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May 2014 Moms
waldothewiener1
member
Relationship Horror Stories
waldothewiener1
member
So thanks to @athn64's incredible find of this hilarious thread on the knot https://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1040286/the-chicken-nugget-nsfw-language
It has been decided that it would be epic if we created our own thread sharing our funny relationship horror stories.
It has been decided that it would be epic if we created our own thread sharing our funny relationship horror stories.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Relationship Horror Stories
When I was young I dated a guy a little older, he was 21. Let's call him Cupid (my parents gave him that nickname cause he looked like Cupid). Anyway, for New Years my mom bought a bottle of champagne for her and alcohol free for us. Cupid and I were going to a small house party with a couple friends. I grabbed my bottle of champagne and we left. We had a glass or two. Well, turns out, I had accidentally grabbed the wrong bottle, nbd.
OR SO I THOUGHT. Cupid had never had a drop of alcohol in his LIFE, nor had he intended to. He. Lost. His. Mind. He was screaming about how everyone says that EVERYONE has some alcohol at one point and he wanted to be able to say that he didn't. He couldn't wait to tell his kids this one day!
He gave me the cold shoulder for awhile despite my sobs and pleas for forgiveness. It was seriously an accident. I definitely scarred him for life.
This guy would also sweat so much that one time I started kicking and screaming and crying a little (during sex) when it started dripping on my face
After I broke up with Crazy, I started finding song lyrics in odd places in my life. It was the late nineties, and pop and country was on a broken heart kick. I'd find the print outs in my closet in my clothes, under my bed, taped to my bathroom mirror, etc. It was always weird too, because Crazy would make some reference to whatever song lyrics I had just found (the songs were generally not on the radio), like in a passing phrase or in advice on why I should take him back.
Eventually, pictures of Crazy started randomly appearing too.
Come to find out, Crazy had been BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE and planting song lyrics and pictures throughout my things and then staging 'run ins' to try to win me back (I've always been really big on 'signs' and 'fate')
I think what creeps me out most now is knowing that this guy was a teenager when he hit this level of cray cray.
After the break ins, there was some subsequent stalking for about six months to a year. He sent me a loooong Facebook message when Facebook became a thing, and I blocked him so fast.
People be cray.
Also still at the same company, the big boss asked me over lunch if I was a virgin and if I wanted to have sex with him. I kid you not. He must have been at least 50, married, and had a 16yo daughter. Pilots are dirty dirty men!
First dude was a drunken hook-up, he finished before I knew what hit me. I specifically recall asking him if that was it. Second guy a year later was my boyfriend he was a big guy and I think he might have taken steriods? We even tried c*ck rings to help him out. I stayed with him a year because I was soooo in love with him. He had anger issues and hit my dog so I kicked him out in a spectacular way and that was that.
I was a fiend by the time I dated the next guy who I met in college. He was 10 years older and nice to me. He also had skillz, I stayed with him so much longer than I should've because hello we only had one thing in common but seriously it was like I discovered myself as a woman.
There were a lot of shitty things that he did throughout our relationship, but the worst was when we actually broke up for good. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer the a few days before my birthday. I was planning to go visit my best friend in Chicago and go see Wicked as a birthday weekend. I didn't really want to go, but my dad insisted that I go and have a good time. I ended up going and had a blast. We hit up some bars, went to the show - a fantastic birthday weekend.
The day before my birthday (Monday) I'm with the dance team I coached at our first day of band camp (at our school the dancers were part of the band at the time) when my phone keeps ringing like crazy. I step away to answer, and it's my boyfriend. He's ticked off because of pictures on Facebook from my birthday weekend and there were guys in the picture with me. Note: I was not and have never been the kind of girl to try to get attention from guys. We were literally just smiling for the camera. So, he proceeds to break up with me over the phone, a few days after I found out my dad had cancer, and the day before my birthday. I was dumbfounded and said "I can't believe you're doing all this over the phone." His response was "You can come over and I'll do it to your face". Needless to say, I was sad for about .5 seconds. I met DH a few months after that.
Happy Endings
Less than a week later, he had a new girlfriend.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
I wake up in the morning. DH is in bed naked. I am naked. My used tampon is on the floor in the middle of the room. I know I would never leave a tampon on the floor like that no matter how drunk I was. So I wake DH and asked what happened. He is confused, might still have been drunk, says we had sex and he thought I was moaning and was into it. Um no, I'm pretty sure I was passed out the entire time. We were both so drunk that we'll never truly know what happened. Lucky for him we had had sex hundreds of times so I wasn't about to report it but I do still give him a hard time about it once in a while.
When I was a freshman in college I was sort of seeing this guy, it was the kind of situation where he was a good friend and he was so into me so I wanted to try to make it work, but the attraction was never there for me. He was lazy and gross. Anyway, I was his first anything so he liked to explore me like a fetal pig and do stupid stuff, for example, he blew INTO MY VAG AS HARD AS HE COULD which gave me an awful yeast infection a day later; first and last time I've had one.
Another time... We were both naked and he was straddling me, sitting on my stomach and playing with my boobs, again just being stupid. Then I think to myself, I don't know if I want him sitting on me cause I know how lazy and gross he is so I tell him to get off. Sure enough.. THERE IS A HUGE SMUDGE OF FUCKING SHIT ON MY STOMACH. I shot up and screamed and ran into the bathroom to wash myself and made him leave. That scarred me for life, I still gag thinking about it.
I'm literally trying to hold myself together in my classroom right now because this is so damn hilarious and disgusting simultaneously.
Happy Endings
Why does this happen? Is it laziness?
When I was just out of high school, I met this older guy who lived behind my Dad's house. He was over-the-top into me, and I just wasn't feeling it. He was somewhat cool with my disinterest, and it became kind of a joke even though he still made moves all the time. He was cute, friendly, and funny, there was just something....off.
He began bringing me presents, constantly. Designer clothes, perfume, flowers on my car, shoes, etc. One time, I noticed one of those security tag thingies was still on a pair of jeans he had given me. I told him and asked for the receipt so I could take it to the store to have it removed. He got weird about it and insisted he take it, despite my telling him there was no need for him to hassle with it. I was just a part time college kid, and he obviously had a big serious job that afforded him the ability to sugar daddy me.....right?!!
So I stopped hearing from him, until about a year later. I got a long winded letter from PRISON, where he had been arrested for theft and who knows what else.
So, yeah. I was courted by a guy who gave me gifts that were stolen.
Well, while I enjoy these stories, I almost wish mine was as funny as them. Dating a weirdo would have actually seemed perfectly acceptable or even great compared to my ex.
*EDIT: Maybe I missed the point, or took the title of this post too literally, because my story truly boarders on horror story, minus the funny parts.
The only 'creep' I ever dated was a straight up abusive asshole. I was 20 and he was 31, I figured he would be mature but he was far from it. He would throw tantrums when he didn't get his way, drank a bottle of wine (or three) a night, spent hours in the bathroom doing some bizarre, scheduled bathroom rituals daily during which If I was there, we could not leave at any time it might come close to his 'bathroom time' and also nobody who came to visit- friends, guests etc- his or mine were allowed to use his bathroom. (The only one in the apartment). I guess I should feel special he allowed me to.
He kept glasses of half full water upright EVERYWHERE in his bedroom- days, months, weeks old you name it; and would DRINK THEM if he got too parched to make it to the sink and fill a new one up. Should have seen the signs, because after awhile of dating he started telling me about how his mother (a single mom) forced him to go to reform school, he ran away and she had some orderlies or whatever literally restrain him and take him back after she promised she would not make him go back. Apparently, some dudes there tried to rape him... at knifepoint and she thought at the age of 11 he was making it up so he didn't have to go back. As a result, he downed xanax for his anxiety by the handful daily. With alcohol, of course.
Final straw was 6-7 months of seeing him on and off, (he lived too far away for us to see each other much except for occasional overnight stays on the weekend) he snapped one day when he was drunk and for our first valentine's day tried to strangle me. Not even sure why at this point, 10 years later... but I sped off into the night with him literally chasing my car. He called me leaving apologetic messages for months, then crazy ones, drunken ones, and finally angry ones saying 'he was too good for me anyway' and "his Ex GF would have him back in a heartbeat, in fact, he would call her up right after hanging up with my message machine for a booty call" etc. Then on my birthday, like 6 months later he asked a mutual friend for some numbers and called up my bestie, drunk as $*** telling her they should hook up, to tell me happy birthday and (his Bday was 1 week after mine) that they should hook up in a couple days so she could give him a 'proper bday present'. She had met him maybe a grand total of 1 or 2 times casually before he and I met through a mutual friend. She was mortified, horrified and she cried, playing me the messages he left her saying some nasty stuff.
Needless to say, my new boyfriend, (DH now) was piiiiiiiissssssssed, because my BFF is/was his BFF's girlfriend of several years at the time (they are engaged to be married now, and our 'best couple' friends), and the two of them plus a mutual guy friend who knew my ex and hated his a$$ from day one, drove 3 towns over the next night looking for my ex to kick his ass. He didn't answer the door, but DH and the guys then returned the favor by calling him and leaving the message that if he phoned either one of us again, he would be sorry. He never did, thank GOD. But he has tried to FB me messages years later apologizing once, and another time intoxicated until I let him know I contacted a lawyer to get a restraining order, and then blocked him.
I definitely went through a period where I did not want to be in a relationship and kept breaking things off with decent guys for silly reasons.
One guy I was dating about 9 years ago.. we really hit it off, had endless things to talk about, he was super cute, had a steady job.. was kind of shy and didn't have a lot to contribute to conversations with new people, but the clincher was really that he had SMALLER THUMBS THAN ME! And I have teeny hands! It was so weird!
Another guy had been a friend for a while and we started hooking up after being out with friends on weekends and whatnot. He lived a couple blocks from me and was really cool, cute, nice, but didn't have a lot going on for him life-wise at the moment.. didn't know what he wanted to do yet. But the real reason I decided not to see him was because he naturally had no arm hair! It was like pre-pubescent peach fuzz. Yet, he had a hairy chest.. but no arm air? Too weird for this girl!
Hahaha.. and that is the end of my superficial rant.
I can't remember any of my own but my friend was notorious for this. She stopped liking one guy because he called Reese's peanut butter cups just "Reese's" and another because he shopped at Mervyn's. I had seen him there and just mentioned it in passing, "Yeah I saw James at Mervyn's on Saturday" and she was like "Wait, you saw him where?"
Wow. Did not intend to write about how *I* was the shitty one on the date. Alas, here we are.
*hangs head in shame*
Happy Endings