pregnant w/ twins with a toddler

blueberries8 · September 2014

I know there are no magical solutions, I guess maybe I am just looking for commiseration. My daughter is 14 months and I'm in first tri and it's really kicking my butt and I feel so guilty that I feel like my daughter is the one being shafted. DH and I both work full-time (DH actually works way more than full time and is rarely home before N's bedtime). I pick her up at the end of the day and get home and I am just so exhausted. I feel so guilty that I dread our evening hours together because I just want to lie down. Some days I have a babysitter in the evening (while I am home) and I can take a nap but then I am spending even less time with her and that also makes me feel bad. I worry a lot that she is going to continue to be short-changed, both because I have less energy for her while I am pregnant and then later when the babies come. Just wondering if others have been in a similar situation with a toddler while pregnant with multiples.

MrsP419 · September 2014

I got pregnant with my twins when DD was 3.5 and DS was almost 2. I am not going to lie; it was hard, especially in third tri. I was exhausted all the time and there was a point when I felt like I could not do anything with my kids but lay around, read stories, watch t.v. etc. I had/have mom guilt over this, but it is what it is. Your toddler is not going to know or think you shortchanged her, and she will be so excited about the new babies! My biggest advice is to accept help with your "big kids." Yes, you will need help with the babies, but I needed MORE help with my older two, it seemed. When I was pregnant and even when the babies were here, sweet friends from church would take my older two to the park or on errands. They were watched at playmates so they could play with other kids and I could nap (win/win). It is OK to let others take care of things for a while. Your body is growing two humans, and that is hard work! Your kids know you love them.

I also second PP who said to find things you can do. Have a reading marathon. Make popcorn and watch a movie. Let your LO nap with you (DD loved to lay down with me and "take care" of me when I was so tired). Paint nails or play "doctor." I promise she will be just fine

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SBmomma · September 2014

Same boat here. 14 weeks pregnant with twinsies and my son just turned 2 in August. 1st Tri absolutely kicked my butt! I couldn't take care of my son at all. Thankfully my husband is self employed and is able to help out when I need it. I still have days where I'm too exhausted to function. I have been dealing with guilt this entire pregnancy. I think we all need to give ourselves a break. We are growing human beings! Just rest when you need to. Don't stress....deep breathes....this too shall pass

4legsRbest · September 2014

I am 36.5 and my DS is 20 months. I hate to say it but it only gets worse. I have been able to pick him up for a while now or get him in and out of his crib

He has become a MAJOR daddy's boy as of late but I think it's a blessing in disguise because I won't be able to give him my undivided attention for a while.

Try and do easy things one - on-one while you still can. It isn't easy but in the grand scheme of things she will thank you for her siblings!!

chrissynena · September 2014

I think I wrote a similair post in my first trimester. It absolutely kicked my butt, and I felt like the worst mother in the world to DD. DH and I also work full time plus. We snuggled as much as she would let me, and we read a lot of books. I was one of the lucky ones to get a second trimester boost of energy. The energy is quickly slipping away now.

aliciafirewife · September 2014

I'm 10w4d with twins, I have a 2 1/2yo who will just turn 3 when the babes arrive. This trimester is kicking my butt! I'm sooooooo tired and with DH being a firefighter I'm single mom for 24 hours every 3rd day, plus the days DH picks up extra shifts. I work 3 days a week and am busy the whole time working at a large peds office as a nurse. Robbie gets WAY too much screen time between therapies on the days I'm home and DH does most of the house work when he's home. But I get through it eventually and we all will. Do what you can, take a deep breath and keep on going. Kiddos at this age really don't mind that much and this short period of time isn't detrimental to the psyche as we think it would.

bumpuser924057 · September 2014

Yep, been there. My DS is almost exactly two years older than my twins, and it was very hard to deal with the pregnancy when he was that age. And that feeling of one kid getting the shaft doesn't go away when the babies get here; it just multiplies so you feel like you're failing three of them instead of just one. But we all just do the best we can, and I try to remind myself that no matter what I'm feeling guilty about, they are all clothed, fed, relatively clean, and loved.

carrotcake06 · September 2014

Yeah, it's really rough. The sheer exhaustion of first tri seems to give way directly to the run-down exhaustion of third tri. My oldest was just over 3 when the twins were born.

We both work FT in stressful, deadline driven jobs. It's hard. That first year w everyone was no joke either. But you'll do it and it will get better.

kbeach82 · September 2014

DS1 was 15 months old when we conceived the twins. At the time, I was working from home 3 days a week and in the office 2 days a week (and the volume of work I had at the time often made it necessary for me to work on weekends and in the evenings to try to keep my head above water). The morning/all-day sickness kicked in right at 5 weeks. All I wanted to do was lie down in bed (or on the bathroom floor), but that wasn't an option.

We spent a lot of time early in my pregnancy doing low key things, like going to story time at the library, and watching Baby Einstein DVDs, reading, and painting/drawing at home. DH was managing a job several hours away at the time and often had to stay there several days out of the week. It was really hard. We made sure DH had quality time with DS1 on the weekends, so I could try to rest or catch up on work.

After the babies were born, DS1 was really jealous and he had a very difficult time with the transition. To be honest, he is still pretty jealous of the twins, but now that he is older he’s better able to understand the concept of siblings/family and he can be very sweet with them sometimes. I always tried to get them all out of the house for at least a little while most days, even if it was just to walk around the lake and let DS play at a playground for a bit. When DH came home from work, I would usually take DS1 out to do something together for a little while and DH would stay with the babies. This gave me an opportunity to spend quality time with him, without crying newborns around, and it also gave me a much needed break from the house.

As PPs said, it was (and is) very hard, but it will get better. You will still have hard/bad days, but everyone will survive and it will get better. Hang in there, mama.

shanaynerz · September 2014

I was the exact same way. I was pregnant with my twins when DD1 was only 13 months. It was so bad by the time I hit second tri that we hired a nanny. I literally couldn't do anything with her or around the house, and I was a SAHM! So try not to feel too guilty. I know it's super hard, but she'll be okay. Do what you can with her, but you do need to take care of yourself, too. It will be difficult, but it does unfortunately get worse.

If you can get some help, like grandparents or friends, that would be so helpful.

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