2 year old nighttime milk addict

MrsC0409 · November 2014

Hi everyone- this is my first time posting on this board, but I'm really hoping you all can help. I have a 2 year old daughter (2 years, 5 months) with awful sleep issues. She was always such a great sleeper from the time she was 6 weeks until she was about 15 months. After that things went downhill and she would wake up wanting milk in her bottle, which would put her right back down. She is my firstborn and I NOW know I made a lot of mistakes (like letting her become dependent on milk to fall asleep. Live and learn I guess). We had a really hard time getting her off the bottle at night. She wouldn't take anything but a warm bottle of milk before bed. When she turned 2 her doctor told us she had to get off the bottle immediately so we basically went cold turkey and told her we gave all her bottles away. It took her about a month, if not more, to forget about them. It was not an easy transition. However, the only way we could get her to go to sleep was by giving her a sippy cup. I know this is just as bad and all she did was replace a bottle for a cup, but we would get in stand offs with her for hours. She would stay up til midnight, refusing to go to sleep and usually getting so worked up that she'd throw up. For a while, she would fall asleep with her sippy cup and my husband and I thought gradually we'd just replace the milk with water until she fell asleep with all water. Five months later and we're still fighting with her. I wouldn't be AS concerned about all of this if she would sleep through the night. For the past maybe 6 weeks, she's waking up at least 2 times a night wanting milk. I think what's happening is, she is potty trained during the day, so when she goes to the bathroom at night it wakes her up. It's a viscous cycle: Needs a full cup of milk before bed> milk makes her pee> pee wakes her up> needs milk to fall asleep. I'm going out of my mind because my husband and I both work full time and I'm pregnant and EXHAUSTED. I really can't deal with this anymore... but I also can't deal with cleaning puke up every night because she gets herself so worked up without milk. We've tried everything. We've watered it down. We've told her we ran out. We moved into a big girl bed and said big girls don't drink milk in bed. Santa has called to say that she needs to go to sleep without milk. The dentist has told her how bad it is to go to sleep with milk. The doctor told her she needs to stop. Nothing is working. She refuses to give it up. Please help.

ashiscute · November 2014

I apologize in advance because I'm going to sound mean.

Please read your post. Your DD is 2.5. She should not be in control of this situation. You and YH should be in control. You said that she refuses to give it up but she is 2. She does not have the ability to get herself milk so that means you are voluntarily giving it to her. You have the ability to stop this.

I would tell her that she is only allowed to have milk during the day. (Honestly, I don't think I'd even give her water at bedtime. That isn't necessary.) I'd bedtime I'd do her normal routine and then remind her that there is no milk and put her to bed. Yes, she will cry and put up a fight because you are changing what she knows. But you have to remember that what she is crying for is not good for her and what you are changing is. Yes this will probably go on for a few nights but keep in mind a few nights of screaming is preferable to what you've been dealing with for over a year.

I know it's easy for me to say because it's not my child and I don't have to do it. But I have let my kids cry themselves to sleep. It is hard but you have to remember that you are not hurting her you are doing the best thing for her. The most important thing is to be consistent. Once you decide no milk then go for it. Honestly, I would probably not even keep it in the house for a week so you can't cave at 330am or something. Good luck!

Sparks in training! · November 2014

Wow...I think that ashiscute is super right on. I mean I went through this with my daughter (first born also) but was able to switch over to water. TO THIS DAY she goes to sleep with water next to her bed (13 yrs later).

I think you will just have to let the tantrum happen for a few nights and deal. Wishing you luck, courage and strong ear plugs!

MrsC0409 · November 2014

Thanks for your responses! What got me with her was the throwing up. I always try to make sure she isn't wagging the dog in every other situation, but the throwing up is my Achilles's heel I guess. Once she got to the point where I knew it was coming I would give in and give her the milk just to avoid having to clean the carpet and make another trip to the dry cleaners with her crib linens! I'm happy to report that last night I was able to get her to go to sleep without milk. I told her early on in the night that we were all out, but it was ok because milk is for babies anyway. We sang a song about how only babies drink milk at night and then we made a chart that she can put a sticker on every morning after she goes to bed without milk. She was really excited to wake up and put a sticker on the chart. Hopefully the excitement lasts!

MrsC0409 · November 2014

@ashiscute... not offended by your post at all. It didn't come across as mean. I appreciate your help. I know I'm doing it all wrong here. Just needed a way to break the cycle. If there's anything being a mom has taught me it's that I'm FAR from perfect! Thanks for your help!

ashiscute · November 2014

MrsC0409 said:

@ashiscute... not offended by your post at all. It didn't come across as mean. I appreciate your help. I know I'm doing it all wrong here. Just needed a way to break the cycle. If there's anything being a mom has taught me it's that I'm FAR from perfect! Thanks for your help!

It's not wrong to do what's best for your LO. I nursed my DD to sleep util she was 13 months for every nap and at bedtime even though you're "not supposed to". As long as you are able to find the problem and make a change you are doing it right. There are no perfect moms out there. FX for more success!

Leap08 · November 2014

MrsC0409 said:

Thanks for your responses! What got me with her was the throwing up. I always try to make sure she isn't wagging the dog in every other situation, but the throwing up is my Achilles's heel I guess. Once she got to the point where I knew it was coming I would give in and give her the milk just to avoid having to clean the carpet and make another trip to the dry cleaners with her crib linens! I'm happy to report that last night I was able to get her to go to sleep without milk. I told her early on in the night that we were all out, but it was ok because milk is for babies anyway. We sang a song about how only babies drink milk at night and then we made a chart that she can put a sticker on every morning after she goes to bed without milk. She was really excited to wake up and put a sticker on the chart. Hopefully the excitement lasts!

I think this is an excellent approach. My daughters both respond really well to reward charts. We do something like 7 stickers = a prize. For the first time, I try to make the prize something they really really want to keep them motivated. And then we start to increase the number of stickers they need to get for a prize and the value of the prize goes down a little. Eventually we just kind of stop doing it. I also love that you came up with a song about how milk is for babies. I hope things keep going well for you. Good luck!

MrsC0409 · November 2014

Leap08 said:

MrsC0409 said:

Thanks for your responses! What got me with her was the throwing up. I always try to make sure she isn't wagging the dog in every other situation, but the throwing up is my Achilles's heel I guess. Once she got to the point where I knew it was coming I would give in and give her the milk just to avoid having to clean the carpet and make another trip to the dry cleaners with her crib linens! I'm happy to report that last night I was able to get her to go to sleep without milk. I told her early on in the night that we were all out, but it was ok because milk is for babies anyway. We sang a song about how only babies drink milk at night and then we made a chart that she can put a sticker on every morning after she goes to bed without milk. She was really excited to wake up and put a sticker on the chart. Hopefully the excitement lasts!

I think this is an excellent approach. My daughters both respond really well to reward charts. We do something like 7 stickers = a prize. For the first time, I try to make the prize something they really really want to keep them motivated. And then we start to increase the number of stickers they need to get for a prize and the value of the prize goes down a little. Eventually we just kind of stop doing it. I also love that you came up with a song about how milk is for babies. I hope things keep going well for you. Good luck!

Yes seven stickers and she gets a trip to the Disney Store! Thanks for all your help and support guys!

sarahandeddiejune212008 · December 2014

My DD (2yrs 4m) also asks for milk at night. I offer her ice water in a sippy. She thinks the ice in it is neat.

With my first DD we did flavored water. We used the Mio type flavorings and just gradually put less and less in.

FWIW - my DH works nights and that means I have to deal with the kids all night and a good portion of the day alone. I understand how hard it is to not get sleep, especially when you can't afford to lose any.

Beevol · December 2014

When she fights you on it, stand firm in your resolve. A month or so of you both being miserable is worth a lifetime of being able to sleep through the night.

She's old enough for you to tell her what's going on, which means she is also old enough to know that mommy and daddy sometimes lie (you said no milk before and then backed down, why wouldn't you back down again?). You have to stick to whatever it is you decide and as she gets older it will only get harder.

GL!

MrsC0409 · December 2014

Thanks again everyone for your help. We actually went Sunday to pick out her prize for going 10 days without milk! I think we've officially kicked the habit. I'm so impressed with how well she did. She was so proud of herself every time she got to put a sticker on her chart. I think I found the best way to kick habits in that chart. She loved seeing her progress and she loves telling everyone know that she's big and doesn't have milk at bed.... "ONLY when the sun is out".

GillianB32 · December 2014

@MrsC0409 I am SO proud of you and your girl! Actually I am glad I stumbled across this thread because I was surprised to find out that reward charts work.

Myself, I am sure I would be having very hard time dealing with such situation. I know @ashiscute was very wise but if at least I had any other way to make it easier for my baby, I would do this. Because I would be imagining that poor thing is trying to fall asleep and I would feel terrible. So great job @MrsC0409!!!

MrsC0409 · December 2014

Thank you @GillianB32!! I can't believe how well the chart worked. You have no idea what a nightmare it was before. I was shocked when she responded to it right away... buuuuut I also felt a little played by her because she threw such a fit before the chart and once there was a reward in sight it was like it was the easiest thing in the world for her. I'm just glad we kicked the habit! I was worried she would stop drinking it during the day because there was a lot of "only babies drink milk at bedtime" involved and I was afraid she would think milk in general was for babies and stop drinking it all day, but now she actually asks for a cup before bedtime and then we brush teeth and go potty and she goes right to sleep. Win for mommy!

GillianB32 · December 2014

MrsC0409 said:

Thank you @GillianB32!! I can't believe how well the chart worked. You have no idea what a nightmare it was before. I was shocked when she responded to it right away... buuuuut I also felt a little played by her because she threw such a fit before the chart and once there was a reward in sight it was like it was the easiest thing in the world for her. I'm just glad we kicked the habit! I was worried she would stop drinking it during the day because there was a lot of "only babies drink milk at bedtime" involved and I was afraid she would think milk in general was for babies and stop drinking it all day, but now she actually asks for a cup before bedtime and then we brush teeth and go potty and she goes right to sleep. Win for mommy!

Awesome!

chloemag123 · December 2014

This might be somewhat of a different view and people might disagree, but I see no problem with your 2.5 wanting milk to sleep. And giving her a sippy cup is different than in a bottle. Just look at this as little victories at a time.

I have a 3 and 2 year old, they still have milk in their sippy every night. Just half cup of milk, but it ends there.

I never pushed them to stop bottles or milk. Looking back I thought they would never let the bottle go they were so attached to it, but they found their own rhythm and each stopped with the bottles at their own pace, including nighttime feeds going down to just one to go to bed. I never pushed them, I just saw how everything played out with no tantrums, drama or hassle on their part.

When adults sometimes try to convince little ones about change when they are not ready, this can back fire causing toddlers to cling even more to what you are trying to get rid of.

I would say, just let yourself and her off the hook for now. Give it a break, insisting on this is doing no good and you are obviously not getting anywhere. I am pregnant too, so I know exactly how you feel. Don't over do it. Your little girl will get there on her own time table, she is not ready yet it seems. She won't be tantruming over a cup of milk in high school. This is just a phase, it will go away.

Take care

ashiscute · December 2014

chloemag123 said:
This might be somewhat of a different view and people might disagree, but I see no problem with your 2.5 wanting milk to sleep. And giving her a sippy cup is different than in a bottle. Just look at this as little victories at a time.

I have a 3 and 2 year old, they still have milk in their sippy every night. Just half cup of milk, but it ends there.

I never pushed them to stop bottles or milk. Looking back I thought they would never let the bottle go they were so attached to it, but they found their own rhythm and each stopped with the bottles at their own pace, including nighttime feeds going down to just one to go to bed. I never pushed them, I just saw how everything played out with no tantrums, drama or hassle on their part.

When adults sometimes try to convince little ones about change when they are not ready, this can back fire causing toddlers to cling even more to what you are trying to get rid of.

I would say, just let yourself and her off the hook for now. Give it a break, insisting on this is doing no good and you are obviously not getting anywhere. I am pregnant too, so I know exactly how you feel. Don't over do it. Your little girl will get there on her own time table, she is not ready yet it seems. She won't be tantruming over a cup of milk in high school. This is just a phase, it will go away.

Take care

I suggest reading the the original post and then the whole thread. OP said her daughter has stopped drinking milk at night and is doing fantastic. So she obviously did get somewhere.

Schnurette · December 2014

We had a huge problem with DD wanting the bottle before bed after we weaned her off it during the day. She wouldn't very often wake up in the night but she would have a meltdown if we wouldn't give her a bottle at bedtime.

We had to just cut her off. There was no weaning her (it just wouldn't work, she refused to take anything other than the bottle) so one night I just said to DH that was it we weren't giving it to her anymore and we would just have to deal with her. She would throw a fit and I would just keep putting her back into bed (we kept her door shut but I could hear her get up so I would have to go in and put her back into bed...). It meant about a week of sleepless nights for everyone (she would scream bloody murder until she finally fell asleep then would wake up screaming for her bottle, it was a nightmare honestly) and DH said if he had been the one getting up with her he would have given in because she was so upset but we stuck it out and after the week was up she was totally fine.

I will admit that there was one night that she was so mad about it that I ended up sleeping with her on the sofa just to get her to calm down enough that we could all get some sleep, but I only did that once.

*****Ah shoot I just noticed the update comment that you have already had success! The chart sounds much more pleasant than what we did but bribing our kid with stickers (or anything really) doesn't work...we've tried. So maybe my comment will help someone else with a stubborn kid lol***

NYCMom1 · February 2015

This thread is very helpful to me as I am going through the same thing with my 2.3 year old.

I too hate the throw up part she does but I just need to get tough, I might try the reward chart as well.

MrsC0409 · February 2015

I found that if I let her have a cup of milk to start the bedtime process about 45 minutes before that helps. I pour her a cup of milk, tell her it's time to start winding down. Then we brush our teeth and put on our PJs and by the time we're ready for bed she has to go potty. Then we read 2 five minute stories and she's asleep. She still wets during the night and wears a pull up but she's not dependent on the milk to fall asleep if she does wake up in the middle of the night.

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