Tell me she's crazy (baptism party etiquette)

JCWhitey · November 2014

janda426 said:

Am I the only one who doesn't invite people out to celebrate my birthday? I just spend it with family at my house usually.

I haven't celebrated a birthday since.... I don't know... my 9th?? My family has never been big birthday people. We did something for my son only because my parent's insisted on it.

But you better believe this next birthday I am going ALL OUT! I've been waiting 31 years to have my Golden Birthday!!!! However my baby will likely only be a few weeks old and I'll be too tired to actually do anything. I like to think I will, though.

ngolimento · November 2014

JCWhitey said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

wonknessmonster said:

Ok, I'll say it: WTF IS A BAPTISM PARTY?

Sheesh I see your kid's baptism as something worth celebrating with your faith community as part of your service or with coffee and cookies in the church social area. Or have close family and the kid's godparents over.

Who the F throws a **party**? I find this completely tacky. Gifts or no, pay for things or no.

But maybe that's just the conservative Lutheran upbringing talking....

Anyway in answer to the original question, your friend is cray cray and I would not go to the brunch at all.

BTW I actually met my DH at a baptism! There was no party. Just love at first sight over weak church coffee.

Not gonna lie, this was my thought too. This has the feel of other unnecessary gift events like engagements parties and sweet 16 bashes. It just seems like it's reaching for an excuse to AW your kid and reap the presents.

Yes, except the typical Baptism gift is a picture frame, religious storybook, or a Bible. Or maybe $10. It's not a huge gift giving event and you usually don't invite a ton of people. The focus is (or should be) more on the religious aspect of the celebration.

***quote***

I think it's a cultural difference actually. I was raised conservative Lutheran too, and nobody gives gifts for baptisms. Also, there is ALWAYS coffee and cookies after a Lutheran event, so the congregation watches the baptism, has Sunday service, goes downstairs for coffee and treats, then goes home. No muss, no party, no gifts.

From my point of view, a formal party is extravagant and AWish. If someone invited me to a baptism reception, I would have kind of been boggled. I am glad to know that the convention is very different for other churches, because before I would have thought that person was a nasty AW, and just making up a party to guilt gifts out of people. This is why I love TB, it helps keep cultural misunderstandings to a minimum.

djoliet · November 2014

I'm Catholic and Mexican. Growing up, any time there was a baptism, people who attended usual got together for cake and coffee afterwards . I've been to many family members baptism and that's the norm for us. No one sends out invitation for the baptism either. We usually just call each other and let each other know what time Mass is and when and get together usual at someone's house for a small little get together. No one brings gifts either.

Like I said, I'm baptizing my son on the 23rd and I'm planning on getting together with all who came for cake, coffee, and punch. I'll provide everything and would never expect anyone to bring a gift.

It's kinda near to see how differently everyone celebrates.

skatergrl · November 2014

I'm Baptist and we do baby dedications instead. My church does these on Mother's Day so I already know when the event will be for the little one I'm carrying. My plan is to just have both sets of grandparents and siblings with their families to the church for the event and then back to my house afterwards where I'll have finger foods and probably a light lunch. Even though it's my family, I would never expect us to go out to eat and for them to pay for a day celebrating my child.

salmphil · November 2014

My experience being raised Catholic was similar to @JCWhitey‌ & @djoliet‌ - a christening with the occasional (but not expected) religious gift and our family hosted the party (and since we lived on a farm, my dad roasted one of our lambs. True story.) The point is a religious celebration of the child's baptism with the godparents. I'm sure we'll do a light lunch or snackies+coffee. But I'd never expect anyone to get down with a religious ceremony for me without some free dessert

bwftw · November 2014

wonknessmonster said:
Yes, what @Peledreamsofrain‌ said. I didn't mean to insult, but if someone in our church did throw a party like that everyone would be confused. Conservative Lutherans are crazy conservative in lots of ways, but especially in public expressions of faith. There is a kind of very quiet participation that is expected. No clapping in church etc., no spontaneous public prayer. It is always good to learn about other denominations and faiths. So, thanks for explaining @JCWhitey‌.

I'm Lutheran and we will have a small get together at out house after the baptism. It'll be our parents, siblings and a few friends. But everything else you said is true for us too.

Whitfry · November 2014

I'm in the baby dedication camp, since the religion my husband practices doesn't baptize until much older. But we'll go to church and get up on the stage with the other new parents and have baby J dedicated. And then we'll probably get some takeout and go home. I know MIL will want to know what service we're doing the dedication. But yeah, baptisms and parties like that are not an element of our personal culture.

As a teenager I lived on a remote island for awhile, and any time there was a wedding, funeral, or any big Catholic to-do, the entire island was invited out for elaborate parties. Didn't matter if you knew the people hosting or not, everyone was welcome and the food and liquor was always free. It was a drastically different culture than what I was used to, but it was great fun.

Aeml1985 · November 2014

$10 as a gift?! Man I've been doing it wrong. We've given Tiffany's silver or porcelain piggy banks. As an infant we got gold jewelry, silver items (brush/comb, picture frame), porcelain figures or dishes.

JCWhitey · November 2014

Aeml1985 said:

$10 as a gift?! Man I've been doing it wrong. We've given Tiffany's silver or porcelain piggy banks. As an infant we got gold jewelry, silver items (brush/comb, picture frame), porcelain figures or dishes.

May be I'm the one doing it wrong! Those are.... Some gifts. I must have been born into the wrong family.

But if you want to see a culture that really goes all out for religious celebrations live with a Jewish family in upstate New York for three months. I felt like we were celebrating something every weekend and gifts were $100 on average for a baby! It was quite the culture shock even from a Catholic's point of view.

ngolimento · November 2014

cabauer9 said:

wonknessmonster said:
Yes, what @Peledreamsofrain‌ said. I didn't mean to insult, but if someone in our church did throw a party like that everyone would be confused. Conservative Lutherans are crazy conservative in lots of ways, but especially in public expressions of faith. There is a kind of very quiet participation that is expected. No clapping in church etc., no spontaneous public prayer. It is always good to learn about other denominations and faiths. So, thanks for explaining @JCWhitey‌.
I'm Lutheran and we will have a small get together at out house after the baptism. It'll be our parents, siblings and a few friends. But everything else you said is true for us too.

There is a very big devision in the Lutheran church between Conservative and what I call 'typical' Lutherans. Conservatives are small in number because they are so old school and dedicated to a very spartan approach to service (no modern music, no parties/gift giving, etc). The more common Lutheran church is much more progressive and open to the influence of other denominations.

I personally left the church a long time ago because I'm as non-conservative as it gets. I haven't tried a more progressive church, but I imagine they are more similar to other denominations than not.

almeyer2013 · November 2014

I know I will find out about this later, but what goes into a baptism in the Catholic Church? Are parties required? Do the God parents have to be catholic?
I am joining the church this year, and taking classes, but just wondering what all goes into a baptism for a baby.

bwftw · November 2014

Peledreamsofrain said:

cabauer9 said:

wonknessmonster said:
Yes, what @Peledreamsofrain‌ said. I didn't mean to insult, but if someone in our church did throw a party like that everyone would be confused. Conservative Lutherans are crazy conservative in lots of ways, but especially in public expressions of faith. There is a kind of very quiet participation that is expected. No clapping in church etc., no spontaneous public prayer. It is always good to learn about other denominations and faiths. So, thanks for explaining @JCWhitey‌.
I'm Lutheran and we will have a small get together at out house after the baptism. It'll be our parents, siblings and a few friends. But everything else you said is true for us too.
There is a very big devision in the Lutheran church between Conservative and what I call 'typical' Lutherans. Conservatives are small in number because they are so old school and dedicated to a very spartan approach to service (no modern music, no parties/gift giving, etc). The more common Lutheran church is much more progressive and open to the influence of other denominations.

I personally left the church a long time ago because I'm as non-conservative as it gets. I haven't tried a more progressive church, but I imagine they are more similar to other denominations than not.

Oh, I'm well aware of the different sects of the Lutheran church, I work for mine. I was just giving an example of the fact that it's not weird to all Lutherans that there would be a party.

djoliet · November 2014

@almeyer2013‌ I think different Catholic churches may have different rules. When I decided to baptize my son I had to go to the church office and register my son for Baptism, register as members of the church, and paid a $5 fee. My church requires you to be a member for 2 months minimum and you must attend Mass every Sunday for a month. I was given a little card I had to get signed by the Father or Deacon every Sunday. Last Saturday I met with the Deacon to go over paperwork and give him my choices for godparents and picked the date he will be baptized, which is 2 weeks from Sunday. My church requires that godparents either be a married couple who both have had their confirmation and are married through the Catholic Church. If you're picking people who are not married, it has to be a male and female who have made confirmation. Sadly most of the people I know around my age and I'd considered for godparents are not confirmed (myself included in that). His dad and I decided to pick his parents as godparents.

I'd suggest calling your church and they can give you all the info

almeyer2013 · November 2014

@djoliet‌ thank you for the input!! Thankfully my bil and sil were married in a loong catholic ceremony, so I think we are covered as far as God parents go.

JCWhitey · November 2014

almeyer2013 said:

I know I will find out about this later, but what goes into a baptism in the Catholic Church? Are parties required? Do the God parents have to be catholic? I am joining the church this year, and taking classes, but just wondering what all goes into a baptism for a baby.

For us to do it in the Catholic church we needed to be members of one and both Godparents had to be Catholic. We wanted my brother and SIL to be the godparents, but my SIL is a Lutheran minister, not Catholic. We also did not belong to the Catholic church we wanted to Baptize him in. After facing one too many obstacles I opted to Baptize him at my brother and SIL's church and we have actually since stopped going to the Catholic church. Not over just that, but it was around that time so sort of the final straw.

As for a party, it's not required! If you don't make it an invitation event and only have the Godparents and other immediate family members you don't have to do anything. But if you invite people to the Baptism they will likely be expecting something to happen afterward, and etiquette dictates you provide food of some sort since it's over a usual meal time, and especially if people come from out of town. Typically Catholics do invite others to the Baptism and have a brunch-like party after. But you don't have to!

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