Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Will you teach your kids to fight back?

Has this bully video been discussed? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aRIN5eTRoA

I plan on teaching my kids to stick up for themselves. I'm a-ok with fighting BACK, not starting a fight.

Discuss. (sorry if it's already been posted, link me if it has!) 

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Re: Will you teach your kids to fight back?

  • i haven't seen or watched (blocked at work) the video but i will def be teaching my child to stick up for herself. ita with your statement about fighting back if need be.
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  • I have a hard time even thinking hypothetically what I will do if my child encounters significant bullying (i.e, a talk with the teacher/principle/parents wouldn't solve it)

    Do I want him to physically fight back? No. IMO, it's like telling them that fighting is wrong, but it's okay if you're provoked. At the same time, I know that being provoked and taking the high road in doing nothing other than telling the appropriate adults will most likely not do anything, and lead to even more hurtful situations in the name calling department.

    I think that there are other ways to stand up for yourself than resorting to playing at the bully's level.

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  • I'll teach him to never hit first, but if someone hits you, you hit them back twice as hard.
  • imageCassie730:

    Is this the Casey video? I posted that one last week if is and most people seemed to agree that the entire situation is sad. Me and DH are torn on this issue. He was bullied as a child and I wasn't so we have slightly differing view points. I can't really make the same decision as he did because I'm not coming from a place where I've "been there". On one hand I don't want my child to ever think violence is the answer to any problems in life. I feel like most of my view points on spanking, etc. stem from the violence I encountered as a child and I'm just not OK with that.

    I do, however, believe that SELF DEFENSE and purposeful violence are two different stories. DH is a hunter and we own a gun. And would I shoot someone who came into my house if I felt my child was being threatened? You're goddamn right I would. Self defense and using force to get your point across are two different things.

    I'm torn...and curious to see the POV's on this.

    I would try to make it clear that it is okay in a self-defense situation, but not necessarily in response to bullying that doesn't put them in physical danger.

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  •  I haven't seen the video yet, but I believe in teaching my kids what's appropriate for their age. 

    Big DD is 6 and is getting into the age of teasing and 'we're not friends anymore!'.  Right now she is learning to talk it out and use her words to express what she's feeling.  If that doesn't work (especially when boys are teasing) she's learned to ignore and walk away.  Her school also uses the TILT system (Talk it out, Ignore, Leave, Tell an adult). 

    She's never had to 'fight back' but the whole family takes self defense classes together and she knows that what a big responsibility that knowledge is.  I'm okay with defending, not fighting.

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  • imageBashert628:
    I'll teach him to never hit first, but if someone hits you, you hit them back twice as hard.

    Absolutely this!

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  • I was bullied pretty badly as a kid.  Like, to the point of physical violence and I was NEVER told to "hit back twice as hard".  The way I see it, telling a kid that just perpetuates violence, like "It's not okay to hit, but if someone makes you mad, go for it!" kind of thinking.

    My child will learn that it is NEVER okay to hit.  (I agree though that self defense and purposeful violence are two different things).  I will teach her other ways of handling her problems.

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  • imageDreamsicle23:

    imageBashert628:
    I'll teach him to never hit first, but if someone hits you, you hit them back twice as hard.

    Absolutely this!

    If we are all on the school aged children board, let me know how this goes.

  • imageBashert628:
    I'll teach him to never hit first, but if someone hits you, you hit them back twice as hard.

    Totally agree.

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  • I was taught to stick up for myself.  If that meant throwing a punch, so be it.  My Dad sat my older sisters and myself down right before we all went to school for the first time.  He told us that he didn't want us coming home from school and telling him and Mom that we were being bullied.  He explained that if we were being bullied, it was because we were allowing someone to bully us.  Dad said that he would never call another parent on my behalf or talk to the teacher.  I'd have to step up and take care of the situation myself.  That didn't mean he'd condone instigating fights though.  I intend to teach my daughter the same thing.

    And BTW, the only fist fight I was in was when I was a freshman in HS.  I got in a fight with one of the sophomore boys.  He'd grabbed the arm of one of my friends and hurt her.  I'd had enough of his crap and we got in a fight.  He tried like the devil to land punches on me but he didn't land one.  I landed two good ones - one to his left eye and one on his nose.  Then he ran away and hid in the boys locker room.  He didn't give me or my friend any more crap the 3 years we had left of school together.

  • At this age, obviously not.  As the boys gets older, I don't want them to think violence is the answer but I also don't want them to be on the receiving end of physical violence and feel they aren't allowed to defend themselves.  I will definitely teach them not to hit first, but I have a hard time with "turn the other cheek" when someone's beating the crap out of you, kwim?
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  • imageemily0829:

    I have a hard time even thinking hypothetically what I will do if my child encounters significant bullying (i.e, a talk with the teacher/principle/parents wouldn't solve it)

    Do I want him to physically fight back? No. IMO, it's like telling them that fighting is wrong, but it's okay if you're provoked. At the same time, I know that being provoked and taking the high road in doing nothing other than telling the appropriate adults will most likely not do anything, and lead to even more hurtful situations in the name calling department.

    I think that there are other ways to stand up for yourself than resorting to playing at the bully's level.

    This to me sounds like you will teach your kids to just stand there and let themselves get beat up. Or run away. I'm not ok with either of those options for my kid. If someone is beating him up (as in the video), I want him to fight back with force (as is also in the video). We plan on enrolling Reece in karate, which will both teach him how to fight and have self control. 

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  • imageCassie730:

    Is this the Casey video? I posted that one last week if is and most people seemed to agree that the entire situation is sad. Me and DH are torn on this issue. He was bullied as a child and I wasn't so we have slightly differing view points. I can't really make the same decision as he did because I'm not coming from a place where I've "been there". On one hand I don't want my child to ever think violence is the answer to any problems in life. I feel like most of my view points on spanking, etc. stem from the violence I encountered as a child and I'm just not OK with that.

    I do, however, believe that SELF DEFENSE and purposeful violence are two different stories. DH is a hunter and we own a gun. And would I shoot someone who came into my house if I felt my child was being threatened? You're goddamn right I would. Self defense and using force to get your point across are two different things.

    I'm torn...and curious to see the POV's on this.

    Yes! Sorry, I'm not always on a lot, so I must have missed it. 

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  • imagebakedlaurabean:
    imageemily0829:

    I have a hard time even thinking hypothetically what I will do if my child encounters significant bullying (i.e, a talk with the teacher/principle/parents wouldn't solve it)

    Do I want him to physically fight back? No. IMO, it's like telling them that fighting is wrong, but it's okay if you're provoked. At the same time, I know that being provoked and taking the high road in doing nothing other than telling the appropriate adults will most likely not do anything, and lead to even more hurtful situations in the name calling department.

    I think that there are other ways to stand up for yourself than resorting to playing at the bully's level.

    This to me sounds like you will teach your kids to just stand there and let themselves get beat up. Or run away. I'm not ok with either of those options for my kid. If someone is beating him up (as in the video), I want him to fight back with force (as is also in the video). We plan on enrolling Reece in karate, which will both teach him how to fight and have self control. 

    I have a hard time knowing that kids are taught to fight.  They will learn it, but let it be from their older siblings or friends.  Karate is not about fighting, it is self-defense, period.  Everything taught in karate is defense, every punch, kick, block, hit is intended to disarm and defend.  I think parents need to be very clear to their children if they are okay with fighting or ok with defending as the two are very different.

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  • imageCassie730:
    imagebakedlaurabean:
    imageemily0829:
      

     

    Other parents have brought up the main issue with this video that I hadn't though about. If that child had landed a couple of feet to the side on the curb the wrong way he could have been paralyzed or dead.

    There is a difference between using necessary force and violence.

    In Casey's situation a shove to the ground or a punch back may have done the trick.

    I certainly think Casey will suffer the emotional implications of the daily ridicule he is recieving far after the bruise on the bully's behind has deminished. But you have to wonder "what if" this situation had gotten more out of control. Isn't there a better way to teach our children?

    Yes

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  • I am fine with teaching my kids to defend themselves but frankly watching this video it went well beyond self defense.  Yes the kid bullying him is a jerk who probably deserves a good punch or two.  But we arent talking a punch we are talking a full on body slam, like pro wrestler style.  That is not ok.  He could have killed the other kid.  Not an appropriate level of response for the situation he was in. 

    As to the poster who's dad told her not to come home crying about bullying that will NEVER be my response.  That may have worked for her but if your kid is really being bullied day in and day out and you tell them you dont want to hear about it you are setting them up to take drastic measures to resolve the situation (hurting the other kid severely or killing themselves because they feel like they have no options and no one to talk to). 

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  • imageCassie730:
    imagebakedlaurabean:
    imageemily0829:

    I have a hard time even thinking hypothetically what I will do if my child encounters significant bullying (i.e, a talk with the teacher/principle/parents wouldn't solve it)

    Do I want him to physically fight back? No. IMO, it's like telling them that fighting is wrong, but it's okay if you're provoked. At the same time, I know that being provoked and taking the high road in doing nothing other than telling the appropriate adults will most likely not do anything, and lead to even more hurtful situations in the name calling department.

    I think that there are other ways to stand up for yourself than resorting to playing at the bully's level.

    This to me sounds like you will teach your kids to just stand there and let themselves get beat up. Or run away. I'm not ok with either of those options for my kid. If someone is beating him up (as in the video), I want him to fight back with force (as is also in the video). We plan on enrolling Reece in karate, which will both teach him how to fight and have self control. 

    Other parents have brought up the main issue with this video that I hadn't though about. If that child had landed a couple of feet to the side on the curb the wrong way he could have been paralyzed or dead.

    There is a difference between using necessary force and violence.

    In Casey's situation a shove to the ground or a punch back may have done the trick.

    I certainly think Casey will suffer the emotional implications of the daily ridicule he is recieving far after the bruise on the bully's behind has deminished. But you have to wonder "what if" this situation had gotten more out of control. Isn't there a better way to teach our children?

    This is a good point. If Casey had been taught to stand up for himself from the get to, he probably wouldn't have resorted to what he did. That's what I hope to do for my children. 

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  • imagePrimReaper:
    imagebakedlaurabean:
    imageemily0829:

    I have a hard time even thinking hypothetically what I will do if my child encounters significant bullying (i.e, a talk with the teacher/principle/parents wouldn't solve it)

    Do I want him to physically fight back? No. IMO, it's like telling them that fighting is wrong, but it's okay if you're provoked. At the same time, I know that being provoked and taking the high road in doing nothing other than telling the appropriate adults will most likely not do anything, and lead to even more hurtful situations in the name calling department.

    I think that there are other ways to stand up for yourself than resorting to playing at the bully's level.

    This to me sounds like you will teach your kids to just stand there and let themselves get beat up. Or run away. I'm not ok with either of those options for my kid. If someone is beating him up (as in the video), I want him to fight back with force (as is also in the video). We plan on enrolling Reece in karate, which will both teach him how to fight and have self control. 

    I have a hard time knowing that kids are taught to fight.  They will learn it, but let it be from their older siblings or friends.  Karate is not about fighting, it is self-defense, period.  Everything taught in karate is defense, every punch, kick, block, hit is intended to disarm and defend.  I think parents need to be very clear to their children if they are okay with fighting or ok with defending as the two are very different.

    Which is why I want my kid to learn it..... So he can defend himself. I'm not really seeing the difference. Karate moves are to defend, but you can also do some damage with them. So I want my kid to be able to defend himself/fight back.  

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  • imagenumeria11:

    I am fine with teaching my kids to defend themselves but frankly watching this video it went well beyond self defense.  Yes the kid bullying him is a jerk who probably deserves a good punch or two.  But we arent talking a punch we are talking a full on body slam, like pro wrestler style.  That is not ok.  He could have killed the other kid.  Not an appropriate level of response for the situation he was in. 

    As to the poster who's dad told her not to come home crying about bullying that will NEVER be my response.  That may have worked for her but if your kid is really being bullied day in and day out and you tell them you dont want to hear about it you are setting them up to take drastic measures to resolve the situation (hurting the other kid severely or killing themselves because they feel like they have no options and no one to talk to). 

    I'm the poster and this is exactly not what my Dad was talking about.  He meant for me to handle things with the bully myself - to stand up for myself and defend myself.  Bullies thrive on reactions and by defending yourself, you take away their anticipated reaction.  If the victim stands up for themself, then the bullying won't continue day in and day out.

  • imagebakedlaurabean:
    imageemily0829:

    I have a hard time even thinking hypothetically what I will do if my child encounters significant bullying (i.e, a talk with the teacher/principle/parents wouldn't solve it)

    Do I want him to physically fight back? No. IMO, it's like telling them that fighting is wrong, but it's okay if you're provoked. At the same time, I know that being provoked and taking the high road in doing nothing other than telling the appropriate adults will most likely not do anything, and lead to even more hurtful situations in the name calling department.

    I think that there are other ways to stand up for yourself than resorting to playing at the bully's level.

    This to me sounds like you will teach your kids to just stand there and let themselves get beat up. Or run away. I'm not ok with either of those options for my kid. If someone is beating him up (as in the video), I want him to fight back with force (as is also in the video). We plan on enrolling Reece in karate, which will both teach him how to fight and have self control. 

    I will clarify--- self defense is different than simply fighting back against bullying. As I said in the post above, bullying is so much more than being hit. You can be bullied but never be hit. If someone, or multiple kids, are flat out beating on Max, no amount of what I teach him is going to have him lay there and take it. That's not going to be human nature for him, or for anyone. I expect him to use enough force to get away, and I expect that the incident would be reported and we'd deal with it at that time.

  • imageMarc's Mrs.:
    imagenumeria11:

    I am fine with teaching my kids to defend themselves but frankly watching this video it went well beyond self defense.  Yes the kid bullying him is a jerk who probably deserves a good punch or two.  But we arent talking a punch we are talking a full on body slam, like pro wrestler style.  That is not ok.  He could have killed the other kid.  Not an appropriate level of response for the situation he was in. 

    As to the poster who's dad told her not to come home crying about bullying that will NEVER be my response.  That may have worked for her but if your kid is really being bullied day in and day out and you tell them you dont want to hear about it you are setting them up to take drastic measures to resolve the situation (hurting the other kid severely or killing themselves because they feel like they have no options and no one to talk to). 

    I'm the poster and this is exactly not what my Dad was talking about.  He meant for me to handle things with the bully myself - to stand up for myself and defend myself.  Bullies thrive on reactions and by defending yourself, you take away their anticipated reaction.  If the victim stands up for themself, then the bullying won't continue day in and day out.

    This is not always true.  In my case, I was bullied by two boys in my class.  Taunted, called names, verbally degraded, and physically assualted, nearly every day.  I talked to teachers, principles, lunch monitors, my parents, any and everyone who would listen, I told, and no one was able to make it stop.  I stood up for myself on many occasions (verbally).  I was taught by my parents to have confidence and to know that this bullying treatment was NOT about me/my shortcomings, but instead was about the boys and their own issues.  So I felt very confident and spoke up for myslef ALOT....but the bullying continued.  All the way through 5th grade.  When we finally got to middle school and weren't in the same classes anymore, it finally stopped...but it was TORTURE for five years (kindergarten through 5th grade) and absolutely nothing had any affect on these little punks.

    Nowadays the things they did to me would be enough for a parent to press charges of assault and have them sent to juvi...but back then no one thought to do that to heathen children.  You better DAMMN sure believe that if my child is being assaulted and nothing is done about it I WILL call the police and the children and their parents will have to answer for their behavior.  I just hope she never has to go through something that extreme.  I wish I hadn't.

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  • I can't see the video (youtube blocked in China) but I have such a hard time with this issues since I was never bullied.  The thought of someone causing my DD pain (emotional/physical) makes me ill... urgh.

    DH was bullied a lot as a kid, and should DD be bullied I think I would defer to whatever option he thinks is best.  I seriously would have no idea how to handle it.  

    My gut instinct would be to contact the parents of the bully and spay paint 'Parenting Fail' on their house. (Obviously not an appropriate way to deal... but I think I WOULD want to talk to the parents of the bully to see how we could handle the situation as a group...  don't know if this would work or not.)

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  • Yes, Preston will be taught to stand up for himself and very soon will be enrolling in a self defense class (we have two very good friends who are blackbelts and very good instructors).

    Dh has already said that if Preston were to be bullied at any point, that he will go to the principal and/or parent. He would go to the ends of the earth to protect his son (whatever that may be).

    image Preston 10/13/06 - Harrison 04/14/10
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