TTC After a Loss

Coming back completely heartbroken

Hi ladies,
First, I wanted to thank all of you who were lurking and following along what I've been going through and for your messages, love and support .
For those that don't know, I had had my FET a few weeks ago and ended up with a BFP. My betas looked okay at first, but then dropped. Today, my beta came back at 39. I am honestly devastated and feel like my heart is completely shattered.
 I spent 5 hours in the car crying on Friday when I was driving up to see DH and the beta had dropped to 122, and then got the call today at work and the water works started again. I actually had to leave work because I couldn't hold it together any more. So now I'm sitting with sushi and wine in front of me, and it's not making me feel the least bit better. I just feel completely betrayed by my body.
I know in my heart I'm going to get through this, I just don't know how right now.

I really missed you ladies and this has always been the 'the best place you never want to be', but I was just hoping that our reunion would be on PGAL.
Married 07/2006, TTC since 2010
08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN  ,
10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN

04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN  , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
5/31: Femara 7.5mg --> cancelled cycle, no follies
7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
9/20/14:  Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d 
 
10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
6/21/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
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Re: Coming back completely heartbroken

  • Sweetie, I am so sorry. I know there are no words, but know I am sending you the biggest ((HUGS)). 
    Multiple TTCAL 1IF 3
    imageimage
    DX: stage 2 Endo 2012, PCOS 7/2/14,  HSG 6/11/14, Lefty open!!
    BFP#1, EDD: 4/27/14, Missed EP confirmed: 9/23/13, R tube removal: 9/25/13 
    Clomid/TI #1=BFN, 
    Clomid/TI#2=BFN, Clomid/TI #3=CP
    BFP #2 CP, EDD 7/12/15
    On a treatment break: 2 natural cycles. Saving money, sigh*

    Goodbye my sweet babies. We miss you so much
    All Welcome


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  • I'm so very sorry you are going through this again. I know that you had a challenging journey getting to the point of this FET, with OHSS and hospitalization and all that. This is just devastating and so unfair.
    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


  • edited October 2014
    Omg :( I'm so sorry. There are no words. Huge ((hugs)) lady.
  • So sorry hun :( My heart breaks for you.  Lots of ((Hugs))

    Ashleigh (26) and Darren (26)
    Married 8-10-13
    TTC since February 2014
    BFP #1 4-22-14  EDD 1-1-15
    8w u/s 5-22-14 Baby measuring 6w1d. Heartbeat detected
    Went to Dr. 5-30-14 due to bleeding. Prescribed progesterone
    Went to ER 6-1-14 2:30 AM - diagnosed with incomplete m/c
    6-6-14 natural m/c completed
    10-24-14 BFP #2 EDD 7-6-15 **Please** be our Rainbo

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersImage and video hosting by TinyPic
                                                                    BabyFruit TickerBabyFetus Ticker
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic


  • I am so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. ((hugs))
  • I'm so sorry. Words cannot express the heartbreak you must be feeling now. (((Hugs))) 
    BFP #1 12/19/13 We lost our Fenix 7/31/14 at 36 weeks due to torn umbilical cord
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    My Chart TTA until Feb 2015
    ~*ALL AL WELCOME*~
    image
  • Oh honey.  I'm so sorry.  My heart hurts for you.  Give yourself time to heal.  Sushi and wine helps sometime, but I know you'd rather not be having them right now.  So many hugs.  We're here if you need us.

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


  • Well fuck. I'm so sorry. This is all horseshit. It's cruel and unfair and I'm sending you so many hugs and so much love. Im sorry you are here but we're here for you.
    ----
    *I am no longer regularly posting on TB because of the fucked up debacle of Jan 2015 when administrators banned long-term members and mods with no notice and completely dismantled a community full of women who cared about each other.  If you see me posting it's only to give support to a poster who needs it or to post something important enough that I need to say.  I am no longer responding to  anything other than issues that affect people who I care about*
    37 years old, MH is 42
    TTC since 2010; Dx Unexplained Infertility; possible male factor 
    August 2012 through June 2013:  6 IUIs with clomid and trigger shot, all BFNs
    7/2013, Pregnant! Unmedicated--we were on a treatment break
    8/20/13 no heart beat; 8/23/13 d&c
    3/15/14 IVF #1:  Lupron/Follistim/Menopur; ER 3/10 resulting in four transfer grade blastocysts, transferred one pretty blast and froze the remaining three. BFN. 
    Natural FET in May cancelled because the universe hates me my hormones were not cooperating.
    6/24/14 FET #1: transferred two pretty embryos; BFN   
    8/28/14 FET #2: BFP, ended in Chemical pregnancy

    Done with medical intervention and getting used to the idea of CFNBC.  




    All welcome
  • Oh no. I'm so sorry. I hate this so much. Sending you so much love and hugs.
    Married since July 2012
    TTC #1 since April 2013
    BFP #1 9.16.13 / EDD 5.26.14 / Natural miscarriage 7w4d


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  • I'm so sorry you're back (( hugs))

    "Love is what makes pain bearable." - I love you my Angels. 
    **All After a Loss Welcome**
    BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
    BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
    BFP #3: 12/19/13 (4 w1d) EDD 8/27/14 - 1/1/14 discovered it was ectopic/ tube had burst/ had surgery to remove tube (@ 6 weeks)
    BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
    BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow!
     

    BabyFruit Ticker


  • I am so very sorry.  So many (((hugs)))
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

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    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

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    My Ovulation Chart
  • Big hugs, love!! Xox
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    Hubs & I -29 • Met 5/18/04 • Married 5/8/10
    BFP #1 DS 2/7/11 (Born @ 34 wks via ECS due to Pre-e) TTC #2 since Aug '13
    DX Low AMH (.58) March '14 • FSH-7.5 • E2-35.5 (Nov '14)
    SA- Great numbers • SIS- Clear (Nov '14)
     Cycle 1- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-BFP • EDD 1/12/15 
    Ectopic @ 5w6d • Methotrexate Shot 5/18/14
    Cycle 2,3,4- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-- BFN
    Cycle 5- Letrozole CD3-7 & Trigger BFFN
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    • Everyone Welcom
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge • Animal Snow Interactions
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  • I am so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for you and for all you've been through. Sending giant hugs.
    Married: 4/28/12
    BFP: 7/2/14 ;  1st US 7/21/14 Baby measuring 7w5d, HB of 138;  Discovered MMC 8/18/14 at 11w2d, baby measuring 8w5d, no hb ; 8/19/14 D&C
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    TTCAL December siggy challenge - Autocorrect Fails

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    | <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</My Chart

  • So very sorry to see you here. Keeping you in my thoughts

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    TTC #1 since June 2012
    Current Status:  IVF with ICSI and PGS
    Genetic, RPL, SA and Fertility testing = Normal/Good
        HSG = All Clear
    BFP #1 12.30.2012  ||  Blighted Ovum 02.05.2013  ||  D&C 02.11.2013
    BFP #2 09.10.2013  ||  c/p 09.12.2013

    BFP #3 12.1.2013  ||  mm/c  01.15.14  ||  D&C 01.21.14  chromosome abnormality
    May 2014:  Residual HCG and retained tissue found
    05.13.2014:  Hysteroscopy D&C to find and remove retained tissue
    June 2014:  Tissue sample results indicate a partial molar pregnancy
    May - Aug 2014:   TTA for monitoring and testing
    08.21.2014:  Hysteroscopy to remove minor scar tissue - the result of 3 D&Cs
    Sept/Oct: IUI #1  Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN
    Oct/Nov: IUI #2  Femara + Ovidrel = BFN
    Nov/Dec: IUI #3  Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN

    My Ovulation Chart  || *~*~All AL Welcome~*~* ||  DIY Blog

    imagehttp://i59.tinypic.com/v5ztqr.jpg  image

    image image 

  • I am so sorry (((hugs))).

    The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I'm so sorry that you have to be coming back to us. Big *hugs* coming your way
    Momma to 3 angels and two amazing children
    F born June 2018
    W born September 2020
    #3 due November 2022
  • I am so, so sorry.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
    imagerainbows
              
    All welcome                                   
                              
  • I'm so sorry. Sending you so much love & strength. This just sucks!

       Me: IR-PCOS, elevated DHEAs, low progesterone, weak ovulation  DH: low volume, low T
    SHG 5/10/13: both tubes blocked; HSG 6/28 = Left tube cleared! Right blocked.
    BFP#1 7/20/13 EDD 3/30/14, m/c 8/19/13, D&E 8/21/13, Chromosomal results = normal, female
    Lap & hysteroscopy scheduled for 10/31, right tube cleared, no endo found! ...Happy Halloween!
    Cycle 14: Clomid (50)+ IUI = BFP! EDD 9/16/14~ Rowan Elizabeth born sleeping at 17w4d on 4/12/14 due to IC.
    ~There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world~
    New RE June 2014. RPL b/w - negative. SIS looking for uterine/cervical abnormalities & Asherman's 6/10/14 - ALL CLEAR!  
    Cycle 16: Natural IUI = CP, Cycle 17: Femara (2.5) + IUI = BFN, Cycle 18 Femara (5) + IUI = BFFN, Cycle 19: Break
    Cycle 20: Clomid (50)+ IUI = BFP EDD 6/20, transvaginal cerclage 12/19, Carson Quinn born sleeping at 16w3d on 1/6/15 due to IC
    Phone consult with Dr. Haney (Univ of Chicago) for transabdominal cercalge scheduled for 2/9/15.
    "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams."
    image image imageimage 
  • I am so so sorry, lots of hugs.



  • I am so sorry!
  • I'm so very sorry and my heart is breaking for you. Thinking of you and sending ((Hugs)) your way!

    BFP#1: 8/5/14 EDD: 4/17/15 MC: 8/20/2014
    BFP#2: 10/10/14 EDD: 6/23/15 Grow, Baby. Grow!!
                                                              
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    J15 January Siggy Challenge: Pinterest Fails
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    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

  • Oh no, I am so sorry. I hate to see people return. Take care of yourself we are here for you.

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                ***TTCAL January siggy challenge ***
  • I'm so, so sorry MSU. Sending you the biggest ((hugs))




    Me-27 DH-29

     TTC#1 January 2013

    BFP February 27th 2014, MMC ended in D&C

    Working on our rainbow!

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    Curious about my ute?


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  • I'm so, so sorry. *creepy internet hugs*
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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  • I am so so sorry you are back here. Hugs.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

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  • So, so sorry (((hugs)))

    4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
    All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal

    5 IUIs = BFN

    All AL are welcome
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • Oh sweetie I'm so so sorry. Life is so cruel it's just fucking unfair. (((Hugs))) you and YH are in my thoughts. We're all here for you

    PgAL welcome


    Married 6/11/2011

    Me & Hubby: 34

    TTC journey started 12/2012

    BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks

    BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)

    Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.

    Also have hypothyroidism

    Started TTC again 12/2013

     

    IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN

    IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN

    Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.

    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498

    image imageimage

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  • I'm so so sorry for your loss. :(
    BFP #1 - 12/7/2012 - EDD 8/14/2013 - DD born 8/17/2013
    BFP #2 - 3/31/2014 - EDD 12/6/2014 - Natural miscarriage on 4/28/2014
    BFP #3 - 8/4/2014 - EDD 4/12/2015 - Chemical Pregnancy discovered on 8/13/2014

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  • I hate this for you. I wish I could be with you drinking wine and eating sushi. I hope the next few weeks bring some healing. We are here for you.



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14

    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


  • I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))
  • I am so, so sorry - my heart is breaking for you :(

    ***Siggy Warning - loss mentioned***

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    Pregnancy Ticker

    *S15 Siggy January Siggy Challenge - Happy Dance*

    image

    ME: 32   DH: 38

    BFP#1 - 7/18/14; EDD 3/23/14; MMC 8/11/14 (passed naturally on 8/17/14)

    BFP#2 - 12/29/14; EDD 9/10/15 *PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOW!*

    image


  • I'm so sorry :( big hugs!!
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I'm so sorry.
    ~E~

    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming"

    BFP #1 6-26-13 (14 DPO), EDD: 3-5-14, M/C 7-8-13
    BFP #2 11-28-13 (17 DPO), EDD: 8-5-14, M/C 12-1-13
    BFP #3 2-21-14 (14 DPO), EDD: 10-31-14, D&C 3-28-14
  • Oh no sweetie! I am so so sorry. There are just no words so I have (((((hugs)))))
    Me: 38
    DX:  Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant

    DH: 34
    MFI due to Testicular Cancer

    Married March 2012 <3
    IVF w/ICSI #1
    10 little polar bears
    FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN :(
    FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
    Beta 1= 276
    Beta 2= 662
    4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
    5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
    5/3/14 ~ D&C
    FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
    October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
    Fur Children:  Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y



    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
    Animals Interacting with Snow

    image


  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

    I am really sorry.  My heart breaks for you.  Take some time for yourself.

    Let us know if you need anything.

    December 4                     image

    Married-1/2012
    TTC-8/2013   BFP-4/18/14  EDD: 12/29/12 MC-5/17/14 @ 7w4d
    BFP #2-11/13/14  EDD: 7/26/14  Beta #1: 11/14/13 (135 progesterone: 19.5)   Beta #2" 11/17/14 (733 ) 
    Hoping for good news!

    Everyone Welcome

  • Ugh, this seriously breaks my heart.  I am so sorry you have to come back here.  Big (((hugs)))

    Me 34 DH 31, Together since 2003, Married August 20, 2011,  TTC since May 2013
    BFP #1 August 24, 2013! MMC discovered Oct. 3, 2013, D&C Oct. 4, 2013
    BFP #2 December 17, 2013! MMC discovered Jan. 28, 2014, D&C Jan. 30, 2014
    Testing done: male with complete Trisomy 16, not hereditary. Tested me for clotting disorders, all normal.
    Feb. 2014 all clear again to TTC!  Will start progesterone supplementation with the next BFP just in case.       Oct. 2014 more testing just because, thyroid and autoimmune panels = normal.  Diagnostic U/S = no abnormalities.  Will keep trying for 3-6 more months, doctor still optimistic!

    BFP #3 December 11, 2014!  Beta #1 14DPO = 122.4 Beta #2 17DPO = 296.8 Please stick little one and be our Rainbow!

            Perfect little heartbeat of 156 seen 1/7/15 :)

    ***Everybody Welcomed***  :)  

    EDD 8/21/2015 Team Green!

    IAmPregnant Tickerrainbows                

     photo Multiple4_zps436a50cc.jpg photo April3_zps882432ab.jpg August 2 

    August 2015 Siggy Challenge: Favorite mean girl from a movie or show:  Kathy Bates in "Misery"

  • I'm so sorry you are back here.  It's not fair.  ((hugs))
    Me: 31     DH: 33
    Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
    BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
    BFP#2: 5/3/11 - EDD 1/9/12 - DD Born 1/6/12
    image
    TTC #2 since 12/13
    BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
    BFP#4: MC 5/6/14 at 4w4d - EDD 1/9/15
    BFP#5: MMC discovered 8/4/14 at 9w1d - D&C 8/5/14 - Baby Boy with Trisomy 16 (maternal origin) - EDD 3/8/15
    BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
    IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
    IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
    PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
    FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
    Natural FET 11/4/15 = BFP!
    Beta 9dp5dt = 92

  • Oh no :( I am so sorry.
    Married 6/2013, TTC 9/2013.
    ***TW***
    MC 12/2013, Blighted Ovum 04/2014, CP 06/2014
    Began RPL testing 07/2014
    BFP #4 10/26/2014; Theo born 07/2015
    BFP #5 06/17/2017, EDD 02/28/18


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I am so sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs!!! 
    Yelena + Rubere Married: 05/13/2011
    TTC since 2012
    BFP#1EDD: 06/21/2014  ~  TFMR --Holoprosencephaly 
    Said goodbye on 2/10/2014 at 21 weeks. We miss our baby girl "J"
    My Chart image
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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    imageimage
    imageimageimage      
  • Oh my! I am so sorry!!! My heart aches for you. Lots of thoughts and prayers to get you through this tough time.

    DH & I are both 28    Together: 12 years    Married: 09/24/2011

    BFP#1: January '12 - DD1 09/16/2012

    Preterm labor 31 weeks. Monitored for Hellp and diagnosed with oligohydramnios July '12

    BFP #2: 06/25 - EDD 03/05/15 MMC confirmed 8/1 - D&E 8/4 retained tissue discovered 8/20

    BFP #3 11/24 - 12/15 Heartbeat detected - DD2 07/29/15

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