When people say things...

emilycatlady · October 2014

*pregnancy mentioned*

I posted a status on facebook about having really strange, odd dreams lately.

My very fertile cousin comments and says "I did too when I was pregnant..." with heavy suggestiveness.
I say I'm not pregnant so she says "haha

" which I suppose was just something to reply, like how people use lol, not really laughing out loud. Just something to say

SO THEN my partner comments "I don't see the humour in that"
he's clearly annoyed but I don't think she meant to be rude. Even so, I sort of feel like my whole day is ruined...

People often ask me when I'm having a baby or make pregnancy remarks. I don't want to have to "inform" everyone of our situation but I don't want people to think its okay to just say things like that either.

Anyone had similar experiences?

Ann612 · October 2014

That is such a touch spot to be in. If it is someone I am close with, I'd probably take the route of a private email or call saying you'd rather she not make the pregnancy remarks. Otherwise I would probably just chalk it up to them being an idiot when it comes to that stuff, and try to ignore it (unless it became a regular thing of course).

Either way, I'd probably delete the comment from my FB.

amberwitzer · October 2014

Absolutely. Sometimes it really gets under my skin. There are a lot of people in my family whose story is "oops we're pregnant" and I tend to react poorly to that. I think that it's worth taking into consideration that in general people do not know how to discuss this issue appropriately. Which sucks. A lot. However I try to take a deep breath and find support from people who get it (DH, this lovely online community:-) ) and change the subject with those who don't have support to give.

emilycatlady · October 2014

"Oops" pregnancies are so common in my family!
This particular cousin was a heavily drinker, always at parties and clubs and slept around a bit and suddenly she's pregnant engaged and they bought a house together. Now she has two children under 3 and her life is exactly what I want mine to be. People just don't get that not everyone is a fertile myrtle.

wifeofafarmer · October 2014

I actually had this happen to me on Tuesday. I was visiting my old boss & we got to talking with another girl who works there. I mentioned my really weird dreams & the other girl just know I was pregnant. Wanted to take me so I "could pee on a stick". Uh, no. I just laughed & said I promise I'm not multiple times & then switched subjects. Dealing with it over the Internet makes it harder since you can't hear inflection in voices or read facial expressions. You could delete it but some people might think you're hiding something or just laugh it off & say "well let's see if I have the same dreams if I eat {insert spicy or weird food combo here} again tonight." It's defusing the situation without just denying it. Hopefully she will get the hint. Sorry.

mharnicker · October 2014

I had to delete my FB. It was too hard to bear seeing pregnancies and people hinting around. Out of sight out of mind for me.

BunnyBerry · October 2014

So sorry, that sounds like a frustrating experience!

First year teaching, a 4th grade boy asked me if I'm pregnant - no, I was just sitting/leaning forward to read you all a story and that's a normal tummy!!

My mom used to constantly give me that "look" if I said anything about feeling sick, healthy, bad, good - apparently it all meant I might be pregnant. Recently in the middle of an ongoing conversation in a public place I said, "Oh I have some good news!" Who would suddenly remember to announce a pregnancy like that? But she gave me *that look* so hard that I had to say, "I'm not pregnant..." and then go on with it.

But for the first year or two of TTC, I was probably the one hinting/imagining most that I must be pregnant. Kind of silly.

elucas2011 · October 2014

I have had that happen to a few times. I was sick a few months back due to allergies/sinus and made a comment that I hadn't felt good all week. A few people automatically assumed I was a pregnant. Like really?? You idiot. And I cannot count how many times someone has asked me when we are going to have children. I always want to tell them that it's really none of the dang business. We only decided to tell a few close friends and our immediate family about our situation. It is difficult when you run into situations with people who have no idea what you are going through. Some, really mean no harm, but have no idea how their words can just rip you apart.

RositaRae · October 2014

mharnicker said:
I had to delete my FB. It was too hard to bear seeing pregnancies and people hinting around. Out of sight out of mind for me.

I uninstalled facebook from my phone too. It has turned into babybook amongst my friends

LAO12 · October 2014

I too have had to hide facebook friends so I don't see their news feed. I just get so sad when I see all of these couples having kids - especially honeymoon babies!

My patients ask me all the time when I am going to have babies. I have been with the same patients for over two years and they all know that I am married. I just say, I have babies .. but they have 4 legs and are furry. I am more direct with family (who doesn't know my situation) and just say "well it is alot harder than many would think". They then give me that sad look and never bring it up again. But the comments about not getting any younger or so in so wants little friends to play with are getting annoying. I tend not to comment on FB anymore about how I am feeling because I am tired of "you might be pregnant" comments.

mrskimmell · October 2014

We are still DEEP in the TTC closet, let alone the 3TC. It sucks when my mom asks, when is she getting a grandbaby, when will I make her a grandma. Same with the husbands family. At this point I honestly just try to joke along with them. It's easier to do it than talk about what's really going on. I don't even have a firm grasp on what's going on so how can I tell any one else. I just honestly bite the bullet. It's probably not the healthiest thing to do, and everyone's situation is different. For us, at this time I feel it's the best option. =[ doesn't' make it any easier though. I'm sorry, I know it's touchy subject.

When people say things...

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