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March 2015 Moms
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FFFC

JCWhiteyJCWhitey member
in March 2015 Moms
Happy Friday everyone!  Let's hear those confessions!  I scanned down the board and didn't see this yet and I've had one in my head all week and need to get it out there before the baby eats it like all of my other random thoughts and ideas.  

Remember, not everything is really that flame free.  

B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17


I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

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  • JCWhiteyJCWhitey member
    edited December 2014
    I realized something this week that made me feel kind of guilty, but at the same time I need to admit it to not just myself but also my boss/co-workers because otherwise I'm going to stress myself out WAY too much...

    I was 100x a better worker/employee when I didn't have children.  I'm a 110% sort of person, especially when it comes to work, but I basically told my boss this week that I am now capable of being only a 90% sort of employee so that I can be a better parent.  I know a lot of people can juggle work and children like champs and give both 100%, but I've been having a hard time finding that balance lately and I can only imagine it'll get worse when #2 arrives.

    It's not that I can't be, it's that I realized I don't WANT to be.  I shouldn't have to chose work over family.  And (this is probably the flame-worthy part), I think my single childless co-workers should pick up more slack at work.  Totally not fair of me to think that way but it's definitely what runs through my head a few times a day, especially when I hear anyone complain about how overworked they are.  In our jobs they won't know overworked until they throw another responsibility into their lives outside of work!  

    B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17


    I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

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  • JCWhiteyJCWhitey member
    saltyfins said:
    I used to think the 3D ultrasound pictures looked creepy and I never wanted to get one. Then we got an unexpected 3D shot yesterday at the doc's office. Not creepy at all : ) I think it's the most precious thing I've ever seen!
    I got some really creepy ones at my A/S that made my daughter look like the joker, but I've seen some cute ones lately!  I think the later you have them the less creepy they are.  I had my a/s at 18 weeks so she still didn't really have a lot of fat on her face and still looked skeletal.  

    B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17


    I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

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  • JCWhiteyJCWhitey member
    Trust me, I fully understand my thoughts aren't fair to my single co-workers.  What bothers me is when they say they can't work Friday night or Saturday mornings because that's when they go out.  Or can't work weekends because they are going to visit their friend's lake cabin or go skiing.  Then I keep reminding myself that if I could do those things I'd probably not pick up open shifts, either, but it sucks to always be stuck at work on Saturdays because there's no one else willing to do those shifts.  Or get called in on Sunday (my only day off) because someone called in because their car broke down trying to come back from the lake cabin.  

    I will say that I have some 120% single co-workers that I just loooove and they are always willing to cover shifts.  One is always willing to and only won't when she needs to go out of town for training because she is way into getting certified for anything and everything.  And another who will pick up virtually any shift except Sunday for religious reasons.  And when he's not at work he's helping to babysit his 25 siblings (exaggeration).  

    B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17


    I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

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  • kcbizmekcbizme member
    @JCWhitey I have to disagree. Your personal life should have no effect on your work life. They are two separate entities. Expecting other people to pick up your slack just because you chose to have children is a bit selfish, IMO.
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  • kcbizmekcbizme member
    chaysefaith said:
    I get excited when I'm going to see people I know so that they'll rub my belly.  I don't enjoy stranger belly rubs but if I at least know your name, by all means, touch the belly.
    This 100%! I always thought I'd be that person that gives RBF glares when someone came to touch my belly, but as long as I know you and have had a conversation with you, I'm totally fine with it. I've even gone so far as to seek out people when the baby's kicking that I know will be super excited about it.
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  • colleen4019colleen4019 member
    edited December 2014
    babys2014 said:


    ToasterCat said:

    JCWhitey said:

    I realized something this week that made me feel kind of guilty, but at the same time I need to admit it to not just myself but also my boss/co-workers because otherwise I'm going to stress myself out WAY too much...


    I was 100x a better worker/employee when I didn't have children.  I'm a 110% sort of person, especially when it comes to work, but I basically told my boss this week that I am now capable of being only a 90% sort of employee so that I can be a better parent.  I know a lot of people can juggle work and children like champs and give both 100%, but I've been having a hard time finding that balance lately and I can only imagine it'll get worse when #2 arrives.

    It's not that I can't be, it's that I realized I don't WANT to be.  I shouldn't have to chose work over family.  And (this is probably the flame-worthy part), I think my single childless co-workers should pick up more slack at work.  Totally not fair of me to think that way but it's definitely what runs through my head a few times a day, especially when I hear anyone complain about how overworked they are.  In our jobs they won't know overworked until they throw another responsibility into their lives outside of work!  
    I think this will garner some interesting responses. (Pulls up a comfy chair)




    So if I choose to be child free, I should have to work harder so that you feel better about not choosing work over your family? Really? There is a balance, you just need to find it. Don't put more pressure on the woman who don't have children..also, just because they don't have children doesn't mean they don't have a family..

    -------quote fail!---------
    As a formerly single, childless employee I have to say I disagree with you @JCWhitey‌! I understand your feeling- everyone feels like their situation should allow for more leniency or that they do more than everyone else. Thankfully I've never been a shift worker but I have been on the receiving end of a very entitled mother as a co-worker.
    A few years ago I was working at a school & got a bad cold/flu & stayed home from school. My coworker called me and left me a voicemail saying 'my son is sick and I have to stay home. If you're hungover or just taking a mental health day I need you to come in so I can stay home with him'. I was furious. First of all I've never called out over a hangover, second I was really sick, and third I don't have to justify my sick days to anyone!
    I generally don't mind helping parents out when they need it, if I can. I am not going to do their jobs or go into work sick because they have kids.
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  • colleen4019colleen4019 member
    pearsforpoops said:

    Re: Working with children etc.


    I was a 110% worker before I had Haden. I moved up in my company quickly and I was the one always picking up the slack for other people. When I got back from maternity leave it was clear I didn't have the same drive. That sounds awful. I didn't want to stay late because I wanted to pick up my kid. I didn't want to work on Saturday because I wanted to hang out with my kid.

    The difference between me and what JCWhitey is saying, though - I think - is that I don't expect others to do my work for me. I expect me to do my work I'm just no longer necessarily doing other people's work. I expect that I won't receive as high of a rating and as much of a raise/bonus. I expect that I won't be offered as many opportunities as I was before. I expect that I won't be handed a promotion again anytime soon. 

    WTF is my point? I think it's something about I get what JC is saying about not having as much for my job now that I have a kid at home, but I also think the onus needs to be a personal one, not one placed on my coworkers. 

    If that made sense to anyone I'll make you cookies.
    I agree with this 100%!
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  • salmphilsalmphil member
    edited December 2014
    Totally agree with @chaysefaith‌ that I don't mind friendly-fire belly rubs. I'm just as amazed & excited as they are!

    I hate that I got mansplained by a male relative earlier this week about pregnancy. Another relative was asking how I'm doing and this guy why just had his 1st LO, kept interrupting me saying, "Oh, just wait." "Oh, just wait it gets much worse than that." Dafuq?! I love the guy but you're barely ahead of me, less experience with kids, and... no freaking uterus. Get outta here.

    P. S. What's the difference between FFFC and UO threads? I read the acronym. Still doesn't compute.
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  • lawsonellislawsonellis member
    Shanniegal said:
    I'm bummed that no one is throwing me a baby shower. It's not that I want presents, we can afford everything that our little guy will need. I just wish I had a support group here who I felt was excited about us having a baby. (We relocated here a few years ago and just haven't been successful at making friends.) I hope that once our LO is born, I can find some good mommy friends.
    I love titted for commiseration. I have people (2) that went to throw me a shower but the response was pretty lacking. I cancelled it due to bed rest reasons but I don't think anyone really did/got anything for me anyway other than the hostesses.

    It's a giant pity party I'm throwing, because clearly I DO have at least 2 people who care enough to do this for me, but I expected at least *some* of the 40 others I invited to at least RSVP as yes they're coming. It's also not about the gifts- it's about the show of support.

    It's like when your parents throw you a birthday party as a kid and no one shows up.
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  • lawsonellislawsonellis member
    RQuinlin said:
    ~snip~
    I think it's completely fair to not have the same drive as you once did as long as your still doing YOUR job. We should never be expected to do anyone else's job, although we are and we do sometimes. I also agree that you should not expect the same raises, promotions, etc. that you experienced beforehand. We are all hired/promoted with the understanding that we need to meet certain expectations. If we can't meet them anymore we don't deserve special treatment and need to accept what comes with our inabilities.
    ^^This. Which I think is what @zebraleg4lunch was saying too. It's totally normal to want to do as much as you once could without additional responsibilities, but part of taking on more responsibility is acknowledging that sacrifices will have to be made in other areas. We are only 100% of a whole individual. When a percentage of stuff is added to one end, the same percentage must be taken from other areas. 

    For me, I anticipate it will be my social life that suffers, moreso than my work life, although I will definitely be slowing down on work life too (its already begun with this damn bed rest). And I *do* feel guilty about it and want to be the superwoman I'm known for being at work- but it's something I also have to come to terms with. Balance has never been my strong suite.

    At my company, there are very few who work as hard as I do (and I LOVE the ones who do) so my company will feel the pain of my reduced ability, but at this point, as crude as it sounds, it's no longer my problem. 

    That got longer than I wanted. :P
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  • lewispmlewispm member
    My sisters are throwing me a "sprinkle". I originally told them I didn't want one, but they begged and begged and told me how they've been to tons of showers for 2nd babies and never thought anything of it. I finally agreed to a small one with no mention of gifts or a registry whatsoever on the invite. I feel kind of guilty...

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  • JenLa21JenLa21 member
    @salmphil‌ I think the UO's are like "I don't like Breaking Bad..." and FFFC are more like, things you should sort of be ashamed of... but aren't, and don't want to be judged, like "I haven't vacuumed my rug in weeks..."

    My FFFC is that DS's bday party was the weekend before Thanksgiving, and I've only written half the thank you cards. And even though half of them are done and addressed, I haven't sent them.


    Disclaimer: I don't not like Breaking Bad, I've never seen it!
    And I did vacuum after the bday party.
    image
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


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  • kcbizmekcbizme member
    lewispm said:
    kcbizme said:
    @JCWhitey I have to disagree. Your personal life should have no effect on your work life. They are two separate entities. Expecting other people to pick up your slack just because you chose to have children is a bit selfish, IMO.

    I don't mean this to be offensive, but I have to ask: Are you a FTM? Because I am pretty sure that it is next to impossible to have your personal life not effect your work life when you have kids. What about when you get called from daycare because your child is throwing up and you have to leave work to go get him (happened to me Wednesday). What about when you are up all.freaking.night with an infant for months on end and simply can't function quite like you did before. And what about pump breaks (if BFing)? Does taking 15-30 min pump breaks every 2-3 hours or so not effect your work?

    I'm not agreeing with everything @JCwhitley said, but I do have to say that the struggle with balancing work and family life is real.

    No offense taken. That's not exactly what I meant. I happen to work in a very flexible workplace, however I don't expect people to pick up my slack when the baby is born. I guess the main point of my response was that it is selfish for her to expect other people to pick up her slack just because they don't have kids. I totally get what you're saying, and you're right, it does effect it. What I meant is it shouldn't effect your ability to get your job done.
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  • wishiwaspreggowishiwaspreggo member
    JCWhitey said:
    I realized something this week that made me feel kind of guilty, but at the same time I need to admit it to not just myself but also my boss/co-workers because otherwise I'm going to stress myself out WAY too much...

    I was 100x a better worker/employee when I didn't have children.  I'm a 110% sort of person, especially when it comes to work, but I basically told my boss this week that I am now capable of being only a 90% sort of employee so that I can be a better parent.  I know a lot of people can juggle work and children like champs and give both 100%, but I've been having a hard time finding that balance lately and I can only imagine it'll get worse when #2 arrives.

    It's not that I can't be, it's that I realized I don't WANT to be.  I shouldn't have to chose work over family.  And (this is probably the flame-worthy part), I think my single childless co-workers should pick up more slack at work.  Totally not fair of me to think that way but it's definitely what runs through my head a few times a day, especially when I hear anyone complain about how overworked they are.  In our jobs they won't know overworked until they throw another responsibility into their lives outside of work!  

    This statement is really problematic to me.  I have a friend who worked in an elementary school and she was *literally* the only one to not be pregnant or have kids within her cohort of other teachers, so guess who had to pick up all their slack?  Her.  She was very resentful of it, too.  They always said "Well, S is single/doesn't have a family so she's got plenty of time to take on XYZ project."  Totally not cool.   She didn't get compensated any more to take care of their shit while they went home and played with their kids.

    Likewise, C's former boss totally jumped ship once she had a kid.  C then became responsible for doing HER job.  Mind you her boss made fucking $85K compared to her miserly $28K but she didn't see a dime extra for taking care of major events, appeasing the dean of the law school, or traveling long-distance (okay, that was actually pretty sweet because I was able to join her and stay at luxury hotels in NYC, San Francisco, Montreal... we had some good times).  The only reason C put up with it is because she really enjoyed the work, she was good at it, and her boss let her do whatever she wanted otherwise.  And of course gave her glowing recommendations which got her into her much better job now.

    ANYway, there is a way to make it work.  I have a colleague who works her ass off but she has a special-needs teenager.  She sets boundaries so she can meet her child's needs as well as her work needs.  I know she puts her child first but I don't care because she always gets her work done eventually and it doesn't impact anyone else.  I hope to follow her example myself once my son is born.  I put my family first, but I made a commitment to my job, too, and it will get done.  I want to get promoted again eventually anyway.  My baby won't be little forever!

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  • lawsonellislawsonellis member
    pearsforpoops said:
    JenLa21 said:
    @salmphil‌ I think the UO's are like "I don't like Breaking Bad..." and FFFC are more like, things you should sort of be ashamed of... but aren't, and don't want to be judged, like "I haven't vacuumed my rug in weeks..." My FFFC is that DS's bday party was the weekend before Thanksgiving, and I've only written half the thank you cards. And even though half of them are done and addressed, I haven't sent them. Disclaimer: I don't not like Breaking Bad, I've never seen it! And I did vacuum after the bday party.
    Until a couple of days ago I thought Breaking Bad was about Danny Bonaduce. I don't know what Breaking Bad actually is. I also evidently don't really know who Danny Bonaduce is. 

    DH informs me they are unrelated.

    :)) I LOL'd pretty hard at this.

    Disclaimer: Not LOL'ing AT you but it's just a funny post.
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  • JenLa21JenLa21 member
    pearsforpoops said:


    JenLa21 said:

    @salmphil‌ I think the UO's are like "I don't like Breaking Bad..." and FFFC are more like, things you should sort of be ashamed of... but aren't, and don't want to be judged, like "I haven't vacuumed my rug in weeks..."

    My FFFC is that DS's bday party was the weekend before Thanksgiving, and I've only written half the thank you cards. And even though half of them are done and addressed, I haven't sent them.


    Disclaimer: I don't not like Breaking Bad, I've never seen it!
    And I did vacuum after the bday party.

    Until a couple of days ago I thought Breaking Bad was about Danny Bonaduce. I don't know what Breaking Bad actually is. I also evidently don't really know who Danny Bonaduce is. 

    DH informs me they are unrelated.


    Your post has me LOL so hard. I'm easily amused while pregnant. Also, my son thinks I'm laughing at him, so he's laughing which is making me laugh harder.

    Anyway, Danny Bonaduce did have a show called Breaking Bonaduce. Which is probably where your confusion comes from. I love the thought of everyone being obsessed with a show about Danny Bonaduce lol.
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  • colleen4019colleen4019 member
    zebraleg4lunch said:


    chaysefaith said:


    Peledreamsofrain said:


    chaysefaith said:

    I just don't understand the thought behind "They don't have kids so they have nothing better to do but work these extra shifts that I don't want."

    Maybe they don't have kids, but who's to say they don't clock out and go take care of their dying grandma?  Or babysit their sister's kids so the sister can go to college or to her own job?  Maybe they don't pick up extra shifts because on Saturday mornings they spend their time tutoring underprivileged kids in the city?  Maybe they provide horseback or swim lessons to special needs kids. Maybe they volunteer at the pediatric oncology ward just to bring smiles to kids fighting for their lives.

    And I'm positive at least one person will come back and be like "Oh, no, I know for a fact that this one person I work with doesn't take shifts so they can go out and party all night long" and quite honestly...who fucking cares?  They chose to not have the responsibilities of children or to use their time to give back to the community or whatever.  That was their choice.  It's not their fault their coworker didn't make the same decision.

    For the record:  I have put in AT LEAST 50 hours a week for the past 3 weeks.  I clock in early, clock out late, put in some time on Saturdays, I even worked a Sunday a couple weeks ago.  I worked 13 days straight because I picked up a Saturday and then Sunday.  I have kids and I put in a lot of hours.  I want to be promoted and I want to be promoted to a position with a little more flexibility.  I do everything I can to make myself look better than my peers.  But I'm not upset that Joe Schmo without kids isn't working extra hours so that I don't have to.  He can be upset with himself when I get promoted and he doesn't.

    ILU.

    Also, yes to the bolded.  If someone who chooses not to have a family wants to go out and party, why the fuck does anyone else care?  If they are doing their job and taking care of what their responsibilities are, why should they be penalized for having a lifestyle that works for THEM?  

    ***quote***


    Not even to mention those that are childless not by choice. If someone is dealing with infertility, or had a child die, great? All those extra hours they could be covering your fertile ass? Yay?

    Bottom line: don't be an entitled leach, no matter what your family status is. It makes you an asshole.

    Yes! I had this thought but it didn't make it into my tangent.  Yes, 100% yes!  Just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't mean it's for lack of desire to have them.  Many, many women (and men!) and have a parent's heart and empty arms.  They may not always share their struggles and it's not fair to assume that their lack of children is due to a lack of desire.


    I can't speak for others but when I refer to extra shifts I mean extra shifts for me. These are shifts that employees are calling in for shifts they were previously scheduled and then I am forced to cover for them. If they don't want to cover for me that's fine but if they are going to a party or have horseback riding lessons then they should request the day off not call in.

    -----------

    Can't you refuse to work a shift you're but scheduled for?
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  • mwerrenmwerren member
    This is going to make me sound like a horrible and selfish person...but here goes...
    I'm really hurt that my SIL and MIL have not checked on me once during pregnancy to see how LO is doing, how I'm feeling...anything. We used to be close but when I announced our pregnancy, the SIL told me I was being selfish getting KU when I did because her dad (my FIL) had just passed away earlier in the year and I didn't plan enough time for everyone to grieve. Ummm...we didn't plan this. Husband and I had been battling infertility for over 17 years. So ever since, they don't talk to me or my husband. They live literally less than a mile from us. I gave them a couple of months hoping they'd calm down, and when I reached out to them again I was greeted with the same horrible comments. So now I feel like I ruined my husband's family and I'm mad and angry at my in laws.

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  • lawsonellislawsonellis member
    @mwerren I'm sorry but your in laws sound like horrible, selfish people. I wouldn't feel bad for being hurt over this- you should be! I hope you have another form of support- because I would not be looking to them for any. :(

    @janda426 I pick my nose too because blowing doesn't help! The nose bleeds and such are real painful, so I gotta get em out somehow!
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  • cafecremecafecreme member
    JCWhitey said:
    I realized something this week that made me feel kind of guilty, but at the same time I need to admit it to not just myself but also my boss/co-workers because otherwise I'm going to stress myself out WAY too much...

    I was 100x a better worker/employee when I didn't have children.  I'm a 110% sort of person, especially when it comes to work, but I basically told my boss this week that I am now capable of being only a 90% sort of employee so that I can be a better parent.  I know a lot of people can juggle work and children like champs and give both 100%, but I've been having a hard time finding that balance lately and I can only imagine it'll get worse when #2 arrives.

    It's not that I can't be, it's that I realized I don't WANT to be.  I shouldn't have to chose work over family.  And (this is probably the flame-worthy part), I think my single childless co-workers should pick up more slack at work.  Totally not fair of me to think that way but it's definitely what runs through my head a few times a day, especially when I hear anyone complain about how overworked they are.  In our jobs they won't know overworked until they throw another responsibility into their lives outside of work!  
    You really don't know what their dealing with at home. They could be struggling with other things. Infertility, mental illness, taking care of a family member, etc. Everyone has shit they have to deal with, you just choose for it to be kids. 

    image image
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  • kcbizmekcbizme member
    janda426 said:
    I pick my nose every morning
    Me too. I blow but sometimes it's just not enough. My H is worse than me. We just have to be careful not to do it in front of his DD because she's a sponge and we're trying to teach her NOT to pick her nose (because the fingers ultimately end up in her mouth - yucko!)
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