Am I crazy?

cmcintos · October 2014

What's up guys!?! Sorry I've been MIA, we just moved into a new house a few weeks ago, and it's been pretty exhausting/busy! Not to mention we just threw a housewarming party for about 65 people on Sat..... so the prepping/cleaning for that was pretty intense.

Anyways, as I've mentioned before, I'm a wedding photographer, and it's pretty difficult to take time off from my business because of the baby. Not only do brides typically book 1-1.5 years ahead with a signed contract and deposit, but my business is 100% based off of referrals, so taking a year off means basically not working the year after either and killing a lot of future leads. Not to mention that with the new house, there are bills to pay, and babies aren't cheap either.

So my current due date is March 24th. And I have weddings booked Feb 21st, April 18th, and 3 Saturdays in May. Am I crazy to expect to be able to work these? I have a second photographer that works with me, and can bring a 3rd as well if need-be. But I've mentioned this to other parents who told me absolutely not, I must cancel these weddings and there is just no way.

Am I crazy for thinking I am capable? I'd like to breastfeed, so is being away from the baby in the first 2 months just not possible? I'm a FTM so I have nooo idea what to expect. I've heard horror stories about babies not taking from a bottle at all, or babies that take a bottle once and will never breastfeed again...... but is this the norm?

I've gotten though about 20 weddings this summer/fall with intense MS and exhaustion and managed. None of the brides even knew and were shocked to find out after the fact. So am I crazy to think that I'll figure out a way to make it work? Or should I be explaining to the brides the situation and finding alternate arrangements for them? ugh #workingmom

mandi195 · October 2014

I think it's really up to you. If you think you'll be up for it, then I say do it. You can always pump (if that's something you choose to do) while at the wedding, and obviously in advance so their is breast milk for you baby at home. With another photographer there, you should be ok. Also, at this point, I think it would be damaging to your reputation in some ways to cancel on these brides this close to their weddings. I'd suggest maybe reaching out to other photographers who have children to get their input. I work a desk job, so my "work" is much less physically demanding than yours.

stine28 · October 2014

I am a FTM, so you should probably just stop reading right now and ignore my uninformed advice.

But if you are still reading, it seems like the risk of breastfeeding not working out will definitely increase if you cannot EBF. So one question to ask yourself is which you'd rather: risk having to FF after a while, or possible lose some business.

I'm sure many moms will have more to say, but this is my initial instinct.

daizedoo · October 2014

My wedding photographer was heavily pregnant with #2 when we met and hired her. She shot our e-photos weeks after giving birth, and was with me for 10 hours on our wedding day (with her husband as her assistant shooter) a month later. She had no problem at either event, didn't skip a beat, slow down, take a break, etc.

She DID have a clause in the contract that mentioned having another photographer take her place in an emergency. Not sure if what you're worried about constitutes a last minute emergency. I think I would reach out to others in your profession and get their opinion. Based on your schedule, I think you will be fine. You can't predict what will happen or how you will feel.

JenLa21 · October 2014

I don't know, but I'm thinking you should be fine for the may weddings. The only ones I would be nervous about are the one in late feb, and the one in mid April.
I hope you wouldn't go this early, but it's not Impossible to have the baby at 35/36 weeks. Not to mention, you might be feeling very uncomfortable, and be moving very slowly at this point. You may not be able to keep up with the special moments you need to capture.

As for the April one, you should think about the possibility of being 2 week late with baby, and the April wedding is only about a week and a half after that. There's also the possibility of requiring a c section, which would extend your recovery time. So depending on when the first may wedding is, you may want to camel that one as well.

So me personally, I would talk to the brides and grooms, and have some back up photographers to present to them. But I would do it ASAP. As their wedding days get closer, they have a lot of details to work through.

My son was great at nursing and taking the bottle. He was probably a week or so old when we gave him the bottle. We started with just one bottle a day, then two, but I continued to nurse most of the time.

cmcintos · October 2014

@pearsforpoops ya, the plan would be to try and pump enough for my husband to be able to do the feedings while I am away, and I'd try and sneak away a few times at the wedding to pump. And yes, he could possibly bring the baby to me to do feedings in the parking lot and my second shooter could cover. I'd probably bring a 3rd shooter in the mix too, just incase, I wouldn't want to leave the bride stranded.

KayLorraine · October 2014

I'm a photographer as well--although I'm just starting to step into weddings as a second shooter, so I'm not as fulltime as you are, but I totally understand not being able to just take a few months or half a year off.

I would personally not do an April wedding. The February one is pushing it, but if you are able to take breaks often and have back up (and REALLY good shoes

), I think you'd be fine! The April one may be hard to pull off. For me personally I had a really hard time standing up for long periods of time after a vaginal delivery. I remember having to take breaks from doing the dishes because I hurt and was uncomfortable. I did tear, so maybe you will be very lucky and not tear--but you can't count on it. I remember still be in pain 6 weeks out if I stood too long, so I can't imagine being on my feet all day! And if you have a c-section, it's going to take an even longer recovery.

I personally wouldn't be concerned about the baby--just give bottles of expressed milk if you are nursing. I introduced a bottle to my daughter at 2 weeks and she did just fine. Just make sure you introduce it long before you leave for the day.

Are you able to have your second and third shooters take the April wedding and maybe the February while you edit/order prints/deliver the images from those weddings? Or maybe even find another photographer in the area that you could hire in your place per hour while you do all your own work to the images? I know the photographers I work with have a clause in their contract stating that they may get another person to cover the wedding if something major comes up. I wouldn't think you'd lose business from something like this if you had to substitute someone else in your place. If you're confident in your second shooter or in another photographer with a similar style, you can assure them the same quality of work.

Hope you find a solution! I know how stressful stuff like this can be when dealing with clients and your own business reputation. Hang in there

cmcintos · October 2014

Yes, of course I absolutely have emergency/back-up plans in the event that I can't shoot the wedding.

Luckily, Feb and April aren't that busy for many photographers, so I could easily have (and plan to) have a third person come along for the Feb and April weddings, just to be safe.

So yes, if the delivery doesn't go smoothly, or if I'm not feeling up to the Feb or April ones, it's not a problem. The Feb bride already knows that I am pregnant, and that I will try my best to be there, but will leave her in good hands if things don't go the way I plan. I haven't told the April bride yet because my original due date was March 15th, and I thought a month would be plenty to recover and get the baby on a good feeding schedule. The date keeps changing every ultrasound, so hard to know when they'll actually make their appearance!

So I guess my question isn't whether it MAY not be possible. I already know the answer to this. Pf course I may not be able to, and I have to plan for the worst.

My question is "is it possible?" Am I setting myself up for failure and it's 100% not gonna happen? Or are chances high that everything will be ok, and although it won't be easy, it will be doable?

kella0708 · October 2014

As PP said I would be worried about covering these weddings, especially the February and April weddings. I think you should talk to the couples and discuss alternate options that they and you are comfortable with.

Honestly, I was barely up to going out for dinner with H 1 or 2 months after giving birth. I can't imagine being on my feet fo hours, running around after a bride and groom, bridal party, etc.

If you intend to breastfeed you will need a solid plan for pumping. Will there be a private location for your to pump? What if the wedding is outdoors - are you ok pumping in a bathroom? Will the bride and groom be ok with their photographer disappearing every 2 hours for 20-30 minutes? FWIW I have my own office and I still found it difficult some days to pump at my desk job.

I know people pay a lot of money for wedding photographers so be sure you can meet their expectations. Pissing off a bridezilla could be very bad for business.

cmcintos · October 2014

Oh, I'm certainly worried!!!! But then it's sort of hard not to accept the bookings because you never know what's going to happen!!!! It's my business and my livelihood and my passion!

I have a good friend willing to second shoot for me for the March one for sure, possibly the April one too.......she does incredible work and has an amazing personality, so I trust her 110% in being able to deliver a similar product to what I could. And yes, her and my second shooter could do the bulk of the shooting and I could do the editing/albums/client relations type stuff.

So then you all think it's a good idea to tell the April bride that I'm expecting in March? I never know how much info to give potential clients, what is private and none of their business, and what is something I should be open and upfront about, ya know?

I didn't tell any of my brides this past year, and it didn't affect my work at all. I didn't skip a beat, rest, sit down, nothing. Never missed a shoot, no matter how sick I felt. I suffered later on in the night and the next day, being sore and exhausted, but it didn't affect my work as far as they were concerned. Maybe the editing time a bit... but that isn't something they'd even realize.

cmcintos · October 2014

And as far as pumping is concerned, could I just do it in my car, worst case? Or a bathroom? I'm not picky. I've been popping a squat in bushes at current weddings without the bride and groom knowing.... I have no shame. When you gotta go, you gotta go. :P

I probably wouldn't care about having to store it in a fridge either, I'd just pump and dump for the day. And if I did need to store it, that would be something I could call ahead to arrange with the venue/planner, the bride wouldn't even have to be involved. I can't even imagine having to bother her with where I can leave my boob milk on her wedding day. LOL

071115 · October 2014

With my second I bf and she would not take a bottle at all.
That really depends on you, with my first I didn't leave his side for the first 6 months I just couldn't do it. It will defiantly be difficult to do the weddings, but I am sure if that is what you want to do, you will make it work some how some way.

cmcintos · October 2014

OOOohhh the cooler is a good idea! Because I'd still need to get it home from the event!!!

And can you sub in formula if you don't have enough supply stored up, or is that a no-no?

ngolimento · October 2014

cmcintos said:
OOOohhh the cooler is a good idea! Because I'd still need to get it home from the event!!!

And can you sub in formula if you don't have enough supply stored up, or is that a no-no?

Yes you can supplement with formula. Keep in mind though some babies won't switch easily.

klax4 · October 2014

I would probably bring in a third shooter for the February one, cancel the april date and plan on the May ones being a go. That being said, it depends on the delivery/recovery!

cmcintos · October 2014

All of my gear is in a rolley bag. So I don't really have to carry it, and my second shooter has been good about taking it up the stairs or in and out of my car for me. So it's mainly just the camera itself...... and I often use prime lenses which aren't overly bulky or heavy. So I'm not too concerned with the weight. Good point tho!

Mic512 · October 2014

So much hinges on the delivery. I had a planned (breach baby) delivery & by 6 weeks was back to my normal strength & physical routine. That being said I had a very low milk supply, so DS was supplemented with formula from around day 3 through his first year. He went back & forth between nursing & the bottle pretty well. I was told not to drive for 2 weeks post delivery. All of the May weddings call the venues & see if there is a place you can pump, store a small cooler (most pump bags have a cooler section in it), sit when necessary. I would let the April bride know ASAP & leave the decision up to her - if she is ok with waiting until delivery to determine if you will be there great if not have some alternate suggestions for her. I felt great after first tri, until a few days before delivery (feet were really swollen by then) - so the Feb wedding largely depends on you & how you feel.

crunchymamaof2 · October 2014

I had babies on both end of the spectrum in regards to breastfeeding. My first refused to latch and I pumped and used some formula for 8 months. My second started out with bottles due to being in the nicu but started nursing exclusively at 2 months and refused bottles after that. Refused. More than likely your baby will switch just fine, but if breastfeeding is very important to you I'd try not to introduce bottles until breastfeeding is well established, usually around 4-6 weeks. If you plan to pump for these weddings you'll want to start pumping ASAP as it can take a few weeks to build a supply and some moms don't respond well to a pump. I had under supply with my first (didn't start pumping soon enough) and over supply with my second.

As long as you have an emergency backup and at least 1 other shooter I think you'll be fine. I don't know how labor intensive shooting is, but I remember our photographers were able to sit and take breaks. We also didn't do any crazy angles where they had to lie down or get up high. The April wedding g is the only one I'd be cautious about as how your delivery goes will determine what you're able to do.

Eta: if you do choose to use formula while you're working make sure you still pump so you don't lose your supply.

tatilopez · October 2014

I'm a FTM so what do I know about the feeling after birth.... But woman r so much stronger than we give ourselves credit! I agree with what some if the other women have said depending on how delivery goes and how your feeling and your capabilities... Is there some one to watch baby can baby come with??? And if this causes a domino effect for your business it's definitely a tough situation. Who would want to lose good referrals and money??? Then have to rebuild??? But weigh your options. I think you will truly know once baby is here! Your due date is the day after mine! Let's see how were feeling... Can't wait. Good luck on decision making!

cmcintos · October 2014

Thanks everyone! You've been a really big help!!

xoxo

myjessesgirl · October 2014

From the medical side of things, I would say cancel the April wedding. The others are completely doable (with the exception of emergencies like delivering early or needing a C-section). But with a March 24th due date, earliest your doctor would recommend returning to full work would be four to six weeks. Yes, you can probably do it. And many women have and will continue to do it. But if your recovery is fairly normal and you deliver within a week of the 24th, I would think two or three weeks to recover just won't be enough. Remember, large organizations require FMLA of six weeks for just the physical recovery of childbirth, and that is including desk jobs. My two friends who just gave birth are now about 3 or 4 weeks out and I cannot imagine them having the energy to do what you do. Then again, you need to do what you think is right. As long as it is just one day, you may be able to manage. Good luck, whatever you decide!

FrecklesInside · October 2014

There are a lot of assumptions going into this. I know some babies that wouldn't accept the bottle for months and months, some moms unwilling to be away from LO for long after birth (I didn't until 4 months and then only for a few hours), and you're assuming you'll be able to have a place to pump or even the time to pump. What if you're engorged and need relief at a crucial moment in the wedding or reception? BFing is really hard for a lot of women and so are the first few months of life with baby. I would never assume I'd be OK to do a wedding a month after birth. I'm afraid there are a lot of things you might not be taking into consideration. Your baby might refuse formula, refuse the bottle...there is a lot to think about. It isn't as simple as, oh I'll just leave bottles. And there are FEW BFing women who would pump and dump a whole day's worth of milk...that is a silly assumption.

ttc11786 · October 2014

Start bottles right away in the hospital along with nursing that way baby is used to taking bottles as well, and hire a baby nurse if you MUST do the weddings. You will know that your baby is in good hands and if your husband works, he won't have to take off- lots of ppl I know have done it for work purposes and we're thrilled

crunchymamaof2 · October 2014

ttc11786 said:

Start bottles right away in the hospital along with nursing that way baby is used to taking bottles as well, and hire a baby nurse if you MUST do the weddings. You will know that your baby is in good hands and if your husband works, he won't have to take off- lots of ppl I know have done it for work purposes and we're thrilled

Unless she wants to use bottles on a regular basis this is a bad idea. It's hard enough to establish breastfeeding. This will likely complicate it more.

jpavenski · October 2014

I am a photographer but don't do weddings, I know it is an incredibly long day on your feet. I know that I had a pretty good vaginal birth but strained my muscles so bad it took weeks to feel normal so I would prob cancel the April date. You should be good for May & if your able to take breaks & have back up you might be able to get through the February one.

lisap0924 · October 2014

I just got married in May and I know I would have wanted to know ASAP if there was even slight possibility my photographer wasn't going to be able to make my wedding.
You should talk to the Feb and April brides. Let them know and make the decision.
I expected my photographer to be there for ALL crucial moments. What if you need to pump during the first dance? Or you are in so much pain you need a break at cake cutting time?
Or you are so pre-occupied by your baby at home you miss good shots?
My photographer had a second shooter with him, and they were both wondeful, but like I said I expected my "main" photgrapher available for ALL crucial moments.
He was with me for 10 hours

capulet · October 2014

Based on my experience, I would suggest not doing the April wedding. I went a week and a half past my EDD with my first baby (I think my official due date was a little early but I was definitely 41+ weeks), was induced, and ended up with a c/s. So I didn't leave the hospital until 15 days after my EDD. I had what I consider a relatively easy recovery and could move around and do basic tasks, but I wasn't 100% for a few weeks. If you have a c/s it's typical to be under driving and lifting restrictions for a couple of weeks. So you have to allow, in the worst case, a week or two past your EDD and at least two weeks after that to be able to function, which is cutting it really close for a wedding less than a month after your due date and might not be possible when you have to spend all day on your feet and on the ball mentally.

(I want to say also, I went on a road trip a week and a half after DD was born - DH drove - and flew across the country by myself with two kids seven weeks after my second c/s. I am not one to sequester myself in the house for weeks after I have a baby. But I would not commit to anything within a month of my baby's due date that I would feel uncomfortable backing out of.)

As for BFing, it was pretty easy for me but I never got into pumping. If you can have your LO on site and take breaks to nurse it might be doable if all goes well, but that is another thing you can't guarantee. I am chill about nursing but I also feel it's hard to anticipate in those first few weeks how often you'll have to nurse, how long it will take, and how to structure the rest of your life around your baby's needs. Plus even when things go as well as you can hope, having a newborn is just exhausting.

So is it physically possible you can do the wedding? Maybe. But I don't think you would be at your best, and that could be worse for your business in the long run than not doing the wedding at all.

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