Deployment Rant (kind of long) — The Bump
Military Families

Deployment Rant (kind of long)

Just found out yesterday afternoon that they're going to try to deploy DH soon and he'll be gone for the birth. Okay, I know we're very lucky in our career field to have 6 month deployments possibly going to 4 month deployments, and that it's totally normal for the father to not get to see the birth of his child, but do I at least have the right to be upset about it?

I guess the part that upsets me most is that they've taken this into account for others in our career field--bringing them home early or sending them out late--so they can be there on baby watch. If they do this, it's the third time we've been completely screwed over. I keep thinking, I did not spend the first six months of our marriage at a different base so they could do this, too!

I'm sorry. I know there are a lot of you here who probably had to go through this exact thing but didn't have the option to have your H there with you. As if it's not bad enough you're apart, you're apart while you're bringing a child into the world. I get that even having an option to bring them back early so they can be there is cushy and a luxury that a lot of us don't have. I'm just sick of watching it happen to everyone else in my career field and then be told that we don't get that same luxury.

I really hope I haven't offended anyone.

Married since *7/13/2012* to my soulmate!

Surprise! BFP 3/7/2013, Missed MC, D&C @ 7w5d
BFP 12/10/2013, Natural MC @ 5w1d

BFP 2/15/2014...Katia Elizabeth is due 10/23/2014!
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Re: Deployment Rant (kind of long)

  • I'm sorry. I can only imagine how you're feeling. And yes, absolutely, you have the right to be upset and disappointed. Hopefully they can work something out where he can leave late or something. Hugs!!!!!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers


    Pregnancy #1 EDD 1/20/13, D&C for unexplained miscarriage at 12w
    Pregnancy #2 EDD 8/28/2013, Carson was born on 6/28/2013 at 31w - spent 37 days in the NICU
  • You have every right to be upset!!
    It's awful to never be able to plan for deployments and births, even when you do, things inevitably get changed around. I'm so sorry
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  • What branch are you with that they bring them home for the baby? My husband will also be deployed for the birth and most of my pregancy and almost 6 months after the baby is born. So I feel ya there
  • I understand feeling frustrated. My DH was TDY for a third of my pregnancy, then deployed towards the end. Because it was a 12 month deployment, DH came home on R&R to meet his son (LO was two months old). DH redeployed when LO was 9 months old. (And then we immediately had to PCS.) It's hard to not have that support during the end of your pregnancy and at delivery, but hopefully you'll be able to process these emotions. Being emotionally charged up about it doesn't do you or your baby any good. Work to surround yourself with friends who you can count on to be there for you when it comes time to have your baby.
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  • I totally feel you. My husband was gone for a month at the start of my pregnancy and we are currently at 5 months and he leaves in less than two weekps... He will be gone for the birth and for the first 4 months of our baby's life. He will get to come home for 10 days once baby is here and then has to go right back. I know I should be grateful for even that time but I'm still bitter!
  • KnbhKnbh
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    Oh how I feel your pain. My DH left when I was about six months pregnant and won't be home until our son is 2-3 months old. I'm not looking forward to giving birth without him, but there's nothing we can do about it :(. At least we're all in the same boat together. I'll be thinking of you!
  • I feel you.  My husband just left yesterday (I'm 5 months) and will miss the birth... AND we're PCSing while he's gone.  So when I'm 8 months pregnant I get to move me, our two kids, and two dogs across the country.

    You have a right to feel upset, disappointed, frustrating.   This is not an easy lifestyle.

    And the next person who tells me I "knew what I was getting into when I married him"  will get bitch slapped.

    Hang in there girl!
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    dwnslde
  • What branch are you with that they bring them home for the baby? My husband will also be deployed for the birth and most of my pregancy and almost 6 months after the baby is born. So I feel ya there

    We're both AF, but I don't know how many fathers I've seen our wing/group delay their deployment or have them come home early or not deploy this cycle. I don't know why I'm so surprised. They treat everyone differently even if they do the same stupid stuff--one person gets a slap on the wrist, one gets an LOC, another just gets ignored. Why would this be any different?
    Married since *7/13/2012* to my soulmate!

    Surprise! BFP 3/7/2013, Missed MC, D&C @ 7w5d
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  • You have all right to be upset. I'm in the same boat. They won't allow my DH to fly in becuase it will be so close to the time they are preparing to come home. DS will possibly be a month old before he meets his dad. It sucks but its the mil life.  The base im delivering at sets up video chat so dads can kinda be there. Its not the same as in person but its better than nothing.

     

  • @shesamommy That sounds cool. We don't have a base hospital, so I don't even know if that's possible. I'll be delivering off-base, so I'll have to ask them.
    Married since *7/13/2012* to my soulmate!

    Surprise! BFP 3/7/2013, Missed MC, D&C @ 7w5d
    BFP 12/10/2013, Natural MC @ 5w1d

    BFP 2/15/2014...Katia Elizabeth is due 10/23/2014!
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    shesamommy
  • I understand. My DH is deploying in a few weeks and will miss the birth and won't meet our little girl until she is around 4 months old. This is our first child so it is disappointing and upsetting but something we have no control over. At this point they are not letting him come home for the birth but im keeping my fingers crossed that that changes!! Good luck with everything!
  • GL to you too @Kredsing!

    It looks like they've taken him off the deployment. One of our bosses was being a jerk to even suggest it, apparently. So, right now, looks like he'll be here. Regardless, we're supposedly going to 4 month rotations (I'll believe it when I see it) so hopefully he won't be heading off until at least December!

    Married since *7/13/2012* to my soulmate!

    Surprise! BFP 3/7/2013, Missed MC, D&C @ 7w5d
    BFP 12/10/2013, Natural MC @ 5w1d

    BFP 2/15/2014...Katia Elizabeth is due 10/23/2014!
     BabyFruit Ticker
    IAmPregnant Ticker
    shesamommy
  • That's great! I hope it stays that way. 

     

  • So sorry that you are having to deal with this. I know that it's a situation that a lot of military wives/spouses have had to deal with and like you said it's not easy to be away from them to begin with, but then to add a child birth into it makes it even more stressful. My sister in law had to have her first LO while he DH was deployed and it was hard for her. I was lucky and my DH deployment got cancelled so he didn't miss the birth. You would think the people who do the most for this country would be able to at least see the birth of their children. Again sorry for everything you are going through!

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    shesamommy
  • We're in that boat. I try not to get wound up about it, but that doesn't make it suck any less. I understand that it happens, that's part of mil life... but that doesn't stop me wanting my husband here.
    (Okay, I'll pull my boot straps now and continue on.) Grateful to know I'm not alone in this frustration though. Thank you for sharing.
    Maries1987
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