Friends or family "less than excited"?

lnzu · October 2014

Does anyone else have a friend or family member who is less than excited? How are you dealing?

betsyplunkett12 · October 2014

Yes I has someone who was throroughly not happy for us. At this point, this person is no longer a part of our lives. It's to stressful and frustrating to deal with nonsupporters. I think when there is a life change ( marriage, baby, new job, house) there will be unsupportive people..

tcolston10 · October 2014

My Dh wasn't to thrilled because he is about to be 39. I told him if he didnt get happy I was gonna find a new father of my baby. Lol but he got better about it and now is excited

Tulips114 · October 2014

Not yet because we haven't told many people, but I'm preparing myself for the "3 babies, are you crazy?" reactions.

lnzu · October 2014

@tcolston10‌ my husband is 39, too! He really wanted a baby before 40 so here we are! Haha

kateamart · October 2014

We haven't shared the news with many people yet, although there are definitely a few that I'm cautious about their reactions. I have a good friend who is single (she recently went through a bad break-up), and she has made it pretty clear she's not ready for us to have kids yet. When I told her we were trying she said "are you sure you're ready for that?" I have another friend who has been very vocal about TTC. Another girl in that same group of friends just announced she's pregnant (actually not as far along as we are, but we're keeping it mum). She's was very nervous about sharing this news with the friend who is TTC, so now I have no clue how I'm going to either.

Mama-Bear · October 2014

kateamart said:
I have a good friend who is single (she recently went through a bad break-up), and she has made it pretty clear she's not ready for us to have kids yet.

This just baffles me. Nobody needs to be ready or not ready except the 2 people that will be raising the baby. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this would be a boundary issue for me if anyone told me they weren't ready for DH and I to have a baby.

sugarkissed · October 2014

Nobody knows yet, but I know few people have told us to "wait awhile" before having another one so we'll see how they react.

The first time around a few family members reacted weird... we had a bit of an unsteady lifestyle (I was a flight attendant and DH still works weeks at a time out of town) but once she was born they realized that we were perfectly capable of raising a family.

KJKNAJ · October 2014

Not yet but it'll come I think. Most of my closest mum friends are from when I had my oldest. They all have a 7yr old and a 5yr old (ish) and are wrapped up in grade school homework, Girl Scouts, etc. They make a lot of jokes about how crazy/difficult it would be to go back to the baby stage after all this time. I'm sure I'll get a few funny faces when I announce.

effthisnoise · October 2014

Meh. If anyone is less than excited for us, I don't really care. I doubt that my FIL is very excited since it's still so early, but I know he'll be excited when the baby is born. If any friends aren't happy for us, they've hidden it so far and that's all I need.

sugarkissed · October 2014

@Poohbearlove123 I don't get it either. This was also how we'd planned it and at 21 months apart I don't think it's that crazy at all! I'd rather this than have another baby years from now and feel like a first time mom all over again!

How old is your LO?

bfrank2014 · October 2014

Before I got married my uncle gave me a big talk about waiting to get pregnant.. And we ended up getting pregnant on our honeymoon (it was a planned pregnancy we just didn't know it would be so fast). When he found out he was pretty upset about it but I just told him it wasn't a decision for him it was between my DH and I. I don't understand how people think they have a say on how you live your life? Any way he seems happy for us now! Just took a while to get use to.

KJKNAJ · October 2014

Oh, and I can't wait for the "finally decided to try for that boy, huh?" :-@

willowprincess · October 2014

@sugarkissed I just wanted to share that having them close together is freaking awesome! I love it!

jlarcilla · October 2014

lnzu said:

Does anyone else have a friend or family member who is less than excited? How are you dealing?

We have told our parents and siblings since we were all together for DHs 31st birthday. His father and step mother didn't seem very happy, they gave a fake congrats and moved onto another subject. We didn't even hear from his siblings back about it. Some people are really just a different breed of person. It upset me so very much that they were not excited for us (since its their first grandchild). But the next night, when we told my parents and brother and his mother and step father it was a completely different reaction of joy and excitement and tears. That made up for the night before.

shibby00 · October 2014

I can't wait for all the "but I thought you were done?" Comments. Yeah we thought we were, too. Might as well be happy now!

mamabearMoni · October 2014

Everyone who we are really close to were ecstatic for us

the only ones who weren't were my Dh's step-mom and her kids. The only comment we got from her was "Now I feel so old.." but she always has to be the center of attention so it wasn't surprising. We're still celebrating <:-P

ohiodoxiemama08 · October 2014

I think most of my friends and family will be excited. However, my mom doesn't know yet and keeps telling me "not to be in a rush" to have more kids because she thinks DD will be jealous. She always seems to think any distance less than 3 years apart isn't a good idea. But ours will be almost 2.5 years apart so close enough for me. And regardless, I'm the one raising them so it doesn't matter.

I have a feeling my sister will be less than thrilled. She's 3 years older than me but I had my daughter first which she never came out and said but was obviously very bothered by it. She only saw my DD about 5 times in her 1st year of life and never was into holding her or interacting with her. In her mind she's the oldest and should do everything first. Plus the world kind of revolves around her. But oh well, she has a son now so hopefully she'll be better about it this time around.

I know my best friend and my ILs will be thrilled though. I try really hard not to let other peoples reactions get to me, but obviously it does a little bit. But at the end of the day it's your baby and as long as you and your partner are excited that's what matters.

MandaPanda12 · October 2014

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dozin23 · October 2014

I agree w @betsyplunkett12‌ No longer a part of our lives if they aren't happy for us. It's about us...

brooke1082 · October 2014

My step son is 9 and I know a lot of people have told us that if we had a baby we'd be "starting all over again". Duh. We know and if circumstances were different we would have tried to have them closer in age, but not everything works out the way that would makes sense for others. Too bad! We are happy and haven't told anyone. It's going to be interesting to find out how they feel when they find out we are buying a new house and moving while I'm pregnant too. But people will talk. I think that the majority of people in our life will be happy (we have cut out negative people recently) and, other than family that I cannot avoid, most will be ecstatic! My aunt and grandma tried to tell me that I wasn't really in love with my husband before I married him. I know they will not be happy for me, but they are living together, both single and miserable. I don't talk to them much anymore because they want everyone else to be as miserable as them.

aeseaborne11 · October 2014

We told my in laws who were sorta excited (they already have 6 other grandkids) but my parents were through the roof excited (1st grandchild). My sister tried to be as supportive as possible but she is 3 years older than me, childless, and recently went through a divorce! Completely understandable, time will make it better.

mrsbradshaw80 · October 2014

Similar situation here! I have two awesome stepsons aged 9 and 12 so we were expecting a few comments on the age gap between them and the baby (my first). We told my parents and I laws at the same time at DH 40th birthday party. my parents cried and screamed with joy, but his mother just shrugged and made a comment that she would be more excited if it was her first grand! Umm hello! It's not my parents first grand either as they have 7! It is just a first for me and they are overjoyed for us. A few days later I found that she had been picking with DH about him being an "old dad" and how his son would be in college before the baby was in 5k. I was beyond furious. Long sorry short.. But She hasn't had a positive thing to say since finding out. I hope she gets on board soon because i have no patience right now for unsupportive friends and family.

BaytoSA2013 · October 2014

We've been really lucky in that so far the people that we have told are all ecstatic. We are 36 and 39 with a group of friends who all had kids late so they are ready for us to join the party. We do have one friend who has been dealing with IF for several years now. I told her gently and she is happy for us but I know it breaks her heart a little. they are doing an IVF round right now so we have everything crossed for them that we will get to be pregnant together!

Tulips114 · October 2014

KJKNAJ said:

Oh, and I can't wait for the "finally decided to try for that boy, huh?" :-@

Oh, yea I'm sure we'll get a lot of those types of comments too!

MamaK818 · October 2014

I have a feeling this will happen to us this time because they'll be "so close together"... I'm actually kinda nervous to tell certain people and also dreading all the comments. I already had a comment when I bought my pregnancy tests... the cashier scans them and says, "well that would be close together" (eyes get big and half roll). Thanks for your opinion random stranger.

I'm sorry your lo isn't getting the excitement they deserve!!

BabyLoveOf123 · October 2014

Oh I've had a few "oh" responses. And then they proceed to tell me they will try to be supportive but are not very happy about it. I wasn't aware I needed everyone's input on if I should have another baby or not. So needless to say I've definitely distanced myself from them.

BabyList · October 2014

My dad. We went in vacation with him right after I found out I was pregnant. I told him so he would understand if I wasn't feeling the greatest while we were gone. He didn't tell us congratulations or anything. This is our second child, we are married, have good jobs, etc... He has been kind of cranky about the whole thing.

beattykid · October 2014

My husband's sister in law is going to be pissed. She's a wretched person and part of the reason we are waiting until Christmas if possible. This time I want her to find out in front of everyone so we can watch her squirm. Also, she's an attention whore and she will be pissed when we get more attention than she does. Other than that I don't think anyone will be upset. Last time everyone was awesome except for the evil SIL, but of course we hadn't announced it to everyone yet.

elwing6284 · October 2014

I know my MIL won't be very excited but she wasn't with our daughter either. With our daughter when we told her she had just be diagnosed with a relapse in her cancer and was starting radiation and told me "don't be too disappointed if your miscarry (it was my first ever pregnancy!)" With this one she found out a few months ago that she has relapsed again and is going through chemo so again she is dealing with her own stuff and won't be too excited.

When I told my mom this time she had known we were trying and was very excited, then forgot an hour later and offered me a glass of wine!!

IsadoraB · October 2014

A couple of my friends are less than enthused, but they said they are just sad to lose their drinking buddy for the next year. I offered up my husband's liver in my place, but they said it just wouldn't be the same.

kayladawn91 · October 2014

I won't be surprised if DH's family has some rude comments, but I think that I've pretty much shown them not to mess with me over the past few years. My MIL used to be really rude and comment on every aspect of our life, but she's been better recently. Still, I wouldn't be surprised...

My SIL just had a baby girl about a year ago and when they told DH's family it was a girl, his grandmother actually had the guts to tell them "Oh, but our family doesn't do girls. We like boys better." Seriously, some people in their family have no filter.

sarahmackie · November 2014

I told my oldest brother, his reply was glad it's you and not us.

carolyngrace · November 2014

IsadoraB said:

A couple of my friends are less than enthused, but they said they are just sad to lose their drinking buddy for the next year. I offered up my husband's liver in my place, but they said it just wouldn't be the same.

Things will likely be changing more than just the next year... not that you can't go out after having baby, but it changes things! I remember being dissapointed when my first close friend had a baby too (years ago) because it would change things. And it did, but we're still friends.

sgarmand · November 2014

jlarcilla said:

We have told our parents and siblings since we were all together for DHs 31st birthday. His father and step mother didn't seem very happy, they gave a fake congrats and moved onto another subject. We didn't even hear from his siblings back about it. Some people are really just a different breed of person. It upset me so very much that they were not excited for us (since its their first grandchild). But the next night, when we told my parents and brother and his mother and step father it was a completely different reaction of joy and excitement and tears. That made up for the night before.

We had literally the exact same experience when we told my DH's family this past summer (before I m/c) and it was terrible. We thought they would be ecstatic with it being their first grandchild as well. I cried for days. We're really debating on when/how/if to tell them this time.

Jenbug116 · November 2014

We haven't told many people yet and of those we've told, they are excited. My brother and his wife are probably going to be upset, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to tell them. They basically told us this summer that they're very jealous of us and our family. They've had trouble trying to conceive recently and my SIL is a very competitive person, so my pregnancy won't go over well with them I'm sure.
I know we will get the "trying for a boy?" comments too. Which I find annoying, but whatever I can deal with that.

jcprn · November 2014

We haven't told my in-laws yet. We'll be telling then this week. I think my MIL will be excited about the pregnancy. She's been bugging DH about grandchildren even though we've been trying for years with no success and she always makes a huge deal about how he's her "only son" (cue the drama... even though they are not close at all).

But I'm interested to see how she reacts to our actual baby. She has 2 daughters. The older one had 2 kids first and the younger one has 1 now. I feel as though she has made it clear that her third grandchild is the best child in the world. She has said to me very frankly "I love [the first 2] but there's just something so special about [the third]..." It makes me feel like OK then our child is already second rate and we haven't even had it yet. It makes me not excited to tell her and have her involved.

To be honest there are more reasons to not want her as involved than this reason, it just relates to the topic more. I feel like reading everyone's posts about their MIL makes me feel like they are all the same lol.

erbear84 · November 2014

I have a feeling my good friend isn't the most excited since she's very negative about the fact that she's close to 30 and single while most of her friends are married with kids. The day I was going to tell her about us starting IVF treatments she started going off about how everyone has kids and that's all they want to talk about and she's all alone and I was just like...okay.

I love her dearly (I've known her for 18 years), but if you're THAT unhappy about your life, do something about it, you know?

Mrs Sweet Tea · November 2014

I wasn't there when my BIL was told this time, but last time when we told DH's siblings (in person, we were all on vacation together so they would have picked up on the fact that I wasn't drinking) he didn't even say congratulations or anything actually. I am still angry about it to this day, but I try to be the bigger person and be as cordial as possible to him when I see him just because he is family.

paigehirajeta · November 2014

We just got married and I'm still very young (21) so this wasn't exactly a planned pregnancy. We have told a few of our close friends who are absolutely thrilled, but are very nervous to tell my parents. We don't have the highest paying jobs and pray that this is just all in God's plan for us. Also SIL just found out she was pregnant and is due in January. Nothing like looking like a copy cat. We hope family is excited for us, but we aren't sure. Guess we will break the news around Thanksgiving.