DH says he doesn't want to be surprised

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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bmo88 · December 2014

911Diva I am not actively TTC, and while I can understand he wants to be there when you test....I would think he wouldn't actually be mad if you did it without him. I would think he would be elated if you got a positive. But I don't know him.

Honestly, if we were TTC, I would POAS when I wanted to and probably just share the news. I would find it awkward to do it with DH near and I would not be holding my pee waiting around for him. Lol, but that may just be me.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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graciesmurf · December 2014

For DD1, DH was like yours in the beginning as well. However, after a few months of trying and bfns he changed his tune and didn't want to be around when I tested (it would bum me out for a few minutes and that made him feel useless). Plus, the anticipation of waiting those two minutes is only fun so many times. I was able to surprise him.

ashiscute · December 2014

I don't really get the cute surprises. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. DH was with me for the first and third time. The second time I did not at all think it would be positive and tested without him. But I told him immediately.

If that's what his preference is then that's what you should do.

jennypolkadots · December 2014

I wanted to surprise my husband, but he feels that the moment of finding out is ours to share. He feels like it's unfair for me to get to experience that moment and then "surprise" him, and finds the idea childish. He also wanted to be there for me and all the emotions I would be feeling when I saw those lines -- or when I got a negative as well. Finding out your expecting is a huge life changing event.

Well, it ended up not working out that way anyways. I had just one preggo test to take and it was WAY too early but I wanted to take it anyways. He was busy mowing the yard and I just felt sure it was negative. Lo and behold it was positive. I immediately rushed downstairs to tell him though. I would never keep it from him for a while and "surprise him", it's not my personal secret as it's his life experience too and we both wanted it so badly. We waited several weeks and surprised our families with the news. Others feel differently and relationships are all different. If he wants to know in the moment, honor his request.

jennypolkadots · December 2014

FWIW - it was our first month trying. I agree with others that his tune may have changed if we were trying for a while. All of those tests sort of lose their luster when you've gotten a lot of negatives.

allelsefaild · December 2014

MH wanted us to find out at the same time. I took the test and left it in the bathroom. At the end of the 3 minutes, we went in and looked at the test at the same time. He would've been furious if I tested without him. He was just as excited to find out as I was and even though it was a little frustrating to find a time to test (we have opposite work schedules and don't see each other every day), I understood that he wanted to be there and we worked around it.

JennyH81 · December 2014

My DH definitely wants to be there to look at the test results together - as he said, if it's a BFP, he wants to be there to share in the joy, and if it's a BFN, he wants to be there to give me a hug, because we're together in this venture. I really appreciate that, so he'll be there with me to look at the test result every time.

Kaelynn91 · December 2014

My husband wasn't in the room with me either time I tested. However, I told him as soon as I got a result. He would be way too stressed just standing there and waiting for a line to appear. haha

However, if your husband wants to be in the room then I would let him! Getting pregnant is most likely only going to happen a few times in your life. Let him enjoy it however he wants to!

TashaCN · December 2014

I didn't tell MH when I took my first pregnancy test. I just called him and asked him to be home after work (we have a friend currently staying with us who didn't get home until later). He thought he was coming home to DTD before our friend got home. But was pleasantly surprised with the plans I had instead.

Edited for better clarity

angelicaaa · December 2014

Hubby and I have been trying to concieve since May. So month after month I would test. All resulting in negatives. He would wait in the room while I'd be in the restroom. I'd get very very sad. So I wouldn't even be able to answer if it was positive or negative. (Im a huge clown so id act sad even if it was positive just to surprise him so he never really knew). Then when we finally got pregnant the doctor told me without him in the room. He was very surprised because he wasn't expecting it. (Resulted in a m/c.) I'm currently having symptoms and hubby says he would like to know asap (he really wants a baby). But I wanna wait. And I would rather do it alone without telling him in testing. Then tell him the result. As it would save the sadness in having to disspoint him because its difficult o get me pregnant. So i say you do what makes you more comfortable. Yes hell get mad if you wanna test by yourself BUT your comfort is very important. Especially if you have been TTC for a long time.

cookiedough22 · December 2014

I asked my husband his preference on how he wanted to find out. If he wanted to know right after by looking at the test or a "surprise ". He picked a surprise so that's what I did. I gave him a children's book and he was happy with that.

I think honoring his request is best whatever that may be.

amorcito27 · December 2014

To the OP, I think you should do what makes both you and your husband comfortable. It is his child too.

On my own little adventures...if my husband had wanted to be with me every time I took a HPT, I think he would have changed his mind by now, 6 months later and countless HPT down the drain. I told him I have a special way I want to tell him, but he doesn't think I would be able to wait to tell him. Not that I would need to wait - I would tell him right away, but in my own "cute" way! But at this point, I only see +HPT in my dreams! With that being said, (and hopefully this won't be the case for you) maybe he will change his mind after a few months and you can tell him/surprise him in the way you had planned.

DH says he doesn't want to be surprised

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