Night time duties, question for second time moms

eleolin8 · November 2014

Right after you bring baby home and your DH has some paternity leave, how do you all plan on sharing the night time duties? I plan on breast feeding so know that I will be up very often for that, but maybe DH helps with diaper changes? I feel like if I'm up anyway then I should just do the diaper changes and let him sleep...? STMs: what is your experience on helping each other get some better rest or what are you going to do differently this time around?

mmooki · November 2014

I did most everything once we got into the swing of things. Once I went back to work, he had to get up with me and help. He would change her diaper and get her ready for me to nurse. Then he would go back to sleep and I would nurse and put her back to sleep.

mshepherd20 · November 2014

I will sleep with the baby in the RNP by the bed. When he/she wakes up, I'll take him/her downstairs to nurse and for a quick changing. In the past I've never woken my husband to help. I don't see a need for him to be awake while I nurse.

We now have 2 other little ones at home so when he comes home he will take over playing/entertaining the other two so that I can rest.

lavet22 · November 2014

I do pretty much everything. He helps by taking the kids to school and letting me sleep in or nap during the day.

Maebb · November 2014

I did almost everything because I figured I was up to nurse anyway, and the diaper changes were NBD. If there was a huge poop blowout where I needed help or something, I would wake DH up for it. Or if I had fed DS but he just needed to be rocked or something, I would wake DH up for that. If it was just a standard feed, diaper change, and put back in bed, I would take care of that.

Mom2anAngel2 · November 2014

I took care of the night time duties and let DH sleep. He took care of the daytime stuff (shopping, cleaning and other stuff). He definately did daytime diapers for the first few weeks so that I didn't have to run up and down the stairs.

When DS moved into his crib in the nursery (around 3-4 months) he would go and get DS while I moved into the glider and got ready to nurse. By that time he was only getting up once (on the rare occasion twice) so it wasn't so bad.

MusicFanatic · November 2014

Zoe sleeps next to my side of the bed in bassinet- when it's time for feeding I just scoop her out and bring her into the bed. H usually wakes, but he's a light sleeper. While he's on paternity leave, I'm not really worrying about it and nursing in bed. He kinda naps off and on all day with her so he catches up. When he goes back to work next week (oh boy) I may bring her into her own room and nurse so I don't keep him up. Right now he's doing diaper changes overnight because he offers. And I certainly won't say no. But I'll probably do that once he's working, I don't wanna keep him up. I'll be a SAHM so I can nap more than he can.

elleswarth · November 2014

We bottle feed, and last time we were pretty good about "I've got this one, you get next one"... Last time I wasn't a nurse yet, so I don't know how it's going to work with me doing 12 hour shifts and both of us needing sleep at the same time with this LO. We'll see. What works for one couple may not work for another since every baby/work/sleep/other child situation is so different.

jmcmoe · November 2014

With DS we had to wake him up every two hours to nurse at night for the first couple weeks so DH got to be the bad guy by waking him up by stripping him down and changing his diapers etc...he was a deep sleeper so sometimes he had to set him on something really cold (we felt horrible but it worked)! Not sure how it will all go down with the new baby just because all babies are different, last time I wasn't as comfortable with a newborn because it was my first and I had no previous baby experience at all so it was awkward so DH was a great help by handing him to me after I was prepared. With this baby I will be much more confident handling a newborn so I may not need him quite as much but he will help if I need him for anything!

kellimark · November 2014

So I planned to breast feed as well but it didn't turn out so well. DS was a premie and had jaundice. So after our second trip to the hosp we had to feed him every 2 hrs. I had to feed him anything I had then pump which while I pumped my husband bottle fed him. We did this for a month. My husband had to basically tell me after the dr of course that it's ok my milk didn't come in and we had exhausted efforts. So then we took turns during the 2nd month and then once he was sleeping for 4 hrs straight I took over.
My husband was a life saver as I was too nervous and really went through some ppd.
But to answer your question my husband and I were a team.

snowbaby1214 · November 2014

DH has a sleeping disorder and will not awake in the event of the apocalypse. If he is up and I'm asleep when she gets up (if I can't bf), I will kick his fucking ass if he makes me get up and take care of her.

NatureLovers · November 2014

I'm a FTM. Luckily, my H is taking 3 weeks paternity leave, and I'll be having a c-section. Due to that, I plan on my H being up at night just as much as I am in the beginning. Even if I'm successfully nursing, I'll need help moving around while I'm recovering, helping with diaper changes, etc. However, once he's back at work and I'm recovered, I'll probably do more at night because I'm not working and he has a long commute. We figure that he'll get up and do the early feeding (around 5am), and then head to work so I can get a smidge more sleep, but we'll just have to see how it works out.

Disneygeek77 · November 2014

I know this won't seem fair to some, but this is what worked for us when we had DD. If she cried, he would get her in her bassinet ( at the foot of our bed), I would nurse her in bed and then he would put her back when she was done.

I SAH, so naturally I change the most diapers, but once he is home he does help with those and I imagine he will help put our older two kids to bed.

NatureLovers · November 2014

Disneygeek77 said:
I know this won't seem fair to some, but this is what worked for us when we had DD. If she cried, he would get her in her bassinet ( at the foot of our bed), I would nurse her in bed and then he would put her back when she was done.

I SAH, so naturally I change the most diapers, but once he is home he does help with those and I imagine he will help put our older two kids to bed.

What's unfair about that?

longcat07 · November 2014

i can't really answer this question, even though i'm a STM, because i was flying solo the first time around. SO has to take PTO and doesn't have a lot, so we're figuring on him being home with me for about a week (including time spent at L&D and recuperating at the hospital). for the first few days he'll probably be helping me a lot with diaper changes and rocking baby if needed, since you're pretty tender for a while after childbirth, but after he goes back to work i hope to do as much as possible without disturbing him.

Disneygeek77 · November 2014

Well, the fact that he has to get up too, but again it is what works for us. I would usually nurse her for about 20 minutes while laying down and he would get to rest while I nursed. Then when I was done he got up and put her back.

LuckyPenny1231 · November 2014

I did it all once she finally went to sleep. However, she had colic and needed to be bounced for hours and hours before she finally went to sleep around midnight. DH took over around 9-10 and let me go to bed so I could get a couple hours of extra sleep.

cassied7 · November 2014

I can probably count on one hand how many time I've woke DH up for some help. I just never felt the need to since I was the one nursing DS and since I was already up, why not change his diaper instead of waking my husband up. The few times I did wake DH up were during times of distress, where nothing I did would calm my son down and I needed to walk away to compose myself. I SAH and DH works with heavy machines and tables saws, so I'd rather be sleep deprived than him lose a finger, or worse. You'll figure it out quick and you'll both do what works for you

.

llambrose · November 2014

With our first, I stayed at home so I did everything. He got no time off and I was breast feeding so it only made sense. Once we settled in, Our daughter was a wonderful baby and only wanted to eat every 4 hours so usually I would go to bed and he would feed her a bottle at midnight then bring her to bed in the pack and play in our room. Then I would wake up around 4 am to nurse her then when he got up for work, I would nurse her in the bed. I changed most of the diapers. I will be going back to work this time around 12 weeks so I am not sure how it will work.

4littlebears · November 2014

If there's a diaper change needed, either he or I will do it. But baby sleeps in a pack n play by my bed, so I grab baby and nurse. I usually fall asleep while nursing when they're a little bigger. I find with each kid it's not a big deal to just do it. Now when they're in the nursery, a lot of times dh will go grab baby and being them to me to nurse. We don't do a lot of nighttime changes unless they're necessary

BackseatDriver · November 2014

I do most of the MOTN stuff on my own. Once the baby is here I will start going to bed around 9. DH will put the baby back to sleep after I feed her if she wakes up between 9-12. I handle everything 12-5 on my own. DH helps out 5-7 if necessary before heading to work. I don't think we'll do anything different during the 2 weeks he has off from work, but he will watch DS while I nap during the day when he is home. Unless we're dealing with major sleep issues I will probably take over all MOTN wake-ups after not too long. I'm more nervous this time because I won't be able to nap as much (if at all) during the day when DH isn't home.

Last time he helped more because I was EPing the first couple of weeks. I don't expect that to be an issue again.

GirlWithAnchors · November 2014

With us, our twins were bottle fed and he got his PL for 6 weeks (thank you DHs job) he actually let me sleep the first couple of weeks and got up with them but after the first 2 weeks home we would just get up together and double team it.

But this was after our daughter was in the hospital for 2 weeks and DS had to stay with my parents those two weeks. Hardest thing I ever did was leaving him for so long but I'd see him every other day when I came home to shower and spend time with him. But my daughter was sick with a thyroid condition and they thought she could have meningitis and all theses other scary things that I'd rather not write out right now. But I was alouded to stay in the hospital with her and DH was still working at the time because some paperwork got messed up blah blah. But yeah.

You kinda just figure it out as you go along. This time around I'm hoping to EBF so I'd wake up and changing her but my DH says he plans on waking up and being with us or if our twins wake up (rare) he's gunna handle that.

tripletoe · November 2014

Definitely just let DH sleep, especially once he was back to work. I breastfed DD so there was no point in waking up DH for feedings or diaper changes, we both didn't need to be tired. DD would be super fussy from around 8-11 each night so DH would hold her while I got a little sleep before the night began.

AggieMom0809 · November 2014

Especially in the first few weeks, since I was the one breastfeeding, I was the one who got up to get the baby. I changed, fed, sometimes changed again, then put them back to bed. If DH did wake up to the baby before I had a chance to get up and get them, he would bring the baby to me. For the first couple days home from the hospital when I felt like my vagina was about to explode every time I got up, my MIL or mom would be the one bringing the baby in and usually changed him/her before bringing them to me.

LadyXaverian · November 2014

We tried to split night time duties as much as possible, but try as he may, he just didn't have "the touch", and she would cry for the majority of the time that he was trying to feed her and get her settled back to sleep. I would lay in bed awake, cringing at her cries. Sigh. So I ended up doing the majority of the MOTN stuff, but he was always ready and willing to help in whatever way he could.

I take issue with the whole "he's got to go to work in the morning" way of thinking. Mom being rested is just as important when they are going to be home alone caring for a baby all day by herself. That's WORK, and the whole "nap while the baby naps" ideal doesn't always work out as nicely as it sounds. So, if your SO is willing and able to help at night, take advantage of that and stop trying to be so gracious about it just because he has to leave to work outside of the home. (Obviously there may be some exceptions depending on what his job is...)

Samiantha101 · November 2014

I did it all myself. This time around, since our bedroom is on the main floor and our girls will be upstairs, I plan on setting up a futon in our hallway, so I don't have to climb the stairs and so the husband can sleep uninterrupted.

BookitBoo · November 2014

Because of my csection DH got up to help DS and I get situated and comfortable. DS had a great latch but it was more about finding a comfortable place to nurse, which would require climbing out of bed to the rocking chair or the couch, and getting repositioned.

I also had post partum depression. DH would often wake up to keep us company. As I got better, and after we stopped trying to BF, it naturally evolved into turns. I'd go to bed early so he'd do the bottle before he came to bed, and I'd wake up and do the next and so on.

robsbabygirl08 · November 2014

Is it bad that DD is only 4 and I can't really remember exactly what we did? I remember feeding her at night and then us taking turns walking the house with her while he was on leave. He always helped with diapers and burping her. I remember DH and I both being in tears a lot because DD seemed to scream around the clock for almost 3 months, and I remember that first night when she slept through the night for the first time. She was 10 months old and I was so relieved to finally get more than 2.5-3 hours of consecutive sleep. I am terrified that that will happen again.

bigbobdole · November 2014

I wasn't living with my ex when I had my daughter, so if I stayed at my place, I did it all. Nights spent at his place, he did it all. When my ppd hit, I stayed at home with my aunt more than his place because his place just felt really depressing to me. My aunt kept the baby in her room a few nights a week for me to help get me regulated.

I can't really say what we will do with this baby. My husband is a light sleeper, so I imagine he'll wake up with me for feedings and diaper changes. I won't wake him, but if he does get up, he's more than welcome to change a diaper and rock to sleep after I feed.

SpaceGirlSpiff · November 2014

I did most everything the first time and probably will again... H handles warehouse equipment and drives a large truck so I'd prefer he not get too sleep deprived. What will help me the most from his side is if he steps up more with our 3 year old rather than the newborn, which is the plan.

LaBellaVida · November 2014

We bed share (baby will have his own sleeping area anyway) but we would both be up. He would change his diapers and Burp him, and I'd nurse him.

He's just as much the care taker I am, and his ass better be up helping.

Eventually that ended, but it was at a time where we were no longer needing to change over night diapers. So I'd just latch baby on my boob and go back to sleep.

This time, yes. ... He better help more (particularly with the older ones. ... Getting them ready for school, breakfast ect. ) because I'll have a 19 month old to tend to, and a new born during the day alone. Those 'naps' I was able to have with my other kids, will be no more, so he'll need to help in other areas then just MOTN stuff. I need just as much sleep as him, even though I stay home. I've got kids to care for and keep alive and safe.

I can't stand the "Oh he's gotta go to work so let me keep him sleeping" mind set.

tripletoe · November 2014

I let my husband sleep not because he's gotta work, but to me, it seemed pointless to wake him if I was nursing. It would take me 30 seconds to change a diaper and I didn't see the point in disturbing him to do that if I was already up. Also, my DD would only fall asleep nursing so he wouldn't be able to rock her to sleep if I had wanted him to.

YaMrWhite · November 2014

I won't be sharing night time duties since I'll be breastfeeding. If I didn't feed her that way, I'd still have to get up to pump which is a hassle compared to BFing.

MNgirl326 · November 2014

I did most of it, but DH helped when he could or I asked.

We made a good team and got hang of sharing overall baby responsbilities.

Lanatir · November 2014

In the beginning, I was about the only one up with DD. We also had the colic "DD cried for 2-3 hours a night like clockwork between 9 and midnight sometime," so DH took her then and I put in earplugs and our room was off limits for him to bring her in unless he KNEW she NEEDED to nurse.

But by 8w, DD quit latching and between PPD and losing the LC info the hospital had given us, and a massive oversupply, forceful letdown issues, I ended up pumping. So our routine became I'd give DD a bottle, then pump... Until my PPD counselor woman called DH and told him night feedings were HIS job. haha. So then we would both be up when DD got up. He fed and changed her while I pumped and (probably because of the oversupply and letdown) I was often done before him.

I guess if you get anything from my TL;DR post, it's that we can give you suggestions, but until you're in it with THIS specific LO, I wouldn't get too comfortable with any routine yet.

Trek3 · November 2014

With both girls, I was breastfeeding and so it didn't take much extra time to change I diaper while I was up.

I woke up DH with our #1 to help with rocking/bouncing after a feed, she had a really hard time getting to sleep and I couldn't do it every time.

lezlers · November 2014

We bottle fed so we just slept in shifts the first 8-12 weeks. He slept from 9-2 or 3 while I stayed downstairs with baby (usually sleeping on the couch) then I slept from 2/3 until 7 while he was downstairs with baby. That way, both of us got at least 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night. this time around I'll probably do more since we've got a 2.5 year old and I'll be heavily dependant on DH to take care of him in the evenings while I have baby.

thompnia · November 2014

My husband helped for the first few nights with our son. He would get him, change him, and bring him to me. After that, he went back to work and since I was nursing, I just took over. It didn't make sense to have him get up as well. It wouldn't have saved any sleep for anyone.

That being said, if I absolutely needed him, he would get up and help without complaint. He was very understanding. Once our son wasn't nursing anymore (a year,) then we alternated every other wake up.

peggels24 · December 2014

I will most likely do the majority of the standard MOTN stuff myself because DH (a) is a heavy sleeper and (b) once he's up, he can't go back to sleep. But he will take care of early morning stuff. Once I go back to work, we will probably stick with the same system while he's home with the baby unless it just becomes too much and then we'll have to work it out.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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CoachTay · December 2014

My husband was amazing after we had B. He would always get up and change her while I got ready to nurse. More often than not, he would also sit with me while I nursed so we could go back to bed together. When we transitioned B to a bottle (around 5 weeks old), he would get up and make her bottle while I did the diaper change and then feed her while I pumped.

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