S/O Battles... Church?

starrysmile18 · December 2014

So rivajam's discussion got me thinking...

how does one decide which battles to pick. Food is one issue, and another we've been facing is when we're at church.

We go every Sunday and service is at 10:00. They have a small mothers' room and some activity bags children can take inside church to the pews.

However, 10 minutes into the service, Carter generally gets up and wants to walk around the back of the church, visit the ushers and hang out in the mothers' room. I feel like if we keep allowing this, he'll be 4 and not able to sit for the service.

When do you feel is a good age to start having them try to sit through it? I don't want to be distracting to others tho, either! But even I can get restless sitting for an hour straight. What do you think? I know @redneckmomma25 does church on a regular basis. Anyone else?

BeebopandBuddy · December 2014

I think it's kind of unreasonable to expect even a four year old to sit through a church service each week. They don't understand what it's about, they aren't really interested and they just aren't used to sitting down that long. Even most school classrooms, which are geared totally toward the kids, include movement and the ability to interact in all activities until their at least 8 or 9. I think getting him comfortable with the environment and starting to pick up bits and pieces of what it is all about is the biggest goal. The more he learns and becomes interested, the longer he will sit for, but I think you have a few years of wandering around left.

Flamingemu · December 2014

Umm...16? Seriously though, do you remember going to church as a kid? It is hard to sit still. It is even harder to sit still quietly. L is not allowed to walk around, but we don't have a mothers room either. She is to stay by my side in church, whether that be sitting on the pew or floor, standing, or whatever, I don't care. As long as she is not talking.

Our church reserves that last few pews for families so if we need to make a quick exit we can, but it also allows me to not worry about disturbing the people around me because they are in a similar boat.

starrysmile18 · December 2014

Good point. Yes, church was rough when I was young, but my parent's made us stay in the row...

I just feel bad because C is one of the youngest in attendance I feel like such a disturbance already despite sitting in the last row!

Thanks!

Unknown · December 2014

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CdnFarmGirl08 · December 2014

Our church has a babysitting room for ages 1-4 as us parents with kids that age take turns in there. So they don have to sit through the service. I usually bring N with us for the singing which he loves and then bring him to babysitting.

The last few pews are also reserved for families so that is nice too.

Stasi · December 2014

We encourage Kate to sit and play quietly with the activity we bring for her or eat her snack. She usually makes it about 30 or 40 minutes before needing to walk around...then one of us goes to the gathering area until mass is done.

I think the more you work at it, the sooner they get used to being the pew and being quiet, but I have no expectations that Kate will make it through without a little disruption until she's much older. We also only go once a month or so, so she's not acclimated to it as fast.

melody921 · December 2014

OK, so I think I'm a hardass about church. If my kids get squirmy, loud, crying, etc., I will walk to the back of the church/vestibule area so we're not disturbing others. But I refuse to go into the "crying room," which has toys because I don't want them to think that they can act up and get to go play instead. They are allowed to bring books with them into church to help keep them occupied.

MarisaKathleen · December 2014

I went to Catholic school. From K4-5th grade, we went to chuch every day before school. I learned at a really young age to not act like a dufus.

With Nancy, she's usually good up until the homily, then she's bored and wants to talk. So we walk into the back of church. Mine doesn't have a "crying room" or a mother's area, etc. So we walk out, and stand in the back outside the main doors so we can still see everything, but that gives her a chance to decompress for a minute.

I think by 4 it is completely acceptable for a kid to be able to get through mass without being disruptive, but you have to work at it. By starting out young, he'll get it because it will be routine for him.

hmp1 · December 2014

James was about 3.5 before I felt comfortable with him being able to attend big church. He still gets a bag of activities and a I bring his tracing books. I think it is just like anything else, sitting for an hour is going to be different for every kid. Some won't be able to do it until they are 5+ some can do it younger. But I do not expect Leo do it. He does sometimes and it is awesome. Sometimes he falls asleep in my lap which is also awesome, but then he usually doesn't sleep at home so not so awesome. But more often than not, he talks too loud and is walking around the pew and one of us takes him out.

kelbel527 · December 2014

We use the crying room at this age. They still have to be respective, but I cannot even fathom my 2yo sitting quietly in church. He just doesn't sit still, period.

Our Sunday school starts around 2, we have been bad churchgoers of late (since we now live a lot further from our church), but at 2 1/2 we started sending our older one to sunday school. Then I got to enjoy church without worrying about the kids and he got to do fun activities and learn about religion in a kid-appropriate way. Once we start going regularly again I'll put both boys in Sunday school.

Honestly, I may be too relaxed about this, but I don't expect them to sit through a service quietly until probably 7 or 8? I don't want them to hate church like I did. I think Sunday school gives us the best of both worlds at this age.

redneckmomma25 · December 2014

Our church has nursery and we have tons of girls fighting over who gets to watch the kids in the nursery each week. I do try and have G stay in service for worship and announcements and then go but sometimes she goes right to nursery. I've never attended a church that doesn't have a nursery for the kids. I definitely wouldn't go to one without one. After nursery they normally attend Sunday School so around 4 or 5 they move out of nursery. No hard and fast rule since we have a smaller congregation.

MrsKipper · December 2014

I'm thankful for church nurseries. Does you church have one for his age? I highly recommend using that instead. Church is my time to be able to sit still for a while (along with worship). It's also a time for my kids to socialize and eventually partake in their own bible lessons.

hmp1 · December 2014

My dad thinks I'm weird for not using the nursery but as a working mom I don't want to put my kids in yet another child care setting every weekend. So I will take turns hanging in the cry room when needed (although my husband usually takes him).

Hyaline · December 2014

I think two is way too young to expect a kid to sit quietly for an hour--especially through a sermon. Right now, DD goes to the nursery as soon as we get there. For one, I sing for church and can't watch her--and she'd be pissed that Mommy is up by the altar and she's in the pew with Daddy or someone else. As she gets older, I'll first expect that she sit through welcome, passing the peace, and opening hymn before going to the nursery; slowly we'll edge up to sitting through the whole service by the time she's in grade school. I don't expect a kid to sit through and listen to a sermon before then, and there's little point IMO for her to sit through something she's not listening to.

ETA: Since we have the option of a nursery, we use the nursery. If it was train her to sit quietly with books or have to take her out ourselves, we'd work on training her earlier. But I actually think that instilling the idea of church as community in kids is really important, so her having her "church friends" is, to me, a form of spiritual development, more so than sitting with a coloring book would be at this stage.

starrysmile18 · December 2014

No, we're a small church, like 180 members. We have a small mothers room with a rocker and a few books and toys, but no nursery. Bible school for kiddos doesn't start until 4yrs and it's 45 mins before the service begins.

We'll continue practicing patience with him and allowing him to roam shortly after the service begins. He's pretty good about not running or being loud. Just curious about the back of church/mothers room.

redneckmomma25 · December 2014

mhanson18 said:
No, we're a small church, like 180 members. We have a small mothers room with a rocker and a few books and toys, but no nursery. Bible school for kiddos doesn't start until 4yrs and it's 45 mins before the service begins.
We'll continue practicing patience with him and allowing him to roam shortly after the service begins. He's pretty good about not running or being loud. Just curious about the back of church/mothers room.

I don't consider 180 people small. We are probably 50 to 75 on a good Sunday.

watercolor5 · December 2014

I haven't read the other responses yet, but in our experience...

He's still young to sit through an entire service. Our church's policy is to have children sit through part of the service when they turn 4. This generally entails everything from the first hymn to when the sermon starts. Right before the sermon starts, children are released to go to their respective age classrooms for sunday school/childcare.

Our church is really huge (I think it seats 800 or so, and is often full,) and since Sophia is a really shy kid, the sanctuary is actually really overwhelming to her. She used to be terrified of it and cry when we brought her in with us. So, we talk about it during the week and now she psychs herself up for going into the sanctuary and talks about what songs she'll sing and how there's a piano there or whatever, and we've worked her up to the point where she can sit through the service from beginning to the start of the sermon. At which point we bring her back to her nursery to play.

I assume your church is on the smaller side, without the option for a nursery or sunday school/childcare. In your case, I'd have my child sit with my quietly as long as he could make it, and rather than let him wander around or distract people, take him back to the mother's room to do quiet activities like looking at books or coloring for the rest of the service. It may be a while before he can sit through a sermon- can you hear what's going on in the mother's room, or does that cut you off from the service? Our nursing mother's rooms have the service dubbed in, so we can hear or watch it, though even that can be hard when women start talking etc.

Hyaline · December 2014

redneckmomma25 said:

No, we're a small church, like 180 members. We have a small mothers room with a rocker and a few books and toys, but no nursery. Bible school for kiddos doesn't start until 4yrs and it's 45 mins before the service begins.
We'll continue practicing patience with him and allowing him to roam shortly after the service begins. He's pretty good about not running or being loud. Just curious about the back of church/mothers room.
I don't consider 180 people small. We are probably 50 to 75 on a good Sunday.

Same here--we have maybe a 200 person membership but average weekly attendance is less than that over two services. They had nursery for the second service, but didn't for first until a couple families asked. Anywho--if there are a lot of people in the same boat, or even if not, it might be worth asking around and presenting the idea to the pastor or a committee. In our church, it's mostly older ladies with grown kids and teenagers who work in the nursery--both groups eager for an hour or two with kids once a week.

kelbel527 · December 2014

hmp1 said:

My dad thinks I'm weird for not using the nursery but as a working mom I don't want to put my kids in yet another child care setting every weekend. So I will take turns hanging in the cry room when needed (although my husband usually takes him).

This is why we don't use the nursery. But Sunday school is different for me because they are learning about religion. They don't get the same thing out of sitting through the service.

enjoylife · December 2014

The kids have their children's church while DH and I are in the main worship/sermon, but we go to a very large church. I do have 2 quiet books though for when we visit family and there is a smaller church with no nursery, the boys do well staying quiet most of the time and we usually have some dried snacks for the tail end. They love the worship singing and the sermon is usually around 45 min so usually a few activities and snacks. I'm definitely not getting what I need out of the sermon so I'm glad we don't go there very often.

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