Announce on Christmas at 8 weeks?

sportsnut162 · December 2014

How far along should I be before we tell our families? I will be at 8 weeks at Christmas, and we were planning on telling our parents, brothers and sisters (Immediate family only, this will hopefully be our first). Then once we are in the 2nd trimester we were going to tell aunts and uncles, friends and extended family. Am I way off basis with this thinking?

neludelu · December 2014

I think it's a great idea.

tlc35 · December 2014

bibliothecary said:

...I thought you already did this thread?

Yes, and you got a resounding no.

Why are you asking again, did you not like that answer?

sportsnut162 · December 2014

I was not asking about announcing at Christmas in the other thread. I was asking about how we should tell my husbands sister in law. I was wondering if we should still tell my family on Christmas. These were my first posts because I cannot talk to anyone else to talk to about any of this. I thought these were a safe and positive place to get some advice since I cannot even talk to my mom or sister about any of this yet. I heard your advice and we are not announcing until Easter when his family will be together again so we can tell in person. We are still planning on telling my family on Christmas since we see them all the time and have had a hard time hiding it from them as is. It wasn't that I didn't like what you said, it was that I wanted to know if I am too early to tell my family because it is killing me not having anyone to talk to. Thanks for all of your positive and encouraging thoughts.

sportsnut162 · December 2014

We aren't telling his family until Easter. I care deeply for my sister in law. Thank you for being so nice. I was asking for telling my family. I think you should be more supportive to other moms and not assume the worst of others.

neludelu · December 2014

I might have missed something. I didn't realize there was a back story. Without a back story I think Christmas is a great time to spill the beans. But I don't know what else is going on. Sorry. :-/

danaalex · December 2014

Oy vey.

svenskalamb13 · December 2014

Lots of heat over here. Im just gonna move along....

Meeeow · December 2014

I would NOT tell your husband's family for a while (Duh!). I would tell my momma at 8 weeks ... but not my siblings. I think how early you tell your own family depends on your individual relationships with them all. If you tell them and something happens, be prepared for them to know that, too.

FWIW - I told my mom at about 4 weeks this time (10 weeks last time) but under no circumstance will my sister find out until I'm around 12 weeks. She's on the same level as general public.

cleblanc18 · December 2014

@sportsnut162‌ you DEFINITELY said in the other thread that you started that you AND your husband planned on telling your immediate families for CHRISTMAS. And now you're changing your story. we ALL said it would be a horrible idea to tell at Xmas because you won't get the reaction you wanted. AND IT WOULD BE EXTREMELY CRUEL.

So why are you starting a new thread? You're going to get the same answers. And you left the whole part about your sil miscarrying OUT of this thread.

So personally, I think that it sounds like y'all don't really care of your sil and bil feelings and just want to be selfish and announce it on Christmas. I can understand that being pregnant and wanting to announce it is exciting. But it WON'T BE EXCITING FOR Y'ALL WHEN IT'S EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE AND AWKWARD BECAUSE YOUR SIL IS SO HURT BY YOU ANNOUNCING AT XMAS WHEN SHE JUST M/C.

sportsnut162 · December 2014

sportsnut162 said:

I was not asking about announcing at Christmas in the other thread. I was asking about how we should tell my husbands sister in law. I was wondering if we should still tell my family on Christmas. These were my first posts because I cannot talk to anyone else to talk to about any of this. I thought these were a safe and positive place to get some advice since I cannot even talk to my mom or sister about any of this yet. I heard your advice and we are not announcing until Easter when his family will be together again so we can tell in person. We are still planning on telling my family on Christmas since we see them all the time and have had a hard time hiding it from them as is. It wasn't that I didn't like what you said, it was that I wanted to know if I am too early to tell my family because it is killing me not having anyone to talk to. Thanks for all of your positive and encouraging thoughts.

I only opened a new thread to see what people thought about announcing on Christmas for my side of the family. Not his. I gathered from the other thread that it was not a good idea for my husband to share the news with his family because we will not want to hurt anyones feelings. I wanted to know for my side of the family if it was too early. I did not open a new thread because I didn't like what I heard (Ps. You guys said exactly what I was telling my husband) I just wanted to make sure I was on the right page and getting advice from experienced women.

I am a huge believer of building each other up and not tearing each other down.

I am brand new to all of this and I am sorry if I did not do something properly. It was absolutely not my intent to upset anyone.

yelah250 · December 2014

I think people have formed an impression of you based on some unkind things you said about your SILs personality (in direct correlation to her miscarriage and your pregnancy).

As for announcing on Christmas to your family - it really just depends on you and what you want. I'll be 9w2d and we are still deciding if we are going to tell family. I'm leaning towards yes so I can stop the charade of pretend drinking for basically a straight week during the various holiday gatherings. But I also kind of want to enjoy christmas with my kids without making it all about a new baby. And I don't want people touching my stomach when I'm not showing at all. Lol Decisions, decisions.

cleblanc18 · December 2014

@sportsnut162 so in a nutshell here's what you should've gathered (FROM BOTH THREADS):

1. DON'T ANNOUNCE ON CHRISTMAS WITH YOU DH'S FAMILY (you will look like a total A**hole to your SIL and BIL and most likely everyone in his family (and the ladies of this birth month)/ you will get fake happy reactions and everyone will be worried about your SIL)

2.Announce with your DH's family at a later date (you did mention Easter, but in your first thread you stated that you felt like Easter was too late) There are other dates other than Easter, pick one.

3. Tell SIL BEFORE the DH's family and DON'T do it in person.

4. It would be ok to tell only your family for xmas, but make sure that none of them will blab and it get back to DH's family.

5. It's ultimately your decision when to tell your family. But just know that whoever you tell in your family, you will also HAVE to be comfortable with telling them if you m/c (my mom is the only one who knows besides the bf and me).

6. Get your stories straight.

7. The ladies on here are HONEST with their opinions and sometimes you won't like what you hear because it's not what you want to hear. If you are going to post a thread, do so willingly that there will be a chance that not everything you read will be pleasant to you.

shannasw · December 2014

You are in the right to tell whoever you want when you want. I am in the same boat. We plan on telling our parents and siblings on Christmas as well. We are having faith and going with that everything will be fine. Ignore the read and bitter people on here. This is suppose to be a positive and safe place.

And your SIL will be able to celebrate with you bc she knows what it feels like to be excited and will probably want to encourage and celebrate with you.

apritchett50 · December 2014

Why are you asking complete strangers when to tell your family? It's your family.

tlc35 · December 2014

Everything @nariadreaming said. Once you have lost the innocence and know that things don't always go perfectly you think twice about making a big to-do on a big holiday because then if something goes wrong it may ruin the joy of that holiday for you.

OP if you want to tell you family at Chrismas and it won't get back to your H's family, go ahead. I can see the appeal but I fall of the pessimistic side where I don't want to give myself any more reminders if things go poorly.

Catcherryesux · December 2014

If you can trust your family not to talk about it, then you can tell them whenever you want. I called my mom the night I got a positive test and I wasn't even 4 weeks. If I did have a loss, it's not like I wouldn't tell her.

Regarding your Easter plans though- is it absolutely necessary to have a big family reveal over a holiday on both sides? I'd say in your situation, (with your SIL) Easter is better than Christmas, but why does it have to be one or the other?

srcr2011 · December 2014

3 things...

1- I'm a lurker from F15

2. OP, I copied and pasted the same comment from your other post because you may need to hear this twice...since you asked twice.

3- I have to agree with others. Telling your SIL at Christmas is a total twat move on you OP. If you think about, she was further along when she MC'd than you will be when you do this crappy announcement. What on earth makes you think that a good ultrasound one day guarantees a healthy pregnancy the next?!? This is very inconsiderate of you. You're going to ruin (even more) Christmas for her just because you think you are a special snowflake and "OMG, I have to announce it at Christmas!!" Show a little compassion since you "care so much" for you SIL.

I've been on the who mc'd and had to hear the crappy announcements while still very raw. It's not fun, and it sucks. Also, yay for you, first grandchild. Have you given it one thought that not only are you pregnant and you want to announce at Christmas to your grieving SIL, but this will be the first grandchild? I feel bad for your SIL. Pull your head out of your butt, clear out your crappy thoughts that revolved all around you, and think about it for a minute.

Please don't do this to her. (From experience), the relationship may change as well.

yelah250 · December 2014

I've not experienced loss of a baby, but I do have common sense and compassion and general understanding that pain like this is exquisite. This is a no brainer, OP. Keep the news a happy secret and you will have your day. Don't break your SILs heart publicly because your husband doesn't like her.

MommyMegsToBe · December 2014

I am planning to do the same! Announcing to family at Christmas at eight weeks. Last time we kept it a secret and mc at 10 weeks...it was just as hard as if our family would have known.

TallMomma29 · December 2014

"Support" doesn't mean telling people what they want to hear, honey. The best kind of support you can get is people who are willing to say to your face "stop acting like an entitled princess bitch." Strangers on the internet don't have any reason to sugar coat things for you or tell you that your really bad ideas are ok.

These boards are awesome for actually helpful advice, but you're going to be hard pressed to find many people wanting to pat you on the back for acting like an insensitive jerk.

jezygal · December 2014

I think waiting for your husband side of the family so that you're sil doesn't get upset is nice. Just make sure your sil doesn't find out from someone else before you tell her.
I personally would tell only close trusted family at Christmas and make sure they understand that they can't tell any one. Then I would tell everyone else at the same time, (including your sil) later on. If I was your sil I wouldn't want you to hide it from me when everyone else knows. I do think you should tell your sil in private before you announce it to everyone, so she can be prepared.
I had to many people "accidentally" tell everyone I know. Maybe your sil will be pregnant again soon if she is trying. Good luck to her and you. Ignore all the hate people get way to up tight about these boards.

WashingtonQueen · December 2014

@sportsnut162 I need you to check your PMs.

mammaj2015 · December 2014

jezygal said:
Ignore all the hate people get way to up tight about these boards.

Amen! Don't you all have better things to do?! Maybe she was just typing out a message and misspoke about the first grandchild thing. You don't know her personally and are judging her from a post. She was thinking of her sister in law. That's why she asked the question! Why continuously harp on someone? I think she got the message. I am on a couple of boards and this one is by far the worst in people getting all upset and lashing out at others seeking advice. Now let my verbal lashing ensue...

mrsbark711 · December 2014

cabusbey said:

I think Christmas is a great time to tell your family and I think holding off on your DH's family also sounds like the right plan. Like a PP mentioned, I'd talk to your sister in law privately first.

But as far as you OP, go for it! I told my parents and DH's parents on Thanksgiving (not realizing then we were only about 4weeks). They proceeded to tell the entire extended family but I'm ok with that. If something happens, they'll spread that news for me too and I will only have to tell my mom and dad.

\

cabusbey said:

I think Christmas is a great time to tell your family and I think holding off on your DH's family also sounds like the right plan. Like a PP mentioned, I'd talk to your sister in law privately first.

But as far as you OP, go for it! I told my parents and DH's parents on Thanksgiving (not realizing then we were only about 4weeks). They proceeded to tell the entire extended family but I'm ok with that. If something happens, they'll spread that news for me too and I will only have to tell my mom and dad.

ETA: I CANNOT TYPE

We also told our parents on Thanksgiving, and my mom told all her brothers and sisters (she has 15). I am fine with it, because we have been very public about our struggles over the past three years.

I have an overwhelming amount of support from my family and friends so far, and even if something does happen I know that they will be there for me.

That being said, your SIL situation makes your situation a little bit different. If your families mingle at all it might get back to her. Not only could the news sting, but the fact that you didn't tell her personally might hurt as well.

This decision is ultimately yours, but I think I would hold off due to your SIL's recent loss.

kcebeling · December 2014

Wowser. First, I've read both of your threads and your possessive pronouns registered with me, so I get what your asking HERE. I'm a few days past you and will still be in the 7th week over Christmas and am likewise considering sharing the news. And, like you, I also round up. This is the opinion i have formulated for myself. I want to share with my mom on Christmas (and his too--we are the first to hit this milestone so we aren't in a loaded situation. And my SIL is a total ZILLA...but I digress) because if I miscarried I would wind up crying my eyes out to both of them. If I wasn't close with my mom (and his!), I wouldn't share until post-u/s, but I am, so I will. Many ladies here have lived through a lot of sorrow and loss and that is terrible. I am not capable of imagining it. That colors their responses. Try not to feel under fire.

Knottie1453843914 · December 2014

Too much drama on this post. Do what you feel is right.

adietz1987 · December 2014

I will be 8 weeks at Christmas and we have decided to go ahead and tell my parents and brother. I want to share the exciting news with them. I think you should tell your immediate family!

I really really need to share this with my mom also. She will be my greatest sounding board. Good luck!

KrisMo729 · December 2014

Drama

Lindsaybhanks · December 2014

At first, I would say to tell your family how you want to, but please try and imagine how you would feel if your SIL and your positions were switched. Would you want her to announce in front of you around your family? Because personally, I think that would be horrible. I hope you come up with a great time to tell your family, I just don't think that's it.

As far as how far along you are, I am just 5 weeks 3 days and have told our families, but of course that comes with the risk of having to tell them about a loss if that happens.

haidac · December 2014

Shes pregnant and happy. Cant help the emotion shes feeling. She shouldn't have to hide her pregnancy. Its not fair for her SIL loss. I think its a good idea to wait for her to spare anymore hurt. I know your excited. We all are with our pregnancies. I told everyone right away, but thats because its my joy my choice. Although, if I were in the same position as you. I would wait after the holidays to tell just his parents in a private manner. Not a huge announcement. I would probably do the same with just my parents. Regardless its a delicate situation for what your SIL has just gone through. I'm sorry your getting negative and blunt answers. CONGRATS by the way. Waiting a lil longer won't hurt. Just tell strangers like when your at the supermarket, shopping, share your excitement with someone that you don't know. It'll help with the anxiety. Good LUCK!!

sbaruh · December 2014

Who cares if she did it twice? If that annoys you then you don't do it.

sportsnut162 · December 2014

I want to thank all of you that posted your advice. I really appreciate it and my husband and I are still discussing, but this is what we have come up with so far:

1. Not telling any of his family at Christmas. It will just be too soon after their loss.

2. We are going to tell my immediate family at Chirstmas. Our families live about 7 hours away and do not talk at all so there is 0 chance of someone spilling the beans. Plus, we plan on telling my family to keep it a secret to just us until we make a public announcement.

3. We will make an extra trip up to his parents house sometime after the new year and tell them in person. My husband's brothers and sisters will not be there which will bum my husband out, but I think it is the most considerate way to go.

4. Once we are past the first trimester we will tell his brothers and sisters. I plan on telling my SIL, (husband's, brother's, wife) separately. We are pretty close so I want her to be able to deal with it any way she needs to. We were both so excited when she got pregnant that she told me when she was 4 or 5 weeks pregnant and I was talking with her all throughout.

5. I am hoping that maybe by the time we tell them that they will be close to conceiving again and we can still be pregnant together! Little cousins forever

6. Then around Valentines day (should be out of the woods and all of our immediate family will then know) making a card announcement and telling the rest of our family and friends via mail and Facebook.

If anyone has any other thoughts about all of this please let me know. We have got some time to adjust...plus we are still talking about it. I'm still trying to convince my husband that this is the way to go. He is just really excited to tell his family, which is why I wanted all of your advice in the first place Thanks all!!

mbuck2015 · December 2014

I had a miscarriage three months ago and I was about 7 weeks. I just found out last week that I'm pregnant again. We're planning on telling our families at Christmas. We've already told some
people but after I got clearance from my doc on my blood work looking good.

From my last experience, which we told no one, I'd rather tell my family and close friends. Then if anything happens, hopefully this kids decides to stick around still, they'll know and I won't have to explain why I'm sad all the time again. Because let me tell you that was horrible.

So I vote, do whatever you want! Don't let other people dictate what your should or shouldn't do with your life. If your happy, then share it! Shouldn't matter what week your at!

And about your sister in law, trust me, she will be over the moon excited for you guys! Take her to coffee or something special the two of you do together and let her know.

Hope it all works out!

ashleynordmann · December 2014

Wow! Before reading this entire thread I thought this was a place to confide in others and get good advice. Not cut each other down.To the woman who originally asked for advice, everyone's situation is different and everyone's families are different. Do what feels right to you and best of luck with it! Sending good luck your way!

kamarks08 · December 2014

ashleynordmann said:
Wow! Before reading this entire thread I thought this was a place to confide in others and get good advice. Not cut each other down.To the woman who originally asked for advice, everyone's situation is different and everyone's families are different. Do what feels right to you and best of luck with it! Sending good luck your way!

Hey WK - did you get lost and have to ask for directions to get here on your horse? Considering you're about 4 days late to save the princess.... Just back out slowly...

TibbySixx1016 · December 2014

Why are people being so nasty to this person? If you don't like what someone is posting just keep moving. There's no need to treat that person the way she is being treated right now. Holy shit, apparently a lot of people on this site are experiencing MOOD SWINGS because of their pregnancies. Stop acting like high school girls and have some damn respect for others.

princesslockness · December 2014

TibbySixx1016 said:
Why are people being so nasty to this person? If you don't like what someone is posting just keep moving. There's no need to treat that person the way she is being treated right now. Holy shit, apparently a lot of people on this site are experiencing MOOD SWINGS because of their pregnancies. Stop acting like high school girls and have some damn respect for others.

Because we read her other thread about her SIL just having an MC and being immature so she would ruin this announcement. Do some research if you think we are being mean.

ilib373 · December 2014

1. Wait on telling his parents. Its too soon to tell your SIL.

2. Tell your mom and dad. And siblings if you're close. No one here knows how close you are with your immediate family. I personally am super close w my mom and couldn't wait to tell her one way or another miscarriage or not, she was going to find out anyway. Just make sure they all respect your wishes as a couple to keep it a secret until your in laws/husbands side finds out too.

And for everyone, please try to be empathetic. Miscarriage in the past or not, pregnancy for a first time momma can be really overwhelming. New changes, body changes, and its filled w a rollercoaster of emotions. Keeping it inside and not being able to share such a wonderful yet absolutely freaking scary time w the people you love is absolutely insane. Not to mention lonely. Tell YOUR family when your gut tells you to (be it 7 weeks or 12 or hell even at 4 weeks). They'll be there to support you no matter what happens.

TibbySixx1016 · December 2014

Kate08Young said:

TibbySixx1016 said:
Why are people being so nasty to this person? If you don't like what someone is posting just keep moving. There's no need to treat that person the way she is being treated right now. Holy shit, apparently a lot of people on this site are experiencing MOOD SWINGS because of their pregnancies. Stop acting like high school girls and have some damn respect for others.
Because we read her other thread about her SIL just having an MC and being immature so she would ruin this announcement. Do some research if you think we are being mean.

I did read the other post. If you don't like hat she's posting just ignore her. There's no need to pick on people.

kdm211 · December 2014

THIS THREAD DRIVES ME NUTS. I somehow always click on it thinking it's something else....nope, same junk, different day.

-says the irritable pregnant lady.

(This is my first internet rant and IT FELT FANTASTIC!)

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