I am almost 14 weeks and not going to be able to hide my bump very much longer. DH and I agreed that if IVF ever worked for us, we would be open about it for the sake of those who might still be struggling with IF in the closet, but this only applies for close family and friends (most of which also didn't know while we were going through the process). When neighbors or other semi-/complete strangers ask the "Are they natural question?" or any variation on it ("Do twins run in your family?", etc.), though, I am not comfortable sharing this information. I am wondering how others respond to this question, since I assume I will be getting it a lot in the next little bit as people find out we are expecting. ETA: There are set of twin cousins in DH's family, and most people know nothing about the inheritability of hyperovulation, so I have already said that, even though it is completely dishonest.
Me: 28, DH: 35
DX: Severe MFI, AZFc Microdeletion
TTC since August 2011
IVF w/ ICSI 1: Dec. 2013 - BFN
FET 1.2: Mar. 2014 - BFN
FET 1.3: May 2014 - BFN
FET 1.4: June 2014 - BFP
Two little buns in the oven.
Bake until March 2015, little ones.
"Life will be clearer around me.
Life will be more burdensome for me.
Life will be richer for me."
-Rudolf Steiner
Re: How do you respond to the "Are they natural?" question?
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
It is so weird when people ask this. I mean, I understand what they are asking, and it is weird enough that they are asking such a personal question, but to phrase it like this "are they natural" kind of irritates me sometimes. I mean, what is the alternative to natural? Unnatural? Supernatural? (Sometimes I joke around with people and tell them they are supernatural or I'll tell them that they are actually robots - hahah.)
We did 2 years of IUI and IVF that all failed and then we conceived our girls by accident on one of our resting cycles, so I guess they are 'natural' but even if we had conceived via fertility treatments, I would probably lie most of the time to strangers just to avoid having to talk about it. I was pretty open about my fertility journey and most people who knew me knew about it, but at a certain point, you just don't want to talk about it any more - especially with strangers. So, I would have no problem just saying 'yup they're natural' just to get the conversation over with.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
I have never gotten the are they natural question. That would piss me off royally and I'd probably be too stunned to answer appropriately. But I think "Yes" would be sufficient.
Baby Boy #1 born 1/15/2010
Babies #2 & #3 arriving Spring 2014 (EDD June 18)
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
It depends on who asks how nice I am in my response. My babies were conceived through DEIVF. We don't think it is ANYONES business and innapropriate for them to even ask. If you ask me an inappropriate question you deserve whatever snarky comment or half truth I give back to you.
Do twins fun in the family? (just another way to ask if you did fertility treatments). I say yep. They do technically run on my mothers side so technically not a lie. Sometimes they get pushy and ask "which side" and I say my moms and change the subject.
Are they natural? The rudest of all questions in my opinion! Only one older lady at church asked me this and if it wasn't in front of a group of other people would have lit into her. I am sure the look on my face told her how inappropriate! I smiled and said " of course they were made by God" which I believe. Of course God used a lab, an RE, drugs and an embryologist but she doesn't need to know that.
In the future I am going to say " no they are clingon".
Were you surprised? The answer is yes! I am still in shock I am pregnant much less with twins! a snarky answer would be " well we used the twin position so not really?" I haven't really said that to anyone yet
Did you do fertility treatments? Getting this one from strangers really irritates me! Our close friends and family know our history and struggles and that is how we want to keep it. I sometimes lie and just say "nope" or I will say something generic like "they are my little miracles" and not really answer the question. I can't believe people ask this.
the biggest comments/questions that bother me recently are:
So your going to be done after you have the twins right? my boss even asked me this! It shocks me that people are thinking about my future family planning and reproduction. I don't even respond usually or say "we shall see!"
So your finally catching up to _____? This is when they compare the amount of kids I am having to my sisters or cousins or friends. I actually responded to my aunt and said " I didn't realize it was a race?" I was so irritated.
I know these stupid and intrusive questions will only continue after the babies are born. My friend has spontaneous twins that are now 2 and she said it is never ending.
I admire the ladies on here that are nice and try to educate people, but I just odn't have the patience for that not think it is anyone's business on how my babies are conceived. All that to say share what you want to share and don't feel bad if you don't want to at all!
Me:36 DH:38 TTC#1 since 4/2012
Me DX: Hashimotos,Hypothyroid, DOR, MTHFR, DH: normal
IUI #1-#4 BFNs and a few cancelled cycles in the mix.
- poor responder
***Suprise BFP on 6/13/13. Natural MC @6wks 3days
IVF#1 and 2- Cancelled due to no response on max stimms
FET 5/20- BFP
1st Beta- 641
2nd beta- 2166
Sono- TWINS!!!!
Two Boys! Born January 2015 @36 weeks. Healthy and no NICU! So blessed!
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Only our closest friends know we did IVF. I've considered being more open but neither of us is okay with H's family knowing and I'm also not sure I'm ok with the follow up questions of why, how long did we try, etc.
О Привязать! Z!
#1 BFP 1/10/11; missed m/c discovered 7w5d
IF Dx: Endo, hetero MTHFR mutation, poor morphology
#1 IUI: 1/18/12 = BFN
#1 IVF/ICSI 4/2/12 = 2 x 7-cell and 1 x 5-cell transferred (3dt) = BFP!!
H was born at 41w2d on 12/29/12 - be still my heart!
#2 IVF/ICSI 1/19/14 = 2 x 8 cells transferred (3dt) = BFP!! EDD 10/09/14
M&W born at 37 weeks on 9/18/14 - I am the momma of 3 boys!!!
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
N14 Nov. Siggy: CELEBRATION!
If they ask if I found out early (which can be a thinly veiled attempt at asking about fertility treatments), I say yes but that i wasn't expecting an early u/s.
Some people are direct and I tell them they're spontaneous.
Since I have 3 boys, I also get a lot of "try again for a girl" comments. Haha, no.
Team Purple!!!!
DX: DOR and MFI
IVF w/ICSI brought us our 1st precious miracle
V born via induction 4.29.11
TTC #2: IVF (MDLF) August/September 2012
ER 9/7: 6R, 5M, 4F ET 9/12: 5dt of 2 blasts
+HPT 9/17! Beta #1 (9/25) = 1,000 Beta #2 (9/27) = 1,860 U/S #1 (10/11)...TWINS!
1/8/13 - It's a..boy and a girl!!
S&B born via induction 5.8.13
That being said, it's easy to feel judged. We've suffered years of unexplained infertility, and nothing sucked more than random strangers telling us we better get to it, especially after a miscarriage or asking us when were we going to start a family (as if we as a couple weren't a family). But I think because so many people these days seem to be having fertility treatments that people are simply curious because so many multiples are the result of treatment. It's still rude, but I try and understand why people are crossing what I consider a line amongst strangers.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Trying since Jan 2011. Unexplained IF.
2 IUIs = BFN.
1 IVF (Dec 2013) = BFN.
FET, 2 frosties (June 13, 2014)
14dp5dt-June 27 -BFP, beta 2061. 2nd beta >5000, 3rd beta >5000, 2 sacs 06/30.
Twin Girls - 02/11/15 - at 37 weeks (no NICU, home with me at 3 days).
My husband gets mad if I say they are "natural" :-)
I tell people there are twins in the family, but not close...maternal cousins and my paternal grandmother...
I have a girlfriend who was very open about her IVF and egg donor. And she advised not telling people if I went that route based on how people reacted with her (including her MIL, who kept saying "you can't even tell he's not yours, you're very good with him").
I support motherhood, no matter your journey to arrive there. All babies are natural and thwy do love their mommies :-) Naturally!