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June 2015 Moms
Kalynn85
member
*Venting* need opinion! BADLY! *Update*
Kalynn85
member
I have an SS, he isn't the issue... However, my MIL is! She shared the story how she got to be in the room of every grandchild, but him.
She informed me if I got pregnant that she WILL be in the room. I didn't say anything because I was just listening. Nobody knows yet that I am pregnant on DH side, today when she called she went on about SS mother not allowing her in the room again. I said it was her right, and she should just respect it.
She went on to say "It is my right, and if your mom can be there, then so should I." I told DH, and he said we will ask the doctor and nurses to tell her.
I however feel like it's a bit early to even speak about this. However, she has really put a damper on sharing our news at Thanksgiving. How would any of you deal with this?
*UPDATE*
On my lunch she calles yelling at me for hurting her feelings, and telling my DH I didn't want her in the room when I give birth.
She said DH said he didn't want her in the room or hospital, and she is causing stress that is unwanted. She however said it must have been really me speaking.
I flat out told her today, I am not comfortable nor will I ever be comfortable with her in the room. I told her my mother wasn't going to be there and she said "You are heartless to exclude us! You are NOT welcomed to the holiday's."
She hang-up and called DH, and repeated what she said. He told her he never planned to come home anyway. She has the whole family stressed, because once DH decides it. Well... it's over and done with. I thank you all for the help, and hopefully she understands now that we aren't kidding.
She informed me if I got pregnant that she WILL be in the room. I didn't say anything because I was just listening. Nobody knows yet that I am pregnant on DH side, today when she called she went on about SS mother not allowing her in the room again. I said it was her right, and she should just respect it.
She went on to say "It is my right, and if your mom can be there, then so should I." I told DH, and he said we will ask the doctor and nurses to tell her.
I however feel like it's a bit early to even speak about this. However, she has really put a damper on sharing our news at Thanksgiving. How would any of you deal with this?
*UPDATE*
On my lunch she calles yelling at me for hurting her feelings, and telling my DH I didn't want her in the room when I give birth.
She said DH said he didn't want her in the room or hospital, and she is causing stress that is unwanted. She however said it must have been really me speaking.
I flat out told her today, I am not comfortable nor will I ever be comfortable with her in the room. I told her my mother wasn't going to be there and she said "You are heartless to exclude us! You are NOT welcomed to the holiday's."
She hang-up and called DH, and repeated what she said. He told her he never planned to come home anyway. She has the whole family stressed, because once DH decides it. Well... it's over and done with. I thank you all for the help, and hopefully she understands now that we aren't kidding.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: *Venting* need opinion! BADLY! *Update*
I however know DH will say it's mean, as she has made him feel bad about not being there for SS.
I had no desire for anyone but H to be in the room when DS was born, but no one had that expectation anyway.
BFP #1 05/19/14, EDD 01/19/15, MMC 06/12/14
BFP #2 10/10/14, EDD 06/19/15
My MIL was all butthurt BC she wasn't in the room with DD, but my mom was. She can continue to be mad about it. It doesn't make her love DD any less, and she'll let it go eventually. She's only making her own life miserable by holding on to that.
Just know that you're decision is not wrong, so don't act like it is. "Sorry you feel that way, MIL, but the answer is still no. Move along"
The hospital I am going to will respect the wishes of the mother and Doctor because some are not comfortable with a lot of people in the room. You could say your hospital or Doctor only allows you to have so many support people. Or just be honest and tell her your labor and delivery plan and let her know she is invited to visit the baby after delivery. I will only be having my husband in the room with me during delivery, and I love my Mom to the moon and back, but you only get those first moments with your baby once and it should be how you want it. Regardless of how she reacts to this news don't let it dampen your mood and excitement about your pregnancy. Your little miracle is reason enough to ignore any negative feedback.
Good luck and hopefully Thanksgiving can just be a celebration of your pregnancy and not a discussion of birth plan. Also congrats!
It's also incredibly early and I hope MIL doesn't discuss this with you too much yet. Good luck, and stick to what you want.
This. Exactly.
Baby 1 - November 2009
*loss* - March 2010
Baby 2 - January 2011
Baby 3 - June 2015
Baby 4 - April 2017
Baby 5 - May 2019
Agree with everyone else... but I also think your DH needs to step up in a BIG way here....she has zero "rights" to being anywhere near your vagina while you're squeezing out a watermelon.
My mother won't be coming, my brother and SIL were going to come. Let me add not in the room just hospital.(something that has been planned as early married people agree on).
We can have 2 other's besides DH and I in the room, my MIL is an hour away.....She is always inviting herself down as it is.
Her behavior has only become intrusive recently, before we married she loved me and never talked about any of this. Now, it's always about babies and what she expects of me.
My mother doesn't even act like this, and I explained to her again this evening I do not want to speak about HEX. So, she isn't talking to me because "I am just not the healthy support." Which is fine! It buys me a week before she is back on her bs.
I can't believe she's expect to be in the room. No way I'd let my MIL. I'd let all of you before I'd let her. Ha!!
The nurses are really good. Just tell them your wishes, and they'll make it happen. Trust me, they don't mind doing the dirty work!
GL! We were in the opposite situation where I wanted my mom there (mil wasn't on the table) and dh didn't. It was a big issue and we ended up not having her there. I still wish she had been able to come too tbh.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
BFP#2: 10/4/14 EDD: 6/7/15 DD born 6/4/15💕
BFP#3: 12/24/19 EDD: 9/6/20
Me (31) Him (31)
Married: 5/2013
CP: 9/18/14 (4w:4d)
BFP: 10/16/14 EDD: 6/21/15
I do wholeheartedly agree that your DH needs to step up in this respect.
Plus, if you all have it out now about the delivery room (if she brings it up again) then she has time to get over it before your big, pregnant, and cranky. Or already in the delivery room!
My own mother is overbearing so it'll just be me and H. No one else, please. Ick.
Proud Mama to cleft cutie
BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14
I am starting to believe HEX, was smart to put her in the parenting plan. She has complete control over her girls (2). However she can't control her son that way, because of the military.
I will tell her honestly that I am not comfortable, nor will I ever be. She has no right just as my mother doesn't. If she keeps up her antics, I won't even tell her the supposed due date.