  But those little smiles are just for you and well worth the tough times.

valigrl21

First, please don't post a pic of your mucus plug here. Or anywhere.

Before going into labor, at least do a little research and prepping for "anything". Anything can happen in labor, an epidural can not work or you can not get to the hospital in time, you can think you don't want an epidural and change your mind, you can need an emergency c-section. At least think through how you would want those situations to play out and have someone in the room know how you want those things handled (or use a birth preference/plan).

If you can, have freezer meals ready for when baby arrives. Some people find it easiest to spend a whole day doing lots of cooking. I find it easiest to make double batches of food and freeze the second batch. Most food freezes pretty well, but do some research on pinterest for some ideas and tips/tricks.

Take lots of pictures, even at the hospital. Even if you haven't showered yet and are exhausted. The first year goes by SO FAST.

Breastfeeding is hard at first, but it gets better. kellymom.com is a great resource, as well as Le Leche. Some hospitals have a lactation consultant on hand, if yours does, use them.

Lastly, learn to just take everything with a grain of salt. Everyone has an opinion about how to parent and will tell you because if it worked for them, it will work for everyone (eyeroll). Smile and nod, then do your own research, talk to YH/partner and decide what's best for your own family.

firsttimemommy0715

Thank you so much to every single one of you ladies who posted! I have teared up at a lot of threads but I just cried my eyes out reading some of these posts (especially the skin to skin- what a beautiful way to spend the first hour with your new baby). Y'all are awesome and I know I'm not the only one who really appreciates all the wonderful advice!!

arjohn

I love this thread! Thank you so much for all of the posts!

mizzoutd

Love this!  Thanks to all the ladies giving so much great advice!  You've really helped us FTMs

barbiedoll1192

muffyvonmuff said:

I was told not to use regular baby wipes for the first 2 weeks, I had no idea about that.  My hospital gave me lots of disposable cloths, they also loaded me up with tons of A&D, mesh underwear (love it) and these crazy ice pack pads.  Take it all.  

Infants are really portable, they sleep every 2 hours and have no problem napping in their carrier while you go out to get lunch or randomly walk around target.  Take advantage by 6 months it gets more tricky.  

I wish I switched to target diapers sooner.

Download the remote control app for your phone.  You will be trapped under a sleeping baby, dying to change the channel and be happy you can use your phone.  

Buy plenty of maternity pants/shorts you will be wearing them after baby is born.  

I had a babysitting job for 2 summers in a row in highschool, I remember they always bought Target Diapers and they worked GREAT!!!! Only ONE time did I have a poop blow out with the little one and it was bc mom hadn't realized it was time to put him in the next size up. Seriously Target brand worked great, I'm a FTM but please ladies don't think that your failing your baby by buying generic brand wipes/diapers and such, if you need to save that extra dollar to keep your LO safe and warm then do it! There are tons of customer reviews out there, a google search away from your fingertips for generic products

Beachy730

I'll add to the skin to skin part that while it is great and important, don't stress if it can't happen either. It's hard to get if you have a c/s, especially if there's any issues with the baby. DS was an emergency c/s because of heart decels and meconium in the water. H got to hold him and bring him to me to see, then they immediately put him under the bill lights for having a positive Coombs test. I didn't get to even hold him until he was 2 hours old, and we only got an hour before he had to go back to the nicu. Then we only got to hold him every 3 hours for half an hour. I did skin to skin when I could, but his health was most important. I promise you that there was no lack of bonding at all on either of our parts.

muffyvonmuff

Oh and for any 1st timers on this site.  Sort your posts by "most recent activity"  it makes a world of difference.  And highlight/hover over photos you attach and "insert the image"  so its not just a thumbnail on your post.  

draeray

My 2 cents:

+1 for Depends instead of pads. I had an emergency c-section and I loved having depends because they came up over my belly and avoided my incision. I also got to throw them away and didn't have to worry about ruining my real undies. The mesh ones didn't work for me at the hospital. 

As others have stated, be prepared for anything to happen. I had my birth plan all figured out and it didn't include having an emergency c-section. I made it to 9cm with no epi and I was so determined to get this baby out naturally. I was so upset that I cried when they told me a c-section was my only option and my husband cried too because he was scared (we never talked about what ifs). I never mentally prepaid myself that that could be a possibility. 

I also had a nurse that gave me the advice that it was okay to supplement with formula (it's not poison) after DS was screaming for hours because he was hungry. And we did (even though it wasn't in my birth plan or my plan to EBF my son). I was happier, he was happier and my husband could help with feedings. My supply never did get more than 1 ounce per feeding including both boobs eventhough I pumped around the clock every 3 hours for 3 months. Sometimes, you just aren't going to develop a supply, and that's okay. Formula isn't poison. Do what you can, when you can and make the best of it.

Another advocate for taking advantage of the hospital nursery. Use the time to sleep and recover. They take baby away for a couple of hours and bring them back when it's time. Best decision we made because it would have been the only time we got any sort of sleep.

OHHHH, and if you do have a c-section, figure out where you will sleep once you get home. My bed was too high off the ground. I couldn't close the recliner to get out of it to pee. We slept on the hide-a-bed for 3 nights and our heads were at the feet position because I wasn't able to sit up past the arm on the couch to get out of it. The struggle is real when you get home.

Again, no joke on the feelings you have when you get home. They will be all over the board. Seek help if you need it.

jennashawn

Can I add to this, don't put your mucus plug in a little baggy and take it to your nurse/doctor! I'm a FTM but am also a L&D nurse and I swear to you this happens! Everyone loses their mucus plug, if you aren't sure what it is please just google it

mrstutus

So much great advice that reading it just brought back a flood of memories! My teo biggest pieces of advice would be to

1.) ASK FOR HELP. You're not superhuman and asking for help when necessary doesn't make you weak or a "bad mom". I struggled with this A LOT and I wish that I would have allowed more people to help! I ran myself ragged and to the point of exhaustion before I realized that I simply could not do it all. It's critical to remember that babies can sense what moms are feeling so take care of yourself.
2.) Get your husband/fiance/bf involved early on! Guys are pretty clueless and obviously don't have that automatic bond. Include them. Give them tasks to assist with. They will want to help, but they just won't know how.

tashala107

This is all such amazing advice!!! Thank you, ladies, so much for sharing your experiences!

winterbaby1210

1. Take the stool softners offered after delivery. Don't forget. Things are in a delicate state down there - anything you can do to help that out. Seriously, don't forget.

2. Although breast feeding is hard and is a learned behavior (both momma and baby have to learn at first) more often than not you can achieve a satisfying breast feeding experience, no matter what that looks like for you - EBF, supplementing, pumping, whatever.

Get yourself a lactation consultant you trust and believe in. Just like any medical professional you'll click with some and not others. Start looking around while you're still pregs, most lactation support groups welcome pregnant mommas. Most insurances cover lactation services. I paid for 3 one on one visits with my first and 4 one hour visits with my second. It's an ongoing learning process for me!

3. Sometimes connecting with your baby takes a while. I think my son, who I love and cherish more than the air I breath, was about 2 months old before I finally stopped wondering, who's kid is this? If it doesn't happen as soon as they pop out it says nothing about you as a person or the type of mother you will be. I also regretted his name on occasion for almost 6 months but that's another story. I love it now and it fits him perfectly. I don't know why I questioned it.

BeachMom15

Thank you all for the great tips!

c-elizabethf

winterbaby1210 said:

1. Take the stool softners offered after delivery. Don't forget. Things are in a delicate state down there - anything you can do to help that out. Seriously, don't forget.

Yes. I was seriously constipated after and it was horrible. I've never been that bad like that.

Gw3nny

Clearskies77 said:

Do your research and then just make the best decision for your family. Every baby and family is different. In this thread there has already been conflicting advice because what works well for one person may not work for someone else.

I personally would not recommend supplementing with formula early on if your choice is to breastfeed. I don't mean formula is bad, I did supplement my DD for the first couple days in hospital because it was medically necessary and she's wonderfully healthy. I'm not bashing formula in the least. But breastfeeding works on supply and demand, the more your breasts are emptied the more your body gets the message to make milk. The first 6 weeks is especially important, your body is trying to figure out how much milk to make. If your baby is feeding from a bottle and you don't pump that missed feed your body is not getting the message to make the same amount as what your baby is actually eating. In other words this can often lead to insufficient supply later down the road. Obviously this isn't everyone's experience, some peoples bodies have no trouble making a large milk supply, but you won't know early on if you are in that small lucky group.

Breastfeeding can be super hard initially. There is tons of help available, don't be afraid to ask , utilize the nursing staff, LCs in the hospital, when you get home call your local LLL if you have problems. They are free and happy to help. Also if you are planning to try breastfeeding really learn as much about it as possible ahead of time. Read informative books like the womanly art of breastfeeding. Take a breastfeeding class if your local hospital offers one. Or start going to LLL meetings while pregnant. They are free, open to the public, are happy to include pregnant women and you really can learn so much from the moms there and just watching them breastfeed. Breastfeeding is often called the "natural way" of feeding your baby but it's natural in the same way walking is natural for humans. It takes time to learn, you may have challenges or "stumble" at first and not everyone can do it and that's ok. However you choose to feed your kid, they will be just fine.

I just want to second all of this. If you supplement early on, or if you supplement for a not medically indicated reason (like so you can skip a feeding to sleep), there is a strong possibility you will never achieve a full supply because of the way supply and demand works. Pumping to increase your supply is in no way as effective as time at the breast.

Before you start having problems, ask for help. Ask for help from multiple sources because guess what? Not every lactation professional is equal. Some are crap. Some have had crappy training. Or no training! Some have limited experience. Some only got the certification because their employer needed them to. Of course, some are amazing and knowledgable and oh so helpful. Just get help from multiple people.

Breastfeeding should never ever be painful. If it is, something is wrong and ask for help right away. Don't wait!

Don't expect to do ANYTHING those first few weeks except feed the baby. That's your only job. Change a diaper if you are home alone, but try and get someone else to do that.

RachyDC

This thread made me tear up so much at work. You mamas are saints! Thanks for the amazing advice

ifwisheswerefishes

If you have plans for a vaginal birth and end up with c/s, don't hate yourself. Don't call a vaginal birth a natural birth -- any way that baby comes out is natural. 

Bring stool softener to the hospital and take the rec. dose right before you leave, esp. post c/s. That first post-birth poop is...interesting. 

Get time with DH. Even if you're not a first time mom, make sure you invest in a babysitter/use family/friends and see movies, have dinner/breakfast, go for walks, etc. 

Nipple. Balm. 

ifwisheswerefishes

Oh, and take your baby places. DD went to church a week after she was born, out to restaurants with us (she slept through the whole thing), plays, and even to an IMAX movie (again, she slept). 

Gw3nny

Use nipple balm or lanolin if you want, but you should know that if you have symptoms that require it, you have a bad latch. The balm won't fix the latch and it may or may not help the symptoms. Your best bet is to just get the help you need to correct the latch.

Also, like half of my previous post got cut off and I'm too lazy to try and remember what I wrote. Sorry. It seemed important but I guess not. Haha.

Gw3nny

Use nipple balm or lanolin if you want, but you should know that if you have symptoms that require it, you have a bad latch. The balm won't fix the latch and it may or may not help the symptoms. Your best bet is to just get the help you need to correct the latch.

Also, like half of my previous post got cut off and I'm too lazy to try and remember what I wrote. Sorry. It seemed important but I guess not. Haha.

tiamiaxx

The thought of accepting help was about the worst thing I could think of (ridiculous, I know). There were many reasons, a few being mild OCD (with where things go) and that I had never been overweight before and my body was hard enough for me to take in let alone have others see for a while.

But just in case there's anyone in the world like me, or more importantly, some ladies out there without a support group around them, my husband and I did it without help with baby or housework or anything.

Because I didn't have a lot of confidence, this also gave me that extra bit that I needed to feel that I could be a mum. (Also when I did have people over it meant I had to put on clothes)

So just saying, don't freak out if you don't have the support because you can still do it!

And if you're like me and would be more stressed to have people help than to go without, don't be afraid to say no thank you sometimes as well.

Edit: This was for the first few months for me. After that there were many times we used one of our many siblings or parents as baby sitters to have a meal by ourselves together!

Meggos1988

I want to say thank you for the hundredth time. This is amazing, I am so happy and relieved that I have become apart of this community. You ladies are amazing! And I am thankful that I will get to go through this with such an amazing support system

cschissell

If you go past your due date don't freak out.  In fact you should expect to go past your due date.  My MW told me with my first that if women are left alone they usually go into labor around 41w3d.  It sucks being overdue and makes you crazy, but just try to relax.

cschissell

You will cry a lot the first few weeks.  Your hormones will be going insane after delivery.  I'm pretty  DH thought I was nuts.  

cschissell

If you're going to make a birth plan keep it short.  Take your top 5 priorities and list them as briefly as you can.  If it is too long then no one will read it.