TTCAL Discussion: Check Ins

gscoville · December 2014

I don't know that I really have a say in any of this as we're no longer TTC, but from my perspective I see that so much of what happens on TTCAL goes on behind the 'closed doors' of the checkins that it becomes really hard to get to know anyone around here anymore. I still love to lurk, post the odd bit of help or support as I find I can offer it, and see where those I've got to know in my almost two years here are at, but the vast number of checkins on the board on any given day prevents all of this to a large degree. I have no problems with the checkins themselves, I know I benefitted from several of them over my time here, but maybe the frequency of them just needs to be dialled back a bit. Redundant ones could be eliminated too - for example, why can't 'ladies in waiting' just post in the CT thread, couldn't CT encompass 'waiting craziness' as well as WTO or TWW?

I don't know. Maybe the biggest part of my problem is feeling like I don't really belong anymore, none of the checkins apply to me and because everyone newer kind of keeps to the checkins, I don't get much of a chance to get to know anyone anymore. Again, my status as a non-TTCer means I don't think I have any right to push anything here, but I do know I have no desire to quit this place yet, I'd still love to be a part of things and would support any move that makes community-building easier.

HeyMrsPotter · December 2014

Although I'm not participating in any check-ins right now, I do understand the draw and the comfort they provide. Having a specific person ask how you're doing really means a lot.

I will suggest this, though: if there's someone here you feel close to, or maybe someone you don't know but want to support, send them a message and ask how they are doing. For the recipient of such a caring question, it's much like the feeling of being asked in a check-in, but even more personal. And for those of us who don't lead check-ins, it's a chance to support someone else with the same kind of personal acknowledgment that we may be on the receiving end of as a member of a check-in. In short, it's another way to give the same support that we get.

I know a lot of ladies do a great job at making these individual connections. I know I usually don't do this as often as I could. I will try harder.

I'm not suggesting this as an alternative to a check-in. And I certainly don't mean we should interact less on the main board in favor of PMs. That's the last thing I'd want to see happen, as fragmenting the board only hurts our community. I'm suggesting it in addition to main board participation. It's just one possible way to make it the job of all of us--not just the check-in leaders--to ask individual people about how they're doing.

rslh10 · December 2014

I haven't read these replies at all, so don't be pissed if someone has already said this or whatever. I think the newb check in should stay every week. When I joined, it helped me so much and honestly? I have on average 4 new people every week. Last week I think I had 7. I feel like it's very important.

I will not be around to read the replies to this until very late this evening.

That's just my opinion and I am very glad to do the check in. Also, I do agree with the 1 month time limit. I think after a month if you're active enough, you can understand how the board functions.

gscoville · December 2014

mlal78 said:

@gscoville of course you still have a say. You remain a member of this board regardless of your ttc status.

Thanks Love, I do appreciate hearing that! :x

PinkCamino · December 2014

I'm proposing no poll. A poll will simply result in the same issue being propagated further. We wont know if this will help without trying it first.

welly01 · December 2014

I've lost track of this thread. $:\$ "> Sorry!

Can an announcement be made to sum up once the final decision is made?

BookishMomma · December 2014

Amybunny30 said:

@Amybunny30 what do you feel? I don't ever go in to the LIW check in, so I don't know the atmosphere of it at all.

If you feel that it is still serving a purpose, then we could move it to biweekly B Mondays. If you feel that it could be absorbed by the CT or something else then I am fine with letting it go.
I have been part of it since I joined the ttcal community and I do love it. If I am thinking of it honestly though, the TTA and CT check ins serve the same purpose. So I feel conflicted. I'd love to hear thoughts from the previous leaders and other participants.

I'm a previous leader of the LIW check-in and, though I enjoyed the check-in, like Amy if I think about it honestly, I have to admit that its needs could be served through TTA check-in and CT. There are essentially 2 kinds of people on the LIW check-in. The first is people who are waiting to TTC again (waiting for AF, zero betas, testing, etc). These people could probably use TTA check-in. The second category of people in LIW is people waiting to O, which often carries over and then those people are in the TWW. Those folks could post in CT. I guess there is a 3rd category now that I think of it, and that's people who are waiting to miscarry. They may or may not be TTA, depending on their doctor's advice. But I suppose they could post in the CT. I also think it would be very appropriate for someone in that tough situation to seek out support by posting on the general board.

PinkCamino · December 2014

PetraStonegirl said:

I'm having a severe attack of GET OFF MY LAWN-itis. Please forgive me.

I really hate losing one of the oldest (@wickedsugar, is is actually The Oldest?) check-in TTCAL has. I see the need for TTA, absolutely. I would never advocate getting rid of that unique support group in the interests of neatness or strongly encouraging people to join the main board. However, if it's TTC related, why not have it in one big party, which is EXACTLY what Laides In Waiting always was and was meant to be.

Someone in OPK Madness is certainly qualified to chart stalk someone in the 2WW, and someone waiting for AF to finish is likewise qualified to encourage someone to POAS, and someone drumming their fingers waiting justonemorefuckingday to POAS, is absolutely qualified to commiserate with someone when CD1 just made it's grand entrance on another member when they were standing up giving a presentation in white slacks.

My point is that Ladies in Waiting WAS the very community that we are trying to encourage.

How about a Ladies in Waiting to replace the CT? That would open it up to ladies in all different parts of their cycles. Those who are waiting to m/c, those waiting for AF, those waiting to O, those waiting to POAS.

I 100% do not want the TTA check-in to disappear. As someone who spent a ton of time on the bench, TTA was my only safe haven from the madness of TTCAL when I needed a break.

PinkCamino · December 2014

Amybunny30 said:

PetraStonegirl said:

I'm having a severe attack of GET OFF MY LAWN-itis. Please forgive me.

I really hate losing one of the oldest (@wickedsugar, is is actually The Oldest?) check-in TTCAL has. I see the need for TTA, absolutely. I would never advocate getting rid of that unique support group in the interests of neatness or strongly encouraging people to join the main board. However, if it's TTC related, why not have it in one big party, which is EXACTLY what Laides In Waiting always was and was meant to be.

Someone in OPK Madness is certainly qualified to chart stalk someone in the 2WW, and someone waiting for AF to finish is likewise qualified to encourage someone to POAS, and someone drumming their fingers waiting justonemorefuckingday to POAS, is absolutely qualified to commiserate with someone when CD1 just made it's grand entrance on them when they were standing up giving a presentation in white slacks.

My point is that Ladies in Waiting WAS the very community that we are trying to encourage.

ETA, my page failed. @wickedsugar

This is a good point, @PetraStonegirl and I didn't think of it that way. I am 100% MORE than happy to continue it for sure. The ladies in the group definitely all pull together and support each other no matter what the reason is for the waiting.

I feel like LIW can be posted by whomever gets up first. I don't necessarily feel it needs to be a dedicated check in created by the same person all the time. I think it should be a place for all the ttcal stuff (m/c, AF, OPKs, temping issues etc etc) where everyone is welcome to answer each other assuming they know what they are talking about.

With that said, since we are potentially combining CT and LIW to a certain degree, I propose a name change to encompass the new thread. A fresh start.

TTGP uses Waiting to do something.

perhaps Ladies waiting to [AF, POAS, OPK, BURN THE BENCH] ....

PinkCamino · December 2014

wickedsugar said:

Can I just say "' I told you so.."

I was waiting for it....

PinkCamino · December 2014

Sterling13 said:

I'm partial to anything that's not a daily thread, because I feel like that's where we are losing a lot of people. And once again, if you're having a crazy day and need support, there's not a rule against just saying so. I guess I don't see why we need an open for all to respond CT thread which may or may not even be needed on any given day. I am admittedly nostalgic for the LIW thread, it's where I started posting on TTCAL back when and I'm still in contact with the check in leader.

The need for the CT is there. Otherwise there may be quite a few "my boobs are sore" , "my temp spiked" type posts on the main board daily.

buggirl72 · December 2014

Okay, I'm going to step in and put in my two cents on LIW and the CT.

They are not the same thing and have not been since at least October 2012 - when I joined the LIW.

Personally, I don't think LIW should be dissolved or combined. Some of that is what @PetraStonegirl feels about it being one of the oldest (maybe the oldest) check-in on the board. The fact that it has members shows that it serves a purpose. That group is a micro-community and they feel that LIW is the right spot for them. Bringing it down to once a month or twice a month or whatever has been decided on how often check-ins are going to be posted makes sense. Why eliminate it completely? It really is shitty for people who do not belong to it to say it does not serve a purpose. It should be lumped in with MLL, AMA, IF, and, if it is decided to come up with a schedule to have fewer posting, it should be included in that.

CT is not a check-in.

Can I say that again?

CT is not a check-in.

There is not a leader. We do not post messages and we do not track people. It is 100% the same as the 2ww/waiting to O threads on TTGP. It's just a thread that is posted daily.

I feel like saying the CT is a check-in is like saying FFFC is a check-in or Furbaby Friday is a check-in. Not.the.same.thing.

I'm tired. I'm irritated. I'm cranky. Forgive me.

CT and LIW are not the same thing. Maybe LIW used to be but at some point LIW stopped being able to handle the people that wanted/needed to post about the insanity that was their FW, waiting to O, or surviving the last 7 days of their 2WW.

Getting rid of the CT would be a mistake. Trying to absorb it into an actual check-in would be a mistake. It is the one spot where we allow people to openly talk about symptoms and let out all of their crazy about "have I O'd yet? do you think my sore boobs mean anything????" It's the spot that we actually acknowledge the gritty shitty fact that this is a TTC board and that people use OPKs and HPTs (gasp!). Some people "ride" it every day in their FW, some people pop in only when they are getting close to testing. It keeps the board from being inundated with "could I be pregnant" posts and "have I O'd yet". It serves a valuable purpose and I do not see how "folding" it into LIW accomplishes anything - especially if we say that check-in will only be posted once or twice a month.

The TL/DR edition:

Keep LIW.

Keep CT

Two separate things. Two separate functions.

The End

MrsG80inTN · December 2014

I haven't been able to read all the comments here but I'm wondering if anyone has brought up the thought of signature warnings/issues if we went to a monthly checkin... A lot of women might move on and put tickers in... We would need to update the etiquette on when it's appropriate to put a ticker up after you move to pgal...

meredithcarole · December 2014

Wow, this took me 40 minutes to read through. Really whatever you all want to do is fine with me. I have no basis of comparison for the current board and check in situation vs the way it used to be. The only thing I will say is that I agree with those who defend the Newbie Check In (particularly @heartbot's point about doing it biweekly and having a one month time limit - that doesn't allow for much wading in). I think if you want to make it a biweekly check in then have a 3 month limit there. If it remains weekly then make it a 6 week limit.

As for the EDD and other micro-group check ins, I think biweekly is fine. A check in leader is going to know what is going on with her group anyway and can follow up as needed.

rubysi · December 2014

I do love the community and support the IF and AMA check ins provide and would hate to loose them. Biweekly could work. I love my April ladies but I could also see giving up on the EDD check ins. This would remove 24+ check ins a month. We have the newbie check in. We need the most support on EDD and loss dates and I believe special hugs covers this.

Please don't hate me... I leave you with candy.

LizBlue · December 2014

I don't know if I've read all the way through or not (I keep stopping and coming back when I have time), but a few random thoughts from LizBlue. I also apologize if I'm conflating threads - I've read most of them but I know there are a few going around about roughly the same thing.

-though it hurts a little too much to stop in there now, the IF check in was a life saver to me. I don't want to speak for those ladies who use it now, but when I was regularly checking in, it was so great to talk IVF/IUI speak with people who got it. I would have been sad not to have it.

-no pee sticks. please. (was that on this thread or the other one?)

-I sometimes think these "oldies/newbies/the way the board was/how bad it is now" discussions have a less than desired effect - more newbies trying to "act" the way they think they should be acting based on the direction of few regulars. In my past 1.5 years on the board, this has sometimes led to more forced/misplaced snark.

-UO: I actually hate snark because it's so rarely done correctly. On these boards (not just TTCAL), it has the tendency to devolve into group think and repeating the same lines over and over without thinking about the hurting person on the other end of the line.

-There is a difference between women who are hurting who break etiquette rules and are truly sorry and those who just don't give a fuck and/or trolls. We need to give the first group a way to come back. The second group deserves no chances.

-I've found the board to be peaceful in recent months, but others equate that to slow and boring. This actually fits the larger theme of my life lately - I think maybe grandma's getting old.

LizBlue out.

xoxoxo

PinkCamino · December 2014

LizBlue said:

I don't know if I've read all the way through or not (I keep stopping and coming back when I have time), but a few random thoughts from LizBlue. I also apologize if I'm conflating threads - I've read most of them but I know there are a few going around about roughly the same thing.

-though it hurts a little too much to stop in there now, the IF check in was a life saver to me. I don't want to speak for those ladies who use it now, but when I was regularly checking in, it was so great to talk IVF/IUI speak with people who got it. I would have been sad not to have it.

-no pee sticks. please. (was that on this thread or the other one?)

-I sometimes think these "oldies/newbies/the way the board was/how bad it is now" discussions have a less than desired effect - more newbies trying to "act" the way they think they should be acting based on the direction of few regulars. In my past 1.5 years on the board, this has sometimes led to more forced/misplaced snark.

-UO: I actually hate snark because it's so rarely done correctly. On these boards (not just TTCAL), it has the tendency to devolve into group think and repeating the same lines over and over without thinking about the hurting person on the other end of the line.

-There is a difference between women who are hurting who break etiquette rules and are truly sorry and those who just don't give a fuck and/or trolls. We need to give the first group a way to come back. The second group deserves no chances.

-I've found the board to be peaceful in recent months, but others equate that to slow and boring. This actually fits the larger theme of my life lately - I think maybe grandma's getting old.

LizBlue out.

xoxoxo

This is very true Liz. BUT, you also participate on the main board. You don't or didn't exclusively stick to that check-in. I've gotten to know you outside that check in because IF doesn't apply to me. Get what I'm saying? There's a propensity to call a check-in home and just keep posting there preventing the rest of the ladies from getting to know you.

LizBlue · December 2014

Sure, @PinkCamino, I get it. And to a degree, I completely agree. The flip side, for me, is that getting to know the other women posting in the IF thread really well (and seeing that they participated with others on the main board) helped me feel comfortable posting on the main board too and "jumping in" so to speak.

I don't know that we're saying different things. Main goal: don't stick to your check ins, y'all. Branch out. Get to know one another. AGREE. xo

Want a personalized experience?

TTCAL Discussion: Check Ins

Re: TTCAL Discussion: Check Ins

Choose Another Board

Search Boards