DH and I have been married over a year. As we get closer to the point where we will start looking for a house (1br apt right now) we have been having on and off discussions of when/if we want to have kids. I'm still not 100% sold on the idea. All of the cons weigh pretty heavily, and all of the pros I've heard so far are all along the lines of "the babies smile will make you melt", "you will never feel as loved as when you hold him", etc. All mushy gushy stuff. Which is fine, I want that, but I don't know if its worth the trial of pregnancy and labor, the money, the time, the dirty diapers, the fights, the emotional wrecks, etc. I am so in love with DH, and we have 2 dogs to love up on and spoil. I'm wondering if anyone can offer some Pros to having kids?
Re: Pros and Cons
OP, your reasons might be similar to Joy's or anyone else's or you might have reasons all your own. If you're trying to get someone to talk you into it, then it's not for you right now. And if people are trying to talk you into having kids right now, just tell them that you aren't ready yet. And if it's never for you then it's never for you. I absolutely have friends who are CFBC that, even when I talk to them about it, and they're smart people and excellent friends, have never really 'gotten' why H and I are choosing to try (very hard) to have children (that's not to say they don't support us, but there's a 'want' that H and I have that they just don't, and so there's a gap there).
A piece of advice that I read about trying again after a loss is something that makes a lot of sense. You try when the desire outweighs the fear. For me, and H, the desire to raise and mold a member of a new generation in this ever-changing world and grow our family outweighs the fear of all of the other things. The fears still exist, this is just stronger.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
I'm honestly not sure what sort of "pros" you're looking for. Most people who chose to have children do so because like PP said, they want to pass along their knowledge and watch their children learn and grow.
While my child is still a baby, it's been such a joy watching him discover and learn new things daily. Watching him figure out how to roll over, how to wiggle himself around the floor and then learning how to crawl has been so much fun. I love watching him interact with our dog and trying to make him smile and laugh. He has honestly brought a new type happiness into my life. That's not to say that I didn't have happiness in my life pre baby, I absolutely did, but this is just different. I used to look forward to the weekends because it meant staying out late, sleeping in and taking spontaneous trips out of town with my husband. Now I look forward to the weekends because it means I get two entire days to spend with my baby doing whatever it is we feel like doing. My life shifted when I had a baby and I personally couldn't be happier.
So again, not sure what pros you're looking for here. There's not a special life VIP room you suddenly gain access to once you have a child. If having a child isn't something you want now, or ever, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that.
Anyone else's list can't help you. You sound like you're not ready yet. I was 33 when my son was born and had been married for 9.5 years. Now, I am very glad we waited. He is exactly the baby we were meant to have and I wasn't ready earlier.
For me - I never knew I could love someone so incredibly as I love my son (we're one and done). Every day I feel more blessed than I can even put into words just to be his mom. I'm not going to lie - it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't sleep because he doesn't. I did survive colic, which I didn't think I would. I love watching him learn and do new things. Our idea of fun has changed. We were out of town in a hotel. DH was playing with DS in the kiddie pool while I was in the hot tub. I love love love hot tubs. It wasn't fun knowing my boy and husband were having fun splashing around while I sat by myself.
I know people say it, but I never understood it before, but it is more amazing than I could have imagined - for us. Now, I am seriously questioning going back to work. I never understood why people wanted to be SAHM. I worked damn hard for my education and career, but I know I would rather stay home with my boy. I could give it up and be OK with that. It's not that I don't love it anymore, its just that I'd rather be home. (I am pretty sure I'm going back).
B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17
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