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[Deleted Discussion Title]
This discussion has been closed.
Re: [Deleted Discussion Title]
DS born Oct. '11
TTC #2 with PCOS since Nov. '13
Dx: Low Progesterone (3.3) on 8/12/14
Waiting for RE appointment on 10/28/14
Surprise BFP on cycle 12 -- 10/19/14!
EDD July 1, 2015
I haven't read all of the replies yet, but I read the first few and they were great advice. I have been through something similar but on the side of your SO.
You are EMOTIONALLY cheating by having romantic feelings about another guy. All it takes is someone to make you smile, spend time with you, and share with you that they have romatic feelings and attractions. I'm not trying to sound like a heartless bitch, but that is the reality. Another thing to point out is by the fact that your SO is confronting you about the dream, he already suspects something is going on. I highly recommend taking a step back and analyzing what could be making you seek out a romatic relationship with someone else other than your SO. Is it because he's not ready for a baby? Has he stopped making you smile? Has your sex life not been up to par? Is there something that is lacking from your life? Don't feel obligated to answers these to me, you need to answer them for your self. Don't immediately answer them, take a moment to honestly think about them, then answer them. If you honestly want to continue your relationship with your current SO, then I would recommend telling your college friend that you will not be spending anymore alone time together and any interactions will be strictly for class, nothing else. I truly hope you can find the answers needed for your decision.
All the protected sex I mean, but still, have so much sex. That's what I would do if I could do it all over.
I enjoy reality tv, true crime stories, lime-a-ritas, and pizza..
A relationship you have at 20 can work out. There are certainly situations where it does. (I married my college boyfriend). However, there is a greater likelihood that it will not work out. There is a lot of growing that is done in your twenties. Your brain is not even fully developed at 20.
It is completely normal to be attracted to many men in your early 20s. There is no law that says you need to settle down with one man and marry him by a certain age. If you want to pursue something with college guy, then I think you should - after breaking up with Craig. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship with Craig. But tying yourself down to a person based on age and what you think you should be doing is a bad idea , which you realize once you are old and wise.
The struggle is real. :x
THIS.
I enjoy reality tv, true crime stories, lime-a-ritas, and pizza..
If you insist on TTC with Craig then cut communication with this other dude. However, I don't think it's fair to any future baby to conceive them with someone you could even entertain the idea of leaving & you aren't 100% committed to.
Please don't make any future kid pay for a cruddy decision. Grow up a bit then take on the rest.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Since it doesn't seem to have sunk in the first 500 times.
BFP #1: 10-25-11, MC: 11-1-11 @ 5w5d
BFP#2: 12-29-11, DS born September 2012
TFAS: July 2014, BFP#3: 12-29-14, EDD 9-9-15
Look, there's no brass ring you grab for walking down the aisle with the first person you say 'I love you' to. There's no pot of gold given for being the girl who marries their only serious relationship. I'm not saying it can't or shouldn't, be done, I've seen it done sucessfully, but there's nothing that says you have to do it.
You are at the beginning. A relationship can't be like it was the first 3 months all the time. If this relationship not being like that is something that makes you look elsewhere, then maybe it's not the relationship for you. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You love your SO, and that's great, but love is not everything here. Also, especially if you never had a lot of it, I totally get the attention from college boy being like a drug. Here's someone who is attracted to you and has chemistry with you and you get to have his attention while still having the stability of the SO at home. Danger, Will Robinson! That's a recipe for disaster. As Biblio said, welcome to Clusterfuck Township. It's not a pleasant place to visit.
I had two multi-year serious relationships before I met H. One of them I left for H. I loved those other guys, I really did, at the time. On the other hand, I'm H's first serious relationship and first, and only, sexual partner. We're both sides of the mirror in the same picture. You might be someone who needs to go out and have experiences before you settle down. And you might not, but clinging on to your relationship and ignoring everyone's good advice and your own gut feelings might not lead anywhere good.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
But really, take some time for yourself. Do some growing alone.
Look, there's no brass ring you grab for walking down the aisle with the first person you say 'I love you' to. There's no pot of gold given for being the girl who marries their only serious relationship. I'm not saying it can't or shouldn't, be done, I've seen it done sucessfully, but there's nothing that says you have to do it.
You are at the beginning. A relationship can't be like it was the first 3 months all the time. If this relationship not being like that is something that makes you look elsewhere, then maybe it's not the relationship for you. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You love your SO, and that's great, but love is not everything here. Also, especially if you never had a lot of it, I totally get the attention from college boy being like a drug. Here's someone who is attracted to you and has chemistry with you and you get to have his attention while still having the stability of the SO at home. Danger, Will Robinson! That's a recipe for disaster. As Biblio said, welcome to Clusterfuck Township. It's not a pleasant place to visit.
I had two multi-year serious relationships before I met H. One of them I left for H. I loved those other guys, I really did, at the time. On the other hand, I'm H's first serious relationship and first, and only, sexual partner. We're both sides of the mirror in the same picture. You might be someone who needs to go out and have experiences before you settle down. And you might not, but clinging on to your relationship and ignoring everyone's good advice and your own gut feelings might not lead anywhere good.
This.
Is basically what is going on.
I didn't mean to brush it to the side. Sorry it was taken that way. I'm not trying to be a b*tch. I'm just trying to make friends and be happy. After tonight I probably will leave. Not because I went in a mood or got offended but because I don't think I fit in here and I keep digging myself deeper.
If you say "i am in love with my bf BUT..." then you need to take a real break and figure things out on your own. There should never be a "but" and you shouldn't have to declare your love 15 times to make us believe it.
I wanted to do that because, in a way, it would have kept me from having to make decisions about where my life was going and what I was going to do. And I clung to that relationship for way longer than was healthy, not just because I loved him, but also because I loved my 'plan'. Not smart.
It's okay to be fickle, especially at 20, as long as you're trying your best not to hurt anyone too badly. I mean, breaking up with your SO would probably hurt him short-term, but waiting until you get further into this and just 'letting things happen' would be worse in the long run.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
TTC #1 8/2012~Chronic Pelvic Pain Condition began 10/2012~Told I was crazy by many doctors until a good specialist DXed a labral tear and bone impingement in left hip 4/2013~Surgery on left hip: 5/31/13 SUCCESS!!! Pain flares to continue indefinitely (but mostly gone).
Resumed TTC 6/2013~Chronic stomach pain and distension: 8/2013~TTA 1/2014 Until Resolved ~7/2014: Trip to the Mayo Clinic--SUCCESS!! Finally on the road to getting better.
Resumed TTC 7/2014! Third time's the charm....8/2014 Visited the RE~DX: MFI/low morph~Straight to IVF with ICSI! 9/2014~Transferred 1 perfect beautiful 6AA blast with 10 to freeze!!!~10/8/2014: BFP!!!! EDD: 6/17/15 STICK LITTLE BEAN!!! IT'S A BOY!!!!!
But I'll admit to being morbidly curious as to what the OP meant by saying that posters calling her boyfriend Craig was disrespectful.
1. You're whole explanation of the situations with the classmate tells me you were giving him "fuck me" eyes. The fact that you retold those in-class stories to your bf tells me that you need attention. I think you have a need for men (maybe everyone) to find you attractive/like you/pay attention to you. You should look into the source of this, possibly with a therapist.
2. Your classmate sounds like he wants to have sex with you. Since he knows you have a boyfriend and he's still trying his best to get you to think about him and his dick, I doubt he'll really care about you after.
3. Your boyfriend is discussing hours later that you said his name while dreaming and he's suspicious? He sounds jealous to say the least and possessive/controlling at worst.
4. It sounds like you want your relationship to be perfect more than anything else. This is stupid. Your future and happiness, your boyfriend's future and happiness should all come before the relationship. You can both be potentially happy with other people, there is no such thing as "the one."
5. I think you should step-back your relationship and consider having sex on different days with each guys. Maybe throw in a third. Promiscuity is not that bad.
6. Cheating is not the worst thing you could do to someone. For example, your boyfriend would hate you if you cheated on him now with this other guy but imagine if you got married and pregnant because you loved him but you two were actually not a great match for each other and you ended up divorcing and there would be a kid involved. If you had just cheated and ended it in the beginning, it would be a lot less painful for all.
Now I'm off to bed to dream on the college boyfriends I loved with all my heart but somehow put myself in situations where I cheated on them.
TTC since March 2014
BFP#1 09/25/2014 EDD 6/4/2015
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
dammit...now I really wish my original advice was to fuck them both and then report back here so we could discuss who was better in bed... OP if you're still out there.... just make sure they both wear a condom...
My Chart
My 2 cents......if you have to put this much thought into this situation then you shouldn't be with your current boyfriend. Plain and simple.