Back from MIA...Need a place to talk

LinziLoo09 · October 2014

So I previously was a fairly regular poster and supporter (up through the end of second tri) but since classes started in August, I have fallen off the planet juggling classes, teaching, dissertation, and three jobs. I apologize for coming back with this big bang, but I don't know where else to turn to for some much needed support right now. I apologize for the wall of text ahead...

I've been awake since 5am and drafting this email since 6am from my bed in L&D ER, where I've been for the past two days. I slipped and fell on my butt before teaching on Thursday, and within minutes blood had soaked through my jeans. I called my husband (who was an hour and a half away because I commute out to teach) and EMS and had a student announce that class would be canceled while I waited outside. I was rushed high priority in the ambulance due to all of the blood, and in the hospital 8 people quickly removed my clothes, attached wires, examined me, asked me questions, and had me sign papers simultaneously. The baby was at least moving the whole time, and her heartbeat has remained good. They gave me steroids just in case we needed a c-section, since she's 34 weeks.

They determined that I had a partial placental abruption from the fall, and an ultrasound confirmed that the blood was still flowing well with my placenta (they couldn't even see the abruption in the scan). But I was contracting (can't feel them though) and still bleeding. After trying a few first measures (fluids and a mild pain killer to relax the uterus), they felt I needed to go on Magnesium to stop the contractions. They were really great in giving us time to make the decision, to call our OB, and to discuss all of the possible options. The Magnesium was not a fun ride, but it stopped the contractions for the 20 hours I was on it. Unfortunately they've come back since I went off, and though I'm not quite spotting enough for it to hit a pad, my urine is very pink with clots.

Anyways, I'm just a ball of anxiety right now. I'm the type that keeps calm during a crisis (my husband actually said he was pissed at me that I wasn't acting more upset when I called him about the bleeding...he didn't mean anything by it; he just freaks out during these sorts of situations). But once things are calm, I definitely want to process them. Unfortunately my husband nears full blown anxiety attacks when I break my calm to talk about my own fears. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this right now. I just want this to heal up and proceed as a normal pregnancy, but we're stuck in a limbo until my symptoms subside. I'm terrified of unforeseen birth defects or developmental issues. And the whole debacle was caused by a seemingly normal fall on my bum. I just needed a place to spew my story and my fears, and I can't imagine a better audience than such a wonderfully awesome group of kickass women, some of who have been here and done this and many more who at least can understand the fear of not knowing. I've missed you guys and appreciate you just for letting me spew my concerns into the void. Thank you.

amedbery · October 2014

Oh my God, I am so sorry. That is absolutely terrifying. I can't imagine how shocked and scared you are right now. I really hope that everything goes well and that you are able to go forward with a normal pregnancy. Sending positive thoughts your way!

kboyet · October 2014

Prayers to you. I'd be scared shitless too! Staying calm is going to be what's best for you and baby but I am sure that is easier said than done. Hopefully DH can take a chill pill because his anxiety isn't helping you I'm sure. Keep us posted.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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Lexxilou1986 · October 2014

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this! Just know my thoughts and prayers are with you for peace and healing, your husband for strength to support you, and your baby that he/she will stay in as long as possible and stay healthy!!

Shortstack06 · October 2014

T&P's!

cassiem51 · October 2014

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. My DH can be like that too, so I know how difficult it is when you just want to vent/talk about your concerns but don't want to risk freaking them out even more. You need to let it out though, don't hold it in and stress yourself out more! Sending T&Ps to all 3 of you.

weezy29 · October 2014

Wow, how scary! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this but glad you are handling it so well. Just remember that DH is probably very scared of losing you and/or the baby. Most men don't deal well in these situations so let him know you understand where he is coming from but his support is most important right now.

While it would be ideal for your baby to cook a while longer, babies do really well born at 34+ weeks. I'll be keeping y'all in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you will keep us updated and that things improve!!!

catyskye11 · October 2014

I am so so sorry you are going through this right now. I can imagine how scary the situation is for you and your husband. Sending you ALL the good thoughts and prayers that everything calms down and your sweet baby stays in as long as possible! Sorry you had to be on the mag, I know how yuck that makes you feel...but glad it did it's job

LinziLoo09 · October 2014

Thank you all so much for your support. It really means a lot to me and has helped calm me down. The doctor this morning was very reassuring, despite a whole new wave of contractions. He's going to consult with our OB at home and either discharge us into a hospital closer to home where my OB can treat me or send me home for bed rest, depending on what my OB would prefer. Fortunately we discovered that our OB is a high risk perinatologist (he operates the midwifery practice we've been using), so we should be well set up when we go home. I'll be going on procardia for a while to try to stop the contractions and bleeding and get me to 37 weeks at least. DH has a new wave of confidence after talking to the doctor lol, so that's helpful too. I'll keep you guys posted, but thank you again for your kindness and support. I've got some bed rest ahead of me, so I anticipate paying it forward on TB with you wonderful ladies though I hope you all enjoy smoother rides than the one I'm on right now! Thanks and hugs back!

BrainCellSup · October 2014

Sorry you had such a scary experience--I'm glad the bleeding didn't end up being something more serious. It sounds like your DH might be hoping you express your fears more, and you need to be able to process this, so maybe try to use your calm in a crisis attitude in how you initiate the conversation. Don't let your fears remain unspoken--I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing here, you could also talk to your ob or the people who cared for you in the hospital about the specific concerns you're having about the baby's condition. Keep us updated! Sending good vibes your way.

path75 · October 2014

So sorry for your experience. Sending thoughts and prayers your way to keep baby cooking a little longer.

kimba1976 · October 2014

Wow, this sounds so scary and shocking. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Sounds like things are maybe settling down a bit though. Please do keep us posted. Fingers crossed baby can hang on for just a few more weeks!

LinziLoo09 · October 2014

@BrainCellSup - I appreciate the advice. I've spoken to him a couple of times during calm moments about some of my anxieties. I have now learned, though, that I need to do that when there's a doctor immediately available to assuage his subsequent anxiety, which will quickly mount to levels far above mine. He was very good, though, when I was freaking out at 3am on night 1 because I was so miserable physically from the Mag, all the tubes hooked to me, insomnia, and 20 hours of starvation (in the case I needed a c-section). With baby-related matters though, he gets really scared.

Talking to the healthcare team has helped a lot as well --- great suggestion! Our nurses have been very attentive and soothing and the doctor has been wonderful. He even got our OB on the phone asap and without us asking when we were discussing tx decisions, so we could talk to someone we trust.

And I highly recommend to anyone in this or any other chaotic hospital situation to take the time (when and if you can) to ask a shit-ton of questions about treatment options. We've felt much better about our decisions after asking: What does it do? Is it necessary? What are the side effects short and long term for me and the baby? What will happen if we won't do it? and What are our other options?

Thank you guys again!

BrideLinds · October 2014

Yikes! That's a scary situation and I'm really sorry it happened to you. I hope that the treatments help get you and baby well enough to go home. Sounds like you are getting some great care at that hospital. Best wishes!

Sweetsix06 · October 2014

Hang in there lady. It sounds like you have a wonderful team taking care of you. As others have said, Children born at 34 weeks do very well, so don't let that scare you. Talk to your DH while you're still in the hospital, that way he can calm his fears by asking the doctor additional questions on the doctor's rounds. You three will be fine. I'll be praying for your family.

aggiejenn37 · October 2014

I'm SO sorry!!!! This sounds so terrifying and I would be the one having massive panic attacks if this were me. Major major kudos to you for keeping your cool and getting yourself and your baby the help you needed. I really hope the bleeding subsides and your baby can continue to develop for a little longer! You are one strong mama, I applaud you.

irish2014 · October 2014

Good luck with such a scary situation, it sounds like you're doing as well as anybody could expect to be doing emotionally, and you've got kickass backup in your medical team. Glad you've found ways to manage DH's anxiety, too.

Maybe make sure you both have your OB's number on speed dial? Might help DH after you are discharged to know that he can call, too, if he has major worries, if you are ok with giving your doc permission to talk to him? I don't know if that would help you at all, just an idea. Stay well mama and keep cooking LO!

BayCamp · October 2014

That is so scary! Glad you're looking at possibly going home. Feel free to vent to us whenever you need. The Bump was the only was I kept my sanity when I was on bedrest.

AllTheTeaInChina · October 2014

Hope you continue to get good news and baby can cook longer. My thoughts are with you and your family.

rshamos · October 2014

I am so sorry. Fortunately there are options and it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so I know that you will do what's best for the baby. Hang in there and keep us posted!

RayRay007 · October 2014

I'm sorry you're going through this but glad things have seemingly stabilized and you and LO are ok for now. You're in the right place and being taken care of. Your LO is 34 weeks and if they had to come now, chances are very good LO will be alright. GL!

CandEChicago · October 2014

So sorry that you are going through this. E sure to talk with your DH since that will be helpful for both of you. If need be do you think he would benefit by taking an anti-anxiety med to take a little of the edge off? (You know him best)

Sending best wishes to you and the LO. Fx.

meanie3 · October 2014

T&Ps for you, your H, & your LO.

Cheekers2010 · October 2014

Oh man, @LinziLoo09‌, that is terrifying! I am so sorry. So glad baby is ok and you're ok. Just hang in there. I am sure that it's just a waiting game now to see how everything will play out. So hard. Big ((hugs)) to you.

allitor12 · October 2014

I'm so sorry. That is such a scary situation. Like PPs have mentioned try to stay calm and know that you are in the best place you can be for you and LO right now. Sending t&ps plus some creepy hugs your way

soulcupcake · October 2014

Wow! So scary! I'm sorry you're going through this. It's so much to take in and a lot of concerns. I hope you can make it to at least 37 weeks! My thoughts are with you and your little one! (((hugs)))

LinziLoo09 · October 2014

Thank you all again --- you're awesome

And the creepier the hugs the better @allitor12

desertsun · October 2014

I'm so glad that you and your LO are a-okay right now. I will keep you both in my thoughts! Please keep us updated.

MrsNash37212 · October 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I can't even imagine how scary it must have been. It sounds like it's all gone as well as possible and you are in good hands. Hopefully it all heals up!

RaeChay · October 2014

Late to the thread- thoughts are with you, I hope you can keep baby safely on the inside til 37 weeks at least.

I'm sorry about your (very) scary ordeal. Has the bleeding quit completely?

Hoping bed rest isn't too uncomfortable.

LinziLoo09 · October 2014

@RaeChay - The procardia seems to be working well -- no contractions since I started taking it this am, and I can continue to take it until I hit 37 weeks, if needed. No more active bleeding since this morning. Just a small clot or two in my urine (which has fortunately returned to it's usual, non-bloody color as well). Things are definitely looking up since my breakdown at 5am!

Now the bedrest...for a workaholic this is going to be some miserable shit!

chicorojo · October 2014

Thoughts and prayers, for you, DH, and LO!

ColeyCannoli · October 2014

SO MANY CREEPY INTERNET HUGS!

Keep us updated!

mcr957 · October 2014

Happy to hear that you and your LO are doing well! Sorry that you're going through this but sending you thoughts and prayers for the duration of your pregnancy!

nesenotes · October 2014

What a scary situation! Hang in there.

LinziLoo09 · October 2014

Had a couple more contractions, so I'm in for another night

Annoying but better safe than sorry. Thanks again for all of your sweet words of encouragement ladies!

RaeChay · October 2014

ah geez. keep us updated.

haloform · October 2014

I'm so sorry you've been dealing with such a scary experience! I'm really glad to hear you have a good doctor to work with, and I hope that things will calm down a little for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and send you positive vibes!